Newsletter: Month 2

Dear JB,

Today you are 2 months old.


On the first day of YOUR SECOND MONTH OF LIFE, the Red Sox won the World Series! You will never have any idea how ridiculous that is... and how thrilling. There were people that lived 85 entire years and never saw a Red Sox World Series Championship! I immediately began to worry that you have been born into a tradition of Red Sox fan-dom that I know nothing of. How can I help you learn what it is to be a true Bosox fan in a world where our team has known recent (dare I say) steady victory?!? I am still a little unsure of how to act. As a fan that has the opportunity to relish the present post season experience, instead of only having the option to "gear up" wistfully for next spring, I worry that I have to change our family's passionate cheering strategy. When I was growing up, bragging and talking smack was all about bravado, keeping hope alive, and proving allegiance in the face of regular heartbreak. In your era, the type of sassy loyalty we intended to teach you might come off as cocky and not-so-adorable. Where parents in Red Sox Nation have always had to focus on building a young fan's sense of self worth, I will have to learn to somehow infuse humility into my lessons on team devotion!


In the last 4 weeks, you officially grew out of all your newborn clothes. They say those are "up to 8lbs" but you lasted in most of them until close to 12 lbs. Isn't cotton wonderful? We go to the pediatrician tomorrow, but we know you have probably gained at least another pound since your last visit. Most of the newborn clothes you wore were some of the only clothes that we purchased for you. Because we picked out most of those newborn clothes, we really loved them and it was hard to pack them away. Incidentally, I have already organized and "cleaned out" your dresser drawers more in the last 2 months than I have cleaned out MY dresser drawers in the last 2 years... I guess that's to be expected. (Wwwwelcome to Motherhood, Mr. Baaanks.)


We spent most of your 2nd month (when we weren't just staring at you saying to each other, "isn't he just the cutest, freaking thing you've ever seen...") trying to strategize getting you to sleep more at night. We were willing in the first 4 weeks to let you get up every 1-2 hours to feed, but that started to suck as it went on into this month. (No pun intended.) We waffled and attempted to implement the advice of many: trying keep you up during the day; trying to hold off feedings as long as possible; trying to "stack" feedings, etc... We found that all attempted measures were no more successful than placebo (having no strategy at all.) Some nights you slept well. Some nights you didn't. What did we want from a 2 month old anyway? A MS Outlook calendar?!? Using a "what I don't have, I don't want anyway" approach, I decided that working toward a "schedule" is just busywork- an illusion. As your Aunt Teri attempted to comfort your mothers, she pointed out, even the clock and calendar are arbitrary measures of time.


SIDEBAR: Last night you slept soundly from 11:30 pm to 5:30 am. When I woke to your hungry whimpering and glanced at the alarm clock, I touched a hand to my chest and nearly exploded (with both pride and breast milk!)


Speaking of breast milk, you are still on the tittie. Most folks I know want to kill me for using this term. I've been told, "You're crass," "That's rude," and "That's no way to speak around a baby." I've even been told that if I write about this here, I will somehow scar you and ruin your life, but I'm sorry, I had breasts and boobs my whole life, but this- what's going on here and now... The tittie is all about breastfeeding! You are still going strong and eating well, but for the first time this month, I considered throwing in the towel. It is a lot to have these mammaries pumping out the sweet stuff around the clock. You are worth it, sure. But mommy's tired of never getting to be naked without soaking something. I don't have a solid plan (shocking) and am not sure how I'll decide when to stop. I know if we get to a year, I'm FOR SURE all done. Prior to that, teeth will likely be a barrier for this mommy. But i digress...


This month you've perfected the art of the spit up- you love to drain the sweet, white, liquid gold from my titties and puke some of it back up onto your perfectly laundered clothes. It sometimes appears that you have an aversion to clean burp cloths and (we've said this for a while now: an unsoiled diaper seems to give you diarrhea...) Our washer and drier are going for broke- at maximum capacity, several days a week, but we are so damn proud of everything you create that it seems no bother at all.


Actually, we've finally realized that you only spit up when you are pushing to go number-two too soon after eating. We only needed to have this conversation 500 times: "Honey, what's the matter? why are you so fussy? Now you're spitting up... is your tummy bothering you? Why is your face so scrunched like that? Are you getting sick? I guess some babies spit up after eating, but you didn't do this earlier. I don't know what's wrong..." pllllbbbbbbbbbb... "oh, you were pooping..." before the honest surprise in my voice wore off and I got the meaning of that communication cue.


In the middle of the month, we took a night away to see a play. It was nerve racking, but we packed you up for your first overnight with your Nana and Papa. You were well taken care of, and your mommies got about 6 hrs of uninterrupted sleep. It was so strange to be without you for that length of time. Sometimes when I am driving around and you are at home with your mama, I'll think to myself, "Wow, JB is being so good back there." Then I'll realize that you aren't in the car with me and for a split second, I almost start screaming thinking I left you at Stop.and.Shop or something. Then I remember that I appropriately arranged loving care for you and haven't lost my mind or left you behind.


