If one more person says, "guns don't kill people..." I'm gonna lose my mind

Six days until Christmas...
I am gifting you with this "anti-gun" rant (though no where in here does it say we should ban all guns) that I crafted to post on someone else's FB page. I am heartbroken and I am mad as hell.

 

I will concede that "people kill people" if the other side concedes that the singular purpose of guns is to extinguish life or create a credible threat that you are willing to extinguish life (Not true about cars, or alcohol, or knives or rocks or fists or even explosives).

I will NOT apologize for wanting to lock up guns before wanting to lock up every person that is or could become mentally unstable.

The youngest and most vulnerable members of our society are unable to protect themselves and/or resist the allure of the gun culture that has been allowed to flourish. 

People are addicted to guns.
People have fallen in love with guns.
People think guns, even MORE guns can fix everything.
We are not learning our lesson, and we are living through the history that we will repeat until we learn that lesson: An unchecked gun-culture results in the unacceptable slaughter of innocents - sometimes en mass, sometimes one or two at a time.

I disagree that this is impossible... "Stopping gun violence is impossible". I completely disagree.

Nothing is impossible...
Seriously.
"Impossible" is just what people say when they don't want to do the work to figure out a tough problem...
"Impossible" is the message that gun manufacturers have spent untold dollars to imprint on our collective psyche.  Whispering into the wind, while shouting from the mountain until a made-up deterrent becomes fact.
Just sit there, 
          No need to stir...
                    This is impossible.

This country undid slavery.
This country reversed the prohibition of a women's right to vote.
This country invented child labor laws, and airplanes, and landed a man on the moon.

Do you think those things seemed possible or even plausible before they happened? Do you think that was easy? No, but there was a moral imperative, a call to action, people brave enough to look like fools for a cause they believed in.

In our lifetimes, drunk driving and smoking in public has become both legally and socially unacceptable. Ask someone in the 50s or 60s or 70s if they thought there would be a socially supported, legal mandate to forbid smoking in bars?!? [And imagine...  Second hand smoke only kills people gradually over a long period of time.]

There is no rational reason for military style semi-automatic weapons to be circulating among the general population. A woman on FB yesterday was writing about how every citizen has the constitutionally protected right to possess enough firepower to overthrow the government. (Ignoring for a moment the counter-argument that starts by pointing out that every white landowner also had the constitutionally protected right to own people of a different race as pets) That is an insane postulation based on the outdated ideology of a group of rebels (our forefathers) that unyoked themselves from the largest EMPIRE of the time.

Currently, WE OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT EVERY FEW YEARS by VOTING and the fact that not a shot gets fired and no one gets murdered is one of the true reasons to get choked up with pride about being an American.

Police officers and soldiers are professionals and they get to keep and use any guns they are provided with to do their jobs. But the argument that the average citizen is safer and can protect his/her family with a gun does not hold true. People who live in homes with guns are more than 4 times more likely to be injured or killed by a gun. And it's not usually the "gun-owner" that gets hurt. But there are countless accidents.

And then there are the incidents of domestic violence that would have been bad but because there was a gun available, turned tragic. People DO die in knife fights and are killed by fists and boots and plates being thrown across the room but it is easier to limp away and survive when guns are not involved.

Also, 30 bullets in a clip??? Nope. I don't care who is holding a gun with 30 bullets. Even a "good guy" is dangerous with that kind of fire power. 30 bullets in clip that can be fired at a rate of 6 shots per second, why should any private citizen have access to that? Why do we think that is a right?!?

I have loaded and fired a single shot musket, it's like 3 shots a minute at most. And the entire time you are reloading that fast, you have to focus a bit and are vulnerable to counter attack. I think it was Thomas Jefferson who said about the Bushmaster AR-15,
"Are you people fucking crazy?!?"

We are a nation of 310,000,000 guns. But this is not irreversible or impossible to fix. I am shocked to see people say, "it can't be fixed"... It CAN be fixed. Australia was an island of convicted criminals; a nation overwrought with guns. The govt changed laws, instituted a buy-back and the results included a 40% decline in the murder rate.

We need to decide to do something and we need to FIX this. We can either make our babies bulletproof, or we can fix this.

We can either lock up anyone that is mentally ill or has the potential to crack up (And by the way... You know who I'm most worried about losing their minds right now??? Those surviving teachers, and kids and parents, and first responders from Newtown, CT... please someone make sure they don't have access to guns on some of the cold, lonely nights coming up ahead for them)

or we can FIX this...

Let hunters have their rifles for hunting. And most Americans support handgun ownership with guns that hold 6-10 bullets, but if gun advocates continue to defend ownership of indefensible amounts of firepower:
assault riffles
endless ammo
one person owning dozens of guns that can be bought through the internet with no regulation
gun shows that do not follow the regulatory rules-
I think there will really be a public outcry and backlash...
I hope there will be.

People do not have a right to have whatever they want at the expense of the safety of the general public. At the expense of the health and safety of children. You can't smoke in a TIGFridays, but you can pack heat and carry enough bullets to instantly erase 2 or 3 tables of families if you feel physically threatened?!?

We can fix this. We need to fix this... We should have fixed this already.

Pre-Election RANT... UPDATED

Every time a friend on FB "likes" Mitt Romney, I have to resist the exceedingly strong urge to DE-Fucking-Friend... and I have to sit on my hands not to write an expletive-laced response

I have a lot to say about Obama and why I think he is the right leader for the country, but in this moment, I'm not in a pro-Obama space or even an anti-Mitt space as much as I'm in a How do you stay close to people who claim to like or love you, but vote against your basic human rights?!?

I agree with Doug Wright:
"I wish my moderate Republican friends would simply be honest. They all say they're voting for Romney because of his economic policies (tenuous and ill-formed as they are), and that they disagree with him on gay rights. Fine. Then look me in the eye, speak with a level clear voice, and say, 'My taxes and take-home pay mean more than your fundamental civil rights, the sanctity of your marriage, your right to visit an ailing spouse in the hospital, your dignity as a citizen of this country, your healthcare, your right to inherit, the mental welfare and emotional well-being of your youth, and your very personhood.' It's like voting for George Wallace during the Civil Rights movements, and apologizing for his racism. You're still complicit. You're still perpetuating anti-gay legislation and cultural homophobia. You don't get to walk away clean, because you say you "disagree" with your candidate on these issues."

I would only add:
It's not close. It's not even close. These candidates are no where near each other on how they intend to treat my family if elected. It isn't abstract. It's very personal to me. With the brush of a pen, he could* reverse the incredible protections Obama has put into place for families like ours. (*Not only COULD but has promised to). Vote for Mitt if you need to, but while you are doing it, remember you are casting a sure vote against Katy and me. Whether it's for your pocketbook, your contempt of unions or environmentalists, your "pro-business" stance, your belief that the deficit will be reduced faster or the employment rate will improve quicker, or that you think we will somehow be viewed as
Stronger throughout the world... There is NO DOUBT that gay and lesbian, bisexual and transgendered Americans are better off (by a COUNTRY MILE) than they were four years ago. So, it's true, I do sort of wish my "fair minded" Republican friends would read up on this issue and just be honest: "Look, I know this guy wants to fuck with you and your newly won civil-rights, but I don't really care about that. I doubt very much you'll stop being friends with me just because I cast votes for people that vow to De-legitimize your family and legal marriage; it's frankly a risk I'm willing to take."

