Sunday, December 20, 2009

Human Nature


We got about 8 to 10 inches of snow overnight...
AWESOME, except that our driveway is about 3 times as big as our old driveway. I couldn't do the whole thing and had to ask the Mrs. for assistance.

This is good timing, not only b/c we'll have snow for Christmas, but because JB is plow- obsessed right now. When the plow came, he stared dumbfounded for a while and then abandoned his zen-toddler-state:

"Mommy, he be gone soon?"

Apparently this thing I try to teach myself- to be here now and not worry about the other shoe dropping in the middle of both shoes flying high in the air- is a far deeper obstacle that I can imagine.

I told JB that the plow would leave soon, but not for several minutes. He returned to silent awe, then he told me:

"I want 2 plows... not one, two... not three"

I couldn't follow at first, but then I realized he was still worried about plow#1 leaving and some derivative of the following must have occurred to him: "If one plow is this blissful... two would be amazing... Must. keep. plows. in. my. view."

When the plow left, we waved him goodbye and wished him well and JB turned to me with 2 extended fingers and said, "I want 2 plows." I thought to myself,
"Don't we all son, don't we all."

About 10 minutes later, another plow came by. I scooped him up dramatically and ran to the window, somewhat excited that it would seem to him I had made his wish a reality.

A microsecond later, the plow not yet to our house, he turned and said, "I want three, Mommy."

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

And now for some political commentary



Words fail me when I try to express how much i despise Joe Lieberman.
IN our house this guy is referred to as "Public Enemy Number ONE"

When he ran for VP of the united states on the democratic ticket in 2000, he simultaneously ran for his senate seat, even though we had a Republican Governor who would have appointed a Republican to his seat if his party won the presidency. Essentially he was saying to his constituents, "I'll have a job no matter what," and to his Democratic supporters, "It doesn't matter to me if we win or lose the white house (I"ll have a job either way)."

Then in 2006, after he promised he would abide by the results of the democratic primary race, he didn't...
running as an independent even though the Democratic candidate beat him in the run0ff...

At the time, when I wrote this little ditty to express my feelings about him, I had no idea how much worse things would get for his and my relationship. I did not know for example, that he would address the Republican national convention, or that he would stump for and endorse John McCain in the 2008 election. [Though i guess i should have seen it coming because he owed his seat to Republicans in the 2006 election.]

I knew that he would lie about what a majority of Americans want (real health care reform). But I had no idea that he would hold health care reform down on a pool table while Republican senators took turns hostage in such a hostile manner.

I had no idea that I could feel more contempt than I did back in those days... I was so naive.

Holy Joe, I hardly knew you...

Monday, December 14, 2009

Neuro check

JB's been having night terrors. He wakes up 2 or 3 times a night screaming and crying. There's a chance this would have happened anyway, but I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner with all of the changes in the last few months. He's been potty training too- so there's that, in terms of stress. And Katy and I would both give odds that his ears are full and he'll need tubes again.

Despite all this, he is doing pretty good in underwear. Yesterday we had a shit-storm blow out, LITERALLY. But that only happened once before and this time it was really my fault... I mean, it was the first time he even SAW a remote control car... I'm surprised his head didn't explode. I should'a been toileting him every ten minutes.

Today was ML's neuro follow up. I cried this morning (partially) in anticipation. It was really all that we hoped for:
1) He looks great
2) He's growing out of his phenobarbital dose, so we'll titrate that down to gone.
3) A repeat EEG is unnecessary unless he has more seizures.
4) A repeat MRI would only be for "curiosity's sake" and isn't worth the risks associated with necessary sedation as long as he continues to develop normally.
5) Developmentally, he seems normal.

He's such a sweet, happy baby, it's hard to imagine there could be anything wrong with him. The stressful part has not been imagining how it might be if there were something wrong with his brain (you've seen the videos of him singing... Who really gives a shit if that's who he is, that's who he is)... The stressful part has been imagining how it might be to have to watch him be poked and prodded, and tested for more of his life.

It is a relief, but it is also an exhausted exhalation that will not entirely give up the concern until he is long off the Meds without any more seizure activity.


Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Snow puppy

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Imitation is the highest form of flattery

Setting: Our house, 6am,
6+ inches of snow fell over night

Mom #1: (pointing out the window) JB, wanna see the snow?
Mom #2: Look! It snowed!!!

JB: I need my Teddy bear. (Pressing teddybear's face to the window and employing a high-pitched "teaching tone") SEE, TEDDYBEAR??? See the snow?!?  See it???

Both moms: (Jaws dropped, wide-smiles, laughing silently)

Kt: (Quietly to T) This is where we get to see If we're good parents, I guess.

Sent from my iPhone

Cuteness

Here are some pics to hold you over...



I know, I know... He's ridiculous!!!



Well, they both are!














blog post - telegram style

So much to write...

Too tired to write.

