Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts

Thursday, September 17, 2009

He's here



Video killed the radio star...
And by that I mean, FaceBook has really changed how attentive I am to the blog.

Sorry for those of you that have been on standby...

----------------------------------------------

Our beautiful baby boy was born at 3:27am September 14, 2009.

His name is ML (well of course that's not his name, but his GSO name)

Katy took a long time to dilate, and went on pitocin and by 1:30 am (19 and 1/2 hours after we got to the hospital) was ready to push.

He came out with a gush of blood (sorry about that, honey) and a fat, translucent cord around his neck. He was the gray-blue of old blueberries, and the first Apgar was five. It was several minutes of rubbing and suctioning before he was pink and several more minutes before he made a noise. The 5 minute Apgar was a respectable "9". The plan for me to cut the cord fell by the wayside when I was told to "look away", just missing a smallish geyser of blood as they worked on him before he was completely born.

Katy did amazing. She is a warrior. There was a point when she was pushing (early on) where I had to quell the inner worry wort. "We are screwed," I thought. "I don't' see how anyone does this..." I knew enough to keep it to myself; and after an hour and 10 minutes the unspoken question, "When is it too late to get a c-section?" finally stopped drumming in my mind. At some point, I was like, "Holy shit, she is really going to do this!"

And she did.

ML was 9lbs even, 22" long. He is really amazing and adorable and latched on within an hour. Big brother, JB is unsure and a little more whiny than usual, but seems to be thrilled to get to hold him.

Pics to follow. Now we march down into a few weeks of sleeplessness. I crave the intimacy and the "it's all that really matters" of it all.

So relieved, so excited, so blessed, so in love



(sigh)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Soon

We are in the hospital.

Katy's water broke. There was some "trickling" last night during dinner. We went to bed excited and hopeful and she woke up at 2 AM to say, "My water definitely broke". We tried (not too successfully) to get a little more sleep.

JB is with his cousins and TT and Nana and Papa. TT came to pick him up at 7:30am.
katy's been having contractions since last Tuesday. Sometimes every 10 minutes, sometimes less frequent.

We've been here since 8am- membranes ruptured, 4cm dilated, 50-60% effaced, baby at -2 station, no change for the last 6-7 hours. They are about to start her on a little bit of pit.
Katy's parents are on their way and my family is going to bring JB in for a pre-baby visit before things get too exciting.

GAME ON.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Winding down the clock

JB,

You are so overdue for a newsletter. I have started at least 3 of them and can't get one completed. Every day brings new things out of your mouth, new words, new ideas, new tantrums, new smiles and mischievous stares.

Your favorite thing right now is ORANGE. You want to wear an orange shirt every day. You see orange in the smallest quantities; the seam of the lining of a suitcase, for example. Today, you went through the neatly arranged drawers of your unborn brother and pulled out the 3 orange items you saw in there with a definitive, "Mine." You also have learned the phase, "By Myself," enough said. "By Myself" is a "front" and it usually relates to singing a song unaccompanied or holding a fork... Lord forbid one of us leaves your side, "By Myself" falls to the curb like an empty snow-cone wrapper at the end of an Independence day parade.

Your mama and i have been talking about you more than usual lately. We love you so damn much and we begin and end every single day telling each other how cute we think you are. You are amazing and you are sweet and funny. You are soft- your skin, and the way you look around and observe the world, even the brave way you jut out a bottom lip and hold back tears (or let them fall) during time out. We're not sure how the arrival of your brother will effect you. And that is weighing on our minds. We just can't predict the things you will need from us. And if I meditated on it, I might just need to cry a good cry- a release, a watershed, a nervous tic- the expression of an overfull heart.

We have been slowly adding more detail to the story about your "Brother". We have for sometime been pointing and referring to him in Mama's belly. And in the last 2 months when we see little babies, we try to show you their mommy's bellies where they "used to be, like your brother is now." In the last 2 weeks, we have made a point to paint a picture of what the arrival of your brother might look like; the stay with your Nana, Papa, TT, and Bill... the visit at the hospital... Mama and Mommy going to the hospital to have brother and bringing him home... As we add these details, you glaze over seemingly on purpose. (You couldn't be more clear if you covered your ears and started singing, "lalalalalalalla, I can't hear you.")

You are an easy going boy, but you are not void of opinions. And frankly, you don't like change. You've been known to cry when I drop you off at day care AND then cry again when I arrive to pick you up...

You are interested in the babies at school, but this will be exceedingly different. You thoroughly enjoy the undivided attention of your parents. When one of us leaves the room, you consistently call after that parent, even if the other of us has remained by your side. I am confident that (in the long run) having a brother will be an amazing and positive experience for you and for our family. BUT I can't help looking at you these last few days and realizing that it will be somewhat heartbreaking for you; having to "share us" all of the sudden, and share our attention with someone else. I think of the story my cousin tells about his oldest daughter bursting into tears the moment she saw her parents arrive home with her new sister. When I look at you, I'm pretty sure that I know you will feel the same way. I can imagine you, putting your hand up like a crossing guard, "No, Mommy... STOP" as you have been inclined to say to us recently.

Your Mama is even more sensitive to your discomforts than I am. She hurts thinking of things that may cause you consternation or confusion, let alone grief or pain. For your whole life, everything we have done has been with your long term best interest in mind, and this "brother" thing is no different.

But so you know (cause I won't admit it later) I'm nervous. I'm worried about how this will rock your world. I'm worried on some level it may "set you back", upset your sense of safety, and make you feel rejected. It is hard to be "big picture" right now. I feel like IN THIS MOMENT there is a lot (that you don't even know you have) that you are about to lose. I can't begin to tell you what it will be like, because I have no idea, but... there are a few things that I DO know.

I know we are adding more to our lives. More confusion, chaos, texture, stimulation, challenges, and love. More of what makes us real, uniquely human, and more of what makes life worthwhile. More for us to work on, work with, lean on, teach, and learn. I believe this is what family is for, to teach us what real sharing is. Sharing your parents, little boy, is no minor thing.

