Conversations with kids

JB (looking through a see-and-learn book): That's a submarine...
Me: What is a submarine?
JB: A submarine is a thing that goes under water.
Me: What kind of thing?
JB: A boat. A boat that people live on that goes under water... (turns page and points) That's a fire station.
Me: What happens at a fire station?
JB: A fire station is where the firemen are and where the trucks are waiting for an emergency. (Turns page.) That's a space shuttle...
Me: What's a space shuttle do?
JB: That's a rocketship... Like an airplane that goes into space and stuff.
Me: (nodding, totally impressed with this display, but trying to keep my cool)
JB: (turns page and points for me) That's a movie set...
Me: What's a movie set? (I'm truly curious how he's going to explain this one...)
JB: That's where they fire up movies...

I lose it!
Hilarious!

Our BABY turns 5 years old!

Today is the 5th (FIFTH) year since our first blog post!!!
We'd like to celebrate!!!

So here's my proposal...

For everyone that comments here today on why they read the blog, Katy and I will randomly select 5 (FIVE)comments and make a $20 donation in your name (or not if you prefer) to the non-profit organization of your choice..

You have until MIDNIGHT PST (that's 3 AM EST) to comment...
Say anything you want in the form of a comment and include your @1 pet cause De jour.

We will throw the numbers in a hat an randomly select 5 comments and give money to those FIVE places to celebrate the GSO's FIFTH YEAR!!!

Start commenting NOW!!!

"We don't expect anyone to solve our problems for us...

We'll fight our own battles..."

Hopefully, there will never be a reason for one of our sons to give an address like this one:




Pretty impressive teen, this Zach Whals!

Later that day, the Iowa state house voted to pass a constitutional ammendment banning same sex marriage.

Sad.

The five day forecast...

Oh, things are looking good...



It is supposed to snow all day tomorrow (6-12") and then no precipitation for a few hours and then ice, sleet, and rain for the next 12 hours...

Then probably no snow until Saturday.

What doesn't kill us makes us...

Sicker
Stronger...

Yesterday, I spent the better part of 7 hours up on our roof, shoveling and clearing ice.
It was a nice warm day (42 degrees when the sun was out) and the sun kept going in and out.





It was a little brutal, if I am honest. The snow was literally up to my thighs. Like the rings of a tree, there were all the layers of the storms we have had. I am well aware that we have had over 55 inches of snow this January, but somehow, standing up there, I could not get over how much shoveling had to be done. I wanted to quit so many times, but I knew if I got down and took a break, I did not have it in me to climb the ladder again. So I stayed and did the job as best I could. I used a hatchet at the edges, near the gutters where there was 4-6" of solid ice on roof near the gutter in the back yard (the South side of the house) and 10-12" of ice in the front yard (on the North side).

While I was up there, I seemed to be experiencing the stages of grief

First I was like, "this won't take long at all... it's a beautiful day! And getting up here at all is really the hardest part."

Then I spent a few hours sputtering a fuming inexplicably- pissed at Katy somehow (WHY wasn't she checking on me more often?!? Why hasn't she figured out a way to play some music for me?!?). Then turning the anger towards other members of my family- and friends that aggrieved or abandoned me (both living and dead).

I turned to Jesus a few times... "Help me out here, Lord, Please, I'll do anything..."

Then I got sad.

Really sad- strangely sad, thinking sad things as if I were alone in the wilderness and not on the roof of my own home. It was then that the events of last week (weather and baby's illness aside) came back to me... That we experienced the 2nd death of 2011. A friend of our family, Kevin. And then the "stages of grief" exercise that my brain was taking on didn't seem so totally strange.

Kevin married into the Tabor clan - whom I've spoken about here when G'pa Jim died and countless other times (especially when talking about the pool in the summer). The tabors are our family. The family we chose, choose, and continue to choose. My parents grew up with them and so did my sister and I.

