My morning view

23 weeks, and 4 days

What's all the ruckus?

As Tracy mentioned, we had our ultrasound on Wednesday. It was something of a surreal experience seeing all the insides of Tracy, first of all, and our baby, second of all. The baby looked fantastic - 4 chambers in the heart, brain inside a skull, stomach bubble (seen on ultrasound because it's filled with amniotic fluid), and the placenta and umbilical cord in the right places. It was great to see it all there. But the thing that made us tear up immediately was the kid's genitals. There was no doubt on the picture what it is, so we found out.

We're having a little boy.



It's strange because you'd think we, health care professionals, would be more inspired by the fact that our child is generally anatomically correct, but no, it was the gender that made us cry with joy. I guess that speaks to the way that gender is ingrained in us in all of society and spirit. Gender is, after all, the very first way we separate and stereotype each other. We tried to work through why it meant so much emotionally to know, and we both agree that after 20 plus weeks of just having faith that it was all ok in there, we got to see some picture proof that the kid is healthy, and knowing that it's a boy, while allowing us to stop thinking along one huge track (i.e. the girl one), allows us to relate in a different way. Not to mention everyone we know: the response is always like I just announced that we had the baby. Like it was somehow different than the day before. But somehow, it is.

So, despite my brazen comments about not finding out, we know. And now so do all of you.

I felt him kicking Tracy for the first time Thursday night and several times since. It's so cool! A little weird, but cool. Last night he was moving around a lot and Tracy exclaimed, "What's all the ruckus?!?!" Even on the ultrasound it's amazing to see how much room there isn't inside there. But there he is, a perfect little human, weighing approximately 14 ounces, and measuring in the 49th percentile. As Tracy says, that kid can just stay average until he is out of her!

Photos... finally

Here's the film loop from our trip to Barcelona:

I forgot to tell you...

I went blonde again:

2006

I know it's a little belated but please enjoy a photo journey through our busy 2006...

Funeral for a friend

This week we lost a friend. Jim Tabor was an avid golfer a big time Red Sox fan, and the man kt and i considered to be our last Grandpa. He was the man my dad turned to when he needed a paternal role model, primarily because Jim could drink without turning ugly, and he could discipline without wielding a belt. But- my parents further observed- Mr. Tabor seemed to know that all kids needed to grow up healthy and successful was love and support. My parents made their decision that they would do their best to follow his example. That included trying to teach me that "home" is a place where you are loved and protected... That family members can be among your best friends... and friends are nothing more than extended family.

I came out to Jim and his family a few months before I came out to my parents, and a few years before I officially came out to my own grandparents. His response at the time changed the trajectory of my coming out process: "As long as you're still willing to give this old man a hug when you see him, it doesn't matter to me in the least." I know that if he and his wife had responded in a less accepting way- with quiet uncertainty, or a polite but awkward level of discomfort, I would have been less sure of how to proceed. I didn't realize until later that I had been testing the waters with Jim and Mazie, I was waiting to see if this ("I'm gay") news would change how loved ones treated me. It didn't change how he loved me at all, but it changed how much I loved and respected him. (Even more than before!)

When I brought Katy to the Tabors for the first time, she got drunk on all the love and acceptance. They were so happy to meet her and wanted to hear all about her. She said they were so kind to her because she arrived with me and she could see how much they loved me. But i told her that from my experience with the Tabors, if she had walked in off the street without any connection to me at all, it is likely they would have treated her the same way.

Mr. Tabor has been sick a lot in the last year. But his hospital stay was short- only a few weeks- and with so little warning, it's hard not to feel abused and robbed. Somehow, he is gone. And it's hard to feel the stinging reality of that. He's not gone from our hearts or our memories, of course, but memories are one-dimensional and watered-down... We'll never get to hear his laugh, or greeting from the door, or give/receive his hugs, or hear his eternally-optimistic spin on things again.

This, i guess, is the definition of mourning: it is a word that that describes not only the action but also the feeling associated with contemplating the void that a death creates and figuring how you will shift to bridge or fill that void.

Mourning blows.

------

Mac is back

oh my osh-kosh...




There's the smile:




What?!? Is it a crime to wash up now?




Halloween duckie- looks a lot like mommy when she was little:




Who's this cat, now?




With Gram'ma Bella to watch G'pa Web at the parade




With Mommy and Daddy

Bless the little children

Uncle Bob to Ben:

"Some day little Benji, you might be eating a bucket of chicken, and you might think you see a UFO, just like your uncle Bob..."

This post serves to remind the readers that every interaction you have with me (or in front of me) is fair play/fair game. I don't have you sign "release forms" when you say something truly ridiculous or seemingly insane in my presence. Especially, if you say it in front of a small, defenseless, still-mentally-forming child. I will not play the congressional leadership to your Mark Foley.* I believe in exposing the special brand of crazy that i observe in the world (and in the peeps around me.) This post also serves to remind the writer to make fun of other people less... or at least other peoples' friends... know what I mean?!?
t: "Hey, that chick has the craziest friends..."
observer: "Hello Monsieur Kettle, C'est moi- the POT- and you are black!"