Been up too late all week.

There's drama at our day care.

JB's getting 2 more molars, but we are still worried about his ears.

He is talking a ton now and has been wearing underwear for 2 days now (except at night) with no accidents today.

ML is Mr. Mellow. We like to rock him to sleep. (we were harder on his brother at this age) but tonight, we wrapped him and let him fall asleep on his own... He did it no problem-o. This kid could win an Olympic award for sleeping thru the night (knock on wood). If he didn't sleep this good, I might be suicidal...

Christmas cards more than 1/2 done.

No Christmas decs up yet.

Snow expected tomorrow.

I stacked a whole bunch of shit miles high to fit our 2 cars into the garage.

It might be worth the extra hundred grand in a mortgage if we don't have to scrape this winter...

I dare you not to smile at this:



:)

nite.night.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Cousins in the tub at Thanksgiving in NJ

Tonight my sister's kids and JB took a tub together.

Overheard:
Cam: Look at me, I'm swimming like a dolphin!
JB: I'm swimming like a clown fish.

How unintentionally hilarious!

We are at Cape May for the Thanksgiving holiday. We drove up Tuesday night. Since Kt is still on maternity leave, I took Wednesday off from work and my sister piled the four kids and three adults into her minivan. We left at 7pm and arrived just after 1am. I couldn't help but worry, my parents' whole life in that van. All it would take is one asshole on the highway to ruin the entire show. But we arrived safe and had a great, if tiring commute. JB woke up crying 2 or 3 times (maybe his ears were bothering him.) ML slept right thru. All three kids were up for between 10 minutes and a 1/2 hour between the time we arrived and got them to bed.

We were all (parents included) a little bit of a wreck yesterday: short tempered, whiny, low threshold for irritability after having only gotten 4-5 hrs of sleep.

This morning was a different story however and we all woke up feeling somewhat refreshed.

I took JB for a walk to the water this am. My aunt's inn is only one block away from the Atlantic Ocean. He is a timid boy. He is prone to disapproving of discomfort and of change. I put his boots on him and his "Watch Hill," "Nantucket Red" sweatshirt; his head adorned with a blue and grey skull cap. He was a sight on the beach- totally adorable. It was overcast and cloudy and about 55-60 degrees. It was not that warm... but if I had had a suit I would have jumped in. There were real-sized waves. Waves much bigger than those JB has seen at our summer vacations where the beach is on a protected cove. He stayed away at first, content to watch me splash barefoot in the surf. But by the end, was soaked up to his waist by salt water and was eager to catch the tail end of a few waves. When it was all over, I made a point of telling him how much I loved the ocean and how cool it was that he was willing to get all wet and how fun that was for Mommy and how much I hoped that he had had fun too... AND, how proud I was of him. He looked at me and said, "No crying, no whining, no fussing."

This is a mantra that we had to create and implement when day care drop offs started getting bad... "you are going to school and Mommy will miss you, but when we say goodbye, no crying, no whining, no fussing, nobody wants to hear that..."

To hear him put it in this context really made me laugh. And more pertinently, it made me smile. Sometimes, with this kid, I have so much fun. Anyway, I was proud of JB and I was happy to step into the ocean and I did wish that I had packed a swimsuit. And there are many millions of things I am thankful for. But none more than my wife and my boys. Such cutie pies!

Happy thanksgiving!!!

Monday, November 23, 2009

The Crooner

Sunday, November 22, 2009

2 month vital statistics

ML had his 2 month well baby visit. Also last week, he got blood drawn for a phenobarbital level and repeat liver enzymes.

At the pedi visit, the kid was 13 lbs and 10 oz. He is in the 90th percentile for height and wt. And his head circumference is only in the 50th percentile. (I only bring this up b/c he does not seem to be getting a fat head, even though he is growing out of his britches... if you follow my pun.) He is already in 3-6 month clothing.

ML is such a good eater and such a good sleeper, that's impossible to imagine him as anything but perfectly healthy. My gram calls him "such a nice package". He eats 5-6 oz every 3-ish hours. All formula now. Katy stopped breast feeding about 3 weeks ago. He burps like a frat boy with a small change in position. Just sit him up and he lets it rip. He rarely if ever spits up. He hardly ever cries, except to tell us he needs something. He sleeps from 9pm until 5 or 6 (or... 7).

That sleeping thru the night thing might be saving my life right now, but what is not to love!?! So far, he's as good a baby if not better than JB. We are very lucky indeed!

Birth to 3 is coming every 2 weeks to give ML Physical Therapy. He is working on his neck muscles, especially trying to turn to his left as often as his right. And also to get his thumbs out from his fists... especially when he is upset or "stressed" he keeps his thumbs tucked into his fists; apparently this is a newborn instinct that he should have grown out of by now. (Who knew?)

For the most part, he is a happy camper and we adore him (JB included.)