They are some of the few people that know me now who also knew me when I was a shy, skinny kid. They helped me grow up. They encouraged my budding sense of humor, my musicality, my athleticism, my intellectual pursuits, and that I be honest and follow my heart. There's a stagger in the generations and sometimes I have more in common with the "adults" and sometimes I have more in common with the "kids" (we are all adults now so the gap is getting more narrow...) but I used to babysit for the kids of my babysitters and now those same kids, I occasionally call on to sit for my kids. It's a little convoluted, but it works. When I need advice or help, I call on my aunts, uncles and cousins in this "adopted" family as much as in my "real" family.

Kevin married one of Jim's daughters and they had 2 daughters of their own. They had a wonderful life, but at some point, the marriage stopped working.

Kevin was in NYC the day the towers fell. He called home to say he was okay and on his way home, and then he disappeared for 6 or 8 hours. The "radio silence" was in part due to a lack of phone service, but it turned out his "escape" was delayed when he was distracted by helping rescue workers sift through rubble some before making his way out of there. I remember getting a call that told me he was safe. And then I got a call saying he was missing. I remember hours and hours going by and I worked hard pushing the thought out of my head that we would never see him again. Then he came home, but he was never really the same after that. I only saw him once or twice again. His marriage had started falling apart before September 11th, and took some time to completely crumble. But even when we were all together, he always found a way to disappear from a crowded party after that.

Up on the roof yesterday, I couldn't help think of him and all this stuff I either hadn't thought of before, or hadn't thought of in a long time. He died last Saturday, January 22 at the age of 57. He died of natural causes after quite a few years (and reportedly several consecutive days) of abusing his body with not-so-healthy substances. He leaves behind 2 beautiful, strong, and heartbroken children. And a mess of us that miss him- what he was, what he could have been; plus the sadness that comes from knowing he experienced a lot of emotional pain and/or psychological anguish that couldn't be extinguished.

When I heard of his death, I had a very intellectual reaction that essentially amounted to, "That's so sad." When I went to the memorial service, and saw photos of him and saw his family- family that my heart recognizes as "my" family... i had a very emotional reaction. It surprised me. To suddenly be weeping and missing so urgently, someone I hadn't seen or spoken to for most of a decade...

Up on the roof, in the clear, cold air, I realized I was a bit of an emotional basket case. I was angry that this had to happen to him. Angry that he couldn't figure out a way to make himself whole. Sad and disturbed that the chance he could somehow make things better or right was gone forever. Sick that sometimes in the world, things just don't work out. Sad for my childhood and a time when there was less gray area in all aspects of life... I was glad to have all that physical labor to help me work it out.

Today, I am either sick, or just exhausted. So many parts of my body are sore: fingers, toes, arms, legs, neck, back; my throat is raw, my sinuses constantly draining post-nasal drip, my stomach full of mucus, my head pounding.

The weather forecast is not mild- the winter machine is starting again... the next three days might entirely erase all my hard work on the roof. But I feel I've done something to try to protect our property and our family, and that is something, at least.

Today's construction book observation

JB: Mommy, wanna see something NOT cool?
Me: sure.
JB: (pointing toward 2 men standing in the middle of a construction site in one of his board books) These two guys are not wearing helmets. They are at a construction site, but they do not have helmets on.
Me: oh, wow.
Katy: What?
JB: (pointing emphatically) These two guys, standing next to each other at a CONSTRUCTION site, are not wearing helmets! (as an afterthought, said mostly to himself...) That is not cool.

He makes a good point... Those guys clearly think they are above the rules!

Not cool.

Future auto exhaust repair specialist

JB: "Why is ML crying?"
Me: "I don't know."
JB: "Maybe it's because your car is so loud."
Me: (unobservable eye roll) Maybe.

------
Sent from my iPhone 4

You catch your breath and winter starts again...

It snowed every day this week... We got 3" on Tuesday, 3-4" on Wednesday, and another 12-15" of snow overnight...

Since I last wrote, our family has been through the ringer a little bit.

