We interrupt this spring day...

To bring you a terrorist attack...

Two bombs were detonated at the finish line of the Boston Marathon today...

But I want to tell you a couple of better stories...

- Last week, Katy's parents were here and ran the boys around like thoroughbred animals.  Sometimes they were so tired that at dinner their eyes would drift to one side and their heads drift to another and they would almost fall over (I'm speaking of the boys, but the grannies were also similarly, joyfully worn out).

- Saturday was Gram'ma Bella's 89th birthday party (at the local Italian place we've nicknamed: 'Spooch").  We dressed our boys up in their cute, cute, cute 4 piece suits and had such a wonderful meal with the extended family.  During that time, my great aunt approached both Katy and me separately to let us know that friends of hers were complaining that "no one dresses their kids up any more" and then she added: "But I tell them, my nieces- they dress their boys up so nice!"  Katy and I were tickled.  I love it so much when older relatives get it... "my nieces" (sigh).

- After Gram's party, Jake went to a Karate-themed birthday party and was so Thrilled when he broke a board in half with his bare hand.  He said to Katy: "Maybe there was some kind of little line in it that I can't see that made it easier to break".  She replied: "I think you just aimed right through it and broke it all yourself." And then he kind of beamed.

- Later that night, my sister and I took all our kids to see the Croods.  It was Milo's first time in a movie theater and when he walked into the lobby he gasped like he was little orphan Annie seeing the Warbuck's mansion for the first time, and told us, "I've never been HERE before."  We sat all through the long, loud, cute movie and about 5 minutes before the end a VERY TIRED Milo turned to me and whispered/whined: "When do we get to pick out a movie?"
Me: Sweetie, this is the Movie... we are AT the movie.
Milo: NO, the REAL movie
Me: (laughing with love and empathy) no.  really... this is LITERALLY a "real" movie

- Sunday, we hiked up sleeping Giant park Tower Trail (3.2 miles round trip).  Both boys did AWESOME.  Jake did the entire hike- up and down all on his own two feet (it's probably his 6th time on the trail- first time that he walked all on his own without being carried even ONE INCH!).  Milo did ALL THE WAY UP and MORE than HALF the way down only getting carried on my shoulders for about 10 minutes.  I was seriously, so proud.

The week in review

In the last 7 days, Obama freed the gays*, North Carolina outlawed them, we've celebrated/endured nurses' week, mother's day, and gone through a 12 pack of ginger-ale**.  In the last seven days, the boys have worn their raincoats, their winter coats, and their bathing suits- so swings the weather in these parts at this time of the year...

The Ta-bar pool opened today at a crisp, cool 76 degrees. (We all went in but Katy). And I predict both these boys will be swimming without "swimmies" by the end of the summer (Mac and Cam are already there).  Softball starts tomorrow.  I have a lot to write about, but I'm so very sleepy.

The new job is absurd.  Good, but a little like being a lost kid at a big fair... Except, I'm not a kid, and I have a map, but they change the fair grounds every night... and there are a lot of emails... And I keep staying awake every night wondering if I should suggest to my bosses that maybe they should keep the fair grounds looking like the map they hand out.  Also, I find myself wanting to shout a lot, "THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES ON!" 

*OBAMA did not actually free the gays, but he did publicly state is personal support for marriage equality which as Joe Biden would say, "...is a big fucking deal."

**Jake was vomiting last weekend and I spent Friday night wondering how my body could eject the contents of my stomach with such force that jet engine blasters seem comparatively ineffectual and weak.  

Just so %!*#ing heartbreaking

I'm on the edge of Glory

For those of you that don't know, that is a Lady Gaga song... Edge of Glory - a song that our family is a bit obsessed with right now. I have an entire essay (vaguely outlined) inside me about how much I respect and adore Lady Gaga, and how if I can feel this way (as an older, mature, fairly "formed" female) I imagine you can multiply that by a million and barely score the surface of the desperate adoration experienced by millions of 12-20 year old women.