We will try to teach you that a big brother is there to smooth the way and a little brother is there to help break the falls (or vice versa). If we do our job right, this is the guy that will "toughen you up", but break the arm of any dude that crosses you... Who will shout you up off your ass when you're feeling sorry for yourself, and sit quietly with you in times of heartbreak. He may be your sometimes hero/companion/friend, and your sometimes rival/tormentor/button-pusher. He will know you as perfectly as you allow him. He will know better than anyone else on the planet what it is like to come from the place you came from. He won't speak with your voice, or think your thoughts, but he may listen to them and he will certainly watch you and know you on a level that others can't.

Mama and I are excitedly awakening to the fact that this little guy is more than just an idea now. It is like right before we had you: we tried not to have any particular expectations, but we were giddy in nervousness and we were eager. This time is obviously different: With you in the picture, when brother starts the process of arrival, we can't even focus on him until you are shuttled off to safety or "operation JB stash" is initiated...

So, in your life, if or when you feel (consciously or unconsciously) like this little boy has picked your pocket and/or inserted himself where you didn't invite him, I hope you remember this tiny tidbit - Brother never got these two years of princely and singular devotion. The only unique adoration he might receive is from you, actually. So, do your best to be good to him.

Soon everything changes, little boy. But really, in terms of how we love you and what you mean to us, I promise, no matter what- nothing changes.

Monday, August 17, 2009

T minus 3 weeks and 3 days

WOW.

We are getting close to the due date. And it has been HOT!!! It was 90+ degrees all week and they are forecasting at least another few days of that weather.

We might have to cut katy's wedding band off. I say "do it now before it gets too purple." But she is hesitant. She is huge. But just huge for katy- swollen limbs and big belly- not huge like the rest of us Americans. She looks amazing and healthy (if you don't look at the ankles, the ankle scream "congestive heart failure") and glowing through all of the heavy breathing.

JB knows something is up and he has started waking up once or twice a night. But I think it's the rollercoaster we are on more than JB's restless nights. We are just exhausted and we put ourselves in the bed at 8:30 pm last night. This morning, I feel so much better than I felt last night and it occurs to me how excited I am for all of these changes. We only have only a few weeks to try and rest before we start up with some "around-the-clock care" of our new baby boy and some mental calculations and logistical adjustments that our new big brother is going to require.

And the grass really needs to be mowed, but that might have to wait until the heat wave breaks.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Back from Vacation and ready for some full time nesting

For those of you not friends with us on FB, a lot has happened that you've missed. (Sorry, you know that GSO readers are my real true friends, right?)

Since I got my iphone (let's call her Lil'cutie) I've been able to check all my Internet haunts regularly and my email, but I can't blog from there without buying a $10 app that I'm not sure is fully functional yet. So the blog has suffered a little since Lil'cutie started living in my pocket.

The day before vacation (July 9th), I got a stomach bug, we sold our house, we packed for our trip, we saw 4 houses as potential new homes, and we fled the state to hit the beach.

Two days later, I had a minor sunburn, the inspection was conducted, we all got re-oriented to salt air and sand, Katy and I spent more than a few moments panicking about the "mess" we had gotten ourselves into. It wasn't just that we sold the house at a slight loss (I mean the economy is in the toilet and presumably we will make it up on the other end). It was that we had never fully comprehended the costs on the selling end and also now we would be moving once (IF NOT TWICE) in the 4-8 weeds surrounding the birth of our 2nd child.

We rationalized our way out of the mental anguish, made several financial and logistical contingency plans, plotted alternatives to all of those, figured out how we would make it work at every level, and just when excitement started creeping around the corner, the buyer rescinded his offer. RollerccccccccccoooooOOOOOOOSSSSTTTTTERRRRRRRRRRRR!
CLICK.CLICK.CLICK. WHEEEEeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEE

There was a tiny bit of anger or rather frustration. Thank God we were away, b/c if not I would have had at least 3 rooms in my house packed and stacked in boxes and probably a 1/2 full POD in my driveway. Then instead of being disappointed and disjointed, I would have had to go out and find that guy and it would'a been a mess. I don't mind an amusement ride, but that would have pushed me over the edge.

While we were away, we had perfect weather, got some tans, and I got a concussion. Falling out of the back of my sister's minivan was not my most proud moment. We (adults) were taking turns climbing out of the way-back because 3 car seats were taking up the entire second row and obstructing the fire exits. It was very adorable to see all the "Ruggies" side by side, strapped in in their matching car seats, but evidently, it was also life-threatening.

I'll admit that I'm clumsily stumbly on a good day, but I really do get around okay. I have this weak left ankle that rolls without warning or consequence. I can be walking down the street, roll the ankle, recover in some jerky movement that would knock a gymnast's score down an entire point for her landing, but ambulate away without ankle pain or other damage. This happens on average, 4 times a week. I've come to think of it as part of my gait. So, I stepped down, off the bumper of the minivan, onto my unreliable left foot, and the ankle rolled. One minute I was vertical. The next, I was on my back- head bouncing off the asphalt. I heard Lil'cutie fall out of my pocket in a plastic crash.

The sky was so blue. (I see Blue... He looks glorious.)

I heard footsteps. Katy and Web were immediately by my side to confirmed my my mental status (dazed but alert and oriented X3) and help me wiggle out of the middle of the parking lot. I heard a lot of people offering to call 9-1-1, so it must have looked bad. Katy was not pleased about it. She did not appreciate the site of the bounding cranium or the laying motionless for 90 seconds on my back on the pavement... I think she took those 90 seconds to imagine life with 2 boys and no wife, or a wife that spent most of her days drooling. ("THAT'S NOT FUNNY" She's shouting in the background as she reads this.)

A little nausea for a day, a bad headache for 2-3, some jaw pain, and a tender scalp for a week now, but really it could have been worse.