Tuesday night, I couldn't wait to watch the State of the Union Address (SOTU). I am a little bit of a political junkie and the SOTU is like the Superbowl to me (especially with a Dem in the White house). I even had this "live blogging" idea going where instead of driving Katy absolutely nutty by exposing her to my internal dialogue, I would write it to the blog in real time.

But something was up with ML- he was breathing too fast and audibly wheezing, and had hurled the contents of his stomach all over 2 different rooms after the hot steam shower I gave him. Katy and I were both already exhausted from commuting to and from work in the winter weather and 4 separate full body clean ups on 2 children. Katy announced, "I think I have to go to bed," and I replied, "I think I do too." Then my wife passed out from the shock of seeing me wave a white flag in the face of exhaustion. When she came to, we headed upstairs and our little boy woke up not but a few minutes later pretty uncomfortable. He seemed a little warm, but it was definitely his breathing that was freaking us out. We put it off and put it off b/c who wants to bring their 16 month old out into the cold night to get him checked out at the ER? We could have headed there at 8 or 9pm, but by 11:30 pm, we couldn't deny that he was breathing too fast, retracting, wheezing, not able to sleep, and it was getting worse. I called my mom to come sit with JB and we packed the little hyperventilator up.

There is an ER 10 minutes away that I would take myself to in a heartbeat, but it is not a children's hospital, to get there means a 3o minute drive. It is tempting, but I know I will never (if it is in my power) take a kid of mine to a hospital that is not a children's hospital. We were triaged in minutes and then given a number to wait - which is surprisingly reassuring when you have a sick baby. We were taken into a room within 15 to 20 minutes, and were there about 2 hours. They gave him some respiratory treatments which made him all jittery and tachycardic, but pretty much stopped the wheezing. They suctioned him, which did nothing but hurt his moms and piss him off. They said: "Probably RSV," and "Bronchiolits" and sent him home on albuterol.

We got home at about 3am. My dad had come by on his way home from work to keep my mom company and was shoveling our driveway when we pulled in. My eyes were rolling in my head by then, but we all slept only a few hours before Katy had to get up and go to work. I got JB off to school- walked him to the door with ML bundled in my arms and shouted a goodbye without actually crossing the threshold of the day care- not wanted to spread germs. Then I spent the day trying to console a very unhappy boy.

ML is not what we call a snuggle-bug. That is not to say he isn't sweet. He is a sweetie. But he won't sit in your lap for more than a few seconds. One of his favorite games is begging to get up on your lap and then wiggling right off again ad infinitum. But these last 2 days, he would just sit on your lap and/or rest his head on your shoulder, breathing at a rate of 39-48 breaths a minute. (Which, trust me, is alarmingly fast). He was lethargic and only a little interested in food, drink, or sleep. He just wanted to sit, stare ahead, and breathe. It was pathetic and scary. At some point in the day, I was too tired to stay awake with him, so I put him in bed with me and we both slept on and off for a few hours... It was decidedly un-ML-behavior... that he was just content to lay there and play with my hands or hair when he wasn't sleeping.

Last night, he was also restless and feverish, as high as 102.5. But this am, he was better and wanting to run around a little again. I fought the elements to get to work, and Katy took a snow day/sick kid day to be home. She got him to the doctor who checked to be sure there was no obvious infection that the ER might have missed. He screamed and cried b/c now he really hates medical personnel...

This has been a long week. But one that has made me feel grateful in this exhaustion.

We have broken the record for the most snowfall in one month - I can't find the exact number, but I think it is 54". And guess what, there is more snow headed here this weekend. Frankly, I've been loving it. I really have. And the more people complain about it... that just makes me love it more. But today... so tired... so spent from worrying and caring for the boy and you look out the window and calling it 12" is conservative. I was not looking forward to the battle of the driveway.

And then the neighbor, Tom, comes over with his snow blower...
What's a 4-letter word for a neighbor that comes over at 8am with a snow blower???
H-E-R-O

SRSLY- that guy has no idea how much we needed that.

Updates from the home front...