But that's a story for another day. Currently, I live with a (3-days-shy of) 2 year old who may simultaneously be Lady Gaga's biggest, youngest fan... and the ruin of her in my eyes. Milo*** won't let it go. He loves her. Her NEEDS her. And the little monster drives a hard bargain. When it comes to nagging us to play her music, he has the attention span and tenacity of Jane Goodall in the jungle. All he cares to listen to is Lady Gaga. And he is insistent. And I know you are thinking, "How can he know??? What does he really know about it???" But he does and he gets pissed if we try to listen to any other music. He acts heartbroken as if all other music is a compilation of dissonant chords and harmful to his dance-party way of life. For now, his parents are equally stubborn, and when we can't take another 50 rounds or 50 miles of Lady Gaga at the audio helm, we are getting used to listening to all other music with Milo screaming in the background:
LADY GAGA... LADY GAGA... PLEASE, MOMMY, MAMA... NO... NOW... GAGA...GAGA...WAAAAAAAAAHHH

(It goes on and on).

So, the title of the post also relates to my mood these days. I'm a little off-kilter; not sleeping enough; doing my best to balance. Finding myself needing to write more, but not writing. Finding myself needing to eat less, but eating like cRaZy. Finding myself wanting to exercise, but not turning the machine into high gear.

Despite what you just read, I'm pretty damn content with this life we are living right now. I am full of gratitude. I am amazed by my wife and our sons and basking in their glow. BUT... I am experiencing a fog of apprehension, and that familiar angst that comes with waiting too intently for the other shoe to drop.

The summer is fading, but it has been quite wonderful. Despite the fact that we experienced an earthquake (my first) and a tropical storm in the span of 5 days, we've had tremendous weather.

We’ve spent a lot of time this summer swimming and playing (and eating food) with friends and family… Some of that food has been seasonally fresh and healthy, and some of it char-grilled, processed, fried, and yummy (but very much the opposite of “good for you”- unless you are counting the “good for the soul” excuse that I keep coming back to.) We've had some terrific vacations: Ohio in July, Rhode Island in August...

This last week, though has found me in a bit of an angst-y, Don't-look-down-you've got-too far to fall melancholy.

To be fair, it's about to be autumn and I have a history of angst-y autumns at various times in my life. At this latitude, in this hemisphere in September and October, there is a very specific change in the angle of sunlight. The time of sunset sprints back toward the afternoon. It is still “summer” during the day, but the temperature plummets 20 degrees by a few hours after dark. You can close your eyes and smell the air (before more than a dozen leaves have changed color) and know you are breathing the first breaths of autumn. You could be in 80 degree sunshine, but know that shifting glare on the horizon means that the summer warmth will dissipate after dark.

Today is September 11th. I just finished watching the season finale of True Blood (a totally f'd up TV show that I can't quit) and about 2 hours of 9/11 "never forget" coverage. And I can't help but wonder, who is that slogan for? Isn't forgetting required a little in order to heal. I got my first glimpse of the WTC memorial and I just sort of burst into tears- it was the visual of the pools- water plunging down into the footprint of the original towers. I couldn't help but think of those people that jumped. I'm not one to get overly sentimental, but something about firefighters dying will always cause me to come a little unglued I think.

It's not just Sept 11th...

Last week, a 4 1/2 year old boy (a friend of a friend's kid) drowned in a neighbor's pool. The parents are a lesbian couple. The kids were with a sitter at the time of the accident. Feel the weight of that devastation for a moment.

Next week, the trial is about to begin for the second man who was caught in the act of, and then confessed to, robbing, pummeling, sexually assaulting, and murdering our friends one summer night in their own home FOUR years ago. But until the end of this trial we have to keep saying he "allegedly" did these things. His team of lawyers seems even more desperate and untrustworthy as he has shown himself to be. I know they have their job to do. But this guy is the one that is going show himself to be some kind of real SOB and I know you are going to have to put up with a little ranting from me in the coming weeks...

Then, there's Jake*** and Milo*** with their impressive, end-of-summer tan lines, and their ever-expansive brains and sharp observations of the world, and their little perfect bodies growing out of toddler-hood and baby-hood respectively. I know they are still young, but they are already growing up. And it's hard to imagine how we will continue to keep them safe when we know so much about how things can go wrong in the world.