We're taking the house off the market so that we can have this baby without strangers running in and out getting all into our business; and so we can let our house get messy again, and whatnot. The vacation, the ocean, the time away with family (and maybe the bump on the head) have really seemed to help chill me out a little. The pressure is off; which just goes to show you how much "pressure" has kind of been on (It's practically irrational that someone would say, "The pressure is off" as her wife enters the last 6 weeks of her pregnancy.)

It's becoming apparent that we have been running on fumes and have not been paying much attention to the Bean v2.0 except to know that he is kicking and moving and growing in there (And he's makin' his mama's ankles all swollen.)

Now we can focus on the end of the race (Sept 10th due date) and really stop for a few moments to let the summer sweat sting our wide open, attentive eyes; and let the fear of parenting 2 children combined with Katy's extreme state of pregnancy be the undiluted reasons we can't sleep at night. We're practically peeing our pants in anticipation. (Well, one of us is practically peeing her pants for other reasons too.)

Monday, June 29, 2009

Sweaty sunshine and random musings

Dear peeps and GSO'ians out there reading...

Sorry for all the Internet silence.

I miss you too.

The sun came out yesterday and again today. I think I understand why ancient people might have been afraid of the sun. It is so powerful and when you haven't seen it in like 36 days, it can really freak you out! Just kidding. But I don't think the seasonal depression is just going to silently wash away with the first drops of summer sweat or the faint heat of a minor sunburn.

Since I've written last, I had a birthday. No biggie. I'm still in my mid-30s and believe me, I cannot WAIT for the 1st season of Thirtysomthing to come out on DVD in September. I feel like if I can just watch that show NOW (as opposed to when I was addicted to it in my late teens and early 20s) it will unlock some true secrets of personal success and happiness.

This morning my car's odometer read 171717. And at that exact moment in time, the "trip mileage" (which I had just reset at the beginning of my work commute) read... wait for it...

17.7 miles!!! (I.shit.you.not!)

I don't know what this means, but despite how my desk at work looks, I love symmetry and order, and isn't that it's own reward?!? Not to be too pessimistic, but I'm sure that means the car will die soon.

Katy is pregnant.

For those of you that just fell off your chair, you need to read the GSO more often.

For those of you that are like, "yeah, we know that..." What I mean to imply with uncapturable inflection, is...

No.
For realz.
She. Really. Pregnant now...

She is waddling, belly out-to-here, swollen, all "don't-you-dare-touch-me-and think-that-type of-RELATIONS-is going-down-after the-word-cankle-came-out-your-mouth"...
She is adorable
and...
uncomfortable.

And I just try to walk the yellow line; expressing love and support, but not too much love or too much support, if you know what I mean; cause I don't want to be any more annoying than I have to be. With all my breathing and sleeping (right there in the bed and not even getting a leg cramp) and with my flip flops still fitting me and all... I mean she's got a point, that must get annoying!

IBO and husband and the baby (LABO) are doing really well. It is a relief and I will fully exhale in about 2.5 weeks when he is 36 weeks gestation. As an extra slap in the ass for them, A tornado touched down in their neighborhood and left a trail of destruction. Fortunately, (they are eternal optimists) they just went and slept at the hospital with their baby- since there was no power at their house.

I'm working on a newsletter. For those of you that are counting the missed months, Katy and I agree that JB is old enough for this to become a "quarterly" newsletter and not a "monthly" newsletter. So really, I have not even missed a deadline! He's done some super adorable things in these last few months, so stay tuned!!!

BONUS BELLY SHOT:

"My Morning view" 29 WEEKS:

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

In a family way

This morning, the alarm went off and Kt brought JB into our bed.
As has become an occasional routine, I scratched and tickled his limbs, his hands and feet, his head and back. If you tickle any part of his body that is one of a pair, he will hold the other one up after 30 to 60 seconds and say, "Other one". Back and forth. Back and forth.

Katy was on the other side of Jake, warm from the excessive mitosis. Her pregnancy has brought out a feverish state. Lately when her normally-ice-cold hands touch me, I startle with a flash of concern that we will die from swine flu. Then I remember BEANv2.0 and all the dividing and dividing and the dividing and the ATP that releases

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Heat wave

I think it should be mandatory every year in New England that the last weekend in April is sunny and 85 degrees outside. Two days of heat gives you the option to spend the weekend, cleaning up your yard and mowing, and weeding and planting. You can fire up your yard tools, make sure your summer clothes are clean and still fit, work with your muscles, and get a little sunburn on your nose, arms and the back of your neck. Then, come Monday, you can go back to the spring weather for several weeks, but have tasted a little of the sweat of summer after the arduously uncomfortable winter.

The grannies are in town. Let the gardening and pruning and mulching begin. JB is super cute and has begged for them to come "save him" during at least three diaper changes (his new 'least favorite' thing) and a few other battles of wits.

Our house looks great which is good b/c we had a "good showing" this weekend and the couple is coming back for a "second look" tomorrow. Yes, remember? the house has been on the market since 3 days before the Lehman Brothers went under. We've had 2 open houses, a lot "good feedback" in seven months, but zero offers to buy. We're hoping that yesterday when we planted a garden of sweet peas and proved our loyalty to the property by deciding not to let katy's parents take the roses out of their bed in our front yard and pack them up to store and bring to the next house... that the very act of putting our hearts into staying for the season opens up the universe to a sale.

Things at work continue to be nuts and our friend, IBO (my work wife) is in the hospital trying not to deliver a 24 week-er.

Our 20 week-er is behaving himself. Mama is starting to feel kicking at regular intervals. I have also felt a few baby jolts from the outside. Katy has a developing belly bump and is kind of glow-y.

Our son is saying a lot of words. We think he has over 200 words... but about 108 of them are the word "no". He repeats nearly everything and actually got down and played in the dirt this weekend. (For those of you that don't know him, this is very unlike Mr. Clean.) He saw a lot of animals that he's only heard about in books this weekend too: worms, squirrels, bunnies, flies, mosquitoes, ants, spiders... as well as the old favorites- birds and puppies. Really cute pictures of JB in the yard and my pregnant wife to follow.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Newsletter: Month 18

Bless me JB for I have sinned... It has been more than 3 months since your last newsletter.