I have some great stories and updates about JB, but that will have to wait. Tomorrow, hopefully katy will post the video of ML singing with his mommy. a-door-a-bull!

I am working 2 days this week and then we are going to Cape May for Turkey day!!! Will try to find time to pay the blog some attention. Having 2 kids makes the "alone" time much harder to find, though.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

What his Mama's been training him for

This morning in the car...

JB: Mommy what's that?
me: What?
JB: That (pointing to something behind me that I can't see.)
me: I don't know, babe... what do you see?
JB: Buckle!
me: the seat belt??? (I realize I don't have mine on)
JB: Yes. Seat belt. Safety first, Mommy.
me: Thanks, JB (I buckle my seat belt, having been reprimanded by a not quite 26 month old.)

At least we are doing ONE thing right!?!

Monday, November 09, 2009

Sunday, November 08, 2009

JB at 2 years+ and ML at almost 2 months

We went to the pediatrician for JB's 2 year old visit last Wednesday.

In the days leading up to his appointment, the kid was just a wreck. He was a drippy mess, sneezing, coughing, acting like a brat, crying at the drop of a hat... From what I've heard, this is the exact behavior that causes parents and peeps of parents to add the prefix "terrible" to the word "twos". There was this one moment when we were in the hospital and my sister was taking care of JB and every kid at her house and at day care started to get colds that caused that wet, bronchial-spastic cough that I wondered to myself if his doctor would tell us his ear tubes had fallen out at this upcoming visit. Since he had the surgery in December, JB has literally not been sick. The year before it was ear infections every six weeks, but after he got tubes, all was cool.

So, Dr. L looks into his left ear and in micro-seconds pulls away, "He's got an ear infection. The tube is out." The tube in the right ear is in his Eustachian tube and not the ear drum, and instantly we realize that all the signs were there. He doesn't get fevers when he gets an ear infection, he just gets sensitive and whiny, and stubborn, and prone to frequent breakdowns. Perhaps even more so if everything in his world was changing: home, schedule, family structure, stress level of parents, household members, etc.

At the 2 year "well child visit", the kid was a wreck. Really, he was all over the place. Cried when they wanted to undress him, then he pulled his diaper off and wanted to be naked-refused to get dressed again. He cried and shouted when they wanted to weigh him and when they wanted to measure the circumference of his head. Yes, he's been difficult, but this was hard to take, because for the most part we have the most mellow little boy on our hands. It is weird, but you really do want them to show off a little for their healthcare provider and barking, "NO! STOPPIT!" at the staff wasn't what I considered to be a shining example of his emotional or linguistic accomplishments.

Then at the end, they have to take a tiny tube of blood for lead and Hemoglobin; as well as give him 3 IM injections: H1N1 vaccine, HIB, and seasonal flu vaccine. During the finger stick, he observes the blood leaving his body with such intensity and curiosity that he could have been filming a commercial for summer science camp for toddlers. I'm dumbfounded that this didn't upset him AT ALL! The shots were a different story. He cried that heartbreaking cry that causes lesser moms to refuse to vaccinate their kids as part of the herd.

It didn't help that the appt was at 11am (lunch time at day care); and we weren't done in there before noon (30 minutes after the regular starting time of his daily nap). We wrestled him into his car seat and he screamed and cried a snot-fest of mucus onto the front of his shirt. He fell asleep about 3 highway miles into the trip home and Kt stopped at the pharmacy to fill his antibiotic Rx. When we got him home, he woke up, growled at me, and "declined" tylenol or his prescription dose. Then he slept for FOUR hours!!!! It was bizarre and unexpected and apparently just what the doctor ordered.

He woke up such a different person that Katy wondered aloud if the vaccinations might have acted a bit like shock therapy treatment. Upon waking, he looked at me and asked, "Mommy, I have a hug?" We cuddled for a bit and I picked up the spoons of tylenol and Cefdinir that he all but spit out at me immediately before the nap. I said, "Can you please take your medicine now?" He did without a word and then after swallowing it right down he looked at me, put a hand on my cheeks (as if he was about to say, "I love you,") and said, "Mommy. That's yummy."

(hee hee hee).

After the first 5 days of the drug treatment, JB is back to his sweet old self. He has a follow up ENT appointment in Dec and then we'll know what his ears look like. With any luck, this is a fluke and he will not need more tubes.

In the mean time, ML has picked up a wet cough and a sneeze that had his moms shitting a brick a few days back. Thursday and Friday we were desperate and frantic that he might spike a temp and we'd have to take him back to the hospital. He seems to be stable now (still has the cough, though) and he turns 8 weeks tomorrow. So that is good. He has enough to worry about with the health problems that might actually be real without being admitted as "R/O sepsis" and being exposed all over again to all those hospital germs.

We had a birth to 3 assessment done on ML on Friday. Generally they said our almost 8 week old is socially "right on track" but more like a 5 week old in terms of motor function. Not surprising after having spend 7 days of your 53 day old life in the hospital and also having had a fever and seizures and anti-seizure medication... but it was still a little sobering for his moms.