There was a festival in town this weekend- food, fun, crafts, music (sorry, Milo, that the Marching Band, did NOT have any Gaga). One tent set up by a local insurance company was producing "kid ID kits". While you waited there, they took photos and fingerprinted your children. I wanted to do this because I can't imagine anything scarier than needing this data and not actually having it available. The entire time I was under this tent (probably 20 minutes for both boys) I felt like I might burst into tears. It was so anxiety producing to complete a kit that would help us if one of the boys disappeared, that it was actually hard not to mutter "never mind" and just run away from there. I felt as if someone was choking me and telling me a really sad story at the same time.

But you should see Milo*** in gymnastics class... and you should see Jake*** in ballet and tap and t-ball. It's a trick of the mind to worry about what bad might happen, when there is so much good happening all around. And I think it's a fool's choice to give into worry, when there is so much celebrating to do. These are the heroic lives we lead- planning a little for the worst, but doubting it will ever come and doing so with such loving intention that, that you make your kids feel all the safety the world may or may not offer.

I HEART NY

After about 2 years of ballyhoo and political drama, the NY state senate voted in favor of marriage equality. The house had already passed it and the governor has been pushing for the legislation. Cue fireworks.



Just in time for NY pride (Saturday) and the 42nd anniversary of the Stonewall riots (Monday).

For a state that most of the nation regards as mindless in it's progressive flaunting of liberal ideology... There were a lot of people dead set against letting this pass. When you think of NY, you think, "If gays can't marry there... where they hell CAN they get married?!?" But it has been years that this statute has been un-passable and 5 other states plus the District of Columbia beat NY to the punch.

The thing is, NY is the 3rd most populous state in the union. This is a big deal in terms of access to marriage protections for same sex couples.

Inspired by this hilarious nonsense, I created the following graphs to highlight for GSO readers, the trend in the US related to marriage equality and also the numerical significance of this law passing in NY.





In basically 10 years, we went from ZERO access to marriage equality or civil unions to SOME access...












There are over 307,000,000 currently living in the United States. Yesterday, roughly 5 percent of them lived in states that had equal access to marriage for gays and lesbians.

Today, more than 11% of the country's population lives in states that have marriage equality!!!










ONE MORE:

Hee-Hee!

UPDATE: Wow... Bill Maher- Truth teller

UPDATE: HBO pulled the video, but has the transcript here.



--------------------
I didn't laugh, so much as cringed- sometimes the truth does hurt.

"We don't expect anyone to solve our problems for us...

We'll fight our own battles..."

Hopefully, there will never be a reason for one of our sons to give an address like this one:




Pretty impressive teen, this Zach Whals!

Later that day, the Iowa state house voted to pass a constitutional ammendment banning same sex marriage.

Sad.

Politics as (un)usual

Dear Obstructionists: Claiming this watered-down bill is a "GOVERNMENT TAKE-OVER OF HEALTH CARE" is about as accurate as saying that parents who buy sunscreen for their children are "TAKING OVER THE SOLAR SYSTEM"

I'm watching CSPAN. I can't believe all the antics...
I wish there were lie detector tests so you could see if they actually BELIEVE the lies they tell.
Also, there should be immediate fact checking based on data... it is weird how you can re-write history in a statement on the floor of the house of representatives and it simply goes, uncorrected into the record.

I hope this thing passes.
I also hope I can get my sorry A$$ to bed soon...
(It's like a car accident, I can't look away.)

Just because time is flying by...

I'm too tired at night to blog about all the things that I think about during the day.

But so much has happened in the world lately:

1. Sonia Sotomayor - nominated for to be justice of the SCOTUS
2. Prop 8 upheld by the California Supreme Court
3. The gays have taken to the streets as a result
4. Dick Cheney has taken to the airwaves (This guy hid in a secret location and wouldn't confirm or comment on even his own name for 8 years, now he seeks the spotlight like an Elvis impersonator in Vegas.)
5. Dr. George Tiller (a Kansas doctor that spent the better part of his adult life a target of violence; having been shot in both arms in 1993 and attacked when his clinic was bombed) was gunned down in his church last Sunday. He was one of only 3 abortion providers in the US who was trained and able to perform an abortion beyond 21 weeks gestation.
6. New Hampshire just joined Maine, Iowa, Vermont, Connecticut, and Massachusetts to become the 7th state to enact marriage equality for Gays and lesbians. (California was the 2nd, but the advancement was reversed when a slim majority passed proposition 8 last November, adding a constitutional amendment that defined "Marriage" as only between "one man and one woman".)
7. Miss California's 15 minutes of fame seems to finally be up.
8. Newsweek Magazine has totally fucked up its entire format and where it used to be my little weekly news candy, is now exceedingly distasteful to me, like a fungus that has grown on my big toe
9. Nine houses have sold in a 1.5 mile radius of our property in the last 4 weeks
10. Our house is not one of them.
11. Softball season has begun.
    