I can't even believe how far off the train I've fallen... You can blame your baby brother or sister for this. Even though s/he isn't even fully developed yet, let alone born, s/he is already affecting the undivided attention that you've come to expect from your mommies.



Let me explain. No time to essplain... Let me sum up: Your mommy got your mama pregnant about 3 months ago. There was a lot of nausea (and some vomiting) at the beginning and you were very often barely in bed before your mama was asleep. The division of labor was upset, and there was a lot to do that didn't involve the (often pointed out to me by non-bloggers) very indulgent practice of posting snippets of our life up on the web.



Ironically (or perhaps predictably) so much has changed developmentally in these 3 months, that I'm not sure how to sum it up or break it down. You have a huge vocabulary now... you will repeat most of what we say, but you have words that you can conjure up with minimal prompting. Sometimes, you just sit and come up with words. It's like you might be flipping through a mental Rolodex and when you shout them out randomly as you consider them. Last week in the car, you kept repeating, "fire" (Fie-her) a word that you had just learned at Nana and papa's house. Then a few minutes later you kept repeating "owl". I couldn't understand what you were saying b/c you pronounced it like "How-ul" and b/c it was so out of context. When I asked you, "what are you saying? I can't understand what word you are saying." You told me, "how-el... hoo,hoo... howel." I looked at your mama and said, "holy (beep)!" Because I was so impressed at how you were able to communicate your point when you wanted to.



A non-inclusive list of words you know: hot, cold, up, down, water, stairs, bib, spoon, more, ball, hammer, truck, bus, car, please, thank you, help, sit, book, beep-beep, yuck, eww, ut-oh, milk, drink, coffee, sip, apple, pasta,waffle, bean, grape, stawberry, blueberry, melon, cereal, cheerios, potty, poop, tissue, snow, light, bright, arm, eye, nose, cheek, teeth, mouth, leg, foot, toe, knee, finger, head, hair, socks, shirt, shoes, hat, zipper, fire, mama, mommy, papa, nana, grandpa, granny, TT, mackenzie, cam cam, Bella, bill, barbara, heather, alisa, amanda (lots of other names from day care), octopus, walrus, fish, puppy, lobster, lion, monkey... When you say a word that ends in "K", you really enunciate the sound. Like in "Milk"... Think of the guttural sound made in Hebrew if someone said, "L'Chaim" and add that "k" noise.



You are singing (sort of) and counting. Singing usually involves you saying "ABC", or "e-i-ei-o", the word "happy" in a cute sing-songy way, then one of your parents or relatives sings the entire rest of the song for your amusement. If there is not a crowd of people staring at you, you will usually give me a mangled, barely recognizable version of the song's epilogue "Now la-no-na-ABCs, ney ney no new see with me." Your cousin, Cam sings the entire Happy Birthday, in tune, not even missing a word... When she's done you sing the solitary word, "Happy" and then let her cycle through it again solo...



Whenever any music is on, we can usually get a "hooray!" and some swaying out of you. You have 2 basic dance moves: the above mentioned rocking side to side, and the staccato demi-plie where you bend slightly at the knees and kind of bounce up and down for a few counts. You truly dance like a rhythm-less white man at this point, and we've thought of getting you a t-shirt that says, "cool kids rock" to mock the over exaggerated simplicity of your dance moves. It is brutally adorable to us. God knows we are mostly responsible for your repertoire, even though we have been trying to teach to you other dance moves (shoulder bounces, raise the roof, dance with your eyebrows, dance with your neck) no doubt, they will only enhance the perception of you as a mini Rick Ashley with top teeth precariously poised to take a chunk out of your lower lip should you roll an ankle if you get too excited while dancing.



You are very mobile and in control of your body, but you are cautious and only a little interested in climbing. You like ladders and step stools, but will mostly stay off on furniture that isn't meant for climbing. You are also a very good listener, and have taken to sitting at the top of the stairs waiting for us when we run down to the basement, for example.



Your grandpa gave you a plastic basketball hoop for Christmas and at first you were just too short to get the ball in slam-dunk style. Now you have grown, or changed your tactic, or both, and able to get the ball and put it through. Balls have emerged as one of your obsessions. There is no rhyme or reason to your obsessions, and for those who would automatically hear me say you are inclined to love any kind of ball and report that it is your natural inclination as a boy to dwell on balls, I would like to offer your other current obsessions: tissues, shoes, drawing utensils, and the letter "o". (To be fair to the gender police, you are also a truck, bus, and car/steering wheel addict.) Of all of these, the letter O is the most confusing to me, but if you go for a letter on the fridge 9/10 it is "o" and you can pick it off of my Uconn sweatshirt too.



The "tissues" game we play non-stop. You've never met a tissue or wipe, or paper towel you didn't love. You love pulling tissues out of their boxes; and you love wiping things up including your face and tables and chairs; and you love throwing tissues away... you love tissues.



Every day when you see me after I've gotten dressed, you look down at my feet and say, "shoes." I think if I came down wearing a prom dress, or a fire fighter's uniform, you would not even notice except when you looked down at my shoes.



Your behavior for the most part is admirable. You have started whining quite a bit. We try to discourage the whining and you are responsive. The scene is usually,
JB: eh, eh, eh (whiny trying to get something noises)
mommy or mama: That's whining, and it is not the best way to get things, you know.
JB: (without the previous whining tone) peeease.



The other times you have a melt down, it is usually some version of "I want to do it myself", or what I can only describe as a "You don't know me..." rebellion. Several times, we know exactly what is going on. For example, you are hungry and need to eat, but think you don't want to eat and refuse to get in the chair... you offer us every version of "NO" that you have learned (saying the word, shaking the head, swinging the arms, stomping the feet). We have found that if we just back off what we are trying to tell you to do, you circle round and do it. It seems to us like a hungry teenager, shouting, "YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL!"



Some of the sweetest times with you recently involve watching you become a little more independent. You like to draw. As much as not leaving knives and dangerous objects around, we have to remember not to leave crayons and pens around b/c you like to draw and have no idea about why you should draw on paper and not furniture or walls.