UPDATED RANT:  I went 9 rounds with a dude on a FB thread after one of my friends re-posted my above rant...  Each time I responded, I said to myself: "That is all, I'm not going to respond again." But I couldn't help myself. And in the end, I decided I just couldn't let him have the last word...
It's a little immature, but yeah, that's the space I was in. Enjoy!

Seething...

I'm at the library.
Seething.
Katy sent me out of the house to write.
Tonight I had a crazy thing happen on the way home from day care.
... Some kind of bullshit...
I'm so upset, I can barely make sense of it.
I am still tachycardic and breathing heavy.
I barely understand what is going on in my body...

I picked up the boys from day care. I was in a pretty good mood. It started pouring when I was about 2 miles away from them, but no big deal. Then JB decided that he didn't want to hold his lunch bag and somewhere in between, "I don't want to hold it," and "I WANNA HOLD IT RIGHT NOW!!!" (He has some "normal" 3-year old mental block(s) when it comes to decision-making) He lost his shit.

I found myself saying, "That's not how we get things, by crying and screaming..." This is our mantra some days and Katy and I try hard to not cave in. Like, these kids have to learn that they can have whatever they want (pretty much) but not if they are screaming and shouting and crying to get it... He wanted to HOLD HIS BAG... Not a big deal, but I didn't want to let him because "screaming and crying is not a way to get what you want". But then I got a "get out of jail free card" because he wanted to "HOLD HIS BAG- THE FIRST TIME".
(That's JB speak for "I changed my mind, and even though I said no when you offered that option, I want to do it. But I don't want to do it NOW, I want to do it THEN, as in- Can you please re-wind the tape and send us back in time so I can do it 'right' the first time?!?")

No, son. I cannot.

Cue hysteria.

These little fuckers don't know anything about quantum physics or the lack of advances in time travel.

So.

Pouring rain. Driving in traffic- headed to the grocery store. JB just screaming and crying in the back seat. I pull over and try to reassure him and reason with him. I try to wait it out a bit- sometimes a change of plan like sitting in a parking lot instead of just driving on, snaps him out of it. While we pulled over, i washed his face with a pre-moistened towelette. I tried to get him to take a sip of water. I am really really frustrated, but I am actually doing the right things, not screaming, not outwardly over-reacting, trying to find some way to distract him.

I start driving again... I'm a little raw and jittery... I almost have him calm- we are at a stop light and I am flipping though iTunes on my phone trying to get the Disney play list on for little mister "losing-my-mind" in the back seat.

This guy in the right lane next to me (but diagonally in front of me) in a big red pick up is trying to say something. I don't know what he is saying, but he is animated. I roll down the window and hear "light". I'm thinking It's something about my tail light... I panic a little in reaction to how he is gesticulating, like maybe my taillight is on fire or something. Then he's like shouting at me about how I have two kids in the car and I'm on my phone....

I'm not on my phone.

He's still shouting.
My blood pressure is rising.
JB who has stopped crying is like, "Why that guy is yelling, Mommy?"

I'm about to flip out on this guy- I don't know what he is talking about, but HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT. He has no idea what has just been going on in this car, and he is giving me some "I'm-a-white man-in-a-pick-up-and-you're-a-female-driver" kind of reprimand. The light turns green. I lock eyes with him when i finally realize what is going on and curse him out to the tune of "YOU fucking ASSHOLE!!!"

Oops.
Kids in car.
I have never done that before.
I'm shaking. Trying not to cry. At wit's end. So mad I could spit. He pulls out in front of me and goes straight, even though he's in the right turn only lane. I stall the car. Restart the car. Try to stay focused through the rage. I expressly concern myself with not tailgating him or smashing into him. I am as mad as I can remember being.

Mistake #1: What kind of truck is it? Didn't notice- red, shiny, new-ish looking... that's all i know
Mistake #2: What is the plate number? Fuming... Didn't notice- there are some chains hanging near the plate.

He turns right, into the grocery store parking lot.
That is where I'm going too. I had briefly considered following him where ever he was going- to give him a piece of my unstable mind, but then discarded the notion. I take the right turn as a sign from God that I am suppose to follow this guy and tell him exactly how much or an !$#% *%^&@# he really is...

I park 4 cars away.

I leave my kids in the car and approach him. It is still pouring:
"You are some kind of !$#% &@#!!!"
I don't even know what I said, but he blew up at that point.

Me: You have no idea what was going on in that car!
Him: You ran a red light!!!

(I did not run a red light but I seriously would never say that b/c maybe i did... I have no idea what this guy is talking about. If I ran a red light, when was it? Where was it? Whoa! that's pretty scary... an Hour later I realize he is talking about the stale yellow light that I took a little liberty with when JB was freaking out)

Me: Who do you think you are?!?!?!
(I start to back up away from him, I want this conversation over)

Him: What would your husband think?!? You driving like that!!!

Pause for my brain to explode.

The world goes quiet for a minute. I see plastic bags blowing in the breeze, but hear nothing. There's an echoing whooshing sound in the distance, that i realize is the sound of air moving in and out of my lungs. Somewhere, on the other side of the parking lot, I hear a Qtip fall onto the pavement, and then sound rushes back into the world. My pulse is pounding in my neck. My mouth is dry. I am shaking.

Pause again to consider whether or not something in my brain might have actually exploded...

This guy looks to be about 40 to me (give or take 5 years.) He's got chiseled features, and looks fit. He's wearing hunting pants or army fatigues and either has 2 day's growth of stubble, on his face, or is one of those wolf-men that needs to shave twice a day. Though he gives the general impression of a redneck "fisherman", he does not give off a "psycho" vibe, just a self-congratulatory "asshole" vibe. This is not a grouchy, old man. This is not a plucky, young punk. This is the worst kind of arrogant adult male- who thinks he is in charge of personally reprimanding a total stranger in traffic. Who thinks he's somehow in the right when he decides to berate a women who is carting her two kids to the store in the middle of a rain storm after a 9 hour work day.

So, in my head I'm like, "YOU'RE going to determine some safety violation and create a situation AT A STOP LIGHT that is truly UNSAFE!?! YOU think I was the person that created an UNSAFE SITUATION back there?!? Oh, and this is the best part... YOU THINK THE BEST WAY TO "MAKE ME FEEL BAD" about something that I might have done wrong is to bring up my HUSBAND?!? The supposed man in my life that is in charge of me and makes sure I'm taking good enough care of HIS CHILDREN?!?

Oh Buddy, you are so barking up the wrong tree...

I wished I had said so many things. I wished I had just been calmer and more "ON" my game, I could have been all like:

• My husband died tragically when I threw him from the car while texting in a pizza order and running a red light.
• My husband doesn't care at all about these kids- they look too much like his brother, he encourages me to drive recklessly all the time; just hearing about how upset you are will please him very much!
• My WIFE... (If there is any karmic justice) is in a parking lot somewhere on the other side of town, doing EXACTLY what you are doing: verbally assaulting your gay lover with a barrage of loud, self-righteous, misogynistic, uninvited commentary dripping with contempt and condescension.
  