1) Katy got home yesterday! Hooray!!! We missed her but she had a wonderful weekend with her peeps and I had some nice alone time with he boys... I felt good about the weekend. We ate well, and spent nice time with cousins. I showered ALL THREE mornings, and even got to shave ONE leg in the shower. Katy asked me, "What made you TRY to shave in the shower?!?" I told her I wanted to stay pretty for me and also, I like a challenge...

2) JB saw his first movie at a movie theater Sunday with his TT, Uncle Bill, cousins, and me. We saw "Tangled". I loved it. The girl cousins were literally vibrating in their seats in excitement. JB thought the whole thing was a little tired. He was absolutely ambivalent. When Mac called him on Saturday to invite him for Sunday, he (without really even knowing what it meant to "go to a movie," without asking any clarifying questions, and without a pause or any genuine consideration) replied, "No, thanks." He used a tone reserved for someone who is totally satisfied and who is invited to eat one more piece of chocolate- No thanks, I'm good. After we talked about what going to a movie was all about (including details of the treats involved- popcorn, candy, etc) he agreed to go and I advised him he better check to see if the invitation still stood.

The movie was sweet and entertaining, but as all Disney cartoon features, it was fairly adult themed and angst-y. JB feels a lot of feelings and did not like the darkness or the sadness that he sensed. The character of Rapunzel's "adopted" mother was played by Donna Murphy with lines that adults could laugh at- full of understated narcissism and self-esteem crushing abusiveness toward Rapunzel. JB couldn't name what that was, but he was uncomfortable with the introduction of her as a "mother". There were also tons of chasing and fighting scenes and a great deal of stated and perceived "sadness" related to the "missing princess". None of that was lost on JB. He sat with a consternated, furrowed brow for most of the movie and he asked 1/2 way through, "When is this over?"

I pointed him toward the antics of the hero horse, Maximus, and told him how great I thought the music was and we lasted until the end. But when I said, "We should bring Mama back to see this movie, I think she would like it." He replied, "No thanks" in that same, "I'm good" tone.

3) The town pool collapsed a little over two Saturdays ago. ML and I had just began our "Mommy and me" lessons and he seemed to really enjoy it. (As did I.) There has been a lot of drama about this town pool and constant complaints and outcries from people about the failures on many levels. They tried to make it an Indoor and and Outdoor pool with some kind of bubble/ retractable roof... a good idea in theory!

But, this is what the pool looked like the day of our first lesson (I was so excited that I snapped a picture on my phone):



And this is what it looks like now:

I mean, yeah... thank God no one was in there when it happened, right?!?

There is a lot of outrage in the town about it. I really do feel bad for the planners and decision makers. Obviously there wasn't the support to spend the money that they needed to spend for a durable and effective retractable roof. I guess they should have just built an indoor pool, but someone obviously thought it would be good to have a town pool that people could join in the summer.

We've had a championship level swim team in this town since I was a kid and there still isn't the support of the tax payers to give these kids a pool of their own. They have always been at the Y or at the Academy, or borrowing space at other town's pools. It is just too bad. The word on the street is now they have to heat the pool to some degree for the rest of the winter to keep everything from freezing and getting completely damaged. Crazy.

4) Gram went to Florida. For two weeks, with my aunt. This is good for her that she is getting down there and good for us that she is not down there alone or for an extended period of time. Since her stroke in September, she seems almost completely healed. Enough to even take a trip down the hill on our recent sledding expedition:







But that doesn't mean we still aren't worried about her health. I for one nearly pee'd my pants when I saw her on the sled... I was on top of the hill and was like, "WHAT?!? WHO PUT GRAM ON A SLED?!?" She came over dressed for it and had every intention of sledding; without any prompting at all, she put herself on that sled! I was absolutely dying for the 20-40 seconds she was sliding down, but when the sled stopped, (and she hadn't slammed her body into the side of the foundation or broken any bones) I was so thrilled and proud!!! She rocks!