You also like to go outside



and will sometimes grab my 15lb purse and sling it over your shoulder, head toward the door and say, "bye-bye". This usually means it is time to do some bird watching: "oooh, burd... tweet, tweet." Now that I am writing about this, I realize it is exactly what anti-gay groups are afraid of, that not having a dad will make you think you need a purse to leave the house. Ironically, i never used a purse at all until after you were born and I had gotten used to having a diaper bag to carry everything around. But I promise, we can replace that Lady's Bulsa with a socially acceptable backpack, or brief case and no matter what those social conservatives think, we know that boys who are comfortable carrying purses (either their own, or those belonging to the women in their lives) are probably more desirable and useful to society than the other segment of the male population.



JB, your bedtime ritual still blows our mind. Between 6:45 and 7:30 depending on how tired you seem, we ask, "Do you want a bath?" You almost always do and head toward the stairs. You can now be heard counting as we climb the stairs. Mama or I say, "one, two" you often hit "three" then we give you "four" and frequently you come up with "five"... For the rest, we are on our own, you can not be bothered to utter a number beyond five at this point, but it is clear that you get the concept. Once we are upstairs, you get your bath toys out of the drawer while we draw the tub and you throw them into the water one by one: boat, truck, truck, duck, walrus, fish, sea horse, lobster, octopus. At some point you usually ask to sit on the potty by pointing or saying "potty" or saying, "euwwww." Except for that one dumpage that solitary time, you haven't so much as tinkled in the pot, but you still want to sit there.



After your bath, we dry you, lotion you up (most days), use a q-tip on your ears. We diaper and dress you in your pjs. We read a book or two (these last few months you have started to become very interested in books); cuddle for a few minutes with your blanket and binki (the only time you use your binki these days is at bedtime and occasionally in the car); and then we put you in your crib. Oh first, we do a lap around your room and say goodnight to a bunch of things in there... always in the same order. Goodnight lion, hippo, monkey, elephant... goodnight choo-choo train, goodnight giraffe, g.n. tigger, g.n. dinosaur (x3), g.n. lizard, g.n. planets... then we kiss and hug you and put you down. And that's it. I mean maybe once a month there are a few tears and we give you "one more hug" and then you just put your head down, dig into a comfy position and fall asleep. The entire routine takes 15 to 30 minutes depending on how much lotion we apply, or how long we let you splash in the tub. And pretty much every single night, we marvel at how amazing you are to let us put you to bed without any drama.



You have clearly demonstrated your capacity for tantrums, but at 18 months old, guess what else you can do? You can whistle. I swear. You are like a Casablanca advertisement: You just put your lips together and blow, and music comes out. This never fails to astound any bystanders...



You are a super star.
We love you so much it hurts.



Your mommies

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Weighing in

No pun intended, but I figured it was about time I weighed in on this whole pregnancy thing. Since I'm the one that's preggers.

It started with a few frustrating rounds of at-home intra-uterine tries (did I mention that this post won't be for the squeamish?). And by a few, I mean 3. I am fully aware that I should just shut my pie-hole about only having 3 frustrating times and 1 successful time. The problem was that I, predictably, got in my head about the whole thing. I tested before it was time. Got frustrated with the negatives. Tried to find pink lines where there clearly were none. Went so far as to make the infertility appointment.

Then came the fourth try. I woke up our good in friend in a west-coast crunchy city at around 5am her time on a sunday morning in a panic: The million dollar fancy fertility monitor you made me buy went positive today unexpectedly! How many vials of the swim team should I try? 2? Ok. But when? This conversation was to be legendary, but I'm sure LSG was just glad to get off the phone and go back to sleep. T and I had debated whether or not to go for two vials this time, weighing in the fact that our donor (of which we had 4 vials left) had none left in the bank. Ultimately, we decided that having to change donors if we happened to run out was not the end of the world, and it was worth a try.

So we packed up the existing kid, raced to the storage facility and convinced the very nice lab tech to give us two vials out of deep freeze with 2 minutes notice. I'll skip the next 24 hours since it wouldn't even be appropriate for those who aren't already squeamish.

We went to Ohio after Christmas to visit my family. I brought all the supplies: pregnancy tests, the fertility monitor, and monitor sticks. And one night I had a moment of complete clarity. I woke up around 2am and in total darkness with my wife and baby quietly sleeping in the room thought, "We don't need anymore kids! One is perfect! We can just stop trying!". I should have known.

Tracy let me sleep in the following morning and before I went upstairs to see the fam, I decided it was the day. So I pulled out a stick, peed on it, and then ran away from it. The last three times I had stood there and stared at it. I couldn't bear to watch it come up negative again. So I organized (my default activity when I'm anxious).

And there it was. 2 pink lines. Uh oh. So much for clarity.

I walked up the stairs to where T was and said sternly, "I need to speak with you. Right now." Fully convinced that she had done something terribly wrong, she followed me. I showed her the stick, we rejoiced, and then looked at each other. "Damn that LSG." Always right, that one.

Anyway, that's a long drawn out version of how this adventure started. I spent 2 weeks feeling totally normal. Then the puking started. Again, details not necessary, but I spent a good portion of each evening either praying it wouldn't happen, or just getting it over with. T was unfortunately experiencing a higher than usual stress level at work, JB was getting teeth and discovering the word "no", and I was completely useless. Suffice it to say I would not have gotten through that first part without my amazing wife, very helpful in-laws, phone support from my parents, and co-workers who made sure work was as easy as possible during that time.

Now that the second trimester is here things are much better. My appetite is back full force and it feels fantastic. I've finally started putting on some pounds after losing a few in the beginning. I have a for-sure belly bump (not the pretend one I was "making up" the last couple of weeks). My clothes don't fit. My boobs are a whole new country. And while I have loved bread and butter pickles my whole life, they taste AMAZING right now. Which also means that my olfactory nerve is working overtime and I can smell a dirty JB diaper from a mile away.