It has been a wild ride these last 2 months. I feel steady and charmed in terms of my good fortune. Still, I was in a department store during my lunch last week and I heard a child crying. It was a serious and desperate cry and it seemed to me misplaced at a department store. It was similar to the cry I heard from ML when they had to sick him 3 times to get an LP. And something deep inside me wavered. For a moment, I thought I might have to get down on the floor and lay there for a 10 count, right there in Ikea. It was like a wave of nausea and was gone as quickly as it rolled in. But it make me realize there's some stuff going on deep down inside me that I should probably pay attention to...

We moved into our new house last night. It is not really organized nor are all thing things done that I wanted to be done before we moved in. But I finally figured out what everyone else pretty much knew: we are never going to be able to move forward without staying here- there's no incentive to succeed and march forward on the TO DO LISTS unless our family is living here and not-yet-completed projects are affecting our daily life.

So here are a few of my favorite JB-isms and stories of the moment.

New negotiating tactic:
Me: Okay, let's go, put this shirt on...
JB: Umm, hmm, HOW'BOUT... this one over here, Mommy.

New stalling tactic or getting himself out of trouble tactic:
"I gotta go potty"
I swear this kid can squeeze out 4 drops of urine any time he wants to!

He's really great with ML and often says, "Look at ML, he's laughing at me... You're funny ML. Good boy, ML."

Just plan super cute at dinner: After eating a spoonful of peanut butter and wordlessly and unintentionally contorting his face (genuine "yummy", "sticky" and "peanut butter is hard-to-swallow" faces) JB lunges for his glass of water and gulps a bunch down. Then he looks up at his amused parents who have also said nothing this entire time and says, "I'm better now."

Priceless.

Monday, November 02, 2009

Dear journal,

We moms woke up early today.
(Read: we did not really sleep.)

JB has been sick.
We are exhausted.

1+1= 5

I'm snapping at people in frustration and fatigue.

The house is coming along... slowly.

JB impresses us with his smarts.

ML reassures us by seeming perfectly healthy.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Things that fall

Two things happened tonight.

JB dropped a log in the toilet... I'm not sure it was actually his intention, but they were all over him at school today, toileting him every 20-40 minutes. He had a dry diaper all day and tonight when he said, "I gotta go potty," I certainly did not expect anything but pee-pee. He did number one, then I got him re-dressed and he did a funny little jig, and then he said, "I gotta go potty" again. I doubted this, but put him back on the throne. A small amount of urine did come out and then an adult sized log.

(blink. blink. blink)

I know this is gross to write about and I know this is a typical Mom-of-little-kids type story: "Yeah," you're probably thinking, "Your kid defecates. He's a genius. Good for you you. You must be proud enough to talk/write about it all day"

The truth? I'm not really ready for potty training to be my full time job. It requires too much patience and I'm running a tiny bit low on patience right now. But it should be said that JB seems to be (with the help of his teachers at day care, and his TT who he lived with for a week) potty training himself. The funny part is he seemed to know he had to go to the bathroom, but it did not really compute. After he went and we all made a big fuss, he looked in the toilet and then behind him and then between his legs and then back into the toilet. His expression was essentially, "Where the charred-duck did that come from?"

It was really funny.

Then later, while carrying ML down the stairs, I slipped. I mean, holy shit, can I catch a break here. Haven't we had enough go on with him without me endangering both of our lives?!? There was no time to think, but I pulled him into me and hit 3 or 4 stairs with my back and arms like a bumpy, hardwood luge. When the forward, skidding motion stopped, ML was perfectly contained in my arms against my chest and he looked at me for a split second before the 40 seconds of tears.

I've been assured by my wife that he is fine, but uuuggggh. My heart is still not quite right. And my back, well, that's going to be bruised for a few days at least.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Worth 3 minutes of your life

I'm too tired to post, but we're all doing well.

Our kids are cute. JB is cranky, but I guess he's been through a lot.

This made me cry (in a good way):



hat tip, Adam

Friday, October 16, 2009

We're "Home"

ML was discharged from the hospital yesterday.

We are home (in quotes) because while we were away, all of our stuff was packed and transported to a new house in Midpoint.

To refresh the story for anyone new here: After many years of hemming and hawing (because we like the town we live in but b/c I work an hour away) we decided to sell our house and move to the town I grew up in- which is 1/2 way between where we lived and where I work, and which is where JB goes to day care, and where all the free babysitting is conveniently located. Our house was on the market for just over a year... Since four months before katy got pregnant... Since four days or so before the Lehman Brothers when under. [It is quite possible, if you take into account Murphy's Law, that had we not decided to relocate, that the economic downturn that the entire world is facing might not have occurred at all.]