INSTEAD... I go with the truth:

Me: Yeah, I don't have a husband. I'm married to a woman.
Him: (silence)
Me: You've got a lot of nerve and no right to speak to me about this.

He's close enough for me to smell the smoke on his breath and he doesn't back down a bit. He is completely unapologetic and he suddenly shouts that he is a town police officer.
HA! (that almost sends me into orbit). I swear if this guy is a cop, i might have to move.
Also, if he's an asshole cop, he wouldn't have waited this long to bring his occupation up.
And, if he's a good cop, he wouldn't be doing this in the parking lot.
So he's either in between an asshole cop and a good cop OR, he's NOT a cop at all.

Me: You're a cop?!? Great. What's your name?

Mistake #3: He TELLS me his name (supposedly) and once I hear the name, I immediately forget it. Like, I don't have any clue... Maybe it was Mark... Maybe it was Dan... Maybe it was Janet Jackson... It could have been anything...

I don't even remember the rest of the conversation. But I know when he starts going overboard with the "hand quotes" gesturing, saying something homophobic-sounding about "your partner", I better walk away before I end up in jail.

The rest of the shopping spree is a blur
The rest of the dinner hour is a bust. I am wiped out. Scared. Feel threatened and unsafe. I get home and send the kids in the play room, and cry as I tell Katy the story. She tells me I did not do anything wrong. I seriously consider calling the Police Department in town to report the incident and to tell them that either they have a very inappropriate cop on the force, OR they have a guy IMPERSONATING a town cop... Katy advises against it (see Mistakes 1-3).

I spend the time up until now trying to figure out why this has caused such an emotional reaction from me... It is hard to put my finger on. There are a lot of things- the assholes always seem to win; justice is rarely a possibility; I feel shamed (even though any mistake I made was unintentional); I feel "in trouble"; I feel the weigh of the absolute plausibility that the people that are supposed to be "the good guys" are more than occasionally not actually all that "good"; I feel I was put in a position where my safety and the safety of my children was tampered with; My parenting and intention to keep my kids safe was called into question...

But mostly I realize, I am angry because I am very disappointed in myself.

I consider this whole scenario an epic FAIL:

1. I lost complete control of my emotions
2. I lost my sense of humor completely
3. With my sense of humor gone, my ability to come up with snappy one liners disappeared also; if you are going to lose your cool, at least win the debate...
   
4. I totally forgot to remember the important stuff - as a nurse... as a women who has always been taught how to stay safe and how to report breaches of this safety, I don't remember what he looked like, what his name was, his license plate#, etc, his height, hair or eye color... I"m not sure if i would recognize him if I saw him...
   
5. I forgot the number one rule about being a woman: No matter how much of an asshole another person is being (especially another man), you should just walk away/ turn the other cheek. You should assume he's armed and dangerous; Even going up to this guy in the parking lot was "my mistake". If you are a woman and a man, a stranger, is acting like he owns you (or has a right to berate you), your job is to just quietly let it go, be non-confrontational, and let him go on believing he does
   
6. I was unable to disprove #5
7. This blew my day apart
8. I'm sure this wasn't even a blip on his discomfort radar; his sense of entitlement and certainty in the notion that he was right is just too high.
   

I am seething still. I am actively working on letting it go...

But the audacity and hubris of this guy. The general lack of compassion and the blatant aggression. The pretend concern for my offspring when really you are putting them in danger...
These are just a lot of really sensitive buttons to push on a Tuesday...

When religious conservatives preach that to be gay is to be disordered and not in the image of God...

At least 5 times in the last 2 months, there have been national stories of teenagers committing suicide. They have become national stories because the kids were bullied, targeted, and harassed because they were gay or perceived as gay, and because for the most part, the parents, friends and communities of those children have spoken out after their deaths to say, "We complained about the bullying but no one did anything to stop it."

Not that one should be picked out as worse than the others, but the most recent was a Freshman at Rutgers University who was secretly recorded by his roommate and another classmate having an intimate encounter with another man boy. Tyler Clementi was 18 years old when he changed his status on Facebook to read: "Jumping off the George Washington Bridge. Sorry." His body was fished out of the water a few days later.

Justin Aaberg, 15, of Anoka, Minnasota, hung himself July 9th

Billy Lucas, 15, of Greensburg, Indiana hung himself in his parents' barn on Sept 9th.

Seth Walsh, 13, from Tehachapi, California, hanged himself from a tree on September 19th and died 8 days later.

Asher Brown, 13, of Cypress, Texas, shot himself in the head on September 23.It is hard to look at these faces and hear these stories and not get sick with regret and dark with rage that we live in a society that tells (especially boy) gay kids that they are not worthy of love and life. In fact, the message in a lot of anti-gay rhetoric is "you don't exist... God did not create you, you are deciding to be immoral- you can be fixed".

To tell someone they can be fixed is to tell them they are broken.

Ask nearly any adult gay man (many to most of the women too) and they will tell you the harassment they faced, the physical danger they were in growing up in school systems across this country was almost too much to manage. Now even though there is more support for gay equality and more awareness and "tolerance" there is this overt backlash and religious movement to proclaim that civil rights for gay citizens are somehow in opposition to the religious rights of zealots. That gay civil rights somehow means the end of religious freedom.

While the LDS and the RCC are pouring millions of dollars into trying to prevent civil marriage in the US and around the world, they are not only perpetuating the bullshit very-fucking-scientifically-negated notion that being gay is a choice, they are seriously over-reaching by extrapolating out that this (determined by conservative clergy, who very often are closeted and sexually repressed) "lifestyle choice" should not get legal "validation" or protection...

'Cause like, yeah... if I choose to eat shellfish, or get a divorce, or not marry the brother of my dead husband, or eat meat on fridays, or have sex during my period (all lifestyle choices that are frowned on by g-o-d in the bible) then I should expect it's okay for my neighbors to beat me to death when they get too upset about my immorality. Oh, and I should expect there to be a referendum on election day where everyone gets to vote on whether or not I am immoral and have a right to exist in my actual form.

Here is how "religious" people are getting led down a dark ally by their leaders that will some day be appropriately equated with the cross-burnings and terrorist activities of the KKK: A cycle of proselytizing against gay identity requires suicide of gay individuals to 1) continue to demonstrate (in the face of practically eroded evidence) that to be gay means to be mentally and spiritually unstable; and 2) since most religions see suicide as the final sin- there is no way a person that killed her/his self could have been spiritually worthy...

See how that works? Chicken, egg, chicken, egg... got it?
Let me try one more time:

• God hates it/you (as determined by me)
• If God hates it/you, we can't exactly expect others to be okay with it/you
• If those others beat you up or harass you... well, see what I mean about you/it being messed up? millions of God-loving people can't be wrong...
  
