Pink Dot

Really beautiful:



hat tip: Joe.My.God

iPhone4 vs HTC Evo

I watched this video on my iPhone. Laughing to tears while leaning oddly near the window and pointing the device awkwardly toward the the one corner of my office that allows me to stream a little video if it's not too rainy and it's not too sunny outside.

** Let's Talk.About.Thanksgiving... Shall we?!?

Today, the world lost an amazing woman, and extraordinary nurse. I lost a friend, a mentor, and an occasional surrogate mom.

I was 23 years old when I met Deirdre. I was a new nurse, starting a new job in the MICU and everything I needed to know about her, I learned in that first shift: She was all business, no nonsense when it came to the job. At first blush, she scared the shit out of me. But you only needed to hear her laugh to know there was nothing to actually fear - she was full of life, heart, humor, mischief, giggles, and truth. Dee would tell you what was what without batting an eye. She could say to you "Why are you wearing that? You look ridiculous!" but make it sound like, "I've been thinking, and I have a great idea for a make over!" She was what my gram would have called a "rascal". To qualify for the label the way my gram intended it, you'd have to be someone smart, someone that intuitively knows exactly what is going on, someone that pays attention and "doesn't miss a trick", someone that speaks truth in a good-natured way, that can knock an arrogant fool down a few pegs without seeming mean or threatened, someone soulful but who truly enjoys a good joke.

Deirdre was all of this. And a real class act.

She taught me so much about what it means to be a nurse. Being a nurse means doing things the right way. Working fast but not taking shortcuts. Taking care of what you can, fixing and organizing what you can; and creating comfort and respectful solutions when things can't be fixed. Washing and rubbing a back, lotioning someone's feet, helping a person eat or go to the bathroom, listening as people talk about their lives- these are not small, insignificant things... They are usually the most important things.

I stopped working in the ICU almost 10 years ago... And Deirdre left before then. We hadn't spoken in a long time, until last year when I learned that she had been diagnosed with Cancer - stage 4.
We emailed a few times, and in November, we had a big party in her honor.



She looked fantastic! The last time she wrote me, she told me that her prognosis had improved... Today, I was caught completely off guard by the news. I hadn't realized that she had recently gotten much worse, that she was hospitalized last week and transferred to hospice.
She died last night, surrounded by her family. She was only 65 years old.

There are too many stories to tell about Dee and all that she taught younger nurses and all that she did for (hundreds and hundreds of) patients, and all of the laughter she encouraged, but these are two of my most vivid and treasured memories.

Grief Stricken Nubbie:
I worked in MICU right out of college. I had recently broken up with my high school sweet heart, my first love of 6 plus years, by BFF all through school. I spent that first year as a nurse, trying to learn how to be a competent professional, trying to recover from the break up, trying to figure out who I was, trying to make sense of it all.

I was happy though, making money, finding satisfaction in my work, developing really amazing friendships. All the people I met that first year, never knew me as John's girlfriend. Never knew me as any one's girlfriend. I didn't have a significant other, wasn't really looking, and maybe some guessed it, but I don't remember telling anyone that I was searching for a way out of the closet. It was complicated inside of me, trying to figure out a way to break the news to lots of people that I wasn't straight.

It must have been really confusing to my colleagues how devastated I was when John died in October of 1997. When people asked what was going on, I first had to explain about John and then had to try to convey the terrible grief I felt. Words were inadequate and so I used few of them. After trying on a couple detailed explanations, I shortened the tale to "He was my best friend" and now he was dead.

Those first few weeks, going to work was awful. You don't realize you work in a place that is all about death until grief settles in you like a magnetic field and the tiny, metal shavings of death (that lay like fine dust in a modern ICU) fly from their resting spots to coat your skin. I was a wreck. And it took several weeks before I realized that people there were watching me. People like Deirdre, looking out for me, moving obstacles before I bumped into them, intervening on my behalf- "You go help with this admission, and I'll do that" I'd be told when it was time for me to prepare and "bag" the corpse of one of my patients that passed away.

