I haven't said anything here on the blog yet about the act of domestic terrorism that occurred 2 Saturdays ago in Tuscon, AZ. I am very troubled by it and very angry and have been waiting a little until some of the sharpness of my emotional reaction is filed down a bit by time. In case you are living under a rock and don't know the story, a 22 year old American went to the "Congress in your Corner" event for Gabrielle Giffords in front of a Safeway in Tuscon. With a semi-automatic Glock that had an ammunition clip containing 31 bullets, he shot 19 people, killing 6 including a 30 year old congressional aid, a 63 year old federal judge, and a 9 year old girl who was born on September 11, 2001.
The murderer and would-be assassin shot Congresswoman Giffords in the forehead from 1-3 feet away, and the bullet went straight through the left side of her brain. The motive seems to be paranoia, anti-government sentiment, and mental illness. The conservative-wing of the Republican party seems to have been has been turned upside-down and their righteous indignation has been scattered all over the carpet like a pocketful of coins- due to the ensuing discussion of relevant information that unfolded during the reporting of the story.
This particular area of the country is one of the districts that Sarah Palin marked a with cross-hairs on a map to say that the incumbent congresswomen needed to be "taken out" during the most recent election cycle in November 2010. Several days after the shooting, Palin herself release a video commentary drenched in politics, the first half of which said, (I'm about to paraphrase while using quotes:) "I care a lot about the victims too... God will hopefully help them... but I'm here to talk about me: Healthy critique and criticism in a democracy- like I inspired when I put the up the map with cross-hairs on my website; and promptly took down a few hours after the shooting- is not only good, it is paramount to preserving liberty. This happened only because of an evil man. Anyone who even talks about violent rhetoric as it relates to me or this tragedy is an asshole who hates America!!!" Then in the 2nd half of the video she pretty clearly says, (again, I paraphrase:) "Besides, this guy was a commie, pinko, nut job and if anyone is to blame, it is liberals. They are very evil themselves for attempting to take part in healthy critique and criticism (of me)! That is not what America is about!!! God bless, God, God, Blah, blah, God, God, America..."
I swear this is a fairly accurate recap... you can see the video yourself here if you are into it. (I watched it twice, but I admit that was only because I fell asleep a little the first time.)
Since the day of the shooting- while the congresswomen fights for her life, has endured at least 4 surgeries, and starts to learn how to stand, walk, speak, and understand what a mobile phone is for again- The NRA has gone out straight up with the battle cry of guns don't kill people, deranged people kill people and there should be NO RESTRICTIONS whatsoever on GUNS. The republicans (for the most part, though it seems like Dick Cheney might be a notable exception) have been unwilling even to discuss the re-enactment of a Clinton era bill that outlawed magazine clips that contain more than 10 bullets for semi-automatic weapons.
The story from AZ that day is that the gun man was stopped when he ran out of bullets. When the magazine was empty and he tried to change the ammunition clip, he was overpowered by 2-3 men and a women who were present and are now hailed as heroes. There was also at least one witness present who was armed, but never drew his weapon because as a responsible gun owner he was afraid that he would either have killed the wrong person or be mistaken as a second shooter and be killed himself.
All of Fox news and most of the GOP cried holy hell when the Sheriff in that district stated in the immediate aftermath of the tragedy (and has refused to apologize, recant, or back away from his assertion) that the violent rhetoric that exists in the area is so significant that if it did not contribute to the cause of an incident like this, at a minimum, it made this event something that should not have been a surprise.
I'm compelled to write today, because this clip from the Lawrence O'Donnell show made me just SHUT my mouth. I shut my mouth because finally someone said something so close to what I want to say that, well, there is nothing really more to say... Watch:
Don't... be silly.
Showing posts with label Media overexposure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Media overexposure. Show all posts
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Just because time is flying by...
I'm too tired at night to blog about all the things that I think about during the day.
But so much has happened in the world lately:
I have a lot to write about how much JB and katy are changing. He with stronger language skills and a higher capacity for cognitive analysis of the world around him... She with the belly and "bean v2.0".
I will find the time to write about that, but not tonight.
I leave you with 3 of the funniest Internet snippets I have seen in a while.
One about a slippery slope:
And one about understanding the religious history that has brought us to the place where that slippery slope is a constant fear for some in our society.
And one is for geeks everywhere:
Think about it!
But so much has happened in the world lately:
- Sonia Sotomayor - nominated for to be justice of the SCOTUS
- Prop 8 upheld by the California Supreme Court
- The gays have taken to the streets as a result
- Dick Cheney has taken to the airwaves (This guy hid in a secret location and wouldn't confirm or comment on even his own name for 8 years, now he seeks the spotlight like an Elvis impersonator in Vegas.)
- Dr. George Tiller (a Kansas doctor that spent the better part of his adult life a target of violence; having been shot in both arms in 1993 and attacked when his clinic was bombed) was gunned down in his church last Sunday. He was one of only 3 abortion providers in the US who was trained and able to perform an abortion beyond 21 weeks gestation.
- New Hampshire just joined Maine, Iowa, Vermont, Connecticut, and Massachusetts to become the 7th state to enact marriage equality for Gays and lesbians. (California was the 2nd, but the advancement was reversed when a slim majority passed proposition 8 last November, adding a constitutional amendment that defined "Marriage" as only between "one man and one woman".)
- Miss California's 15 minutes of fame seems to finally be up.
- Newsweek Magazine has totally fucked up its entire format and where it used to be my little weekly news candy, is now exceedingly distasteful to me, like a fungus that has grown on my big toe
- Nine houses have sold in a 1.5 mile radius of our property in the last 4 weeks
- Our house is not one of them.