• What you think you are can't be real because God is not okay with you/it
• If you kill yourself, you must have somehow known this to be true
• oh, and also- those people telling you that it's okay to be gay are confusing you and they are also part of the thing God hates and most of the reason you probably killed yourself is because they confused you...
• No one who thinks that "being gay is okay" should teach you, or talk to you, or be alone with you, or be in a position to influence you because 1) God would not want that, 2) Those people are immoral, unstable, and dangerous 3) They are out to recruit you (since you were NOT created gay, the only way into "gay" is through RECRUITMENT!)
• PS- I'm not intolerant, God is...

see visual aid from Box Turtle Bulletin:


So HERE's the letter that I'm writing to my kids, and the advice that I'm giving to all parents within my reach...

If you enjoyed this rant, you might also enjoy something similar from Dan Savage. If you have never heard of Dan Savage, he is a potty-mouthed gay, sex advice columnist that came up with the greatest idea I have heard in a long time. A YouTube channel called: IT GETS BETTER. This is a way to try to stop kids from killing themselves... a way that any kid with the internet has access to a bunch of videos from LGBTQ adults that can tell them from experience that the best years of your life happen after high school.

The videos are amazing. Here is the video that Dan and his husband started it all with (it is worth 8 minutes of your life- pass it on):

And now for some political commentary

Words fail me when I try to express how much i despise Joe Lieberman.
IN our house this guy is referred to as "Public Enemy Number ONE"

When he ran for VP of the united states on the democratic ticket in 2000, he simultaneously ran for his senate seat, even though we had a Republican Governor who would have appointed a Republican to his seat if his party won the presidency. Essentially he was saying to his constituents, "I'll have a job no matter what," and to his Democratic supporters, "It doesn't matter to me if we win or lose the white house (I"ll have a job either way)."

Then in 2006, after he promised he would abide by the results of the democratic primary race, he didn't...
running as an independent even though the Democratic candidate beat him in the run0ff...

At the time, when I wrote this little ditty to express my feelings about him, I had no idea how much worse things would get for his and my relationship. I did not know for example, that he would address the Republican national convention, or that he would stump for and endorse John McCain in the 2008 election. [Though i guess i should have seen it coming because he owed his seat to Republicans in the 2006 election.]

I knew that he would lie about what a majority of Americans want (real health care reform). But I had no idea that he would hold health care reform down on a pool table while Republican senators took turns hostage in such a hostile manner.

I had no idea that I could feel more contempt than I did back in those days... I was so naive.

Holy Joe, I hardly knew you...

Bubbles

---

Pete: I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.
Ben: That's sad.
Pete: Totally sad. Their smiling faces just point out your inability to enjoy anything.

Now that JB is very much into bubbles, (and I'm dabbling in generalized anxiety) I think of this line from Knocked up often. The scene made me laugh when we saw it 2 months before he was born (though as I recall, we cried a lot during this movie- more a comment on our collective emotional state than on the movie's ability to "move" us, but I digress...) The line about the bubbles has hung with me and I can't calculate how often I've mentally recited it because it's silly but it's also kind'a poignant.

In college, whenever a certain bunch of my good friends and I would see little kids running around, laughing, and having fun, we would mockingly chastise them from an inaudible distance, "Oh, you are riding high on life now, kid... but just wait until life starts riding you." Then we would use the quote on each other sarcastically when one of us fell on hard times.

Thing about both of these lines is they cheaply use the kids as props to try and hint at an unpopular truth. It gets harder and harder to experience joy, pure joy, the more you know and the longer you live.

Bubbles. Go ahead, wherever you are, go buy a plastic bottle of those bubbles and play with them. Help an almost-2 year old blow bubbles. I dare you to find the fun in it. We're talking about soap here, people. But in my experience, it is so annoyingly sticky and messy that from the minute I stick my finger in to bring up the "wand" I cannot wait to sink the tool and re-cap the container. Also, it's not that easy. Unless I'm buying a brand with defunct wands, the physics of bubble making are very precise. If you blow too hard, nothing. If you blow too soft, no bubbles. If you blow at the wrong angle, nada. If the wind is blowing, you-get-the-point...

For his part, JB
1) Wants to do it himself
2) Doesn't seem to be bothered by the bubble-juice spilling every where and/or dripping all over everything and his clothes
3) Can barely create any bubbles (as above, he either blows to hard, too soft, at the wrong angle, etc.)
4) Does not want any assistance...
5) Sometimes feels compelled to taste the bubble soap.

When 1 or 2 tiny bubbles -of his own making- float out of the wand, he shouts, "I DID IT!" perfectly thrilled with himself. If nothing is born of his efforts on the next 5, 10, or 50 attempts, he will say out loud to no one in particular, "Almost." It's adorable at first, but if it happens too many times in a row, I have the irresistible urge to grab the device out of his hands and CREATE SOME MOTHER-LOVING BUBBLES!!!

My kid loves bubbles.
It seems (much to my dismay) that I hate bubbles.
I am alarmed at the degree to which I am annoyed by something that brings him this much joy.
How long before I'm shaking a cane in a neighborhood kid's face screaming, "Don't let your messy ice cream cone drip on my sidewalk!"

Horror shows of the week

1) Did you see that some wingnut shot up the liberals at the Tennesse Valley UU on Sunday morning during church service? I've been meaning to write about this for a few days, but had to calm down a little... As an American and human being, I'm saddened and horrified. As a gay, liberal, UU-ite, I'm a little pissed off. The main stream media is insanely quiet about this news story. If you want to read a little about it, the globe, the times, the knoxville news have some info; but all I can say is can you imagine the coverage if someone went into an evangelical mega-church and did the same thing??? in the name of "liberalism"??? The whole, bible-beating-beltway would be going nutso shaking their fists and plastic fetuses in the air.

As some of you might remember, we joined a UU this year, and when I hear about how the folks down there are responding, I'm a little proud. Also, I have to say, I'm glad that guy survived. Those parishioners took him down alive and- hey, enjoy jail, buddy! Maybe he'll end up in a rubber room, and that's fine by me too. But he went in there intending to keep killing people until he was killed and the gol'dang liberals stood up to protect each other, knocked him over, kicked his gun away, spilled his ammo all over the blood stained floor of their sanctuary, and held him until the poe-poe took him into custody.

2) Meanwhile, in Washington, a new report shows that the justice department under the current administration has been operating as a farm system for conservative lawyers and judges. US assistant attorney generals were fired for not toeing the line and not behaving in a partisan manner (that's old news) but also, hundreds and maybe thousands of applicants were asked questions about their political beliefs and affiliations (and that of their families) and were not interviewed or hired when they were deemed "not conservative enough". These are non-partisan posts, people. This is an egregious breech of protocol and also the um... what's that called again? Oh yeah, the law...
nice.

3) Down the road, at the capital, the House Arms Services Sub-committee was holding the first hearings on DADT in 10 years. John Stewart actually has the best commentary on this fiasco:
"If you've forgotten what the argument against gays in the military sounds like, ENJOY."

Where do you find the time?

We watched a DVR'd episode of wipeout yesterday.

I know 99.99% of you have not seen this show, but when I set the DVR I just felt like, "I have got to see this insanity at least once." It is on A.B.C. and is followed by a show called, "I survived a Japanese game show."