As often happens with these things, it was only as Katy's due date approached that we saw any action on the house at all. We got two offers as we were about to pull the house off the market to "take a break for baby". Instead, we negotiated a closing date 4 weeks after the due date, imagining that because we are such high-functioning individuals, we would be able to get ourselves organized within a 3 to 4 week period.

It should be said here that I have built up a lot of "moving karma". I have spent most of my adult life jumping in whenever people need a hand moving. I count packing and lifting heavy things among my "special gifts." The truth is, especially when it is not your own stuff, it is easy to put one foot in front of the other and just keep carrying, just keep climbing up and down stairs, just keep putting stuff into boxes, just keep sweating, just keep motivating the crew. To me that is easy. Additionally, I have pretty good spacial relations. I can load/pack a truck. For a while when we were all younger, I had the truck (Chevy Blazer). More recently, I come to a move with my own tape gun, my own markers, my own utility knife and a few screwdrivers and Allen wrenches. I bring packing paper and shrink wrap. If you are my friend or a friend or parent of a friend, or just smart enough to ask, I'll show up and help you move. I can't help it. I can't resist the invitation. I think it is one of the ways that God wants to use me here on this earth.

So, in a long weekend (a holiday weekend dedicated to an explorer who brought about the slaughter of a nation of indigenous people) my stash of karma has been used up, wiped out, the scales have been tipped. From now on, when I help people move it will be less of a mitzvah and more of a "paying if forward"/"paying it back" maneuver.

Essentially, while we were in the hospital- on the day that ML had his seizures, and the days he spent in the ICU- about a dozen of our peeps (primarily from the softball team) packed our house. They packed and cleaned and project managed the move. The movers were met, directed and paid. The new house was cleaned and painted and cleaned some more. We are still no where near done, but these people are amazing.

The people that are related to us are amazing, but the people that are in it irrespective of "blood", they are something else all together. My sister said it best when she said, "What did you do exactly to deserve these friends?!?" I don't know, exactly. But whatever it was, it was worth it!!!

If you are reading this any or all of you, I want you to know that this changes everything. This last week to some extent, katy and I have been broken wide open: holding our tiny, sick son; missing our other little boy; feeling scared and overwhelmed and exhausted; held up by people who did everything they could to take the pressure off: followed us on facebook, sent loving messages, said prayers, put our names on the prayer lists at church, showed up at the hospital to make sure we ate and slept some, mowed our lawn so it looked nicer for the new owners, PACKED AND MOVED US!!!

This changes everything because, there's no way really to repay or say thank you. We can barely do anything except sit in this moment. We sit in quiet humility attempting to honor all of you: trying not to feel embarrassed and inadequate; focusing instead on feeling lucky and blessed and saved.

We are humbled by your friendship and generosity. We're afraid we can never adequately communicate and you might never really know how thankful we are and what this has meant to us. So, we will try to communicate it and will try to pay it forward as best we can... in a way that compounds your gifts to us and your friendship and love.

Thank you. For helping us get home.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Life at 4 weeks old

Dear ML,



You are four weeks today. Good god, son, you have really given us a scare this week.

We have been at the hospital since Thursday morning. And we still don't even have much of a clue.

We thought it would be 48 hours, to rule out a bacterial infection, but then when your fevers finally broke, you started having some seizures. You had 12 seizures on Saturday and they moved you to the PICU and started you on anti seizure medication. You have had 2 rounds of antibiotics and are on an antiviral now.

You have had an LP, blood and urine cultures, several IVs, an EEG, a CT scan of your head and abdomen, and tonight an MRI.

They are ruling our really scary things, but for now, the medication has stopped the seizures, and you have no fever, and you are eating and sleeping appropriately and peeing and pooping, etc. You have even gained weight during your stay, while eating a combination of your mama's breast milk, and formula.

The big things we are still worried about are: 1) a specific viral meningitis, 2) a viral encephalitis, 3) Inborn error of metabolism. The EEG showed some seizure activity but that was consistent with your age. Your head MRI ruled out structural abnormalities in the brain that might cause seizures, but the preliminary results showed some "white matter changes" which are indicative of infection (in other words, encephalitis)... We don't know what this means yet, but they are pretty much all ready treating you for a virus like this.

Being with you through all of this has been scary and exhausting. But revealed the blessings in our lives too.

Your brother is staying with your TT, Bill, and Nana and Papa (even though they don't live together, this is like a group operation) We have missed him so much, but he is distracted and doing pretty well without us. And we don't have to worry about him at all because he is so well taken care of. We have been with you around the clock or have had family sitting with you while we rest, eat, and take anxiety reducing walks.

It seems like there might have been a better way to get all this special "family time" with you, but it's not up to us to dictate these things I guess. We love you so much and your mommies are taking turns falling apart and holding it together. We think in a few weeks, this will all seem like a distant memory, but right now, that seems like too much to hope for.

