Thursday, April 29, 2010

When will Mommy learn?!?

Today for the 137,682nd time since he was born, JB properly identified some type of construction vehicle that was about to pass us on the road...

JB: FORK LIFT!
Me: You see a fork lift? Where?
JB: (pointing) Right THERE!
M: I only see a flat bed truck... (staring closely to see why he is
calling the on-coming flat bed truck a "fork lift")
JB: (insistent) NO, Fork lift
M: (still looking) Are you being silly? I don't see a fork-lift...

I turn my head as it passes us in the lane of oncoming traffic and then i finally see the small-ish fork lift being transported on the flat bed truck...

M: oh there it is... (eye roll)

I hope this translates to good proof-reading skills someday...
But really, after all the times it has happened- all the times I have been proven wrong, you think i would just stop trying to "teach" him and let him point out the trucks he sees 2 miles down the road in peace...

-----
Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

April Showers

It's been rainy for 2 days.

I am out of it.

Out of energy. Out of reserves. Out of snappy, positive, one-liners about May flowers and it's always darkest before the sun...yada. yada. yuck-yuck-yuck.

If i were a celebrity, I would have been rushed off the set by now and hospitalized for exhaustion. You would have been rolling your eyes, yes, but you would not have wondered where I was (why no blog posts) because you would have read about it by now in the tabloids while waiting in line to buy your sloppy joes and jujubes.

There are a lot of forces contributing to my feeling devastatingly tired:
  • Last night, the kids slept thru the night... but they didn't. It only seemed like they did because Katy went in there before I woke up. I try to let it not bother me at all... This waking up one or 2 times a night is NOTHING compared to what we were going thru, but now we are hitting 8-ish months since ML was born and yeah, it is gettting... zzzzzzz... oops, I fell off there- what's going on? Where am i?
  • Exercise... I'm not really getting any. I sort of want some, but mostly don't. My body is stiff and bloated and not playin'. The tendinitis is acting up and my feet are starting to always be a source of pain... Losing some weight would help you say? Maybe, but can't we just sit here on the couch everyone?!? Yes, yes, I know it will help me feel better... Oh SHUT it Jillian Michaels! I would look like you too if that was my JOB!!!
  • Day care - we are about to pull our kids out of the only day care they have known and put them into a different one. I have a lot to write about this that I haven't, but it is causing me lot of anxiety. They will do fine, I know, but this is a major routine disruption for all of us. Thankfully, all four kids (Cam and Mac and our boys) will be making the change together. NEXT WEEK. Hives anyone?!? I'm covered in hives. And I'm broken out like a first-generation weber cousin. My stomach is turned in knots and I'm telling you this is how people get SICK, this kind of I-can't-stop-my-brain-from-spinning-or-employ-logic-to-stop-my-gut-from-churning anxiety.
Disruptions of routines are very hard.
Even when they are good, they set you back a few energy bars.

The grannies were in town last week. They brought with them an insane amount of love and Lion King paraphernalia:

and at-home child care for a week that offered us the luxury of 1) not rushing 2 kiddies in and out of the house around our work schedule 2) Four extra loving hands to help with feeding, playing, bathing, etc of said kiddies, and 3) even "after care" so that the mommies could go out on a date together.

JB got to sleep late, nap whenever, and play all day! ML learned to walk*, wave, and solve quadratic equations. *The motion of walking one foot in front of the other, not walk walk.

Then, the grannies left and frankly we all a little disoriented... Katy and ML are coughing and dripping and sniffling, JB is back to his tiny dictator status... I'm walking around here like a bloated Britney Spears in an existential crisis; without the bankroll (or the addiction) required to get into a Promises-type treatment facility.

I'm not trying to be negative. I'm living the dream here. But is it me, or is the dream sometimes a vampire that causes severe anemia?!?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

ML newsletter 7 mths old

Dear ML,

(More pics to follow)

Today you are 7 months old.

You are a cutie pie with a lot of nicknames: M-bug, Hoss, Twitch, M to the L.O., among others. In the last 3 weeks, you have gone from barely sitting up and not rolling over at all, to an entirely mobile entity. We can't keep down. You can roll from back to tummy from either your right or left side. You are stable and trustworthy sitting up. Even if you fall, you pick your head up to avoid any noggin' bashing. You can roll (though not as frequently) from your belly to your back. You get up on your knees in a crawling position and rock back and forth. You are creeping backwards. And if we walk away for more than a few minutes, you will end up backing yourself under one of the couches or tables.

You are a strong little boy, ML. You can see it in your neck and shoulders- how high you lift them off the ground (for several months now). But anyone who gets their hands on you feels it in your grip, in your sturdy movements, in the way you will not bend at the waist if you want to be in a "standing" position. Dr. L called your development "robust" and said your are very advanced in your motor skills and your developmental milestones.