- Softball season has begun.
I have a lot to write about how much JB and katy are changing. He with stronger language skills and a higher capacity for cognitive analysis of the world around him... She with the belly and "bean v2.0".
I will find the time to write about that, but not tonight.
I leave you with 3 of the funniest Internet snippets I have seen in a while.
One about a slippery slope:
And one about understanding the religious history that has brought us to the place where that slippery slope is a constant fear for some in our society.
And one is for geeks everywhere:
Think about it!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Gay wedding day
Out of nowhere, the CT supreme court came down with a "you can't say we can't get married- it's unconstitutional" 4-3 decision. It's not really out of nowhere... it's nearly two years in the waiting. But it is strange timing.
While the Californians are trying to vote down Proposition 8, we might have our own constitutional crisis on our hands. Unlike MA, where voters can petition to edit the state constitution by referendum, our CT state constitution is only opened up every 20 year. That is, every 20 years on election day, the citizens vote as to whether or not they want to ratify the constitution. And, you guessed it, this is that year... So the only thing that can keep the gays from legal marriage at this point is a constitutional ammendment defining marriage as "only one penis and one vagina". If the ruling from the CT supreme court had come down after election day, there would be no chance for a discriminatory constitutional ammendment for another 20 years. But I guess it is good. Maybe there are no coincidences. I really thought CT was poised to be the first state of the union to enact MARRIAGE EQUALITY without a judicial ruling. We are very close to having a legislative body that would have passed it... and then we could do without all the "activist judges" blahblahblahing from the right.
At least with this constitutional process, there will be voter involvement. I don't think there are enough CT residents who want to overturn this ruling to vote to initiate the constitutional convention. I might be wrong, but if that's true, then the question is in essence put to the voters. Let me be clear, it is INSANE for a rational person to think that the rights of a minority population should be put to popular vote, but in this case, I think we have the votes and that's a pretty good precedent to set too.
For those who aren't into this stuff, let me essplain.. no time to essplain, let me sum up:
- the ct supreme court said, "civil unions aren't enough... gay folks should be allowed to be MARRIED"
- Now the lower court has to set a date for this to happen and the CT legislature has to make some laws for about HOW this will happen. (will civil unions just become marriages? Will CU be null and void? Will you have to pay for a marriage license and get married if you were civil unioned before? etc.)
- When the eyes are dotted and tees are crossed legally, ss couples in CT will be allowed to get married and call themselves married in the state
- No church will be forced to marry any couple- churches decide who can get married in their parish community
- The rights we receive by the state of CT as a married couple will not be extended to federal benefits until the Defense of Marriage Act is struck down. (F)
- DOMA is a FEDERAL LAW that says, "even if your state recognizes you as a married couple, the federal government does not unless one participant has a penis and one participant has a vagina." (so we're not really leaving it up to the states are we?)
- In other words, if Katy and I were to get married, we would not have access to each other's social security benefits, we would not have access to medical benefits if either of us become a member of congress or other branch of the federal government (it could happen!), we get taxed on medical benefits that one provides to the other, we have to file taxes separately (pretending to be two separate entities even as we are a single family unit on our state taxes and all our property is jointly owned and we have a son who we both parent... together... who should claim him as a dependent this year?)
- If we leave our state no state has to treat us as married. They don't have to because of the penis/vagina thing. I am not particularly jonesin' to go to Alabama, but rest assured, there is a law there on the books that specifically says: "I don't give a pale turd what your liberal, punk-assed state thinks you're entitled to... down here, we'll call dykes if you pass us on the street but we'll only call you "friends" if you're in a hospital waiting room. 'Cause believe you-me, "friends" don't have a right to shit during an emergency" (I swear, it says that right in the constitutional ammendment.)
Anyway, like I said on Fox 61 that time, "It's a great day."
By the way, Katy was on NPR in NY this morning having been interviewed by a radio person yesterday about the decision.
While the Californians are trying to vote down Proposition 8, we might have our own constitutional crisis on our hands. Unlike MA, where voters can petition to edit the state constitution by referendum, our CT state constitution is only opened up every 20 year. That is, every 20 years on election day, the citizens vote as to whether or not they want to ratify the constitution. And, you guessed it, this is that year... So the only thing that can keep the gays from legal marriage at this point is a constitutional ammendment defining marriage as "only one penis and one vagina". If the ruling from the CT supreme court had come down after election day, there would be no chance for a discriminatory constitutional ammendment for another 20 years. But I guess it is good. Maybe there are no coincidences. I really thought CT was poised to be the first state of the union to enact MARRIAGE EQUALITY without a judicial ruling. We are very close to having a legislative body that would have passed it... and then we could do without all the "activist judges" blahblahblahing from the right.
At least with this constitutional process, there will be voter involvement. I don't think there are enough CT residents who want to overturn this ruling to vote to initiate the constitutional convention. I might be wrong, but if that's true, then the question is in essence put to the voters. Let me be clear, it is INSANE for a rational person to think that the rights of a minority population should be put to popular vote, but in this case, I think we have the votes and that's a pretty good precedent to set too.
For those who aren't into this stuff, let me essplain.. no time to essplain, let me sum up:
- the ct supreme court said, "civil unions aren't enough... gay folks should be allowed to be MARRIED"
- Now the lower court has to set a date for this to happen and the CT legislature has to make some laws for about HOW this will happen. (will civil unions just become marriages? Will CU be null and void? Will you have to pay for a marriage license and get married if you were civil unioned before? etc.)