Keep hanging in there, little boy. You are truly surrounded by love.

Holding you close to us,
Your mommies

Friday, October 09, 2009

When it rains, it pours

We are camped out at the children's hospital because ML has caught something.

Wednesday night was purportedly our last night in our sweet first home; the plan was to move into my parents house and pack our hearts out yesterday and today. But ML was up all night screaming in unverified pain and barely consolable. We assumed it was gas and maybe the beginning of some GERD, so we took him to his PCP without an appointment at the moment they opened.

His temp was elevated and that opened up the Pandora's box of western medicine diagnostics. A baby less than six weeks old with a fever greater than 100.4 has to be ruled out for Meningitis and other bacterial infections, so even though his rectal temp was 100.FIVE! he was directly admitted to the hospital and "worked up": urinary catheter for urine culture, venapuncture for blood cultures, Lumbar puncture for CSF culture, IV insertion for scheduled antibiotics.

Since admission, his temp has increased on Tylenol to 102 even after 24 hours of antibiotics. This is kind of good b/c those antibiotics should have killed any bugs and reduced the fever if this was bacterial... but kind of bad b/c, "hey, what's causing the fever?!?"

Katy and I are trying to keep our cool. He is cranky and uncomfortable but eating, peeing, sleeping, and staying sufficiently hydrated. We have gotten only a few hours of sleep in the last several days. So far, nothing has grown out of the cultures (a good sign). In 48 hours (one more day) they will likely discharge him... Hopefully, even if his temps haven't come down yet.

Poor little boo.

We're still scheduled to close on Tuesday... Movers coming on Monday... Softball team and other peeps showing up to help pack tomorrow.

It's hard to complain about the rain when there are so many people standing around willing to hold up umbrellas for you...

Monday, October 05, 2009

3 weeks old

Dear ML,

This is you a few minutes after you were born:





You are 3 weeks old today.



Time really flies.



I can't believe that you haven't always been here.





You seem wise, like an old soul.





You are doing all of your jobs: eating, sleeping, poo'ing, peeing, crying... You are thinking very seriously about coo'ing; you've given your mama a few fleeting smiles.




Sometimes you seem bored. You kind of look around, wide-eyed as if to say, "Ya'll got anything fun to do around here."



You are soft and like to be held. You quiet down when we pick you up and grunt yourself into tears when we put you down. Even the swing or a car ride is not that soothing to you as compared to the arms of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and loving friends.





But you do sleep at night: 3, 4, 5, sometimes 6 hours (from 10pm to 4am when you are at your best.) Mama contends with the flip side of this which amounts to 3, 4, 5, sometimes 6 hours of near continuous cluster feeding during the day.



You eat well. Latched on since the day you arrived.



You take a bottle when Mama needs a break and we are giving you "binki sucking lessons" several times a day. (you can't seem to figure out how to keep the thing in your mouth... just like your brother at your age).



You have admirers near and far. So many were so anxiously anticipating your arrival. So many people have brought us gifts and food and sent well wishes in the ceremony of welcoming you.





Your brother, especially is "holding it all together" and thrilled that you are here- more impressive than it sounds as he has just recently turned 2 years old.





Our family is in the middle of great transitions. Mommy has gone back to work a few days a week, and next week we are moving to a new house.



You don't know it b/c this is how it has always been in your lifetime, but things are a little "tense". We won't always be this "in flux". The anxiety and uncertainty that you are no doubt perceiving, but have no way of naming or categorizing is just your mommy and your mama trying to figure out how to take care of 2 beautiful boys instead of one, and how to pack up our lives and relocate just a few towns down the interstate.



We have a good plan, a plausible strategy, and a lot of good people willing to help. But we are tired and a tiny bit overwhelmed. We are trying to take care of each other too... that will always be our goal- to find a few quiet moments, just the two of us, even when we are exhausted to look into each other's eyes and say, "thank you" for the luxury and blessing of doing "this thing", raising this family together.





You are all we ever dreamed of.



We love you,



Your mommies

Saturday, September 19, 2009

5 years ago...



We got married.

Five years ago at about this moment in the morning, the big party was just about ending. Our friends helped us set up an after-party in the crappy hotel that shared a lot with the reception hall, and it was about this time- 4:30 or 4:45 in the morning that I remember kind of "waking up" at the end of the party and finally being alone with Katy. I looked across the room at the queen sized bed. Two of our bridesmaids were fishing bobbi pins out of her "up-do" slowly, methodically, lovingly releasing her long, curly locks as she fell asleep on one of their laps. Thru my drunk-ish, hazy gaze, I sighed. It was one of those moments of beauty you just don't expect. I was consumed by love. My love of this pretty woman. And these other women who stayed with us the entire day. And all the people that celebrated with us (their empty cups dotted the room) It was just the four of us. And it hadn't been that quiet since I woke up the previous morning. And they tucked us in and we slept...