Summer tv is a freaking horror show.

I didn't expect wipeout to be anything other than what it was. (Honestly, though, I wasn't expecting the 30,000 times an announcer found a way to work the word "balls" into the commentary.)

So even though, I couldn't look away from the travesty, that's about 33 minutes of my life (ff'ing through commercials and other lame parts) that I'll never get back...

So what. After watching that show, my brain is mushier, my body is flabbier. But it reminds me of one of the reasons I blog. Namely, because I have the time.

My parents are 2 of the people that (though they have always encouraged me to write more) whenever the blog is mentioned say, "I don't know where you find the time..." It's ironic coming from my mother who last week alone, made several homemade bibs out of hand towels, while caring for 2-3 infants and toddlers around the clock.

Then there's my dad who will spend 45 minutes picking dandelion fuzz off the blades of grass on a certain section of his lawn; even after I've driven an adorable grand-baby 30 minutes to see him. Also, he's been known to play the fife for 7 to 22 hours on any given week in the summer. But he's baffled by my ability to find 20 to 60 minutes every few days to write about myself (or about them.)

To be fair, my parents haven't said this in a while, but a lot of people who spend a little time at the GSO are apt to remark: "I don't know where you find the time..."

I'm gonna say this: it doesn't take that much time.
I blog AND I still have time to watch an occasional episode of wipeout. That's just how I roll.

I have friends that do all kinds of things I don't do: exercise, clean house, apply makeup, blow-dry their hair...

I myself have list of items that go un-checked-off:
Returning the phone calls of people i care about and haven't seen, writing thank you notes for gifts given several months ago, getting my car to pass emissions, returning baby clothes that don't fit, laundering piles of underwear stored on the bedroom floor, dusting the treadmill that never gets used, etc.

My sister and i have a pet peeve about people who say, "I'm sorry I didn't XXX, I have just been so busy." I hate this statement b/c frankly it feels like pressure to be more wound up; an invitation into some kind of nauseating contest called, "I'm busier than you..." I think Web hates it because it would be a joke for someone to try to compete with her in this insane contest. She's been known to fly over 10,000 miles a week for work, put in the hours of a DA prosecuting OJ Simpson, host a pampered chef party, take my mother and grandmother out for pedicures, bake a batch of lollipop chocolate chip cookies for an ailing co-worker and still have the time to tease her older sister for showing up late to watch papa pick the dandelion fuzz off his lawn.

It's not that I am not busy. I assure you, we are as over-booked as the next group of lunatics. It is that no matter how "busy" someone is, there are always decisions involved about how an individual will use his/her time. Everyone gets the same number of hours in the day, right? Some people sleep more than others. Some people cope better than others. We all set our priorities, and the blog is a little gift I give myself; my way to produce media and not merely consume some trash that someone else produces. (wipeout.)

This guy, Clay Shirky plucks all the right notes in this tune if you ask me. (hat tip, Adam)

Freaks on display

I don't usually pretend that what i like to read is what any or all of you will appreciate, but this but this guy joe has something here I wish to classify as a "must read".

Happy Pride 2008!

Gay activism

I've heard several media outlets and new sources say that yesterday was a "great day for gay activists." This freaks me out. (Or maybe "annoys me" is more accurate. ) Why is the California Supreme Court decision a great day for gay activists? (And by that do they mean activists that are actually homosexual? Or activists working for gay causes?) Is it because "gay activists" were the ones working so hard to get this thru the courts? Maybe.

But why isn't it considered a great day for GLBT everywhere? Or a great day for anyone who knows someone legally disadvantaged by anti-gay discrimination?? Or a great day for freedom in America??? Or why isn't the headline: "Bad day for anti-gay activists"? Or "Bad day If you hate the gays idea of gays getting equal rights"? How come the "gay ones" are the only activists mentioned?

Are these producers afraid there will be some "gay" somewhere that claims, "i didn't ask for this..." Or some footage of a PwanFLG [Parent (who is not necessarily a Friend) of Lesbians and Gays]? Well, I assure you, there will be.

I'm bent out of shape because i believe this type of framing of the news reinforces and perpetuates the myth that GLBT "activists" are pushy, whiny, complaining, asking for special rights, and generally promoting civil unrest. Conversely, it reinforces the misleading perspective that anti-gay activists are representing citizens that are somehow affected negatively by expanded rights for GLBT peeps. It is more appalling when anti-gay activists are called "pro-marriage"!!!

I mean, here are all these gays trying to fight for marriage. Shouldn't they get to be called the "pro-marriage" faction? I mean who gains what and who loses what?

The gays aren't saying "ONLY GAY MARRIAGE... Rights for me and not YOU!" But the fundie wingnuts are saying just that:

"Only rights for ME... I have the rights now, don't change anything!!!"

Maybe the GLBT community should be popping a temporal artery and blustering, "DESTROY HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE! CHANGE THE LAWS TO INVALIDATE ANY MARRIAGE THAT ISN'T GAY!!!" Maybe then the general public will wipe our feverish brow and say, "There, there, my gay-activist friend... There's room in marriage for all of us..."

GOOD MOOOOOORNing SUBERBIA...

IT'S 0700!!! What does the "0" stand for?
OH MY GOD IT'S EARLY!!!

Guess what, it's snowing... on a Saturday... several inches...

I woke up at what I assumed was a decent hour (because of all the snow blowing in the neighborhood...)

When I saw the clock, I kind of crapped a shit fit.
The only reason I was still asleep is b/c my wife decided it was my turn to "sleep in" and took baby duty at 6am.

WE HAVE A BABY, NEIGHBORS!!! Can't you throw us a bone and keep your heavy machinery in the garage until 8 or 9am?!?

Keep in mind, it hasn't stopped snowing, and no one has fired up their car and left the driveway... it's not like they are going anywhere and need to clear a path... they are just going to repeat this process when the snow stops in a few hours.

When I got up, I "fired back" with the only piece of heavy equipment I have at the ready: the breast pump!

By the way, it is still snowing... it's not like they won't have to be out there again in a few hours.

Question: When is it appropriate to start using loud machines to clear snow on a weekend?

WTF (part 2)

This is just sad...
predictable, but sad.
America, you've been duped.

Why not Marriage Equality?

I think this ad says it all...



If you want a decrease in the "evil acts" some associate with homosexuality, let men marry other men! These boys seem too tired to be committing sodomy.


Also, these have been around for a little while. There are 4 versions that are worth a look-and-see on youtube, but the "taxes" one is my fav because I have been known to get a little enraged about our fake-legal-status every year at tax time.



Aside from the plucky music and the gentle, ironic tone which I think is very effective in these "Think Equal" ads, I love what they've done with the personifications. I like the non-plussed, relaxed "I'm okay with you- what's wrong with you?" self-entitled air about the "married" character while the "civil union" character is kind of tired as if to say, "I'm okay with you too, but I'm getting killed here."