One night, I caught the Jay Leno show, and he had a clip from this new comedy called "South Park". Watching it, I laughed and laughed and laughed. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. I taped it and watched it over and over and realized, it was the first time I had laughed- really laughed- in almost a month. I brought the tape to work and showed several people (trying to figure out if everyone thought this was funny or if I was cracking up.) Dee was in that first crowd of people and she laughed even harder than I did. Hearing her laugh made me laugh even harder. The laughing felt good. She and I watched that clip a dozen more times that night. We set the TV and VCR in an empty patient room and every so often, we would go in there and watch it a few more times... getting more silly each time. After that night, I would have done anything for that woman- that experience really helped me start to heal.

What would your mother say:
The second story: I had started dating a woman that we worked with. She was a travel nurse and started on our unit a few months before, expecting to stay 3-6 months longer. She was colorful and funny and a good nurse. She was popular, but not quite comfortable in her own skin and had a tendency to be erratic- not at work, but when she wasn't working. Again, I was not really "out", but I wasn't NOT out. Anyone that asked a question, I told the truth to, but this was like 12 years ago, Will and Grace wasn't yet on TV, not a lot of people brought it up.

Still, even though people weren't asking me about it the way they would have if Dana had been a man, we had told several of our friends and there is no doubt it was probably the worst kept secret on the floor (maybe in the hospital). One night, Deirdre pulls me aside...

D: What's going on with this Dana girl?
Me: what do you mean, what's going on? What do you want to know?
D: She's no good for you.
Me: (laughing, slightly embarrassed) what?!?
D: I'm not trying to get into your business, but you are going places and she is not going anywhere you want to be- this isn't about her being a girl... you want to be with a girl, that's fine, this isn't the girl for you...

Thing is, she was right. Not that the girl wasn't good for me, necessarily, but she was right to bring it up. She was right there for me... not letting her possible discomfort or fear of not being politically correct distract her from attempting to care for me. She was there to treat me and this relationship with the respect that comes from someone who tells you to "Pay attention!!!"... who reminds you not to shit where you eat... I wasn't even considering if Dana was "the girl for me" or not, but hearing that said out loud made an impression on me. I wasn't estranged from my family or anything, but there were no "parent-type" members that knew about this relationship (or if they knew, they didn't bring it up to me; and I didn't bring it up to them). Unless you count my MICU family (which I do...).

When you needed a mom or mother figure (whether you knew it or not) Deirdre was there. When you needed a mentor or a friend, same story.

The thing I'm having trouble describing in these memories of her is the love and vitality that Deirdre brought to every interaction. The perfect balance of salt and sweet. She would bust your balls, but it wouldn't be to break you down, it would be to build you up. She was a hard ass, with a heart of gold. She could be serious, but her laugh was seriously infectious.

When I got the news today, I felt sick and I felt sadness wash over me. For a few minutes, I thought I might start shaking with sobs at the loss of someone I haven't spent more than an hour talking to in the last 10 years. It's just this: As is true of most of the people who are our teachers, she is so much a part of special and important things inside of me, that she is kind of with me all the time. And intellectually, that's reassuring because that means (if she is living inside of me) I can never really lose her to death; those parts of her that she planted in me will still always be with me...

But...

That doesn't dampen the ache I feel knowing I will never hear her laugh or see her smile or her wise gaze again.
Sleep well, sweet-tough-nurse, funny-soulful friend.
You are loved more than you know and I miss you already.

**

Pink is Perfect

The boys and I are on our own for the weekend.
We sent Mama off to have some adult time with her Smithy friends.

So, I don't see myself getting a ton of blogging time...