- When the eyes are dotted and tees are crossed legally, ss couples in CT will be allowed to get married and call themselves married in the state
- No church will be forced to marry any couple- churches decide who can get married in their parish community
- The rights we receive by the state of CT as a married couple will not be extended to federal benefits until the Defense of Marriage Act is struck down. (F)
- DOMA is a FEDERAL LAW that says, "even if your state recognizes you as a married couple, the federal government does not unless one participant has a penis and one participant has a vagina." (so we're not really leaving it up to the states are we?)
- In other words, if Katy and I were to get married, we would not have access to each other's social security benefits, we would not have access to medical benefits if either of us become a member of congress or other branch of the federal government (it could happen!), we get taxed on medical benefits that one provides to the other, we have to file taxes separately (pretending to be two separate entities even as we are a single family unit on our state taxes and all our property is jointly owned and we have a son who we both parent... together... who should claim him as a dependent this year?)
- If we leave our state no state has to treat us as married. They don't have to because of the penis/vagina thing. I am not particularly jonesin' to go to Alabama, but rest assured, there is a law there on the books that specifically says: "I don't give a pale turd what your liberal, punk-assed state thinks you're entitled to... down here, we'll call dykes if you pass us on the street but we'll only call you "friends" if you're in a hospital waiting room. 'Cause believe you-me, "friends" don't have a right to shit during an emergency" (I swear, it says that right in the constitutional ammendment.)
Anyway, like I said on Fox 61 that time, "It's a great day."
By the way, Katy was on NPR in NY this morning having been interviewed by a radio person yesterday about the decision.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Eggs-zosted
It's nearly 11pm and I am wiped out.
I haven't blogged in a bit because I've been reading a lot: Blogs, magazines, papers, and I've read 6 books since vacation. I know that doesn't sound like much, but I am a serious reader, often reading 3 or 4 books at a time and since the baby was born, i've found it difficult to focus or care about books... Don't get me wrong, I'm not reading anything too heavy, but it's all I can do to get my part of the family chores done, try to watch my bff, Rachel Maddow, during the first week of her new show, and "rush" back to a few pages of my book(s) before I fall asleep.
This week has been silly nuts.
Last weekend was a rain-out... 3 parties all canceled for hurricane residuals that never really arrived. Katy and I worked hard around the house, cleaning dresser drawers and organizing the attic; and we enjoyed the boy. He is very into hugging and laughing right now, when he is not biting, poking eyes, throwing food, yelling nonsensical words, and whining to get his (I'm-not-at-all-clear-whatthefuck-you-are trying-to-say) point across.
Tuesday brought a call from day care: "He's been screaming for an hour, tugging on his right ear, inconsolable, not at all like him..." Oh, that again?
Katy picked him up and brought him for an ear check. Yes, fluid. Yes bulging of the eardrum. But let's wait 48 hours and see what happens without antibiotics.
FINE with the mommies! We hate the 10 days of pink shit getting spit back out at us twice a day.
I brought JB back today and Dr. Filibuster (he's super friendly and kind but talks a lot) was happy we held off for now: Left ear much better. Right ear still with some fluid that seems to be getting a little more viscous, but improved from tuesday... blah, blah, blah.
You would never know that jb is "sick". There is no fever and only a slight decrease in his happy-dude-persona. Except there is the crying at night thing... For the last week or so, he's been waking a few times a night crying. Not waking and then crying, but just crying. Crying in his sleep, or crying so hard that he wakes himself. What is it? Pain? gas? teeth? ears? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CRYING YOURSELF AWAKE TWICE A NIGHT?!?
Oh, sorry for the outburst, but I think these mid-night crying jags are contributing to the eggs-zosted-ness I am feeling.
A few more things that need more time than I am willing to put into them right now:
1) Sarah Palin - wtf?
2) We have decided to put our house on the market and move to Mid-point, town of my childhood. The decision making process went something like this:
March
K: If you are this stressed at your job, maybe you should look for a new one.
April
K: When are you going to start looking for a new job? I'm sick of all of this driving and you leaving the house at 7am never getting home before 6 or 7pm.
June
T: I can't decide if I hate my job or I hate the commute...
K: Why don't you change both?
July
T: I can't wait for vacation...
Last week
K: You need to quit your job and find one closer to home.
T: I'm not going to quit my job. It's a good job, I don't know what else I might want to do. I'm comfortable and have gained enough tenure and credibility to tinker with my schedule if I need-
K: Okay, then we are moving to Mid-point. This situation is no longer acceptable.
T: (thinking she means move maybe next spring) okay, sounds good.
Katy opens the hall closet and a realtor falls out, dropping the glass she had sandwiched between her ear and the door, and picking up a sign to plant in the front yard...
This is only a slight exaggeration. The house isn't listed, but my wife has made up her mind and our friends who are a mortgage broker and a realtor are involved. We have a little work to do this weekend on our house and we have already started looking at places to buy which is probably a mistake b/c it is not a great idea to risk "falling in love" with a place that might be gone before you can even place a bid (because your house is not even listed.) More on that as it develops...
3) Our yard-obsessed neighbors have been mowing our lawn for the last 4 weeks- ask me about it... The story is hilarity...
4) 15 minutes of fame- extended remix... Tonight we were interviewed by a crew that work for some Italian news show. I don't' know the name, but it is (allegedly) the "20/20 of Italy." They have a 15 minute segment about some aspect of American culture, and this week it's "the gays" and our marriage problems... They tracked us down after reading about us in the NYT. It was kind of different from the documentary. There were strangers in our house, big lights in our living room, extension cords running to various rooms, body mics, etc.