In a crappy motel room suite... but as if in a fairy tale.

September is a busy month:

Sept 13 2000 - our first date. We had known each other for a year, so it wasn't really a clear cut "date". We had planned to go away together for the weekend as friends, and we came back as more. Sept 13th, we shared a kiss and always considered that our "anniversary" until we got married on Sept 18, 2004.

Then JB was born on Sept 28, 2007.

And now ML on Sept 14, 2009.

We will likely never get that many chances to go away to celebrate our anniversary with these kids' birthdays falling 14 days apart on either side (and don't forget cousin Cam's birthday is 14 days after JB's) but I guess that's a small price to pay...

September will always be the month we celebrate.
Celebrate until our heads and wallets and hearts hurt...
Celebrate the anniversary of our family's birth.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

He's here



Video killed the radio star...
And by that I mean, FaceBook has really changed how attentive I am to the blog.

Sorry for those of you that have been on standby...

----------------------------------------------

Our beautiful baby boy was born at 3:27am September 14, 2009.

His name is ML (well of course that's not his name, but his GSO name)

Katy took a long time to dilate, and went on pitocin and by 1:30 am (19 and 1/2 hours after we got to the hospital) was ready to push.

He came out with a gush of blood (sorry about that, honey) and a fat, translucent cord around his neck. He was the gray-blue of old blueberries, and the first Apgar was five. It was several minutes of rubbing and suctioning before he was pink and several more minutes before he made a noise. The 5 minute Apgar was a respectable "9". The plan for me to cut the cord fell by the wayside when I was told to "look away", just missing a smallish geyser of blood as they worked on him before he was completely born.

Katy did amazing. She is a warrior. There was a point when she was pushing (early on) where I had to quell the inner worry wort. "We are screwed," I thought. "I don't' see how anyone does this..." I knew enough to keep it to myself; and after an hour and 10 minutes the unspoken question, "When is it too late to get a c-section?" finally stopped drumming in my mind. At some point, I was like, "Holy shit, she is really going to do this!"

And she did.

ML was 9lbs even, 22" long. He is really amazing and adorable and latched on within an hour. Big brother, JB is unsure and a little more whiny than usual, but seems to be thrilled to get to hold him.

Pics to follow. Now we march down into a few weeks of sleeplessness. I crave the intimacy and the "it's all that really matters" of it all.

So relieved, so excited, so blessed, so in love



(sigh)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Soon

We are in the hospital.

Katy's water broke. There was some "trickling" last night during dinner. We went to bed excited and hopeful and she woke up at 2 AM to say, "My water definitely broke". We tried (not too successfully) to get a little more sleep.

JB is with his cousins and TT and Nana and Papa. TT came to pick him up at 7:30am.
katy's been having contractions since last Tuesday. Sometimes every 10 minutes, sometimes less frequent.

We've been here since 8am- membranes ruptured, 4cm dilated, 50-60% effaced, baby at -2 station, no change for the last 6-7 hours. They are about to start her on a little bit of pit.
Katy's parents are on their way and my family is going to bring JB in for a pre-baby visit before things get too exciting.

GAME ON.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Mr. Relaxed

Typical exchange in the car:

JB: Mommy, Whatcha due-in?
Me: You know what I'm doing... what am I doing?
JB: Drivin'

(a tenth of a mile goes by)
Me: What are you doing?
JB: Just sittin' here.

-------------------
so freakin' cute!

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Winding down the clock

JB,

You are so overdue for a newsletter. I have started at least 3 of them and can't get one completed. Every day brings new things out of your mouth, new words, new ideas, new tantrums, new smiles and mischievous stares.

Your favorite thing right now is ORANGE. You want to wear an orange shirt every day. You see orange in the smallest quantities; the seam of the lining of a suitcase, for example. Today, you went through the neatly arranged drawers of your unborn brother and pulled out the 3 orange items you saw in there with a definitive, "Mine." You also have learned the phase, "By Myself," enough said. "By Myself" is a "front" and it usually relates to singing a song unaccompanied or holding a fork... Lord forbid one of us leaves your side, "By Myself" falls to the curb like an empty snow-cone wrapper at the end of an Independence day parade.

Your mama and i have been talking about you more than usual lately. We love you so damn much and we begin and end every single day telling each other how cute we think you are. You are amazing and you are sweet and funny. You are soft- your skin, and the way you look around and observe the world, even the brave way you jut out a bottom lip and hold back tears (or let them fall) during time out. We're not sure how the arrival of your brother will effect you. And that is weighing on our minds. We just can't predict the things you will need from us. And if I meditated on it, I might just need to cry a good cry- a release, a watershed, a nervous tic- the expression of an overfull heart.