BUT, I would like to say that I started a fan page on Facebook for the GSO, and the fans came through like champs! We had 60 FB "LIKEs" in 24 hours!!! Very cool.
So now we have an official and personalized Facebook address:
http://www.facebook.com/ginsoakedolive

nice.
-------------
For a musical interlude, I present this P!nk video. (hat tip Joe.my.god)

I didn't know that the version of "Perfect" that they've been playing on the radio is an edited version. I like that one. But i really love this one.

In fact, I really love Pink.
This single is typical; and a terrific example of why: strong, solid, funky, fun, tough, real, a memorable beat, an important lesson. I'm not sure she's released a single that I didn't like.
She is tough and hot.

The f-bomb is not necessary to enjoy the song (I'll definitely purchase the clean version so I can sing it to my boys) but watching the video, you realize that the song is not about teeny-bopper issues, it is real and heavy and an f-bomb (or 40) is not going too far.

WARNING:
- This video opens with brief, awkward sex that turns out to be "marital" in nature
- This video contains the word "fuck"; used as a gerund (I think it's a gerund; it may be an adverb, as it is a modifier of a predicate adjective; I think an adjective that modifies another adjective is an adverb... School teachers and editors please weigh in... This will probably keep me up tonight wondering)
- This video contains images of a young woman cutting herself in the bathtub



Pink is HOT!
Fucking Perfect? Right?

Elizabeth Edwards (July 3, 1949 – December 7, 2010)

The United States of America and the world (to say nothing of progressives and the GLBT community) lost a true hero today.



It almost makes her husband not seem likes such a schmuck- that this woman chose him and loved him.

Respect, Mrs. Edwards.
R.I.P.

-------
btw, my mom told me and I balked that it could not possibly be true (until she was proven correct by the almighty internet) that Elizabeth Edwards had a baby when she was 48 and another one when she was 50 years old... Maybe not "hero" so much as "superhero".

Hey batter batter

This is JB and ML pretending to play baseball in our kitchen...
Katy helps ML "throw" an imaginary ball, and JB swings and hits the ball...
ML is laughing so hard he seems in physical pain.
This is how he is with JB. There are times he is cranky and times he doesn't want to play because he need to sleep or reduce hunger or some other basic need outlined by Maslow at the base of the pyramid... but usually all gets put aside if JB is acting like JB around ML...




I love these kids.
(and their mama)!

Sign of the Times: Current Events

There has been some crazy shit going on in the world in these last 2 weeks...
The news cycles are just jam-packed full.

What's going on in Britain?!?
The Prime Minister of Britain, Gordon Brown, resigned today. I can't figure out why. His party has lost a lot of seats in the Parliament, and he announced plans to step down, but then literally the next day, he stepped down

SCOTUS Nomineee
Over the weekend, President Obama named Elena Kegan as his 2nd supreme court nominee...
Is she gay or not? It seems like "people in the know" know that she is. Now her "Friends" have come out to say, "She isn't"... I don't know if that's true or not, but a closeted lesbian scares me a little politically. The people that hate me and my people don't want her on the bench b/c they think if she's (secretly) gay, then she will rule for her own rights should a case come up. But I think if she is secretly gay, there's a bigger chance she will rule against "her" own rights (Which of course are also MY rights.)

Oil Spill
Last week, a big oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico caught fire and sank, leaving 3 holes in the pipe that is broken but still connected to the oil well.

This is underwater video of oil pouring out of the biggest of the 3 leaks:



Something like 500,000 barrels of oil a day are leaking out into the Gulf of Mexico.
Let that sink in for a moment. When this first happened (April 20th) I was like, "O.M.G, how awful!" But now I'm a little more like
o.
m.
g...

I mean this is really, really tragic. This will have effects on the environment and the world for generations. The oil has reached the Gulf coast (bu-bye yummy shrimp) and is likely to head up the Atlantic coast too (goodbye crabs and fish and lobsters), not to mention the bird and the people... It is just incomprehensible.
Drill, Baby, Drill...

indeed.