Your first two major holidays: Halloween and Thanksgiving occurred this last month. I have to say, i thought it would be ridiculous and cruel to dress up a 1.15 month old. If it weren't for Greg and Julie sending a handed down costume, we wouldn't have even had one for you to wear on Halloween. At the last minute, I threw you in the purple dragon outfit and showed up at some of our peeps' houses. We played the "ring and run" game leaving you in the Boppi.pillow on Kerry and Bob's front steps. It was so fun and I'm glad we didn't miss those moments. (Thank you, G and J!) Thanksgiving we spent at home with relatives. Your Grannies and Grandpa came from Ohio. You met your Uncle Josh who came from Seattle. The next day you met your uncle Pat and cousin Eric and were reunited with your Aunts: Anne and Marilyn.


At some point in the last 4 weeks you definitely started smiling- mirroring us when we smile, locking eyes with us and grinning. Your mama has said you were "laughing" for most of this month too. I heard the noise but didn't think it was a laugh. Until last week, when I happened to be staring at you when you made "the noise..." It's kind of a screech, but I think she's been right about it all along. These last few days, you have begun um-mistakably smiling, gooing, cooing, laughing in response to our funny faces and expressions.

It. Is. Awesome.

Things are starting to feel normal again, and we're so glad you are here.



We love you,
Your mommies

At the end of the summer, I intended to blog about the contrast between my neighbor's lawn and ours. These are the pieces of life that amuse me to no end. I think we are decent neighbors and I think they are quite annoying and strange (not too egotistical of me, right?) Sometime, I'm reminded of all of the ways we must disappoint our neighbors...

One day back in late August, I looked out the window from my perch on the pot and saw this:


Take a closer look...
OUR LAWN:


THEIR LAWN:


To be fair, we had just taken down 2 large party tents after the 150 some-odd party-guests lovingly trampled our lawn during Kate-a-palooza.

I Chuckled to myself thinking, "If my lawn-obsessed, extra-car-owning neighbors have this same view, they probably hate us for destroying the perfection in nature that they work endlessly to create." Our "neglected lawn" must make their eyes bleed...

Then, life intervened and I had a baby not in OCTOBER, but in SEPTEMBER. The post never got written. Things have changed a lot in our house in the last few weeks, but for our neighbors, I guess the view is the same:


Our Yard:



Their Yard:


Why am I so thoroughly amused?

Thumb-Sucker!

I just can't help myself...
How great is this kid?

Gobble Gobble

Turkey day was pretty wonderful. Katy's family all came to visit.






The Womb Whisperer and her common law husband came to fawn over our kid, and remind us they are not getting married or having any kids of their own.


I cooked my first bird and showed off the tan, supple breasts.


We spent the day cooking our asses off; everyone had their fill.

Even the new guy had to unbutton after a satisfying meal...

We feel pretty thankful...

Thanksgiving prep

Overheard

K: What are you doing?
T: What?
K: Did you just have your nose in the baby's mouth?!?
T: um... well... I was sort of just... checking
K: Checking for teeth?
T: His breath...
K: How's that?
T: His breath is very sweet. It kind of smells like candy corn- yummy- even though I don't like candy corn... maybe fresh cotton candy.
K: You are very special... I'm not going to tell anyone about this.

How to get a few extra minutes of shut-eye

A little blurry due to no flash and a shutter speed of what felt like about 32 seconds.

Breakfast(s) of champions

The neighbor's tree in all its fall glory

Sunday meditation

I realized today that I miss being pregnant.

Not that I would, if magically enabled, turn back the clock. There is plenty to appreciate about not being preggers: sleeping on my stomach, getting back into lawn care, no heartburn, BREATHING comfortably, an occasional alcoholic libation, holding and smelling and kissing our son...

When I was in a family way, some women said, "You will miss him moving inside of you." I guess that prediction speaks to what I am trying to describe. I admit, I bristled or balked when I was told I would miss having him inside of me because I assumed it was about needing and desiring that unique, intriguing intimacy. I really don't miss him moving inside of me. That was fun- okay, that was pretty wonderful... I mean, I'm glad I experienced it... but I find the intimacy we as a family are experiencing on the outside much more satisfying and sweet.

So what is it then? What am I trying to say that I miss?