Kt and I are Civil unionized and there are two huge issues that we seem to get all riled up about related to not being able to get "MARRIED". The biggest thing it means for us right now is that IN CONNECTICUT, we are considered legally similar to married couples; Except we can't leave the state and retain any protections. If we are travelling, we are not connected legally at all. If any distant, out of state relatives wanted to challenge our "arrangement" in their "out-of-state" courts they could. Even if they lost the court battle, a case could be brought in a place we never lived where our civil union (the only proof of our valid, legal relationship) is meaningless. The major downer, of course, is this only becomes an issue if something awful were to happen to one or both of us. While we are both standing here breathing air and mentating, we can fight off problems and challenges together. But if there is some kind of tragedy: illness, injury, loss of life, etc., our legal standing is a crap shoot.

The other issue we get infuriated about is the financial aspect. We are living an intertwined monetary existence (as most married couples are). All her assets are mine and mine hers. All our bank accounts are joint bank accounts. Every penny she earns, I can go out and spend. Our mortgage, our cars, our insurance... All under both of our names. But get this, if one of us dies, the government will try to figure out what is hers and tax me on it- as income; not HALF of it, all of it. (They don't do that for married couples.) We are not entitled to each other's social security benefits at all, or the non-taxed amounts of each other retirement funds. (Guess if that is the case for married couples???)

Also, the health benefits we are legally entitled to provide for one another are taxed (They are non-taxable for married couples). We are not allowed to share our resources in non-taxed health care savings accounts (as are married couples.) We have to annually make an imaginary division of our assets instead of filing income taxes as a family (as most married couples do.)

This is a hassle and an insult. And also this costs us money! Money in the form of not getting the tax and monetary benefits of marriage, and Money in the form of having to hire accountants and lawyers to make sure that we are not breaking the law when we file and are legally protected "kin" to one another.

But much worse, THIS is the government's way of forcing us to lie. We are not "single, married, divorced or widowed. " If you make us choose, we are forced to check off the "single" box. If we are "single" than you are saying that all gay parents are single parents (the societal implication of this is worthy of it's own post.) If you make us check off the "single" box, you essentially delete our family... you erase homosexual couples from the numbers... according to the US government, we don't even even exist!

Isn't that convenient.

If you are straight and you wanna know what you can do... Read below this line i've drawn in the sand.

-------------------------------------------------

If you don't want to be subjected to my little civic lesson, stop reading now.

It's not too late.

You can
stop
reading
now...

Okay, I'm glad you joined us:

If you are straight and you wanna know what you can do...
I'll tell you:

1. OWN THIS ISSUE A LITTLE... GET A LITTLE OUTRAGED. Then SPEAK UP in your own quiet way...

Know that your place in society includes speaking out for a minority that is being denied civil rights. The loudest (allegedly) heterosexual voices on this issue are against equal rights. I often wonder, "why do they care so much, that they devote all this energy to trying to keep kt and i from getting married?" It turns out that the loud ones are in the minority. Take solace and strength, my friends, in the knowledge that the majority of Hets are like you... You have a few gays that you love, that you know are productive members of society, and you're too busy living your everyday life to be all that politically active. You don't give a rat's ass whether or not I get an equal tax relief on my employer-offered, health care benefits. (In fact, you probably think I should get equal benefits,) but you don't know all the talking points and don't want to get into some major debate with an Evangelical wingnut shouting out about "Special rights."

2: Don't believe the lie that gay people are asking for "Special rights" when we are asking for equal, civil rights. People that say this, that talk about a "gay agenda" and the "gays trying to take away your rights..." Their arguments are usually compelling because those people are so convinced of the truth of their opinion. But really, does this make sense to you? Even if marriage is being redefined (as it has been redefined many times throughout history) how does that really negatively affect you??? Think of those dad's in the ad, just making dinner for and putting their two children to bed. Why shouldn't those dudes be allowed to get married?

By the way, the government has never been able to tell churches who they can and can't marry. To this day, the Catholic church will refuse to marry couples who are interfaith, who are divorced, who don't attend mass regularly, or who are not members of the church community. It is a scare tactic to pretend that legalizing same sex marriage will mean that churches will have to change their laws. (Incidentally, the law states you can't use gender to discriminate in employment practices, but that doesn't mean that the RCC has opened up the priesthood to women.)

3. Vote. You'd be hard pressed to find a mainstream candidate who states their support for same sex marriage. Trust me when I tell you that will change in 10-20 years. But for now, Vote for candidates that want to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act. Vote for candidates that don't think the federal government should limit the definition of marriage to a union between a man and a woman. Vote for candidates that promise to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell. Vote for candidates that say "Federal protections should be offered to gay and lesbian couples."

4. Find your voice and speak up in small groups.
- Walk away when gay jokes are told.
- Stop calling strange things "gay," and "queer."
- If you have no problem with Jake's mom's getting married, say so when you are in a group of (alleged) straights and someone is going off about how marriage needs to be protected from the gays. It's as simple as saying, "I have no problem with same sex marriage." And if someone wants to debate it and you don't feel like it, you can say, "I'm not going to debate you, I'm just saying, I have no problem with same sex marriage." That type of comment goes a long way- especially if there might be a man or woman in your circle of friends who is in the closet and listening...

Chances are good, you are not the only one in that group who wants that guy to shut the eff up.

5. Give money to Love Makes a family (In CT) or other groups that support the legal challenges facing GLBT families. Even if you give $5, $10, $20 a year, your name goes on their roles. The numbers of supporters increase. Numbers matter where these issues are concerned. Numbers matter when the federal government can "erase" me and my family by refusing to acknowledge us or provide a box for us to check that accurately defines our existance...

That's all. Not too much to ask, right?
Let me just say, to all you who read below the line,
I love you, peeps!
;)

Worst Hospital Tour Ever

Last night we had our long awaited hospital tour...
I wanted to go back in june or july, but the people at Catholic Urban Hospital claimed that "all the tours were full until Sept 5th..."

Fine. Whatever. I'll wait my turn if I have to...

Fast forward to the who-can-effing-believe-we-had-to-wait-this-long date and we arrive at the hospital having already visited the L&D unit one slightly panicky evening...

"The group waits over there until the tour starts," the plain and uninterested hospital info desk lady informed us. We stepped around the corner to take our place among a lot of people (I repeat, A LOT OF PEOPLE!) Roughly half of the crowd was pregnant. Then we waited until 20 minutes past the tour start time and when we finally ventured out, I started counting. How many g-d people were on this tour and for heaven's sake, when do they "close out" the tour??? At 30, I stopped counting. Everyone was moving, it was crowded and I think all the hormones were having a cumulative effect on me. I was cranky.

Disclaimer: I had been up and out of the house since 7:30 in the morning. I went home for 30 seconds, picked up katy (well, she drove) arrived at the hospital 2 minutes before 7pm and the tour started around 7:20. It took 5 elevator trips to get us all up to the maternity floor (and these are the large, stretcher-accommodating elevators.) It was TOO many people traipsing around a few hospital units and it took TOO long! Also, some of these people weren't even that pregnant!!! At one point, i resisted the urge to sit down for a few minutes while the guide rambled on and on about being able to borrow a breast pump b/c i thought, "I'm not going to be the only pregnant chick who breaks down and takes a seat." But I was looking for a breast pump to throw across the room when nearly an hour later I realized that i was one of the most pregnant chicks in the room... some of these people weren't even due until December or January!!! HOW DID THEY GET INTO THE "ALL OUR TOURS ARE FULL" TOUR WITH US?!?