Your language is pretty good too. You've got the da-da-da down... the ba-ba-ba, the bbbbrrrrbrbrbr, ooo, ooo ooo, and lots of others. It is very cute.

You are happy boy- a giggler- and are just starting to be particular about who you prefer. You love your parents but your brother is your favorite. You follow him everywhere. You laugh at his antics and there are a few things that he does just to get a rise out of you. One is saying "BOO" at various volumes- never fails to get you to smile; another is grabbing your hands and doing a little jig - never fails to get a giggle. Your Mama swears that when JB is paying attention to you, you give us this look that says, "Get lost you two... I'd like some alone time with my big bro..."

You listen to him too. When you get upset, he often is successful in comforting you: "It's okay, ML, don't worry, ML." And when you see him crying, your face contorts as if your world is coming crashing down. It is really astounding. We don't think we are imagining the intensity of this relationship. We wrote about it here, and we will try not to project our desires onto your fraternal relationship... but we do love how you both seem to love each other. We think your excellent relationship with your brother has a lot to do with your temperament. You allow for his attention-hogging ways and you seem to know on some level that this is the guy who will be there for you for the long haul.

You have been eating baby food since your five month "birthday". You are on combination, stage two food now. Having conquered rice and oat cereal, squash, carrots, peas, apples, pears, you are now eating spinach and potatoes, rice and squash and other yummy combination foods. It is almost time for mommy to whip out the old cook book and make some beans and rice and "barely seasoned chicken" mush. You started out slow with the eating. The first month, it seemed like you hated it. Even now, we have to be patient and take our time b/c you get interested in everything else when you are in that highchair and we are trying to feed you.

When it comes to your bottle, you love that thing! Pretty much on command, it is 6 oz of formula, every 3 hours during the day. Sometimes we give you 8oz in the morning or right before bed. When we start getting the bottle ready, you get insistent and demanding: "uhh uh, uhh uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, UH, UH, UH, UH, UH, UH, UH..." on and on until you get that thing in your mouth. Since you were a tiny little thing (well, let's face it you were never really a tiny, little thing, but) since you were very young, you are a terrific burper... Mommy likes to just sit you up with your belly resting on your lap and you give out an enormous UUUUUUrRRRRPPP! without even any back pats.

Despite earlier reports, you are a very good sleeper. It is only very recently that your staccato sleeping patterns have become prolonged and scheduled. Your mama excitedly reported to me this AM that, "ML has two real, scheduled naps now!!!" She never thought this would happen as most of her maternity leave was spent trying to get a whole lot of stuff done in the 20 minutes several times a day that you took a little cat nap. (Every time, being an eternal optimist, she imagined this would be the time you would sleep for one hour or maybe TWO hours. Her maternity leave- it should be said- had it's share of disappointments.)

I wrote a little bit about it here, but there was a time several weeks ago when your mama and your mommy thought they might lose their minds because we were all waking up every hour or 2 around the clock. Whenever your binki fell out, you would scream and cry out in heart break. After spending about $50 on books (between the book store and library late fees) we admitted our failings and settled on a solution. Tracy Hogg taught us that everything you were going thru was our fault. You had no idea how to settle yourself into sleep. We really screwed you up by 1) Being too attentive to your tiny noises and little discomforts, 2) Letting you fall asleep in our or other people's arms too often, 3) not providing the appropriate setting for you to learn to soothe yourself. Essentially, whenever that binki came out of your mouth when you were asleep and you made the tiniest noise, we snuck in there and wordlessly replaced for you. We basically taught you that binki's stay in mouths thru magical cascades of events that cannot be controlled... We taught you (through our sprite movements and our lightening-quick binki replacement actions)that you have no power over that binki or your body... AND also that if your binki falls out of your mouth while you sleep, the only logical explanation is that there is something VERY WRONG WITH THE WORLD!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

So, i was told (by the books) that I had to break you.
And teach you how to care for yourself.

This is hard for a mom to do. Hard for a mom to do to a six month old. Hard for moms that endured the hospitalization of their six week old to remember. And let's face it, really impossible for that softy you will learn to call, "Mama".

So you and i spent 3 nights alone together. And I'm proud of us... we both came out of it happier, more accomplished, and (most importantly) sleeping better. You learned how to look for, hold, and manipulate your binki; how to put it in your mouth, and that if you happen to wake up without a binki in your mouth... THAT is a situation that can be remedied and the help of an adult is not even necessary. You also learned that a crib is a place to go into in order to settle down and fall asleep, not a place that you are placed in after you have fallen asleep only to wake up a few hours later wondering, "WHERE THE HELL AM I, AND WHERE IS MY BINKI?!?"