*The Gin-Soaked Olive is in no way mocking the seriousness of the allegations against MF, or implying that "Uncle Bob" is in anyway associated with MF, the congressional leadership, or the possibility of dating Baby Benji online. Okay, okay, I guess there is some degree of mocking MF, pedophilial-asshole... And also throwing metaphoric daggers at the leaders of the federal congress who might have known about the inexcusable activities of this congressman, but not stopped them sooner. The Gin-Soaked Olive believes there is a karmic reason that Mark Foley's initials are MF, but you'll notice that Uncle Bob's initials are UB. Just because someone is a "UFO Believer" does not mean they deserve to be even vaguely associated with a "Mother effer." We here at the GSO believe that "Uncle Bob" is a cutie-pie, and we resent the implication that he is a CRAZY conspiracy-theorist. We know he would rather exercise naked in Time's Square than be compared to any type of politician- especially a gay politician who chases young boys... **

**We here at the GSO fear we've said too much.

Vegas baby!

Enjoy the photographic evidence of our trip to Vegas by clicking on the hotel.

Boozin' Babies

These children are NOT wards of the state!
Seriously cute kids, huh? They have some powerfully attractive genes.
Mac seems a little startled trying to handle her first root beer. But it looks like her older cousin, Mason can help her learn to hold her lemonade! 

The white coats are coming!

There is a time-honored ritual during which new medical students receive their first white coat. My brother got his this week. I'm simaltaneously exceedingly proud, and exceedingly hopeful his career will lead him to a place where he won't need a white coat to be a doctor.

You are amazing JZ! (not to be confused with JC, whom he resembled at one point in his young life)

I never cared much for Sponge Bob...

Until I saw this...





Ring-ring, Ring-ring...





Heel-o *



I'd like to make a toe-call...



Wrong number:


Who's this dude, now?





We've been set up... on a baby date (YUCK!)

Baby Back Bibs: Oh, to be 13-weeks old again

As demanded by the fans, it's time to check back in with baby Mac...
Now, this is what I call a perfect child:



Here she looks exactly like Web as a baby:



And here she looks exactly like Bill (now):



First time going for a swim:











Pensive in Pink:



Excited in Pink:



Mischievous in Pink:



Perfect in Pink:

Who's better than this kid???
As always, if you'd like to see millions more pics of mac, there's the shutterfly web link listed to the left under "blogs we like."

I've been SERVED!!!

My sister said that she had never seen a double rainbow until she saw the photo on my blog. Yet, that same day, she drove into Boston and saw this:

(You've got to be a little impressed at how the Weber sisters are able to digitally document so many precious moments in our lives...)

Web forwarded the above pic with a note:

"Rainbow War - I took an even better double rainbow photo

last weekend from our hotel in Boston...post that MoFo...

I guess God doesn't only love 'the gays'."

Now before i start to get any irate emails, i would never imply that God doesn't love straight people just as much as s/he loves homos- whoever got that idea, obviously didn't click on the link to notice that:

1) , and 2)

I was only saying that: a) gay pride rainbow stickers are not the only place to see these fabulous colors all together in a row- apparently, sometimes, they show up in nature too... b) When you think about God not only deciding that the rainbow would be the eternal symbol of a covenant of love with all humanity AND that it would also become the symbol of civil rights/ GLBT equality, you can see that God must really 'love the gays'... Lastly, c) Think of the context of my double rainbow: Pregnant lesbians have a huge party- a baby shower for their expectant TWINS- on a day that is bookended by WEEKS of thunderous rain (and not a drop fell at their house during that party, mind you) but on the way home, the most amazing rainbow i have ever seen appears?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Please don't tell me THAT isn't a sign (of God's love)!!!

Well, I know it doesn't seem it, but the entire purpose of this post/tirade is to point out that not only is my sister the bomb, but she seems to be improving. I cannot believe that the rainbow she saw was more impressive than the one I saw, but certainly that is the case regarding our two pics... This woman (my sister) is truly superior to most humans in most matters. [I am not worthy.] I started this discussion to offer props for her digital photography skills and her general "luck" in rainbow chasing, but i could meander to any number of anecdotal stories and/or empirical evidence: her fertility, her domestic and professional capabilities, her "can do" attitude, her zen approach to mothering, and by the way, have you seen this kid?!?

Marc Cohn has a song called "She's becoming gold." It's hard to know for sure, but the song seems to be about the changes in his wife as she becomes a mother. I always liked this notion- that a woman truly transcends the bullshit and somehow communicates with all that is known and unknown at this tender time of rebirth and redefinition (woman to mother)... I could relate to the inspiration behind the song, but never really understood the way i do now the shock and awe of standing next to someone you thought you knew (someone you definitely know REALLY well) and realizing that she is changing- big time! She is not becoming someone different. She is exactly who she has always been, but she is better somehow. She is shimmering and growing and glowing in ways that no one could have envisioned, planned, predicted, or described.

When I see my sister now, I'm kind of speechless. Not that I didn't admire and look up to her before, but she definitely seems to have grown a third eye. All of the sudden, as if by magic, she is calmer and more compassionate; more understanding, more expressive AND more under-stated; funnier and more light-hearted; more aware and comfortable in her own skin; more able to spread these things to those around her. She is moving slower than me and faster than me at the same time. I don't have an inferiority complex, she's moving slower than YOU and faster than YOU too! It is humbling to be in her presence... She can practically make double rainbows appear at will, but then she can make you feel as if you were the reason she saw the rainbow at all.

As promised: Coffee talk with a 7 week old

Bath time

ET, Is that you?

Hanging out with G'pa

Gettin' some lovin'

Pretty strong family resemblance, no?