5) One of the more glorious aspects of this winter has been the amazing and spacious 2 car garage that came with our house. There is nothing like pulling out into winter weather with a clean car... the awesomeness is dampened a little by the recent breaking of BOTH of our garage door openers... you win some, you lose some I always say. But thanks to facebook, I've got a friend that "knows a guy", so hopefully, we should be able to fix the situation soon!

Pink is Perfect

The boys and I are on our own for the weekend.
We sent Mama off to have some adult time with her Smithy friends.

So, I don't see myself getting a ton of blogging time...

BUT, I would like to say that I started a fan page on Facebook for the GSO, and the fans came through like champs! We had 60 FB "LIKEs" in 24 hours!!! Very cool.
So now we have an official and personalized Facebook address:
http://www.facebook.com/ginsoakedolive

nice.
-------------
For a musical interlude, I present this P!nk video. (hat tip Joe.my.god)

I didn't know that the version of "Perfect" that they've been playing on the radio is an edited version. I like that one. But i really love this one.

In fact, I really love Pink.
This single is typical; and a terrific example of why: strong, solid, funky, fun, tough, real, a memorable beat, an important lesson. I'm not sure she's released a single that I didn't like.
She is tough and hot.

The f-bomb is not necessary to enjoy the song (I'll definitely purchase the clean version so I can sing it to my boys) but watching the video, you realize that the song is not about teeny-bopper issues, it is real and heavy and an f-bomb (or 40) is not going too far.

WARNING:
- This video opens with brief, awkward sex that turns out to be "marital" in nature
- This video contains the word "fuck"; used as a gerund (I think it's a gerund; it may be an adverb, as it is a modifier of a predicate adjective; I think an adjective that modifies another adjective is an adverb... School teachers and editors please weigh in... This will probably keep me up tonight wondering)
- This video contains images of a young woman cutting herself in the bathtub



Pink is HOT!
Fucking Perfect? Right?

A wacko with a legal gun in Arizona and 31 bullets before he had to pause to reload

I haven't said anything here on the blog yet about the act of domestic terrorism that occurred 2 Saturdays ago in Tuscon, AZ. I am very troubled by it and very angry and have been waiting a little until some of the sharpness of my emotional reaction is filed down a bit by time. In case you are living under a rock and don't know the story, a 22 year old American went to the "Congress in your Corner" event for Gabrielle Giffords in front of a Safeway in Tuscon. With a semi-automatic Glock that had an ammunition clip containing 31 bullets, he shot 19 people, killing 6 including a 30 year old congressional aid, a 63 year old federal judge, and a 9 year old girl who was born on September 11, 2001.

The murderer and would-be assassin shot Congresswoman Giffords in the forehead from 1-3 feet away, and the bullet went straight through the left side of her brain. The motive seems to be paranoia, anti-government sentiment, and mental illness. The conservative-wing of the Republican party seems to have been has been turned upside-down and their righteous indignation has been scattered all over the carpet like a pocketful of coins- due to the ensuing discussion of relevant information that unfolded during the reporting of the story.

This particular area of the country is one of the districts that Sarah Palin marked a with cross-hairs on a map to say that the incumbent congresswomen needed to be "taken out" during the most recent election cycle in November 2010. Several days after the shooting, Palin herself release a video commentary drenched in politics, the first half of which said, (I'm about to paraphrase while using quotes:) "I care a lot about the victims too... God will hopefully help them... but I'm here to talk about me: Healthy critique and criticism in a democracy- like I inspired when I put the up the map with cross-hairs on my website; and promptly took down a few hours after the shooting- is not only good, it is paramount to preserving liberty. This happened only because of an evil man. Anyone who even talks about violent rhetoric as it relates to me or this tragedy is an asshole who hates America!!!" Then in the 2nd half of the video she pretty clearly says, (again, I paraphrase:) "Besides, this guy was a commie, pinko, nut job and if anyone is to blame, it is liberals. They are very evil themselves for attempting to take part in healthy critique and criticism (of me)! That is not what America is about!!! God bless, God, God, Blah, blah, God, God, America..."