I have a lot of feelings about most of the above items. I would like to write a post on each; but I will likely not get to it (You're saved.)

I have a lot to write about how much JB and katy are changing. He with stronger language skills and a higher capacity for cognitive analysis of the world around him... She with the belly and "bean v2.0".

I will find the time to write about that, but not tonight.

I leave you with 3 of the funniest Internet snippets I have seen in a while.

One about a slippery slope:



And one about understanding the religious history that has brought us to the place where that slippery slope is a constant fear for some in our society.



And one is for geeks everywhere:



Think about it!

Catch up

There's been some blog silence. Work for me has been a hellacious endeavor as of late. My left eye has been twitching for 6 or 8 days now. I'll not expand on that here, but I've been pulling the regular hours and then coming home to put in 4 or 5 hours after the baby goes to bed.

Katy has been retiring early in the evening too. Partly because she can't bear to see me pulling my hair out while trying to reconcile time sheets from 2008 and working through budget adjustments for 2009; and partly b/c we are still in hibernation mode. Washington DC was an exciting, inspirational journey of a mini-, winter vacation. But it also kicked the crap out of us.

Last weekend, I believe katy was only awake for 6 hours a day. She's been sleeping a lot of the migratory escape from the national mall and the bone chilling memories off. As the inauguration gets further away, i am more inclined to say to those who weren't there, "It was amazing. I wouldn't have missed it for the world." My wife is more inclined to say, "We should have watched in on tv while while under an electric blanket." I think my marital role as "human furnace and generator of heat" and her marital role as "If you bump your noggin' and need some ice, I can offer my hands as a reasonable substitute" contribute to our perspectives on this matter. There are other factors too, which I won't get into now...

The next few weeks are not going to be much better. But I have some travel time for work and am scheduled to be in 3 cities over the next 2 or 3 weeks, so there may or may not be time for blogging during those trips. I am working on the 16 month newsletter, but it is not yet completed. For those that have been so patient, here are some photos from our DC experience.

[You can click to enlarge all photos]

FROM THE SUNDAY CONCERT AT THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL:


Katy looking around


Me, getting some good shots over the crowd

The crowd:















Our soon to be BFFs:


A copy of "the rules":


A sign of the times that made me well up with pride:

I saw that sign as we climbed onto the little hill that leads to the Wash.monument. I got a little 'motional. It seemed to sum up the spirit of the people in attendance. Standing shoulder to shoulder with a few hundred thousand people? No. You are not the only one!

Then there were these signs:

When we walked down to the concert, these folks were on their megaphones and were pretty much being ignored. But on our way back, the crowd was pretty angry against the "homo sex is a sin" protesters. When we walked past, they were getting booed pretty severely by the exiting mob, but then out of the blue there was applause. We stopped to see wtf and saw several gay couples posing in front of the signs for photos. They would kiss in front of the placards, and a cheer would go up from the crowd. It was hilarious, and drowned out the sound of the megaphones. It is worth noting the diverse range of folks condemned and in need of saving according to the sign in the background: baby killing women, porno freaks, sports nuts, drunks, homos, jesus mockers, and mormons... sounds like a party!

We got to see the womb whisperer for a hot second on Monday:



This is our way into the inauguration. Don't we look warm and happy?!? In that envelope I am holding 2 Golden (well really silver) tickets.


We arrive before sunrise thinking, "When it gets light out, things will really warm up":


We travel through the 3rd street tunnel about 2 hours before all those folks got trapped. The entire time I am in there i am thinking, "i would literally die if we got trapped in here."