They were very nice and we think it went well... Will give more info when we have it.
5) Ellen and Portia. Since we are talking about marriage, I have a confession to make... Last night, (when maybe I should have been posting, or sleeping) I wrote an email to Ellen DeGeneres- thanking her for her humble, generous willingness to be out and open at various stages of her life. Unlike many celebrities, or celebrities, I believe this woman has done more to change the world and make "our people" safe and more accepted than any civil rights legislation could. I mean, look at this video:
Is there anything that seems as sweet and normal and healthy as these two getting hitched?
I love her! More, really, I admire her and feel indebted to her... She's used her fame as an opportunity to be honest and unapologetic, without taking herself too seriously.
I haven't blogged in a bit because I've been reading a lot: Blogs, magazines, papers, and I've read 6 books since vacation. I know that doesn't sound like much, but I am a serious reader, often reading 3 or 4 books at a time and since the baby was born, i've found it difficult to focus or care about books... Don't get me wrong, I'm not reading anything too heavy, but it's all I can do to get my part of the family chores done, try to watch my bff, Rachel Maddow, during the first week of her new show, and "rush" back to a few pages of my book(s) before I fall asleep.
This week has been silly nuts.
Last weekend was a rain-out... 3 parties all canceled for hurricane residuals that never really arrived. Katy and I worked hard around the house, cleaning dresser drawers and organizing the attic; and we enjoyed the boy. He is very into hugging and laughing right now, when he is not biting, poking eyes, throwing food, yelling nonsensical words, and whining to get his (I'm-not-at-all-clear-whatthefuck-you-are trying-to-say) point across.
Tuesday brought a call from day care: "He's been screaming for an hour, tugging on his right ear, inconsolable, not at all like him..." Oh, that again?
Katy picked him up and brought him for an ear check. Yes, fluid. Yes bulging of the eardrum. But let's wait 48 hours and see what happens without antibiotics.
FINE with the mommies! We hate the 10 days of pink shit getting spit back out at us twice a day.
I brought JB back today and Dr. Filibuster (he's super friendly and kind but talks a lot) was happy we held off for now: Left ear much better. Right ear still with some fluid that seems to be getting a little more viscous, but improved from tuesday... blah, blah, blah.
You would never know that jb is "sick". There is no fever and only a slight decrease in his happy-dude-persona. Except there is the crying at night thing... For the last week or so, he's been waking a few times a night crying. Not waking and then crying, but just crying. Crying in his sleep, or crying so hard that he wakes himself. What is it? Pain? gas? teeth? ears? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CRYING YOURSELF AWAKE TWICE A NIGHT?!?
Oh, sorry for the outburst, but I think these mid-night crying jags are contributing to the eggs-zosted-ness I am feeling.
A few more things that need more time than I am willing to put into them right now:
1) Sarah Palin - wtf?
2) We have decided to put our house on the market and move to Mid-point, town of my childhood. The decision making process went something like this:
March
K: If you are this stressed at your job, maybe you should look for a new one.
April
K: When are you going to start looking for a new job? I'm sick of all of this driving and you leaving the house at 7am never getting home before 6 or 7pm.
June
T: I can't decide if I hate my job or I hate the commute...
K: Why don't you change both?
July
T: I can't wait for vacation...
Last week
K: You need to quit your job and find one closer to home.
T: I'm not going to quit my job. It's a good job, I don't know what else I might want to do. I'm comfortable and have gained enough tenure and credibility to tinker with my schedule if I need-
K: Okay, then we are moving to Mid-point. This situation is no longer acceptable.
T: (thinking she means move maybe next spring) okay, sounds good.
Katy opens the hall closet and a realtor falls out, dropping the glass she had sandwiched between her ear and the door, and picking up a sign to plant in the front yard...
This is only a slight exaggeration. The house isn't listed, but my wife has made up her mind and our friends who are a mortgage broker and a realtor are involved. We have a little work to do this weekend on our house and we have already started looking at places to buy which is probably a mistake b/c it is not a great idea to risk "falling in love" with a place that might be gone before you can even place a bid (because your house is not even listed.) More on that as it develops...
3) Our yard-obsessed neighbors have been mowing our lawn for the last 4 weeks- ask me about it... The story is hilarity...
4) 15 minutes of fame- extended remix... Tonight we were interviewed by a crew that work for some Italian news show. I don't' know the name, but it is (allegedly) the "20/20 of Italy." They have a 15 minute segment about some aspect of American culture, and this week it's "the gays" and our marriage problems... They tracked us down after reading about us in the NYT. It was kind of different from the documentary. There were strangers in our house, big lights in our living room, extension cords running to various rooms, body mics, etc.
They were very nice and we think it went well... Will give more info when we have it.
5) Ellen and Portia. Since we are talking about marriage, I have a confession to make... Last night, (when maybe I should have been posting, or sleeping) I wrote an email to Ellen DeGeneres- thanking her for her humble, generous willingness to be out and open at various stages of her life. Unlike many celebrities, or celebrities, I believe this woman has done more to change the world and make "our people" safe and more accepted than any civil rights legislation could. I mean, look at this video:
Is there anything that seems as sweet and normal and healthy as these two getting hitched?
I love her! More, really, I admire her and feel indebted to her... She's used her fame as an opportunity to be honest and unapologetic, without taking herself too seriously.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Sad Anniversary
At just about this moment last year, katy called me at work to say,
"Dr P called out sick."