Anyway, back to the story... All along the corridors of the unit were the "we believe..." posters. These were not religious at all but instead professed the hospital unit's strongly held tenets about birth and spirituality and family and the importance of all those elements being encouraged and present during labor and delivery. Examples: "We believe that family is the center of the birthing process... and therefore encourage family to be present..." "We believe that birth is a natural process and every woman contains the knowledge and power to direct her own labor..." After i read that one, I walked into a room where I was told that once you are admitted to the unit in labor, you cannot eat or drink- a rule set by "Anesthesia."

I tried in vain for the rest of the tour to find the floral-patterned, pink-backgrounded poster that started with, "We believe that the almighty power of the department of anesthesia knows more than the laboring, birthing woman."

The tour was guided by a squeaky voiced nurse/lactation consultant who liked to say things like, "None of you will need a c-section... All of you will have a normal, natural vaginal delivery... but I'll show you the place where you go in to get a c-section, so that way if you see the recovery room, none of you will need it."

I'll admit it, I was grumpy. My legs were tired. My back was killing me. My bra had been on too long already that day. I wanted to grab this lady by the cheeks and shout, "THERE ARE ABOUT40 PREGNANT WOMEN HERE... ONE OF US IS GOING TO HAVE A C-SECTION!!! YOU CAN'T WISH AWAY WESTERN MEDICINE!!!" I wanted to c-section my way right out of this tour, but instead i leaned exhaustedly against the wall and inadvertently knocked down the unit's fire extinguisher. Luckily it didn't explode, but I thought my brain was going to.

We stayed nearly until the end- 1 hour and 30 minutes- and then I couldn't take anymore. I saw the newly renovated postpartum rooms. The flat screen LCD and Pergo floors were truly magnificent- I'm so glad we didn't miss them.

At a certain point, I looked over at Katy and whispered, "uncle." She grabbed my hand and said, "Come on, let's go." She got me out of there like a real American hero... "I believe that the lesbians in the group know and care more about what pregnant women need than Catholic Urban Hospital, the tour scheduling staff, and squeaky-voiced lactation consultants..."

Thank god I went home with one of them!

Ruffles and ginghum and flowers, oh my!

A word about maternity clothes:



There seriously needs to be a butchier line of maternity clothes...

Not just for the lesbians, either. I know a lot of people that don't wear any more floral patterns or ruffles than I do - it's got nothing to do with which gender makes your mouth water. There will be a perfectly reasonable maternity shirt or pair of band-waisted pants that will come only in totally insane fabrics or with a jacked up, femmed-out, or silly-ruffled collars!



I just can't partake... I just can't suddenly start doing the ruffle thing. It's not in my nature.

Question: Are there pregnant women that work?
Finding appropriate corporate wear -who am I kidding?- "corporate CASUAL" is difficult. It seems most women buying maternity clothes need to only dress for long walks in the park and/or play or study groups.

Here's a little something listed under "work wear":



True, this is a little fancy for a walk in the park. But what is her line of business? Selling perfume?!?

I'll admit that some of my trouble stems from the fact that my favorite place to shop is off the boys sales rack at Gap. Still, I maintain that the fact that my uterus is stretching to planetary proportions is enough to prove I'm a girl... I don't need to cultivate a botanical garden on my chest, and it is equally unnecessary for my clothes suddenly sprout ruffles.



Gingham... I'm trying not to even go there.
I haven't seen gingham on anything other than pocketbooks or shower curtains in the mall in the last 20 years. But every maternity department so far has a little section that looks like Dawn Wells' dressing room.

One more: Peasant blouses.
I am not a peasant. I've worked hard, as did my parents (and my parents' parents before them) for me to be able to report this economic reality. I have no animosity toward peasants of any kind. I do find myself holding in comtempt the maternity wear industry who seem to be disproportionally interested in supplying peasants with blouses.

I have to ask... when they are pregnant and shopping, Where do all the cowboys go???

Open letter to the Governor

Dear Governor M. Jodi Rell:

I was sad to see the recent quote attributed to you “I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. The vote in the committee does not change my mind on that. I will veto the bill."

No matter how many people agree with the above statement, it just isn’t true anymore. Students of history know the falsehood of the argument that same-sex marriage has never existed in civilization. But when the state of Massachusetts, and the Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, and Spain legally opened the institution of marriage to gays and lesbians, the notion that modern marriage could only be between a man and a woman was forever discredited.

Hundreds of thousands of same sex couples in our state and around the world are embracing and embodying marriage (whether or not the name is legally allowed.) When these couples support and love each other, stay together through good times and bad, in sickness and health, raise children, buy property, pay their bills, their taxes, attend to their extended families, help their neighbors, and live the very essence of modern marriage, it becomes ironic and pitiful that a primary sect of the population continues to shake their heads and “not believe” in our relationships. It is as if one voter’s right to a personal opinion is allowed to supersede another voter’s right to a validated existence. Your assertion that creating a separate-but-equal institution erases discrimination cannot be taken seriously. Your matter-of-fact claim that you and I can both get access to equal rights and protections is insulting. You are allowed to call your relationship marriage and I must call my marriage a civil union. You carry your marriage and protections with you across state lines; I must leave my rights and the chance to legally defend my family here when I need to leave Connecticut. You remind me of a politically powerful ostrich, denouncing discrimination before drinking out of a “no gays allowed” water fountain and sticking her head in the sand.

I understand that many voters were raised at a time in society when we did not discuss such things. Where the exclusion and denial of homosexual relationships was ordinary and gay people could live peacefully as long as they pretended to be straight. I understand that many people believe that homosexual relationships are immoral. But many people believe that divorce is immoral and do not expect the government to withhold that option. We do not outlaw theft and murder because the acts are immoral, but because the acts infringe on the rights of other citizens. I have yet to hear evidence or a rational argument for how same-sex marriage harms or takes something away from a non-gay citizen.

Plainly, Madam Governor, I ask you to reconsider your position. Hear the arguments and debates without an already made up mind. Today's public policy should not be based on the prejudice, intolerance, and myths of our upbringing. Gays and Lesbians are getting married. It is time for the state of Connecticut to legally recognize that truth.

Regards,
T. Weber Tierney

Life in the fast lane

I think we as a society should put more emphasis on good driving mores. Certain stupidities become downright dangerous in icy conditions. Particularly, I'd like to teach the world this lesson:

If you are in the passing lane, you should be passing SOMETHING!

Every once in a while (while driving in the passing lane) a driver should ask themselves: Have I passed anything lately? Are there cars up ahead that I will pass soon? Are there cars passing me? Are there cars lined up behind me that would pass me if I moved out of the passing lane?