We battle the elements for the next 9 hours taking very few photos, but Marnie and David come through with some great shots of the masses:










And of the ceremony:








We remember to take at least one shot to prove we were there:


And one shot of our view of the crowds:


These are the faces that Marnie and David got to see:










Here's one of the faces I got to see:

(She didn't look like this the entire time, this was her special pose at the end of the day when I asked her to smile for the camera. Trust me, it was cold.)

But some people think he CAN deliver gifts to all the people of the world in less than 24 hours

Today I followed Mac into the bathroom at my mom's house because I had to wash my hands at the same time that Mackenzie decided she needed to use the toilet. When I turned the water on I heard:

Mac: you washing your hands?
tt: yes, I just changed JB's diaper, so I want to wash my hands.
Mac: (closing the door) I need privacy
tt: (drying my hands) I can go and give you privacy
Mac: No, you can stay with me.
tt: Okay.
Mac: (after a few minutes of me waiting for her to do her business and watching her swing her legs back and forth while sitting on the toilet) Barack Obama is the president now.
tt: yeah, he just took the oath of office a few weeks ago.
Mac: But he doesn't bring presents like Santa.
tt: (not understanding until I repeated it out loud). That's right, Barack Obama is president, but Santa brings presents.
Mac: yeah, he is president, not santa.

True. True.

My first (and likely only) Presidential Inauguration

The ten worst parts of the day:

1) The panic I experienced after I realized we could not get through the "purple" gate to get to "silver" gate without traversing the highway.

2) The several (hundred) moments of no cell phone service. (I'm absolutely convinced they scrambled service and claimed "high volume" was responsible. We all had lots of bars, but no service - very scary in a mob scene.)

3) The over 240 minutes that we were literally trapped on the mall.

4) The cold.

5) The fucking crazy cold.

6) The brief moment Katy lost her shit and started crying because she was so cold.

7) The moment a few hours later when I thought I might start crying because I was so cold.

8) The moment we were too polite (read: too stupid) to accept the offer of a woman who had two "extra" chemical-pouch "hand warmers".

9) The police officers barking vague, unhelpful orders from their heated cars about which direction the mobs of people should turn to reverse their course.

10) Justice John Roberts completely effing up the official oath... Seriously? you only have one job here, dude!


The ten "kind of messed up" but also kind of awesome parts of the day:

1) Getting onto the metro in the dark, before 6am eagerly anticipating what the day might bring.

2) Walking through the 3rd Street tunnel (where normally only cars are allowed) to get to the "silver" gate with about 5000 other people. I was silently panicking and a little convinced that we were going to be trapped in that tunnel for several hours.

3) The split second I thought the 21-cannon salute was an unplanned explosion.

4) Weeping during Rick Warren's prayer - would that he could live out that prayer and leave the gays alone.

5) When the crowd broke through the plastic fence, leading us to the capital reflecting pool.

6) When the only police officer in the vicinity tried to single-handedly thwart the advancing crowd of at least 1000 silver ticket holders from creeping up toward the front of the reflecting pool (through the above-mentioned plastic fence) using only his "I'm-your-father-that's-why" voice... And then finally gave up the fight 3-5 minutes later when he realized the insanity of what he was up against, choosing instead to suggest, "Walk. Don't run." Then he stepped out of the way and let us claim better seats. It was a tense, intriguing stand off.

7) Aretha Franklin's hat

8) The time I spent wondering if George HW Bush and Dick Cheney had a celebrity death match that left Bush limping and Cheney in a wheelchair.

9) The awkwardness and uncertainty I felt as at least 7 choruses of "na-na na-na, na-na na-na, hey hey hey, goodbye" were sung when GWB entered the arena for the last time as POTUS.

10) Packed shoulder to shoulder, stomach to back with the crowds of people larger than I could have ever imagined. Feeling a lot of pushing and shoving and frustration, but never really experiencing any hate or anger, practically nothing but common ground.

The ten best parts of the day:

1) Honoring the ritual of the "blood-less coup" that is the hallmark of our government and nation.

2) The 21 cannon salute that instantaneously followed Obama's oath of office. (Very cool!)

3) The multitude of black faces that paraded through the chamber and out onto the platform of the capital... Dignitaries and emissaries of a darker hue have been too painfully absent from our nation's ceremonies.

4) The tears that warmed my freezing face. This president makes me cry when he speaks. My heart trusts him.

5) Spending the day with Sarah and Graham.