Immigration Racism

Also on the WTF end of the spectrum, Last week, the state of Arizona passed the anti-immigration "Papers, please" law. I haven't read the law, but I understand it requires law enforcement officials to stop anyone that looks as if they could maybe be an illegal immigrant... And the law requires anyone that might possibly look like they might not be white to have to carry around proof of citizenship...
Don't leave home without your papers, please...


Asshats.

Perfection

This is why I love You tube... tell me this isn't art- high quality hilarity- that never had a forum or outlet until Feb 2005

blog post - telegram style

So much to write...

Too tired to write.

Been up too late all week.

There's drama at our day care.

JB's getting 2 more molars, but we are still worried about his ears.

He is talking a ton now and has been wearing underwear for 2 days now (except at night) with no accidents today.

ML is Mr. Mellow. We like to rock him to sleep. (we were harder on his brother at this age) but tonight, we wrapped him and let him fall asleep on his own... He did it no problem-o. This kid could win an Olympic award for sleeping thru the night (knock on wood). If he didn't sleep this good, I might be suicidal...

Christmas cards more than 1/2 done.

No Christmas decs up yet.

Snow expected tomorrow.

I stacked a whole bunch of shit miles high to fit our 2 cars into the garage.

It might be worth the extra hundred grand in a mortgage if we don't have to scrape this winter...

I dare you not to smile at this:



:)

nite.night.

Tortured love song

Worth 3 minutes of your life

I'm too tired to post, but we're all doing well.

Our kids are cute. JB is cranky, but I guess he's been through a lot.

This made me cry (in a good way):



hat tip, Adam

Just because time is flying by...

I'm too tired at night to blog about all the things that I think about during the day.

But so much has happened in the world lately:

1. Sonia Sotomayor - nominated for to be justice of the SCOTUS
2. Prop 8 upheld by the California Supreme Court
3. The gays have taken to the streets as a result
4. Dick Cheney has taken to the airwaves (This guy hid in a secret location and wouldn't confirm or comment on even his own name for 8 years, now he seeks the spotlight like an Elvis impersonator in Vegas.)
5. Dr. George Tiller (a Kansas doctor that spent the better part of his adult life a target of violence; having been shot in both arms in 1993 and attacked when his clinic was bombed) was gunned down in his church last Sunday. He was one of only 3 abortion providers in the US who was trained and able to perform an abortion beyond 21 weeks gestation.
6. New Hampshire just joined Maine, Iowa, Vermont, Connecticut, and Massachusetts to become the 7th state to enact marriage equality for Gays and lesbians. (California was the 2nd, but the advancement was reversed when a slim majority passed proposition 8 last November, adding a constitutional amendment that defined "Marriage" as only between "one man and one woman".)
7. Miss California's 15 minutes of fame seems to finally be up.
8. Newsweek Magazine has totally fucked up its entire format and where it used to be my little weekly news candy, is now exceedingly distasteful to me, like a fungus that has grown on my big toe
9. Nine houses have sold in a 1.5 mile radius of our property in the last 4 weeks
10. Our house is not one of them.
11. Softball season has begun.
    

I have a lot of feelings about most of the above items. I would like to write a post on each; but I will likely not get to it (You're saved.)

I have a lot to write about how much JB and katy are changing. He with stronger language skills and a higher capacity for cognitive analysis of the world around him... She with the belly and "bean v2.0".

I will find the time to write about that, but not tonight.

I leave you with 3 of the funniest Internet snippets I have seen in a while.

One about a slippery slope:



And one about understanding the religious history that has brought us to the place where that slippery slope is a constant fear for some in our society.



And one is for geeks everywhere:



Think about it!

Whassup...

I seriously love you tube...






Very clever!

You can litteraly register to vote while you're pooping

If you have a laptop...

I'm Jean Valjean and I approved this message...

Perfection.

Back in the day, I was intensely addicted to Les Miserables. I feel like this video is where the past intersects with the future. :)

(hat tip: Joe)
Blog post title also "borrowed" from Joe.