I swear this is a fairly accurate recap... you can see the video yourself here if you are into it. (I watched it twice, but I admit that was only because I fell asleep a little the first time.)

Since the day of the shooting- while the congresswomen fights for her life, has endured at least 4 surgeries, and starts to learn how to stand, walk, speak, and understand what a mobile phone is for again- The NRA has gone out straight up with the battle cry of guns don't kill people, deranged people kill people and there should be NO RESTRICTIONS whatsoever on GUNS. The republicans (for the most part, though it seems like Dick Cheney might be a notable exception) have been unwilling even to discuss the re-enactment of a Clinton era bill that outlawed magazine clips that contain more than 10 bullets for semi-automatic weapons.

The story from AZ that day is that the gun man was stopped when he ran out of bullets. When the magazine was empty and he tried to change the ammunition clip, he was overpowered by 2-3 men and a women who were present and are now hailed as heroes. There was also at least one witness present who was armed, but never drew his weapon because as a responsible gun owner he was afraid that he would either have killed the wrong person or be mistaken as a second shooter and be killed himself.

All of Fox news and most of the GOP cried holy hell when the Sheriff in that district stated in the immediate aftermath of the tragedy (and has refused to apologize, recant, or back away from his assertion) that the violent rhetoric that exists in the area is so significant that if it did not contribute to the cause of an incident like this, at a minimum, it made this event something that should not have been a surprise.

I'm compelled to write today, because this clip from the Lawrence O'Donnell show made me just SHUT my mouth. I shut my mouth because finally someone said something so close to what I want to say that, well, there is nothing really more to say... Watch:



Don't... be silly.

Intuititvely obvious life lessons...

1) Sleep makes you feel less tired

Turns out that when you go to bed at 10pm and don't get woken up by a teething, sobbing mammal with a fever in the middle of the night, it makes a BIG difference how you feel in the morning.

For the last several nights, I went to bed around midnight (usually a little later), and WAS woken up somewhere between the hours of 1 and 4am. Consequently, I spent the better part of the last 3 days trying not to spontaneously start whimpering like The Princess Bride's Wesley after enduring the rack.

2) The main job of Children is to collect and spread germs

I know there are a a lot of things that people think Children should be and do-
- Be seen and not heard
- Spread joy
- Pass on your genes
- Scrub this floor until it shines like the top of the Chrystler building
- (and for the RCC) Be protected from the evils of homosexuality... (protected by ??priests??... sidebar... moving on...)

But from an evolutionary standpoint, this is their job for the first few years... to build up an immune system that is capable of fighting off all sorts of bacteria and viruses so that illness won't eliminate them like those visitors from War of the Worlds (Jeeze, I'm really on a movie reference kick this AM).

Between my sister's kids and our kids, one of the 4 has thrown up at least once in the last 5 or 6 weeks. Usually, they seem perfectly happy, then they get green for 48 seconds, look at you and say, "I have to go potty." Then they shoot the contents of their stomach at you in the living room, or where ever is inconvenient. Then after their vague embarrassment passes and the clean up is complete, they resume playing as if nothing happened at all.

Anyway, these kids are not ALWAYS sick so much as sporadically sick, unpredictably healthy, and major CARRIERS of infectious disease. Attempting to quarantine them when they are "sick" is impossible as the cousins would never see each other again. Katy and I have stopped even being phased by runny noses and coughs, but we are still in the mindset of trying to avoid the ever-elusive "stomach bug". The problem is, we do not know when the next puke will come... or from who. And even as seasoned health care professionals, we do not understand the meaning of low grade fevers that come and go for a week or more without any other symptoms.

This is no big deal if I am well-rested. But if I'm particularly exhausted, I start to get paranoid that my tiny children are trying to kill me.

3) Your tiny children are NOT trying to kill you

Your snowblower CAN'T HELP YOU NOW!!!

We have soooooooooo much snow here right now.