Too often it seems that drivers feel the passing lane is for a citizens' enforcement of the speed limit... or imposing their own version of a "15-mile above-the-limit limit" This causes me (and many others) to have to pass on the right, in the slow lane, in order to get back in the passing lane. I was taught that it is illegal to pass on the right (on a 2 lane road, at least) but I think it should be illegal to STAY in the PASSING LANE and force others to pass you.

In wintery conditions, ONE car should move over; as opposed to several needing to veer around Mr. or Mrs. "I decide how fast the entire world will drive in the snow and ice... can't you see my knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel because I'm too terrified or incompetent to move over and drive my Q-tip speed in the NON-PASSING LANE!!!"

Please, fellow citizens, pass this message on: There is no shame in driving slow, just get the hell out of my the way.

Whew...

"First of all, I'd like to thank God..." is how Rick Santorum began his concession speech.
I couldn't agree more!

I realized last night that election night has somehow become my own personal nightmare- i have PTSD after the 2000, 2002, and especially the 2004 election. I was starting to think that Freepers from deep within the country were in control of the government's destiny. And I was definitely starting to fear that elections in this country would and could be stolen at every opportunity.

It's not that I'm a particularly partisan Democrat. In many ways the worst part of the last few election cycles has been watching the country get carved and spliced up into red and blue states. Everyone knows that the nation is really quite purple. But the minute a political party achieved 51% of the votes, it turned either crimson or cobalt, as if the opinions of the other 49% of the population counted for nothing.

When the 2004 election came about, "the wife" and I were fresh off our blissful wedding and 2- week honeymoon in sunny Cabo. We had recently experienced some of the most loving and joyful moments/hours/days/weeks of our lives. We returned to the states tan, rested, peaceful, full of gratitude, and energized for the next phase(s) of life. I knew it would probably happen, but when 11 states voted that November to amend their constitutions to deny same-sex couples the right to marry, it was surprisingly damaging to my psyche. Amid heavy Democratic losses the media insisted on co-opting the majority party's sound bites, framing the entire electoral contest as a victory for "family values." The post-game wrap up was basically devoted to applauding the successful suppression of gay rights as a triumphant political tactic. There was a lot of "this is the will of the people" talk and a LOT of "God has spoken" talk.

Newscasters and political experts did not question how this story was framed. They allowed the manipulative implication to stand all week unchallenged: If you did not vote against gay marriage, or you did not vote for George W. Bush, than "morals" were not high on your priority list. My wife and i sat stunned in the days after the election watching and listening to our political foes celebrate their "victories." At the beginning of the week, we had slack-jawed expressions. Toward the end of the week, we grew aware of the taste of bile, and snapped our mouths shut. No one said anything about the indecency of these laws: Not one media pundit; not one high-ranking elected official; not one lowly staffer; not one defeated-nothing-to-lose-candidate. We waited in vain for someone to stand up and say the obvious: we had just witnessed the mass legislation of homophobia- plain and simple. When did it become okay to put civil rights of a minority group to a popular vote? When in our history has limiting certain groups' access to government and societal institutions ever turned out to be anything but an embarrassing faux pas of our ancestors? Anxiety and dread subtly spread over our home. Once God's name is used to legislate discrimination, how do you stop an extremist from violently taking the law into his/her own hands?

Over the last several years, I've marveled how proponents of anti-gay constitutional amendments do not explore or encourage forthright debate over the economic, political, or cultural effects that same-sex marriage might have on society. There is little to no research presented, no factual information, no evidence, only opinion and impassioned rhetoric based on myths about the immorality of homosexuals. The arguments against SS marriage are founded primarily on outdated convention, narrow interpretations of religious writings, and the ever elusive "eeeewww, that's disgusting" Yuck factor.

It seems, every election day since Clinton left office, gay men, lesbians, and all who love and support us are thrust center-stage into a political scheme whose participants benefit by saying we are seeking "special rights" and labeling us "immoral." It is dangerous to confuse religion with "morality." It is the rhetoric of Nazi Germany, and the Klu Klux Klan, and Alquadea. Marriage equality is not a homosexual agenda, it is a civil rights battle. No matter how many ministers stand in front of their congregations and rage against this battle, suppressing the rights of a minority of Americans is never moral and has never been successful. It is the same tactic that was used in the 1960's to resist racial integration. The difference of course is that four decades later, black and white churches agree on the targets of their hateful politics.

So called DOMA (Defense of Marriage) legislation is a political wedge designed to turn Americans against each other. The president has said he fights over-seas to "keep the terrorists from fighting us here at home." In the same vein, his party and religious supporters have kept gay marriage at the forefront of conversations so they would not have to discuss the real problems our citizens face. How can SS marriage be more of a threat to the "traditional family" than war, poverty, loss of jobs, low wages, and a lack of affordable healthcare? The truth is, most Americans whether gay or straight, "red state," or "blue state" have more in common with each other than with any politician or media pundit. The experts know though, the easiest way to win is to divide and conqueer.

It is still difficult for me to understand all of the irrational fear and hatred towards GLBT folks. But 2 years ago, I got a real taste of what it means to fear and hate people that I have never met- merely because I could not understand them or relate to them. Election day 2004- it felt as if a pack of voters in 11 previously far away states appeared as an angry mob outside our door. Katy and I are two among the millions of gay Americans who are caring, productive members of society. We go to work, pay our taxes, support the economy, and try to be good neighbors. We hope and dream. We celebrate and mourn. Many of us believe in and pray to that same God whose wrath has been hijacked for a political party's divisive agenda. It was (and sometimes still is) surprisingly easy to give in to hate and fear. I have to stop myself from automatically rejecting what i cannot understand. I do not understand how a group in the majority feels so comfortable creating a category of second-class family. I do not understand my fellow citizens who continue to vote (in hysterical concern of their own family's safety and security) to deny my family's existence. I do not understand our leaders who strategize incessantly not to bring us together, but how to pit us against each other: How to reduce each group of people, each district to the most convenient label, the most practiced sound-bite in order to win votes. Surely these are not the "traditional" values we hold sacred.

This year, things were a little different for me. Even though seven more states enacted constitutional bans on SS marriage this week, one- Arizona- rejected the proposal... Also, a lot of the people I voted for got elected. And Holy-Crap-on-High- the dems took over not only the House, but also the Senate... For the first time since George 43 took office, he's acting interested in non-partisan governing... hmmm, how 'bout that?!?

There is no denying that a majority of Americans still do not feel ready to accept the changing definition of marriage. The same way a majority of Americans were not ready to accept the changes made when women were allowed to retain property rights within marriage, and when interracial couples received state recognition of their unions. But the fact is that gays and lesbians are getting married. SS couples do not use that word to incite our political opponents or to cloud the legality of our relationships. It is frequently the most simple, direct way to communicate the state of our couplehood and our intentions. Being married means intending to be responsible to and for each other. Intending to love each other through various stages of health, wealth, passion, and attraction. Intending to grow old struggling, laughing, and taking care of each other. Intending to foster personal growth and stay healthy, active members of our communities and society. When federal and state constitutions are altered to specifically keep us out- to keep us from living up to these noble intentions, it is an act of hatred and vandalism.

Whew... that was a long rant considering how psyched I am about the outcome of the midterms!