"What?!?" I responded in mock alarm.
That was so unlike him, it was newsworthy...
Little did we know that the term "newsworthy" was about to become the central, understated adjective. Nor did we know that at that moment they were all still alive, but not for much longer.
More updates followed: "I guess he's in W. Hospital... He must have had a heart attack or something b/c otherwise they would have taken him here... We can't get in touch with Jen..."
Then the next call: "They're gone. Jen and the girls are gone."
At eight months pregnant, I was just getting the feeling that "everything was gonna be alright." In terms of our baby and the impending delivery, my fears were turning into confidence and excitement.
In a flash I was weakly shouting into the phone: "What do you mean?!? What are you talking about?!?" I couldn't hear that she didn't have all the details. My instincts told me to get more out of her and tell her, "Get out of there- GET OUT OF THERE- Get OUT of THAT office..." Fight or Flight inside of me translated to: Her safety is my safety; my safety is our baby's safety; and I swear my first cogent thought was, "If this is some kind of mob hit, her location is next."
Get. Out.
Hit.the.deck.
And the crawl the fuck out of there.
NOW!
Admittedly, I was starting to lose it... Katy, stunned, trying to hold herself together, and momentarily regretting her decision to tell me this over the phone, asserted that she was safe, we were safe, and perhaps I should call my mother. I did just that and was crying before I even got the information out to my mom. We didn't know who did this, why they did it, or if more things would follow. Since learning the answers to these questions, I realize that I was seeking to believe that the societal contract had not been broken. i was clinging to a sense of normalcy that would never exist again. Somehow the what, why, how should have comforted us and provided a measure of security; but coping in the aftermath of a violent, truly random crime teaches you one or two things about how false any "sense of security" might be. There's no truth to the perception that if you "follow the rules," you and your family will be safe.
The last thing JHP ever said to me was, "I can't wait until this baby is born." I thought about that over and over again in the days after her death. The last thing I ever expected was to be attending her funeral with him still inside of me. That day, I'll never forget, the baby was going NUTS inside of me. I don't know if he was responding to my stress hormones, or if the length of time I was seated made us both uncomfortable, or if it was just his normal amount of activity that I perceived differently. It was one of the only times in my pregnancy that I could barely (mentally) handle that there was a thing inside of me... I was aching with anxiety and needed my space and this kid was crawling, and scratching and groping me from the inside. I wanted to scream... run screaming, but that was obviously due to more things than the baby.
We don't talk about it much. Especially katy. She learned her lesson early when i sent her to therapy and when she brought up the reason for her visit, her therapist started her own diatribe about how hard this has been for her and her family. This has been a prominent topic all over our state this year, but Katy has rarely opened up about it. She has endured a year of pt visits full of sobbing elderly men and their vengeful wives. The detailed depictions of revenge out of the mouths of grandmoms stuck with her in a more upsetting way than the wordless crying of the grandpops. Their doctor's family had been killed and they needed to talk about it even more than they needed their prescriptions refilled. At times too exhausted by her own grief to protest, Katy sat on the sidelines listening, to her patients, to her pregnant wife, even to her therapist- one part of her not willing to compete for support or "grief status" and another part expertly compartmentalizing.
We still shy away from acknowledging that this happened to us because, I mean... it didn't happen to us. But, it kind of did. In a completely startling way, the way the WTC coming down on sept 11th happened to "all of us," the torture and murder of this family happened to everyone who's heard the story. There seems to be something disgusting about "jockeying for position," but if we can ignore that for a moment- this did happen to our family in a much more personal way than to the towns' people in general.
Our friends are gone- so it turns our stomach a little more to see them in still-frame on the TV, and it burns our guts when we hear people say, "He's doing better than I expected." We go a little crazy when we hear ass-hats assert what they would do ("I would just kill myself") or what they "would have done" if they were the dad or were in the house. And we generally ache for what will never be- dancing together at weddings, celebrations of graduations, loads of un-delivered jokes and advice...
Over and over this year I've tried to stop imagining what it must have been like for them in that house. They must have at some point (fear aside, torment aside, danger aside) been thinking, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!?
THIS CAN NOT BE ACTUALLY HAPPENING."
When I can't help myself out of the semi-destructive mindset of "What must have been going on in there," I seek some glimmer of comfort in the nightmare. i find what I seek in the idea that an extreme sense of irony and disbelief might have crawled into their minds at certain points. A break from fear or pain.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!?
THIS CAN NOT BE ACTUALLY HAPPENING."
The mind's way of looking for the punchline of the joke. I don't know why that comforts me, but it is something about the human spirit transcending misery and taking a moment to normalize the abnormal, to acknowledge and protest a glitch in the matrix...
It's raining now- intermittently drizzling and pouring- just like it was on the 23rd last year...
Katy and I will spend the day separately- occasionally considering the insanity, of what has happened to our friends and by extension to us. We will spend a lot of the day trying not to think about it; or pretending that we are not thinking about it.
But just to put it out there, we miss these women. We hope they are somewhere having some fun. We hope they are watching over BPJr. We hope he can feel our good intentions towards him... we miss him too. He's done a good job of preserving their legacies. When we think about our friends, we find ourselves trying not to think about how they died, but how we can work like they did to make the world a better place...
"Dr P called out sick."
"What?!?" I responded in mock alarm.
That was so unlike him, it was newsworthy...
Little did we know that the term "newsworthy" was about to become the central, understated adjective. Nor did we know that at that moment they were all still alive, but not for much longer.