So, lately, you have been sleeping like a champ. And your moms have been very careful not to run in too soon if you start crying in the middle of the night. We take turns holding eachother back. It should be said, sweet boy, we are still trying to figure out all of the ways you getting sick and our weeklong stay in the hospital affected us. Your moms have some degree of PTSD. It is weird how worried we still are about you, even though all indications show you to be in perfect health and ideal develpment.

You have been doing amazing in day care. We are getting ready to change you and your cousins to a new school. It was not an easy move. One that came after things at your current school continued to move in an undesirable direction. We are just happy that you and your brother and cousins will all make the move together. Those girls adore you!!! We see them with you and we worry they will literally smother you with love. Especially Cameron, she can't get enough of ML!!!

At your six month visit 2 weeks ago, you were 19 lbs 6 oz; 27 1/4 inches. That puts you in the 75th percentile for height and 80th percentile for weight. We say you are big, but that is pretty similar to your brother. This is what he looked like at 7 months.

We love spending our days and nights with you... You are a wonderful little boy!
All our love,
Mommy and Mama

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

8.6 Decades

Today's my gram's birthday.

She's the last living parent of my parents, and I'll deny saying it if ever comes up in the afterlife (I don't think they can read blogs from there) but she's the one I needed to live the longest.

My gram can talk smack (and laugh and joke about people) with the best of us, but generally, she gives people the benefit of the doubt and speaks about shortcomings of others from the perspective of "They are probably trying to do their best..."

I've heard stories that as a parent, my gram wasn't as- should we say "ZEN"- as I know her to be... but my relationship with her has always been one where she loves me in a demonstrative yet quiet way. I notice her giving people a lot of breathing room without cynically lowering her expectations of them.

Lately, I've spent a little too much time thinking about how I'm going to handle it if/when she dies. She has a friend that just turned 99 this year, so this doesn't have to be "around the corner," but I'd be foolish not to consider some of the implications of her 86th birthday. I've realized some things that I tried to convey to her tonight when I was driving her home from dinner.

T: Gram, you know I really love you.
G: I love you too.
T: It's not just a 'gram' thing, you are like, one of my best friends. I've learned so much from you, but also, still now- mostly every day- I'm still learning things from you...

This is true. I call her for recipes, to ask her about plant life and growing or buying food. I ask her about varmints and soil and trees and flowers, and where to buy different things that I can't seem to find. I ask her about remedies and her opinion on politics and how to handle relationships. I talk to her about grief and what works to heal hearts... Which reminds me, I've got to call her about this chirping sound...

My gram has a lot of children and grandchildren and she has different relationships with all of us. Not "closer" to some or any hierarchical system of worth; the relationships simply manifest in different ways. She lets all of us be who we are and doesn't compare us to each other in a judgmental or unhelpful way. She doesn't ask us to be who she wants us to be in her presence. At some point, I learned that my cousins talk to her about subjects that I shy away from. Example: sex, sexuality, their sex lives and even my gram's sex life. That revelation was kind of cool for me because i didn't even realize that there are ways that I edit myself out of polite "respectfulness" and there are things they get to know about her just by asking and dipping their toes (and feet and ankles) into topics I might not.

Tonight in the car, my gram talked about ML and how grateful she is that he is okay after his illness. She told me: "Both your boys are beautiful... They are just like miracles." Then she paused and said, "you did pretty good with your (turkey) baster." Sweet laughter.

She knows the story of the year of unsuccessful infertility doctor attempts and the "last-ditch effort" at home before we planned to buy new donor sperm that resulted in JB. Tonight I filled in more details about our friends L & F and how L mocked our nursing credentials after she knocked up her wife at home using nothing but a frozen swim team, her fingers, supplies and info found on the internet (and, i think, a head lamp.) I also told her about katy's other friends from College who after hearing our story and us tell L & F's story, they went home from reunion last May, stopped a years-long cycle of infertility treatments and procedures, and got pregnant the (almost) old fashioned way. My gram laughed at these tales and said, "Good for you!"

There it is.

If someone would have told me that my gram and I would be giggling about how me and my lesbian friends got ourselves knocked up, as I drove her home on her 86th birthday... well, let's just say I would not have believed that person was dealing from a full deck...

But my gram knows what is important and that is people, relationships, laughter, and love.

I am blessed to be of this line.