Feeling like "a house" causes some women to lament during pregnancy. Growing large during gestation makes things difficult and tiring. For me, though, "Housing" this fetus/infant was like rekindling a loving relationship with my body. After you've been with someone for a while, you might overlook the little things you were so impressed by at the beginning. In high school and college, you should have seen my body! She was a rock star! I was as enthusiastic about and as attracted to my own physical abilities and sexiness as I was about/to any other bodies that happened to be around me. I wasn't full of myself. I was full of gratitude and experiencing healthy, able-bodied-ness. It's when you feel young and healthy because you are young and healthy (Slightly different from meditating and playing other mind games to keep yourself among the young at heart.)

So it was during most of my pregnancy. Especially at the end of the 3rd trimester, i had all these physical discomforts, but I felt HEALTHY. I felt unconcerned by my aches and pains. The discomfort was disproportionate to the metamorphosis. I was proud of the work my body was doing, of the practically effortless utilization of resources, and the perfect protections my body offered to both the Bean and me. My brain didn't know shit about how to be pregnant. Read all the books you want, you won't even scratch at the surface of what your body knows.

Prior to getting knocked up, I was worried about gaining too much weight, worried about being sick, worried about needing to lie down all the time (and therefore feeling "weak.") But my body kicked some serious ass during this pregnancy. My weight gain was minimal, my energy level relatively high. Every negative symptom was predictable, normal, and tolerable. It was by luck, not because of anything I did or planned, but no one was more surprised than me by what pregnancy did for me. It made me feel strong. It made me feel proud. It made me fall in love with my body again. It made me feel like a house. An old, sturdy, warm, well-built house (with a new roof, updated windows and recently installed central air.)

From the time something the size of a grain of rice caused daily queasiness, to the headaches that let me know some chemical balance had been interrupted and it was time to go get the kid born, my body did everything it was supposed to do. I was able (maybe for the first time in my life) to be gentle with myself, and my body proved to be completely trustworthy.

So now, I'm back to just being me- alone inside my body. And it's a little like coming home from an exotic vacation. When you sleep in your own bed for the first time, the pressure is finally off. Coming home is relaxing and comforting, but it's not as romantic or exciting. You don't feel quite as "alive" ticking through your normal routine as you did when you were out exploring the world.

It's good to be home (with a crying, pooping, peeing, smiling, cooing, snuggling souvenir of the trip. ) But I'm not going to lie, I miss it a little...

Why not Marriage Equality?

I think this ad says it all...



If you want a decrease in the "evil acts" some associate with homosexuality, let men marry other men! These boys seem too tired to be committing sodomy.


Also, these have been around for a little while. There are 4 versions that are worth a look-and-see on youtube, but the "taxes" one is my fav because I have been known to get a little enraged about our fake-legal-status every year at tax time.



Aside from the plucky music and the gentle, ironic tone which I think is very effective in these "Think Equal" ads, I love what they've done with the personifications. I like the non-plussed, relaxed "I'm okay with you- what's wrong with you?" self-entitled air about the "married" character while the "civil union" character is kind of tired as if to say, "I'm okay with you too, but I'm getting killed here."

Kt and I are Civil unionized and there are two huge issues that we seem to get all riled up about related to not being able to get "MARRIED". The biggest thing it means for us right now is that IN CONNECTICUT, we are considered legally similar to married couples; Except we can't leave the state and retain any protections. If we are travelling, we are not connected legally at all. If any distant, out of state relatives wanted to challenge our "arrangement" in their "out-of-state" courts they could. Even if they lost the court battle, a case could be brought in a place we never lived where our civil union (the only proof of our valid, legal relationship) is meaningless. The major downer, of course, is this only becomes an issue if something awful were to happen to one or both of us. While we are both standing here breathing air and mentating, we can fight off problems and challenges together. But if there is some kind of tragedy: illness, injury, loss of life, etc., our legal standing is a crap shoot.

The other issue we get infuriated about is the financial aspect. We are living an intertwined monetary existence (as most married couples are). All her assets are mine and mine hers. All our bank accounts are joint bank accounts. Every penny she earns, I can go out and spend. Our mortgage, our cars, our insurance... All under both of our names. But get this, if one of us dies, the government will try to figure out what is hers and tax me on it- as income; not HALF of it, all of it. (They don't do that for married couples.) We are not entitled to each other's social security benefits at all, or the non-taxed amounts of each other retirement funds. (Guess if that is the case for married couples???)

Also, the health benefits we are legally entitled to provide for one another are taxed (They are non-taxable for married couples). We are not allowed to share our resources in non-taxed health care savings accounts (as are married couples.) We have to annually make an imaginary division of our assets instead of filing income taxes as a family (as most married couples do.)

This is a hassle and an insult. And also this costs us money! Money in the form of not getting the tax and monetary benefits of marriage, and Money in the form of having to hire accountants and lawyers to make sure that we are not breaking the law when we file and are legally protected "kin" to one another.