We have been slowly adding more detail to the story about your "Brother". We have for sometime been pointing and referring to him in Mama's belly. And in the last 2 months when we see little babies, we try to show you their mommy's bellies where they "used to be, like your brother is now." In the last 2 weeks, we have made a point to paint a picture of what the arrival of your brother might look like; the stay with your Nana, Papa, TT, and Bill... the visit at the hospital... Mama and Mommy going to the hospital to have brother and bringing him home... As we add these details, you glaze over seemingly on purpose. (You couldn't be more clear if you covered your ears and started singing, "lalalalalalalla, I can't hear you.")

You are an easy going boy, but you are not void of opinions. And frankly, you don't like change. You've been known to cry when I drop you off at day care AND then cry again when I arrive to pick you up...

You are interested in the babies at school, but this will be exceedingly different. You thoroughly enjoy the undivided attention of your parents. When one of us leaves the room, you consistently call after that parent, even if the other of us has remained by your side. I am confident that (in the long run) having a brother will be an amazing and positive experience for you and for our family. BUT I can't help looking at you these last few days and realizing that it will be somewhat heartbreaking for you; having to "share us" all of the sudden, and share our attention with someone else. I think of the story my cousin tells about his oldest daughter bursting into tears the moment she saw her parents arrive home with her new sister. When I look at you, I'm pretty sure that I know you will feel the same way. I can imagine you, putting your hand up like a crossing guard, "No, Mommy... STOP" as you have been inclined to say to us recently.

Your Mama is even more sensitive to your discomforts than I am. She hurts thinking of things that may cause you consternation or confusion, let alone grief or pain. For your whole life, everything we have done has been with your long term best interest in mind, and this "brother" thing is no different.

But so you know (cause I won't admit it later) I'm nervous. I'm worried about how this will rock your world. I'm worried on some level it may "set you back", upset your sense of safety, and make you feel rejected. It is hard to be "big picture" right now. I feel like IN THIS MOMENT there is a lot (that you don't even know you have) that you are about to lose. I can't begin to tell you what it will be like, because I have no idea, but... there are a few things that I DO know.

I know we are adding more to our lives. More confusion, chaos, texture, stimulation, challenges, and love. More of what makes us real, uniquely human, and more of what makes life worthwhile. More for us to work on, work with, lean on, teach, and learn. I believe this is what family is for, to teach us what real sharing is. Sharing your parents, little boy, is no minor thing.

We will try to teach you that a big brother is there to smooth the way and a little brother is there to help break the falls (or vice versa). If we do our job right, this is the guy that will "toughen you up", but break the arm of any dude that crosses you... Who will shout you up off your ass when you're feeling sorry for yourself, and sit quietly with you in times of heartbreak. He may be your sometimes hero/companion/friend, and your sometimes rival/tormentor/button-pusher. He will know you as perfectly as you allow him. He will know better than anyone else on the planet what it is like to come from the place you came from. He won't speak with your voice, or think your thoughts, but he may listen to them and he will certainly watch you and know you on a level that others can't.

Mama and I are excitedly awakening to the fact that this little guy is more than just an idea now. It is like right before we had you: we tried not to have any particular expectations, but we were giddy in nervousness and we were eager. This time is obviously different: With you in the picture, when brother starts the process of arrival, we can't even focus on him until you are shuttled off to safety or "operation JB stash" is initiated...

So, in your life, if or when you feel (consciously or unconsciously) like this little boy has picked your pocket and/or inserted himself where you didn't invite him, I hope you remember this tiny tidbit - Brother never got these two years of princely and singular devotion. The only unique adoration he might receive is from you, actually. So, do your best to be good to him.

Soon everything changes, little boy. But really, in terms of how we love you and what you mean to us, I promise, no matter what- nothing changes.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

photos for 23rd month newsletter


Just too cute!



Even (maybe) cuter



Eating Miso soup



Eating Unagi



Loving Unagi



In Mama's arms on VACATION!



"DELLS LEMONADE!!!"



Dells dripping on Mommy's head.



Showing Mommy some love in Newport.



Riding high on Papa's shoulders



Drawing



Fun with cousins on the beach



Mommy, Mama, JB and (unborn) baby brother



"Happy days"



Gap ad...



Sea-scape



Salty kisses



Another Gap ad



Football




Football...




"Cheese"



Non-posed "cheese"


Laughing!



Thumbs up!



Not afraid to touch the sand this year!



Power washing the house with Mommy



New BIG BOY BED! (making room for brother)



Computer games



Finally driving the girls around.



Mommy's birthday



Picnic in July



Tee ball slugger



Dancing in he rain



In the rocking chair



Art table from the Grannies



Serious ARTIST!




In the garden with Mama



Reading "take me out to the ball game."



Kisses for Mama



Kisses for Mommy



Riding my motorbike



Chillin' on the couch



Playground in Brooklyn




Mommy's Mini- ME






Bubbles in the park






Reunion with Amaya



Finding a Digger! at C-lo and Laura's wedding



Ice cream on the 4th of July





A meeting of the minds






Kisses after the parade