The things we know: I'm due 9/10/09. I measure big enough for ONE BABY. I have ONE extra heartbeat in my abdomen. I will have an ultrasound on tax day that will tell us the gender (yes, we're finding out) as well as whether the baby has all its parts in all the right places. I think it's a boy. Or a girl. Everyone at work and all of my parents think it's a girl. I should be able to start feeling the baby move in the next month or so. I plan to eat everything in sight in celebration.

Stay tuned for updates over the next 25 weeks!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Capt Sully saves the day

This is awesome.

Katy just made me watch it. She's seen it a few times already.



After we watch it together (for the first time) i say, "That was awesome."
I look at her and she is crying.

Me: What... um... why are you... what's going... How's that now?
Her: It just makes me cry.
Me: (blank stare)
Her: When things are that organized... and people do their jobs so well... and disaster is averted... it just really makes me cry.
Me: (careful to control facial muscles) Yup.

No hormones here.

hattip: dl004d

2nd trimester

Well, we are into the 2nd trimester (duh, you coulda guessed that from the subject)...

Also, yesterday, JB had his follow up hearing test. Tubes are in place, patent, and ears are fluid free... Hearing is normal!

Woo Hoo. Surgical success.

And woo hoo too for baby number two... keep growing little bean!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Life at 13 weeks 6 days

Life is good.
Work is nuts.
We turned the clocks an hour forward this week.
(Is that DST? or are we out of DST? I'm not sure how it works)
Katy is still nauseous. (getting better we think)
The baby is the size of a lemon.
JB is throwing a few fits here and there.
We are tired.
The blog is suffering.
I haven't written a newsletter in 2.5 months.

Monday, I witnessed our son's very first full-blown tantrum. It was a little like a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon and included him meandering through several rooms crying, screeching, sobbing, sweating, head-banging, kicking, throwing himself on the floor, putting his head in his hands and crying on the closed toilet seat, banging his head on the wall, spinning and rolling around in little break-dancing moves... It ended in child's pose with a head butt or two thrown in for good measure before he finally calmed down enough for maternal intervention.

It was dramatic, and irritating in the moment, but still (I'm not going to lie) cute. JB is a sweetie 90% of the time. The fact that he is starting to have opinions is "interesting," but it is new enough that it is still a source of pride to me.

He struggles and suffers through the eye drops every morning and at night; crying and fighting with all of his limbs flailing and no amount of calm words or pleading on our part can get him to understand what we are doing. He seals his eyelids closed against the antimicrobial medication, as if we were pouring liquid mercury into them. Katy found a way to make us feel better about torturing him: When the drops are in at the end of all the fussing, we say, "Say 'thank you'." And through the sniffles, he loyally gives us a slightly hesitant "tth-hank-cue."

And we quiver in silent laughter that he's so pliable.

Here are some pics from a birthday party this weekend
(right before the pink eye attacked.)

Oh, a car... Excellent! I think I'll play "in and out of the car" for 25 minutes!


"beep beep"



"HEY BUDDY, GET OUT OF THE WAY OF MY CAR!!!"


"Vrrrrrummmmmm...."

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Fat Tuesday

Oh, that's right... it's the day before lent.

But this year, it is also the day we got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. It's the day we let ourselves exhale and finally start to get ex-sigh-ted about the fact that katy is going to start to get FAAAAAAAHAT. She got my baby growing inside of her!

We tried 4 times and found out 5 days after Christmas. Everyone that knows us in "real life" has known about it for a while now... Some people in Ohio knew when the p-stick was a few minutes ripe, but we waited for the little "whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh" we got to hear at the prenatal appointment today to put it out there on our facebook accounts and up here on the GSO.

There will be a lot more to follow, but for now, there are posts I wrote but didn't publish until now. Follow the label "new baby" to catch up.

We're going to bed now. It's been a happy day, but a long one... it's time to get some shut eye!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The crawl

There is so much going on that the desire to blog consumes me and the actualization of that desire is delusional.

Work is a clusterfuck horror-show right now. We've been experiencing chaotic institutional change and threats that are imagined, perceived, and alarmingly real. Obviously, the details are too ripe to post here, but take my word for it: SNAFU of the highest order. "Fight-flight" and the power-charge you get from an emergent challenge take you far for about 5 weeks. I've been working all day, coming home and powering up the laptop until well after bedtime.

At the beginning, I was even in good spirits about it - it's been like a slow code and I do miss the old days of hanging blood, cracking ribs, and pushing epinephrine. But now, my brain is turning to mush and my psyche is pretty badly dinged up. I keep my wits about me, literally. Keeping my team laughing is probably my central purpose at this point, but every day brings another detail that is essentially no laughing matter. If you had told me a few months ago what would be going on right now, I would have laughed, slapped your ass, and told you to shove off. Needless to say, I have needed to put a lot more time and energy into work. But more than hours, the shit there is practically always on my mind. It's a veil over my head and I'm distracted by it all the time. Entire 8 or 10 hour work days go by without me having the mental where-with-all to call home. (Not the literal, physical "home" we live in [no one is there during the work day], but the day care or the cell phone that katy carries around when she takes my "home/heart" out into the world.)

Katy is holding down the fort of sanity right now. Trouble is, she is physically compromised due to the fig-sized fetus that we planted inside of her several weeks ago. We have been trying to keep it a little mum, but now that Mackenzie knows about it, the cat is pretty much out of the bag. Always in the form of a question, she knows all and tells the world as much:

Mac 7 weeks ago: "Why are you toasting? Why are you saying congratulations to katy? Why? what's going on?"
Mac 4 weeks ago: "Where is Katy? Why is katy home? Why is katy sleeping? Why does Katy's belly hurt her?"
Mac 1 week ago: "You have a baby in there?" "You're having a baby?" "The baby makes you sick?" "You are having a baby grow in your belly?" "Katy has a baby?" "What's the baby's name?"

We will hopefully hear the baby's heartbeat on Tuesday. And then we will welcome the unadulterated sigh of celebratory planning.