More updates followed: "I guess he's in W. Hospital... He must have had a heart attack or something b/c otherwise they would have taken him here... We can't get in touch with Jen..."
Then the next call: "They're gone. Jen and the girls are gone."
At eight months pregnant, I was just getting the feeling that "everything was gonna be alright." In terms of our baby and the impending delivery, my fears were turning into confidence and excitement.
In a flash I was weakly shouting into the phone: "What do you mean?!? What are you talking about?!?" I couldn't hear that she didn't have all the details. My instincts told me to get more out of her and tell her, "Get out of there- GET OUT OF THERE- Get OUT of THAT office..." Fight or Flight inside of me translated to: Her safety is my safety; my safety is our baby's safety; and I swear my first cogent thought was, "If this is some kind of mob hit, her location is next."
Get. Out.
Hit.the.deck.
And the crawl the fuck out of there.
NOW!
Admittedly, I was starting to lose it... Katy, stunned, trying to hold herself together, and momentarily regretting her decision to tell me this over the phone, asserted that she was safe, we were safe, and perhaps I should call my mother. I did just that and was crying before I even got the information out to my mom. We didn't know who did this, why they did it, or if more things would follow. Since learning the answers to these questions, I realize that I was seeking to believe that the societal contract had not been broken. i was clinging to a sense of normalcy that would never exist again. Somehow the what, why, how should have comforted us and provided a measure of security; but coping in the aftermath of a violent, truly random crime teaches you one or two things about how false any "sense of security" might be. There's no truth to the perception that if you "follow the rules," you and your family will be safe.
The last thing JHP ever said to me was, "I can't wait until this baby is born." I thought about that over and over again in the days after her death. The last thing I ever expected was to be attending her funeral with him still inside of me. That day, I'll never forget, the baby was going NUTS inside of me. I don't know if he was responding to my stress hormones, or if the length of time I was seated made us both uncomfortable, or if it was just his normal amount of activity that I perceived differently. It was one of the only times in my pregnancy that I could barely (mentally) handle that there was a thing inside of me... I was aching with anxiety and needed my space and this kid was crawling, and scratching and groping me from the inside. I wanted to scream... run screaming, but that was obviously due to more things than the baby.
We don't talk about it much. Especially katy. She learned her lesson early when i sent her to therapy and when she brought up the reason for her visit, her therapist started her own diatribe about how hard this has been for her and her family. This has been a prominent topic all over our state this year, but Katy has rarely opened up about it. She has endured a year of pt visits full of sobbing elderly men and their vengeful wives. The detailed depictions of revenge out of the mouths of grandmoms stuck with her in a more upsetting way than the wordless crying of the grandpops. Their doctor's family had been killed and they needed to talk about it even more than they needed their prescriptions refilled. At times too exhausted by her own grief to protest, Katy sat on the sidelines listening, to her patients, to her pregnant wife, even to her therapist- one part of her not willing to compete for support or "grief status" and another part expertly compartmentalizing.
We still shy away from acknowledging that this happened to us because, I mean... it didn't happen to us. But, it kind of did. In a completely startling way, the way the WTC coming down on sept 11th happened to "all of us," the torture and murder of this family happened to everyone who's heard the story. There seems to be something disgusting about "jockeying for position," but if we can ignore that for a moment- this did happen to our family in a much more personal way than to the towns' people in general.
Our friends are gone- so it turns our stomach a little more to see them in still-frame on the TV, and it burns our guts when we hear people say, "He's doing better than I expected." We go a little crazy when we hear ass-hats assert what they would do ("I would just kill myself") or what they "would have done" if they were the dad or were in the house. And we generally ache for what will never be- dancing together at weddings, celebrations of graduations, loads of un-delivered jokes and advice...
Over and over this year I've tried to stop imagining what it must have been like for them in that house. They must have at some point (fear aside, torment aside, danger aside) been thinking, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!?
THIS CAN NOT BE ACTUALLY HAPPENING."
When I can't help myself out of the semi-destructive mindset of "What must have been going on in there," I seek some glimmer of comfort in the nightmare. i find what I seek in the idea that an extreme sense of irony and disbelief might have crawled into their minds at certain points. A break from fear or pain.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!?
THIS CAN NOT BE ACTUALLY HAPPENING."
The mind's way of looking for the punchline of the joke. I don't know why that comforts me, but it is something about the human spirit transcending misery and taking a moment to normalize the abnormal, to acknowledge and protest a glitch in the matrix...
It's raining now- intermittently drizzling and pouring- just like it was on the 23rd last year...
Katy and I will spend the day separately- occasionally considering the insanity, of what has happened to our friends and by extension to us. We will spend a lot of the day trying not to think about it; or pretending that we are not thinking about it.
But just to put it out there, we miss these women. We hope they are somewhere having some fun. We hope they are watching over BPJr. We hope he can feel our good intentions towards him... we miss him too. He's done a good job of preserving their legacies. When we think about our friends, we find ourselves trying not to think about how they died, but how we can work like they did to make the world a better place...
Friday, May 16, 2008
Gay activism
I've heard several media outlets and new sources say that yesterday was a "great day for gay activists." This freaks me out. (Or maybe "annoys me" is more accurate. ) Why is the California Supreme Court decision a great day for gay activists? (And by that do they mean activists that are actually homosexual? Or activists working for gay causes?) Is it because "gay activists" were the ones working so hard to get this thru the courts? Maybe.
