Shark

I know I shouldn't say this as we are about to visit the beach, but Michael Phelps has more teeth than any water creature I've ever seen...

I want to love and respect him in a pure, unadulterated way like the rest of America, but I am afraid he will chomp thru the TV screen and tear away at my limbs and flesh. I'm sure training to be the best swimmer in the world and perhaps the most winning-est Olympiad ever- all before the tender age of 24 has kept him busy... But really? No time for an orthodontist appointment? Or just a quick tooth extraction to give his chiseled jaw a break? I would think Nik.e would make this endeavor worth his while... god forbid he goes nuts at a photo shoot and breaks through the Plexiglas and snacks on all the photographers and commercial production staff.



Seriously. This guy is unbelievable. And he seems so nice. Obviously I'm kidding about taking some of his teeth out- It would probably cause him to lose some of his superpowers- not worth the risk AT.ALL.

I'm sure there's several rows of choppers in there anyway...

Speaking of the Olympics, I might not have mentioned that I'm living with an addict. Katy has watched all or part of the Beijing opening ceremonies three times. If we did not own a DVR, we would have had to purchase one for this televised event. There are like 40 channels and round the clock coverage. For the prime time footage, she makes herself wait to give the live coverage an hour or two head start and watches in a staccato frenzy of 10 second fast forward. I can't even follow the action via this method and can't figure out whose winning or losing. But she can some how still absorb the billions of factoids and background trivia surrounding the athletes and games:

T: Those unitard-suits look so silly
K: Those are Speed.o's New LZR ("laser") racer suits. That's the Bodyskin model... That's the Legskin model... Micheal Phelps was allowed by Nik.e to wear non-swish apparel because this is the fastest suit ever invented and the technology is patented.
T: (trying not to mock her geekish retention of Olympic facts for the 700 millionth and 1st time in a week) Is it really more comfortable to swim with all of that on? Why don't they just wrap themselves in some parachute nylon and a down comforter.
K: (not amused or even distracted from her 10 second, fast forward, remote controlled, games surfing) The elastane-nylon and polyurethane - Gore-tex allows for better oxygen flow to the muscles, and holds the body in a more hydrodynamic position, while repelling water. The seams of the suit are ultrasonically welded to further reduce drag. (She states sounding like a wikepedia entry.)
T: It doesn't bother you that that gore tex might get all tangled up in his teeth?
K: (no response)
T: Like a turtle caught in one of those plastic rings that hold six-packs of soda together?
K: (Watching the TV intently)
T: He COULD DIE!!!
K: (nothing)
T: WHAT ABOUT THE LITTLE CHILDREN?!?
K: (Hitting the fast forward button like she is playing a video game, ignoring non-essential, non-olympic noises...)
T: I think these suits should be banned.
K: (Speaking as if more trivia will shut me up) The suit can lower racing times by 1.9 to 2.2 percent...
T: Textile Doping- I'm surprised the cyclists haven't started eating these suits yet.

Winning stragegy

By the way, a few helpings of prunes ended the over-emphasized constipation days ago.

Tonight at softball, we lost. But it felt like we won.

It was one of those hot, humid, wish-it-would-storm-so-that-it-will-cool-off kind of nights... It was pretty sweaty. I played outfield twice this week and I'm having a good time with it; though never really having played it before, i have some trouble judging the balls. Yesterday, JB was with us at the field, tonight Katy took him home to spend some time together.

Katy has been catching this year during the games- she started doing this last year, but now it has become her position. I'm kind of proud at how her game has improved. She is athletic and all that but never really played softball. So there I am on a softball team with my wife and my sister- both of whom are kind of interested in exhibiting perfection at all times, but neither of whom have ever played ball before. It's a little nerve-racking because I want them to do well, and I want to help, but I don't want to get involved in "advising" too much... and also, I am now not only worried about my own safety, but that one of these two might get injured.

I think I mentioned, I got my sister to join the team this year because, we are trying to look for ways to spend time together that don't involve eating (cooler caddy discounted) and also, as I know I have mentioned, my team is dripping with multi-generational awesomeness. Though I live 1/2 hour away from the fields, my sister lives in the same town and it felt like time to bring her into the fold.