The week after Christmas, we got 10-12" of a powdery mix. A snowman was built and several days later, some of the snow melted, the snowman broke into three separate balls, but certainly, we never saw the grass again. Friday the 7th, we got about a foot more. That snow was so fluffy and powdery that you could not even put a snowball together. I tried and tried, but could not make a snowball- SO FLUFFY!!!


(See the snow behind him on the deck?)


(JB is in front and ML is bringing up the rear)



Then last Wednesday, we got another TWENTY inches of the same pure, dry powdery snow. We have been shoveling our asses off, but it has been a pleasure- I mean, you could go through several New England winters and not have a snow anywhere as near as awesome as the last 3 we have gotten in the last 3 weeks. Also, the temp has only been getting up to about 32 during the day, so it is not melting and getting wet and then refreezing. It has been fluffy and puffy and dry, cold snow for about 3 weeks.



Today, we got about 3 inches of snow followed by 6 hours of slushy, frozen rain. This is more like it... This is more like the weather I am used to expecting and enjoying. This is the stuff that really hurts to shovel. This is the stuff that God invented to mock you for running out and impulse-buying that shiny snowblower (we did not do that, btw). This is the stuff that leaves the trees full of sharp ice-bullets and your back yard shiny like a Zamboni'd hockey rink.



For the last 3 weeks, when the snowplow came by to barf up that extra foot of junk onto the edge of my newly dug out driveway, I could barely complain- it was so fluffy... Deep, but still not icy, you know? But tonight, this is the stuff that pulls groins, and spasms lower backs, and leaves grown people weeping icicles. THIS is what I'm talking about, THIS is New England!!!





BUT this ice is on 22-36 inches of snow, SRSLY. So THAT is not normal at all.

The middle of our front yard has over 2 feet of snow on it. The snow banks that line our driveway are at least as high as my waist. Many sections of them are higher than my shoulders. The mailbox is buried. It is insane! Shoveling icy, slushy, sleety snow over your head is a work out. You get dressed in your winter clothes and they get wet from the inside out.

Thing is, it is exhausting. And I'm starting to get all worried about the roof holding up and the gutters not falling down, and the basement not flooding...

Still, I'm enjoying it. It is extreme and fun and awe-inspiring.
And look what it is doing to the boys:








(Young boys, obsessed with plows)

NOTE:
all of this pics are from 1 or 2 storms ago... I did not yet include any pics of today's additionally precipitation. Also, I am going to try and get some footage of downhill sledding up on the blog asap... So adorable!

"Screw that, Kids!"

I'm posting about this because in 10 or 15 years (oh, who am I kidding? 15 months) I may not remember the back story, but this kid, Chris Colfer plays an amazing character in Glee...
An out-of the closet gay high school-er who is a singer and a dancer, who cannot pass for straight; who is bullied, but strong, temperamental, bitchy, compassionate and complicated.



The part was written for the actor after he auditioned and the creators realized they didn't have a part for him, but they wanted this guy in their show. (Gay boy's dream come true, right?) It is a fun show. There are a lot of goofy, funky, fun, ridiculous things about Glee. But sometimes, watching what Chris's "Kurt" is dealing with and seeing how he moves through life is the main reason I watch this show.

In terms of showing a fully textured character that is gay, there has never been anything like it on TV. As a lesbian, it floors me. I am simultaneously happy and grateful that this show and this character is on TV now. AND I'm a little disgusted that this is ground-breaking and controversial in 2011.

As a mom, I always keep Kurt in the back of my head and heart. Protecting my kids means supporting them so they can stand on their own
AND watching helplessly as they make their own courageous way thru life
AND teaching them to respect others
AND teaching them when to fight and when to work on "their art" and when to chill out.

The content of this show can practically be boiled down to two things: singing and bullying.