6) The life-saving popcorn.

7) The soul-saving hot chocolate.

8) The indescribably amazing, "smart-wool", hiking socks I bought for the event at HTO

9) Realizing that I cared more that Barack Obama was president than that GWB is no longer president.

10) People, millions of people congregating peacefully - almost lovingly - in exceedingly stressful conditions for a thrilling event.

Shout out to our hosts, Marnie and David who not only made this weekend possible for us, but are also responsible for that fact that Sarah and Graham were our there with us today.

This particular moment in time (Washington DC)

When Barack Obama won the election, Katy and I called up our peeps, David and Marnie and asked breathlessly, "Can we stay at your pad with you?" We were excited and decided a trip to DC to show our boy the capital and to allow him access to permanent bragging rights: I was at BObama's inauguration was something kind of cool to give to a child who would be too young to remember this historic event.

At that time, I wrote all of our legislators emails and snail mail requests for tickets to the swearing in ceremony. We had no expectations. We planning to go hang around on the national mall with the 2 to 4 million people that might show up. We gave ourselves permission as a family to be flexible and if we flew all the way to DC only to watch to swearing in from a bar or some one's living room, that would be fine; since back in November, the weather was any one's guess.

Then about a month ago, the Honorable C. Dodd told us we won a lottery and would have tickets to the biggest show in town. That announcement changed everything. Security is tight: no backpacks, no strollers, no carriers, no coolers, no thermoses... to us it seemed- no baby.

He's not so much a baby anymore and asking him to "stand around" potentially in the cold, in the rain, to be held when he wants to get down, to get down and walk when we might be having a back spasm, it seemed cruel.

Once the decision to leave him behind was made, I have to admit to an immediate burst of excitement. WHAT? An adult, long weekend away, just the two of us? But as the dates grew closer, we were feeling torn. He's in good hands, but not our hands. And he was kind of the drive behind the planning of this trip, but now he is not here...

Yesterday, the plane landed, we retrieved our bag, and stepped outside. Compared to the 1 to 9 degree temps we'd been experiencing at home this week, it was a balmy 29 to 33. We hopped on a bus which took us to a train (the metro), then connected to another train. (All the navigation by a generous, David, who met us per bus at the airport.) Then we walked the 5 or 8 blocks to their house. On the walk from the metro, I was relieved and convinced. It is colder at home, but there's not a lot of "walking around to navigate life" at home. Maybe the walking is not the issue as much as the chill in the air, but the 40-ish minute commute confirmed and erased all doubt in our minds, at this particular moment in time, at this particular age, JB has no business being with us on this particular trip...

As my sister has taught us to tell our kids, excusing everything from juice to soda, coffee to 1/2 and 1/2, and beer to whiskey, "This is an adult beverage". In terms of "carting him around" I kind of wanted to do it: Like an iron-man decathalon without proper training. But I've taken the "Yes we can" mantra and turned it on his head: Yes we can (be smart enough to not be ridiculous). Yes we can (leave well enough alone).

Yesterday, after lunch, we made a plan for long-john hunting and dinner. Then we played a little wii mario cart, then KT and I took a nap. We took an under-the-covers, drool-on-the-pillow, Huh-where-am-I? When-you-wake-up kind of nap. And man that felt good... I can't even remember when that happened last.

And now, this morning, even though I woke up at the time JB would have cried out for some attention, I think I'm going back to bed. Yeah that's right. This might be less of a "fight-the-crowd-and-the-elements" type of a trip than a "rest up and regain your strength" type of trip. I'm glad that boy is in good hands and I feel grateful for grandparents who say to you, "you should go and leave him here with us."

Thanks, Nana and Papa (who I know are up without the option of returning to bed at this moment in time) We'll bring you back whatever nifty souvenirs we can get our hands on...

A legend's quiet exit

I have so much to say about this, but can't begin to do it now...

Florence Wald has passed away. Florence was the 4th Dean of the Yale School of Nursing. Among other things she accomplished in her lifetime, she was the founder of Hospice in the United States.

I'm sure in her prime she had a lion's roar; but when I met her, she was in her late 80's and had shrunk to five feet.

I hope someday I make the time to write an essay about Florence, but trust me- it is a sad day that she is gone and the end of an era.