But much worse, THIS is the government's way of forcing us to lie. We are not "single, married, divorced or widowed. " If you make us choose, we are forced to check off the "single" box. If we are "single" than you are saying that all gay parents are single parents (the societal implication of this is worthy of it's own post.) If you make us check off the "single" box, you essentially delete our family... you erase homosexual couples from the numbers... according to the US government, we don't even even exist!

Isn't that convenient.

If you are straight and you wanna know what you can do... Read below this line i've drawn in the sand.

-------------------------------------------------

If you don't want to be subjected to my little civic lesson, stop reading now.

It's not too late.

You can
stop
reading
now...

Okay, I'm glad you joined us:

If you are straight and you wanna know what you can do...
I'll tell you:

1. OWN THIS ISSUE A LITTLE... GET A LITTLE OUTRAGED. Then SPEAK UP in your own quiet way...

Know that your place in society includes speaking out for a minority that is being denied civil rights. The loudest (allegedly) heterosexual voices on this issue are against equal rights. I often wonder, "why do they care so much, that they devote all this energy to trying to keep kt and i from getting married?" It turns out that the loud ones are in the minority. Take solace and strength, my friends, in the knowledge that the majority of Hets are like you... You have a few gays that you love, that you know are productive members of society, and you're too busy living your everyday life to be all that politically active. You don't give a rat's ass whether or not I get an equal tax relief on my employer-offered, health care benefits. (In fact, you probably think I should get equal benefits,) but you don't know all the talking points and don't want to get into some major debate with an Evangelical wingnut shouting out about "Special rights."

2: Don't believe the lie that gay people are asking for "Special rights" when we are asking for equal, civil rights. People that say this, that talk about a "gay agenda" and the "gays trying to take away your rights..." Their arguments are usually compelling because those people are so convinced of the truth of their opinion. But really, does this make sense to you? Even if marriage is being redefined (as it has been redefined many times throughout history) how does that really negatively affect you??? Think of those dad's in the ad, just making dinner for and putting their two children to bed. Why shouldn't those dudes be allowed to get married?

By the way, the government has never been able to tell churches who they can and can't marry. To this day, the Catholic church will refuse to marry couples who are interfaith, who are divorced, who don't attend mass regularly, or who are not members of the church community. It is a scare tactic to pretend that legalizing same sex marriage will mean that churches will have to change their laws. (Incidentally, the law states you can't use gender to discriminate in employment practices, but that doesn't mean that the RCC has opened up the priesthood to women.)

3. Vote. You'd be hard pressed to find a mainstream candidate who states their support for same sex marriage. Trust me when I tell you that will change in 10-20 years. But for now, Vote for candidates that want to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act. Vote for candidates that don't think the federal government should limit the definition of marriage to a union between a man and a woman. Vote for candidates that promise to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell. Vote for candidates that say "Federal protections should be offered to gay and lesbian couples."

4. Find your voice and speak up in small groups.
- Walk away when gay jokes are told.
- Stop calling strange things "gay," and "queer."
- If you have no problem with Jake's mom's getting married, say so when you are in a group of (alleged) straights and someone is going off about how marriage needs to be protected from the gays. It's as simple as saying, "I have no problem with same sex marriage." And if someone wants to debate it and you don't feel like it, you can say, "I'm not going to debate you, I'm just saying, I have no problem with same sex marriage." That type of comment goes a long way- especially if there might be a man or woman in your circle of friends who is in the closet and listening...

Chances are good, you are not the only one in that group who wants that guy to shut the eff up.

5. Give money to Love Makes a family (In CT) or other groups that support the legal challenges facing GLBT families. Even if you give $5, $10, $20 a year, your name goes on their roles. The numbers of supporters increase. Numbers matter where these issues are concerned. Numbers matter when the federal government can "erase" me and my family by refusing to acknowledge us or provide a box for us to check that accurately defines our existance...

That's all. Not too much to ask, right?
Let me just say, to all you who read below the line,
I love you, peeps!
;)

Another perfect lesbian family

Apparently, Katie Homes is a marathon runner that doesn't own a sport's bra.

I used to be in love with this chick, but she is killing me with her "chosen lifestyle!!!"

BTW, if Tom Cruise doesn't look like a woman in this picture, I don't know who does!?!

Vital statistics...

JB had his one month well-child visit last Friday.

(It was his five week birthday)

Katy, my breasts, and I are proud to report that this kid is getting plenty of food.
He has gained 3 lbs and 1 oz in 35 days... Tipping the scales at 11 lbs, 10 ozs.

Holy cow!
He's in the 95th percentile.

But just to give it some perspective...



He's still a little boy...

More Halloweend pics!

This Halloween was WAY, WAY more fun than I ever imagined it would be...

Did somebody slay a DRAGON???

Baby's First Boo

This was the day before Halloween:





How tough is this Thug / Playa?!?