I love my teammates for the way they give everyone a chance and the way they open up the welcome wagon of inclusiveness and societal responsibilities. When you are on this team, you bring cooler caddy at least once a season and that includes non-alcoholic libations and some type of snickitty snacks. No one barks or murmurs whether you bring a bag of chips or smoked tuna-steak finger sandwiches. There's no hierarchy, competition or score keeping when it comes to what you share or are able to provide. Any and all snarkiness is above-board and direct, and meant in good fun. If you want to be on the team, you are invited to the parties and to the frequent volunteer opportunities, and to the wakes/funerals/sick beds of loved ones. There is an extensive network of skills and services available via 'mates and spouses. Here's where we got our mortgage refinanced, found life insurance, found bands to sing with and hire, learned to play golf. There's someone connected to furniture, carpentry, motorcycles, lots of teachers, paving, court and field painting, trash collection, real estate, hardware, politics, it goes on and on. Here I've taught teenagers how to drive stick shift and stuck a few in coolers and trash cans when they were misbehaving (all without getting in trouble with my friends- because the governing rule over kids at games seems to be- "on this team you will find your surrogate parents, aunts, and cousins... open up a can of worms with someone and you'll have to work it out with that person... don't expect me to come fix it...")

In the many years I've been on the team, there have been about 1/2 dozen new teammates that didn't make it and that was only because they were unfriendly, overly-competitive, poor sports, (or in that one case) truly creepy:
"I guess you and I will have to sleep together in the single bed..."
umm... no. no we won't...

I digress.

Tonight, my sister played 2nd base. She's a "rules" person. As in, tell me the rules of how to do well, and I'll follow them to the tee... and then I'll do well. She has trouble doing things that don't have rules (like taking an unplanned out walk through an amusement park or big city, for example.) She also does well when there are layered, simultaneous goals: "Get the ball and play your position,:" for example, right alongside "get on base", and "win the game". During softball (I think this was her fourth game ever) she screams a lot more than I am used to. I mean, most SB players don't scream, and frankly, my sister doesn't scream much either... but in 2 or 3 plays tonight, she actually yelped out little screams. Like when a woman sees a spider on TV... The ball was heading to her glove: "ahhhhhhhhhea!" Huh? what was that?

But she got on base 3 times (3 times more than me) and I stopped counting after her 2nd put out of the game. Pretty fan-#$cing-tastic. Highlight quote of the game:

web: "Come on, ladies, we have 1 MF out."

Oh yeah, she's intense... the thing is, when you're surrounded by these people, laughing and sucking wind while running around in the outfield, it's hard to care or pay any mind to the score.

In honor of Patrick's birthday...

I'm still working on the baby's newsletter. It was mostly done but I couldn't get it completed to post it on the 28th (though, thanks to the time stamp, history will show me to be more prompt than I am...)

I had a rough week last week... the honeymoon phase of "back to work" is fading fast and I'm experiencing a lot of emotions, tears, and anxiety. I've felt a little like I'm falling apart, even though the last week was particularly full of amazing times with family and friends and conversations that show how vast my support network is at work, home, and across the nation...

Examples:
1) KK's award ceremony for being a big sister a week ago Thursday. I was so hormonal proud, inspired, and in love with her, that I cried like a baby.
2) Jake's church dedication and the brunch with loved ones that followed
3) Phone call from L in the middle of the week:

L: I've been reading the blog. You don't seem so good.
Me: I haven't said anything on the blog
L: I can read between the radio silence... you're tired, you're sickie, you're trying not to fall apart...
Me: hmm. It's good to have intuitive friends, even if they do move across the country.
L: you should call the Indian- she'll talk you down from your noose.
Me: I'm not gonna do that.
L: I'll make her call you.

4) Phone calls from LAC and the Indian to support "whatever you decide about breast feeding."
5) Katy and JB just being such awesome beings to come home to...

Anyway, in the last 3 days, I've done 2 things I've never done before in my life:
ONE: called out of work to take a yoga class.
I was seriously on edge, and while I believe wholeheartedly in "mental health days," I can barely get past the guilt to actually take one myself. When I had a split second vision of needing to take a vacation in the loony bin during one of the "wake up" calls after midnight on Friday am, I decided it might be beneficial for everyone to just take a sick day. The yoga was a very practical solution. I needed to stretch and breathe.

Then today... number TWO: I went rock climbing!!! I've been wanting to do this for about 5 years. Thanks be to God that L.Marg (hard G) and C-lo have jumped into this sport because not only has this long anticipated event finally occurred for me (because of their invitation today) but also, I'm not sure I could have handled the harness humor without their back up jokes on my first outing.

It is altogether fitting that it is Pat's birthday... I think I kicked a little ass today, brother!
I impressed myself at least which (since I have spent the better part of two work weeks beating the shit out of my psychological self) is pretty fantastic!

Thanks peeps! Happy birthday, Mr. White.

You're gonna love this...

Hat tip: The Muriels

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

Greatest internet game ever! (for today)

Test your vocabulary AND
donate grains of rice!!!
This is a confirmed and valid charity opportunity.

hat tip to Cheese and Wine