Glee shows - with an appalling lack of subtlety but an obviousness that lends itself to symbolism- that the kids (and sometimes adults) that put their creative, yawning, sappy hearts out there can be halted and invalidated by someone who says, "THAT'S GAY!" quicker than the snapping shut of a metal Zippo lighter. Even if the implication is put out there (What you are saying or how you are acting is GAY, Queer weird, strange, stupid, and out of the normal range) and the anti-gay slur is omitted, the effect is the same. I've seen it happen in political discussions. I've seen it happen in the work place. I've seen teachers do it to students. I've seen parents do it to kids. And countless times, I've seen kids to it to other kids.

The threat of being called gay is one thing that shuts a lot of people down: gay kids, people in the closet, heterosexuals that have nothing against people that are gay. Name-calling often stops people in their tracks, without the silenced person knowing why. Being called "Weird" is not the same as being called "Gay". But some would claim (see politicians who go on and on about how "everyone is bullied for something" and therefore "gays" don't deserve "special protections") that only "super sensitive gay kids" care so much, and take it so personally.

But isn't all bullying really about checking to see if you can make someone feel inferior and alone in a way that historically meant being called "gay"? No matter what the incident begins with, bullies just want to see if they can make you cry or beg for mercy- so then you are either a baby or a fag (or if you are a girl and you don't cry, maybe you're a dyke.) In our society, there is no bigger schoolyard insult- worse than being poor, ugly,stupid nerdy, fat, or the "wrong" race or religion. In all those groups, you are far better off to not also be perceived as gay.

All the kids in the glee club on Glee endure, submit, and occasionally stand up to bullying. And all of them have made a choice to be who they are in spite of that bullying.

And Kurt is no different. He has bravely made a choice to be who is he and not pretend or hide even- though that comes with a lot of shit, and sometimes requires him pretend that he doesn't care or pretend that he is stronger than he is. The show does all of this without denying that stereotypes are based in reality, without trying to make him some perfect "who wouldn't like him" character. The show lets him be bitchy sometimes and immature sometimes. They dress him (or let Chris dress?) in such a way that meat-heads in the fly-overs will look at him and say, "of course he gets his ass kicked" and twinks throughout the land say, "I LOVE WHAT HE'S WEARING!"

But Kurt is never a punch line. He has a "real" father on the show that loves him no matter what and is honest about how hard is is to be so different from your son. He has a small group of friends that support him completely, and are terrorized on some level by bullies themselves, but they mostly know that he is in this alone because they cannot understand the more difficult aspects and internal struggle of being gay.

Nearly every time I watch the show (and its calculated plots, random singing, bizarre antics, silliness, absurd fantasy nonsense) it ends with my mouth agape for the realization that this show and Chris Colfer's character is probably literally saving lives: Kids who see themselves for the first time in him. Kids who realize that they shouldn't bully someone for how they dress or act or for being gay. Parents who see a role model for how to protect their gay kid without asking him or telling him to hide his uniqueness. Everyday people who aren't gay or particularly prejudiced who don't think that there should be anti-gay laws, but don't see the particular harm in churches or hate groups lobbying against what will someday a non-issue (2 or 3 generations down the road).

Now they have Kurt to admire, protect, worry about, and love- despite his flaws. They have Kurt who is unapologetic, but always one bad day away from completely falling apart. They have Kurt who is as honest, smart, and brave (and more talented) than any football player or soldier or "perfect son" you have ever seen on TV.

We have Kurt to better measure our prejudices and to help us assess how inclined we are to get up off the couch and stand against people that are teaching our children that gay children (and the adults they grow into) should be stopped, feared, changed, fought, pitied, lobbied against, kept separate...

We have Kurt.
And Now Chris Colfer has a golden globe.

Bean

This is a re-post from 2 years ago... the time gone by has changed, but not the sentiment.

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Just a shout out to our Bean. We can't believe it will be 5 years this summer since you died. We keep you close every day and try to live up to and honor your zest for life, your love for family, your willingness to jump under a car hood to help a friend.

You would'a loved these kids, Bean. Hope you;re watching them.
I think you are right here with us, the very sparkle in their little eyes.


XXXOOO!!! Happy Birthday, Bean!