As eluded to above, Katy has been feeling craptastic. Puking, dry heaves, queasy and everything like that. She is falling asleep on the couch at about 7 or 8pm daily. Then she wakes up, and heads to bed between 9 and 10pm beckoning me to accompany her.

Aside from being puky, she is physically warm- a veritable incubator. When i crawl into bed next to her, the temperature is shocking. It is so unusual for her to be throwing this much heat, that I sometimes imagine a hatted, southpaw fetus, spitting fluid and getting ready for the big show.

Today, after a wicked work week capped off by a very fun but kind of crazed-paced Saturday, it rained. It rained the kind of cold rain that should be snow. The kind of cold rain you expect in February. Rain that is 2 or 3 degrees too warm to ice over busy highways. Two years ago, rain like that on a Sunday would have put my wife and me under covers watching movies in bed all day.

Today we had the 1.5 year old to entertain. We putzed and played and grew a tiny bit bored and at some point threw our swimsuits on under our sweats and headed out to the pool. That's right, we belong to a pool. I know what you're thinking, "but we've never heard you speak of 'the pool' before???" When I was pregnant with JB (and even before that) we swam quite a bit- we went to the pool a few times a week to swim laps. And then the pregnancy progressed, and then the c-section, and then all the breastfeeding, and then the baby was too little, and then katy went back to work, and then I went back to work, and then all the ear infections, and don't forget about the laziness... you get the picture.

For some people this is a no brainer - "Quit the pool!!! JUST STOP SENDING YOUR 40 BUCKS EVERY MONTH!!!" But for us this gets all wrapped up in why we're not more active, and not wanting to give up on fitness and being "ready" to work out if the opportunity presents itself. It's hard to stop spending money on the gamble that you might wake up one day and want to suddenly be a better, healthier person.

So we take JB for the first time to the pool that there is no way for him to know he is a member of. It's not the first time he's been in water or a pool, but there is a unique feature of our pool. The kiddie-pool shallow part is a ramp. You walk into it like you are walking into the ocean. Allow me to explain with a visual image that is not really drawn to scale:


The Dark Blue is the regular, larger part of one of the pools (it is longer and wider than it appears here). That pool is 4 to 7 feet deep and the red lines indicate swim lanes. The Yellow is the beginning of the ramp and has water only barely covering your toes. The Green part is 5-7 feet of water that is less than a foot deep, and the Aqua area gradually goes to 2-ish feet as you round the corner and head into the bigger pool. The point of all of this is that JB gets to walk into and around in water that is waist and chest high and doesn't have to be carried all around to explore pool/swimming options.

He started hesitant, but quickly grew to enjoy himself. At first, he wouldn't walk into the water but wanted to be carried. After he realized that he could safely navigate the shallow water, he wanted to explore. Several times he walked right into water that was higher than his mouth or fell completely into water that was a foot deep. We were right there to buoy him up and he came out of the drink every time coughing and sputtering a little, but also laughing.

Watching him in this environment might have been my favorite hour of parenting so far. It was relaxing and simplistic; exciting and mellow. It doesn't hurt that I like the water so much myself. Just being in shallow water with my wife and son made me so happy. For a split second, I wished we had the camera to take photos or video, but I quickly tossed that notion aside. "Be.here.now." I told myself. There was no way to really document these feelings anyway.

JB was beside himself with what can only be described as excited joy. When he ventured out a little bit alone with me, I would point out katy to him. From a distance, he would flail about ecstatic when he caught a glimpse of her. When she had him and his eyes re-located me, he would excitedly slap his chest like a gorilla. But mostly we were all three together. We passed him back and forth, log-tossed him a little. Put him on a kick-board, let him hang on to our floating toes... He put his face in the water, tried to imitate me blowing bubbles, he got on his belly to "swim", he got on his back and "kicked", he held onto my neck and rode on my back as I took him into the bigger pool. By the end, he was walking in an out pretty independently. Then, he was jumping from a seated position and then standing position into my arms off the side of the pool. I couldn't have been prouder if he suddenly counted to 100. It was nothing but fun. And I guess if we needed to quantify it, totally worth the year and 1/2 of membership dues that we obligingly paid despite not using the facilities.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Hibernation mode

Yesterday morning, I woke up and pretty near ran into JB's room. See, normally, he cries out somewhere between 2 and 3 am; he cries long enough that one of us needs to run in there and at least stick the binki back in his mouth. But yesterday, nothing. Straight through the night. I woke up in a panic - oh yeah, that's the kind of edge I live on...

This entire weekend has been some kind of recovery attempt at our house. My wife and i are so tired. Katy slept more than 12 hours last night AND the night before. That's not including the several naps. I'm not kidding you. She is wiped out and yesterday she accused me of getting aggravated with her that she was "sickie". I tried to deny it, but she was right, I was a little sick of it. Mostly because, it would have been the perfect weekend to sit around and watch movies in bed, but JB is so not-that-into that type of day right now. He's all, "teach me words," and "change my diaper," and "hey, I need to eat every 4 hours," and "let's read books and sing songs together," etc.

I'd be pissed at this kid for being so needy and narcissistic, but he cracks me up and very nearly makes it worth my while to stay awake during the day and observe his antics. Katy and I are still sore from all the shivering during the 12 hour, 2 million-citizen stand-in, inaugural extravaganza/walk-a-thon for hope and change on the national mall last week. (I know, I owe you pictures... they'll get here once we actually wake out of our stupor.)

Today I asked JB what an elephant says. I do a pretty amazing elephant noise that involves blowing through tightly sealed lips to create a trumpeting effect. He has no trumpeting skills yet, but he squeaked out a good impression of my impression.

Reliable source of entertainment, that kid!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Week five

So, kt is 5 weeks pregnant.

The new bean is the size of a sesame seed.

She is feeling pretty good. Starting to get tired. Queasy to nauseous, intermittent to constant. Tender boobs... She reports that her worst symptom so far is feeling slower GI motility (constipation).

Her body is warm and her steps are light.

I'm aglow watching her and excited for what lies ahead.