But why isn't it considered a great day for GLBT everywhere? Or a great day for anyone who knows someone legally disadvantaged by anti-gay discrimination?? Or a great day for freedom in America??? Or why isn't the headline: "Bad day for anti-gay activists"? Or "Bad day If you hate thegays idea of gays getting equal rights"? How come the "gay ones" are the only activists mentioned?
Are these producers afraid there will be some "gay" somewhere that claims, "i didn't ask for this..." Or some footage of a PwanFLG [Parent (who is not necessarily a Friend) of Lesbians and Gays]? Well, I assure you, there will be.
I'm bent out of shape because i believe this type of framing of the news reinforces and perpetuates the myth that GLBT "activists" are pushy, whiny, complaining, asking for special rights, and generally promoting civil unrest. Conversely, it reinforces the misleading perspective that anti-gay activists are representing citizens that are somehow affected negatively by expanded rights for GLBT peeps. It is more appalling when anti-gay activists are called "pro-marriage"!!!
I mean, here are all these gays trying to fight for marriage. Shouldn't they get to be called the "pro-marriage" faction? I mean who gains what and who loses what?
The gays aren't saying "ONLY GAY MARRIAGE... Rights for me and not YOU!" But the fundie wingnuts are saying just that:
"Only rights for ME... I have the rights now, don't change anything!!!"
Maybe the GLBT community should be popping a temporal artery and blustering, "DESTROY HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE! CHANGE THE LAWS TO INVALIDATE ANY MARRIAGE THAT ISN'T GAY!!!" Maybe then the general public will wipe our feverish brow and say, "There, there, my gay-activist friend... There's room in marriage for all of us..."
But why isn't it considered a great day for GLBT everywhere? Or a great day for anyone who knows someone legally disadvantaged by anti-gay discrimination?? Or a great day for freedom in America??? Or why isn't the headline: "Bad day for anti-gay activists"? Or "Bad day If you hate the
Are these producers afraid there will be some "gay" somewhere that claims, "i didn't ask for this..." Or some footage of a PwanFLG [Parent (who is not necessarily a Friend) of Lesbians and Gays]? Well, I assure you, there will be.
I'm bent out of shape because i believe this type of framing of the news reinforces and perpetuates the myth that GLBT "activists" are pushy, whiny, complaining, asking for special rights, and generally promoting civil unrest. Conversely, it reinforces the misleading perspective that anti-gay activists are representing citizens that are somehow affected negatively by expanded rights for GLBT peeps. It is more appalling when anti-gay activists are called "pro-marriage"!!!
I mean, here are all these gays trying to fight for marriage. Shouldn't they get to be called the "pro-marriage" faction? I mean who gains what and who loses what?
The gays aren't saying "ONLY GAY MARRIAGE... Rights for me and not YOU!" But the fundie wingnuts are saying just that:
"Only rights for ME... I have the rights now, don't change anything!!!"
Maybe the GLBT community should be popping a temporal artery and blustering, "DESTROY HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE! CHANGE THE LAWS TO INVALIDATE ANY MARRIAGE THAT ISN'T GAY!!!" Maybe then the general public will wipe our feverish brow and say, "There, there, my gay-activist friend... There's room in marriage for all of us..."
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Update on our Over exposure...
Apparently, we were on the local (Is there even news on the local news?) news last night, and audio clips of us on the radio this morning. Since we did not catch either one, it is not clear whether this was "stock footage" that gets pulled out every time there is mention of the word civil union in the press, or whether these were new sound bites.
Also, does anyone have a NYTimes from yesterday... every place we went to in the evening was sold out. It would be most helpful to us if you would just hold on to the article for 5 to 15 years and give it to us then... we are horribly disorganized and overwhelmed right now. We are likely to misplace this "family history artifact," and/or smooch it up inadvertently between two piles of "very important stuff" and an outgrown piece of baby-gear that is waiting to be placed in the attic.
Much obliged.
Also, does anyone have a NYTimes from yesterday... every place we went to in the evening was sold out. It would be most helpful to us if you would just hold on to the article for 5 to 15 years and give it to us then... we are horribly disorganized and overwhelmed right now. We are likely to misplace this "family history artifact," and/or smooch it up inadvertently between two piles of "very important stuff" and an outgrown piece of baby-gear that is waiting to be placed in the attic.
Much obliged.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Overexposed and under the weather
I have about 6 posts started but unfinished from the last 7 days.
Things have been busy, exhausting, bizarre, and exciting.
We haven't spoken about it yet on the blog, b/c we are grappling with how anonymous this space is or how transparent we will ultimately be on these web pages... but anyway, since last June, we have been involved in the development of a film called "marriage makes a word of difference" that the marriage equality lobbying group in our state has produced. The film was completed in January and the local press have been invited to "cover" the content. So last month, we went to a bunch of public screenings. For the last 2 weeks (yes that coincides with my return to full time employment) we have been in contact with a reporter and photographer with the NY times. Approximately 6.5 hours of our life were spent in interview and photography sessions so that literally 4 sentences referring to us might be written. But you have to admit, the photo is kick ass:
In the mean time, the babe-ster has been sick all weekend. Sick like low grade temp, wet congestion, not eating more than 2 oz ever 3-6 hrs, eyes-rolling-in-the-back-of-his-head-tired, not sleeping more than an hour or two at a time, but waking up and changing positions to fall back asleep, AND... crying. Just a sad, pathetic, whimpering kind of crying. He never really cries that much anyway, so these types of tears are kind of pathetic and heart-wrenching.