When I think of this song (below) I think of my gram, her love of flowers and her life as a gardener and how she has raised, protected and 'tended to' all of us:
i was born a garden rose
it was the only life i'd known.
i felt the touch of tending hands,
got my rain from a watering can.
From the time I was a seed, I have had everything i need
And I grew up and i grew strong,
Till the day I saw past the garden wall
- Kris Delmhorst, "Garden Rose"

Thank you, Gram.
Happy Birthday!

We interrupt this blissful life...

To report the most annoying, rhythmic chirping coming from the swampy woods behind our house. I don't know what creature is creating this noise, but it has been going on for 2 days now. Katy thinks it is a bird. But I've never heard of birds up all night, sounding a piercing, chirping alarm.

I've heard crickets and frogs and locusts and this sound is nothing like those. Imagine your smoke detector battery is dying and the thing starts to chirp in warning. But LOUDER... You are NOT IMAGINING IT LOUD ENOUGH! And you are imagining the noise IN your house, but you should be imagining it THROUGH the WINDOWS... somewhere out in the woods.

Also, it goes on and on and there is no option to get up and just change the EFFING battery!

Does anyone know what this is?!?
I need to identify it so that my fantasies of killing it can be more realistic and detailed.


To get away from the noise, I've joined my lovely wife on the couch in front of the woman's NCAA National Basketball championship game. If you know me, you understand this is a measure of last resort. Generally (excepting baseball, golf, and major playoff games) televised sports make me irritable, this is Katy's department. Since my Alma Mater is on the court, and since it actually is a championship game (which qualifies as a "major playoff game") I'm happy to be involved in the spectator-ship. Amazingly, it is a close game- Uconn is undefeated this season and no final score was within double digits.

Katy (and I) like a close game... but she is NOT happy that the scores are so low: with 11:24 left to play, Stanford 25 Uconn 29. They are missing a lot of shots and while there is a case to be made that a low-scoring game means excellent defense; the broadcast seems to be revealing a poor shooting percentage.

I'm gonna go Google "Chirping bird noises at night" now...

UPDATE: 10:30pm:
Still no word on the "bird"
And Uconn won the game 53 to 47
With two consecutive perfect seasons, it is easy to become cynical and say "they have it easy... someone should be able to take them out/down". I'm not accustomed to routing for the top dog- I'm an underdog kind of girl... But these are young women 17-22 years old, and they work their asses off year round. They have sought and worked hard for this perfection... as easy as they made it look, it wasn't handed to them. So good for you BIG BLUE.
Here's a toast to the University of Connecticut, where men are men and women are champions.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

ML's church dedication

Today was not only Easter, but also ML's church dedication.



We belong to a UU that we love that I've written about here.

The dedication is a variation on "Baptism" but instead of washing away the sins of all humanity to make your baby pure, we really stick to focusing on welcoming the child into the church and a promise from the congregation to be there for the child and the family of the child...

We lit the chalice:


Well, JB would tell you that HE lit the chalice...


(Stop looking at my chest, ya'll!!!)

It is a really sweet ceremony and whenever we watch (from the pews) a family act out this ritual, we get kind of choked up. Today was no different from this side of the event.







It was a good excuse to dress these adorable kids up in their "Sunday best"... and man were they cute...











To be clear, there are more pics of JB b/c we were all dying about how cute his suit was, and ML had just woken up and wasn't really interested in getting his picture taken.









Cam and Mac = beautiful!


All four cousins!!!

We then hosted Easter dinner for 16 adults/Teens and 6 kids age four or younger. It turned out to be an amazing day. The weather was as close to heaven as you can get this time of year. It was sunny, about 70 degrees F with a cool breeze. There was an Easter egg hunt (which ML slept through).











chocolate:



and a chance to dress in more casual wear:



We had surf and turf (mom brought the baked stuffed shrimp, and I roasted a filet loin on the grill. I was worried about how it would come out, but it was DEE-lish-ous!!! Having the chance to use the indoors and the outdoors, made things very simple in terms of space and having plenty of seating and the ability to SPREAD OUT and enjoy the weather and the party.

Our guests were very complimentary and very helpful and in general it was just wonderful!

ML took 2 substantial naps- he was tuckered out from being the center of attention this AM. JB did NOT take ANY naps except the 20 minutes he slept on the way home from church. Somehow with him we averted disaster in term of a napless melt down.



You are super cute, little boy... Congratulations on your big day!!!

Oh, the PEEPS dessert is here!!!

Happy Easter!

It will be a big day today. ML's dedication at church. Lots of peeps
there with us and at our house after. I'm going to bed late b/c I'm
trying to be less behind the eight ball later...

(eye roll).

Speaking of peeps, we bought a cake for dessert, but this was my big
project as a home made sweet treat.

(photos to follow.)

UPDATE: Photos are here!!!




Sent from my iPhone