Today, we told our minister that we would like to get married but not sure exactly when b/c katy is preggers. She got all teary-eyed about it. It was very sweet.

We've told our families and each of us has told two people at work. I was asked, "How is it to be on the other side?"

It's really cool. I mean, I'm excited and eager, but I'm a little off the hook, mentally. I don't think about it all the time. I could go hours and not even consider and then I'll think, "Oh, katy's pregnant!!!" Also, I'm a little proud. For no real reason, I have that baby-daddy swagger. It's like, "hmm... look what I did... Yeah, I did that." Bizarre and kind of fun.

I love this woman. I can't wait to watch the blooming of this flower. I'm glad I have a front row seat and backstage passes!

Friday, January 02, 2009

Mid-afternoon music montage

Two days now, we have had dance parties in the grannies' living room. We truly rock out and JB has been smiling and enjoying all the moves. We've been trying to teach him to dance with his hands and "raise the roof".
He looks at me like I'm crazy.

Today, we were driving with Kt's dad, and this random mix of music came on the radio.
Some oldies, some not so oldies, but we were singing to JB. It was like music appreciation on wheels. There were about 8 songs in a row that made Katy and me go,
"YEAH! THIS IS A GOOD ONE TOO, JB!!!"

Again, though he was trapped, all strapped in his car seat, we were encouraging him to groove and move and dance with his hands. He smiled intermittently, eying us the way a nervous visitor might glance around a locked ward.

I don't remember them all but some of the songs were:
Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn
This will be (an everlasting love) - Natalie Cole
I wanna be rich - Calloway
Chasing cars - Snow Patrol
Say (what you need to say) - John Mayer

There's a story that goes along with each of those songs. Stories that maybe one day I'll tell our son... here's one:

When I was pregnant, John Mayer was singing that "Say" on the radio an awful lot:

I'll be honest with you, I'm not even sure wtf that song is supposed to mean. I look at the lyrics (below) and I want to shout,

"JOHN MAYER, STOP TRYING TO BANG SO MANY GIRLS AND BUY A THESAURUS!!! 20 unique lines of barely rhyming prose??? REALLY? SERIOUSLY? DID YOU WRITE IT IN BETWEEN DATES on a Friday night?!?"

There's the chance that song has no intended meaning, was written for no purpose save to score a few presidents or bag a few babes. But, the song unlocks something in me. There's a part of me that fights becoming completely undone and feels flashes of my most vulnerable self emerge when the dang thing is playing. I think that song was playing in the background when important things were happening during my pregnancy. I think that song conjured up events that happened immediately before and more than a decade before. Things that were very wonderful and things that were very sad. Sweet, insignificant moments, and poignant, life altering moments.

Is it me, or is it hard to hear that song and not be the star of your own personal music video playing on a loop in your head?



Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaaay...

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead

If you could only
Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaay...

Have no fear
For giving in
Have no fear
For giving over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Then never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open... wide...

Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to (x2)
Say what you need to say...


So, I think you get what I mean about the thesaurus, right?

After looking at this, I feel (sincerely) like you can't trust a word out of John Mayer's slick, playboy, CT-grown mouth. But if you could trust him, it does seem like he wrote the song of the same nature and emotional context that I just described above.
Life is too short.
Just say
what
you
need
to
say...

If you're hurting, if you're striving, if you're dying... If you are thrilled, exuberant, evolving, or lost in love... If you have a secret that is eating you alive. If you are thinking about leaving, changing, doing something that might "disappoint" someone... If you are aching with fear or love or life... or just living- trying not to fall into death via the suffocation of suburban or corporate compromise...
speak.
your.
mind.

Today, dancing and singing with our little boy, I realized this is part of the gig.
Every night I put him to bed and thank him for the way he is and the way he has allowed me to see the world. And one of the most important things I will strive to teach him is to find ways to express himself:
Speak your heart, even if it pounds in your chest or your hands tremble or your voice quivers.

Dance with your feet and hands and eyes because if you really listen to lovely things in life (like people and music) it usually means allowing your body to move with them and toward them and respond physically.

Listen to music - wherever you find it - to the harmonies, melodies, percussion, lyrics, and the silent parts behind the music that inexplicably turn a key and release something in you that you didn't even know was locked up.

SWYNTS: I think this is the secret to happiness and the trick to life if you want to be smiling when you're reviewing your own personal, imaginary music video at the end of it all...

just sayin'...

Now I'm goin' to bed... hope you enjoyed the music :)

Thursday, January 01, 2009

New Year's Morning

I'm up alone. The boy in bed by 8pm. Grannies, Katy, and even grandpa down the street were in bed before midnight. I've been up blogging and reading on the computer.

Yesterday, katy pee'd on a stick and got 2 lines!!

So, if all goes well, we are going to be moms again (and this time, I can try out the non-birth mommy, baby-mama role!)

This was our 4th try. On the lesbian-pregnancy-guru's advice we shot two doses up there 12 hours apart. I was poo-pooing the idea, guess it was a little bit of the cheap German in me (hmm... are German's "cheap" or thrifty or... i digress) not wanting to spend $700 in less than 13 hours, but i guess it was a good idea. (not to be picky, but only one of those doses worked. Wouldn't it be better to just know which one???)

Katy and I are cautiously excited and though it is too early to tell anyone, the word is spreading quickly. We told her family before Josh went back to Seattle to have the chance to tell them all in person. We told the womb whisperer. We told Kate who will tell Adam who we think will take this as a welcome hit of good news. I called my sister to ask if she was pregnant - she usually is when this is happening to us (n = 1). We told the above mentioned pregnancy guru and her wife. Katy put some less than obscure status changes on facebook:
1. I'm surprised it doesn't feel any different yet and
2. I'm glad pregnancy guru picked up the phone that night.
And then she had to tone it down when my old roommate and college friends who knew we were trying were all over those clues with congratulatory comments.

I am very excited and already impressed with my wife's level of zen: she only took ONE pregnancy test. That is so un-new pregnant lady of her!

Keep your fingers crossed GSO readers. We are four weeks into 40. Too soon to be excited, but we are!