I slept about 3 or 4 hours last night. And that only happened b/c we took him to our bed... if you can call my closed-eyed awareness of his (raspy, 40 breaths per minute, coughing-in-my-ear) respiratory status "sleep." So katy and I had both taken the afternoon off from work to do our civic duty. While nearly everyone else in my extended nuclear family had some form of jury duty this week, Katy and I were invited to give testimony about the inequity of civil unions at the state capitol today.
What do you do when you are:
1) Trying to take an active role in lobbying for marriage equality
2) Happened to be positioned as "couple de jour" due to the above mentioned film and newspaper article
3) Have just returned to work from a five month maternity leave and therefore should not really indulge in PTO
4) Have a baby with his first major illness
???
Well, the answer, in our case is
1) Take the entire day off work... spend the first 1/2 holding your sleeping child
2) Take your meek and (adorably dressed in St Patrick's day green) sickly child to the capitol and hold him as he sleeps for 5 hours until it is your turn to testify...
3) During that time, consider leaving to bring him to the pediatrician when he refuses your nipple completely for the 3rd in 6 hours.
4) Make an appointment for him to see his provider tomorrow and have the one of you that has not been off from work for 5 months, call out from work for tomorrow... (He might not be sick enough for day care to refuse him, but he is the most needy we have ever seen him and it breaks our heart to think they might not just hold him lovingly...)
5) Testify to try to get your gay rights in order...
We were literally there for 5.5 hours and JB did little more than sleep and occasionally whimper. The moment before we stepped up to the mike, he started crying and then he sort of fell apart. I didn't get to say a word of the 3 minute testimony that I had written, b/c katy's part was first and our boy wasn't going to be passed off as we had planned. We figured later that he was either really pissed off about the homophobic "DOMA now" crowd, or he finally realized what we were doing there all day and his wails loosely translate to something like, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! THIS IS WHY WERE HERE?!? ALL THIS FOR 3 MINUTES?!? I HATE TESTIFYING!!! TAKE ME HOME RIGHT NOW!!! RIGHT NOW!!! I DEMAND IT!!!
Anyway, if this is what Brangelina have to go through everyday (to be hot, politically active and in the newpaper) I'm not sure I could handle it.
I'm just exhausted.
Hopefully our little boo will feel better tomorrow.
Things have been busy, exhausting, bizarre, and exciting.
We haven't spoken about it yet on the blog, b/c we are grappling with how anonymous this space is or how transparent we will ultimately be on these web pages... but anyway, since last June, we have been involved in the development of a film called "marriage makes a word of difference" that the marriage equality lobbying group in our state has produced. The film was completed in January and the local press have been invited to "cover" the content. So last month, we went to a bunch of public screenings. For the last 2 weeks (yes that coincides with my return to full time employment) we have been in contact with a reporter and photographer with the NY times. Approximately 6.5 hours of our life were spent in interview and photography sessions so that literally 4 sentences referring to us might be written. But you have to admit, the photo is kick ass:
In the mean time, the babe-ster has been sick all weekend. Sick like low grade temp, wet congestion, not eating more than 2 oz ever 3-6 hrs, eyes-rolling-in-the-back-of-his-head-tired, not sleeping more than an hour or two at a time, but waking up and changing positions to fall back asleep, AND... crying. Just a sad, pathetic, whimpering kind of crying. He never really cries that much anyway, so these types of tears are kind of pathetic and heart-wrenching.
I slept about 3 or 4 hours last night. And that only happened b/c we took him to our bed... if you can call my closed-eyed awareness of his (raspy, 40 breaths per minute, coughing-in-my-ear) respiratory status "sleep." So katy and I had both taken the afternoon off from work to do our civic duty. While nearly everyone else in my extended nuclear family had some form of jury duty this week, Katy and I were invited to give testimony about the inequity of civil unions at the state capitol today.
What do you do when you are:
1) Trying to take an active role in lobbying for marriage equality
2) Happened to be positioned as "couple de jour" due to the above mentioned film and newspaper article
3) Have just returned to work from a five month maternity leave and therefore should not really indulge in PTO
4) Have a baby with his first major illness
???
Well, the answer, in our case is
1) Take the entire day off work... spend the first 1/2 holding your sleeping child
2) Take your meek and (adorably dressed in St Patrick's day green) sickly child to the capitol and hold him as he sleeps for 5 hours until it is your turn to testify...
3) During that time, consider leaving to bring him to the pediatrician when he refuses your nipple completely for the 3rd in 6 hours.
4) Make an appointment for him to see his provider tomorrow and have the one of you that has not been off from work for 5 months, call out from work for tomorrow... (He might not be sick enough for day care to refuse him, but he is the most needy we have ever seen him and it breaks our heart to think they might not just hold him lovingly...)
5) Testify to try to get your gay rights in order...
We were literally there for 5.5 hours and JB did little more than sleep and occasionally whimper. The moment before we stepped up to the mike, he started crying and then he sort of fell apart. I didn't get to say a word of the 3 minute testimony that I had written, b/c katy's part was first and our boy wasn't going to be passed off as we had planned. We figured later that he was either really pissed off about the homophobic "DOMA now" crowd, or he finally realized what we were doing there all day and his wails loosely translate to something like, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! THIS IS WHY WERE HERE?!? ALL THIS FOR 3 MINUTES?!? I HATE TESTIFYING!!! TAKE ME HOME RIGHT NOW!!! RIGHT NOW!!! I DEMAND IT!!!
Anyway, if this is what Brangelina have to go through everyday (to be hot, politically active and in the newpaper) I'm not sure I could handle it.
I'm just exhausted.
Hopefully our little boo will feel better tomorrow.
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