Sunday, November 30, 2008

Living like a Pharaoh

For this one, I'll have to create a new label. How about: "Things I never expected to happen".
We were away all weekend, drove 6 hours home in sleet and nearly freezing rain. JB didn't like the car enough for that to be a joyous ride. He was going a little stir crazy and we couldn't go directly home because our house was being shown at the time we expected to arrive.

So needless to say, his internal clocks and sleep cycle and eating schedules were all messed up. At about 3pm, he seemed so tired (or maybe hungry, but because it seemed like he had eaten enough, we assumed tired) that we put him down for a nap. He slept for about 30 minutes and woke up in a state. JB was crying, shaking, screaming. Not feverish or obviously in pain, just distraught. We tried food, refused. We tried several types of food, then binkie, then everything we could think of. He acted like a rookie southpaw shaking off the catcher. His refusals got more physical and his crying turned into hysterics and what can only be described as a fit.

We decided to peel off his clothes and steep him in a bath in the sink because he has my tendency to calm in warm water. JB seemed to momentarily approve and then was overcome by his disgust for us and tried to kill himself by repeatedly attempting to smash his head on the porcelain walls of the sink. Then katy had the brainstorm... to the shower we ran. While I held his soaked, naked, wailing body, she and I undressed me and I carried him into the shower...

There, he clutched me, and quicker than I expected, calmed right down. His legs were up near his chest. His arms wrapped in a death grip around my neck. His head laid heavy on my shoulder. After a few moments, my back started to ache, but his breathing slowed and his muscles relaxed. Then, it was all chill for 3, 4, 6 minutes. And Katy and I agreed that if we pulled him out of there in his current state of hunger, things might just fall apart. So while I held him in the shower, Katy spoon fed him the Italian wedding soup we had tried to pass off earlier.

I would do anything for this kid, but I really never thought it would look like this... stripped out of my clothes on a moment's notice to hop into the shower- yes, obviously. The meal under a sprinkle of warm comforting water- um, okay, but a little unexpected.

The real surprise, though, was how sweet and beautiful it was. How content and happy he became as the food filled his empty belly. I made katy feed him the entire bowl because I just didn't want the moment to end. One of the sweetest most unanticipated experiences I've had yet...

But seriously, who gets a bowl of homemade soup IN the shower?

Friday, November 28, 2008

Newsletter: Month 14

Dear JB,

Today you are one year and 2 months old!
We are in New Jersey celebrating Thanksgiving...









































We love you!
your mommies

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Gobble-Gobble

Thanksgiving.

I have a lot to be thankful for this year.
I have a wonderful life.

We're in NJ. It's a relatively new holiday tradition: My mom's sister and brother-in-law run a bed and breakfast that is the shit a great way to spend a long weekend. Everyone gets their own room (with flat screen TV, DVD, fireplace, and bathroom). Most of the bathrooms have hot tubs or tubs with jets- those that don't have multi-nozzled, double shower-heads in the showers. The common areas are equipped with a TV and DVD player and huge tables for all kinds of communing.

There are 16 of us here. There've been a lot of games and movies and eating and napping. The inn is literally across the street from the beach. I can see the Atlantic ocean from the front door. Yesterday, I seriously considered dropping trow and jumping into the sea- just to prove I would... 4 days before December.

But I didn't. It just didn't seem worth the respiratory infection that was bound to follow. Plus, so far, there hasn't been an hour waiting period in-between eating... I didn't want to "cramp up."

Inn or no Inn, Ocean or no ocean, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It has all the dietary indulgence of Christmas without the mandatory consumer gluttony and pressure of having found the perfect gifts. It has all the gratitude, all the family, all the fun and laughter, all the blessings without the credit card debt, the never ending decorations, the syrupy cliche of Santas and reindeer who worship babies born of virgins in stables.

Mostly, I love Thanksgiving because it's a long weekend with family or friends, or if you're lucky, both. Last year, we did the whole deal at our house with a newborn and one half of his grand-parentage/adoring family.

This year, we're enjoying ourselves here.

No matter what our current traditions are, Thanksgiving in my heart will always be about cousins. I've spoken about this before, but i have a lot of amazing cousins. I miss Thanksgiving with the west-coast boys- mixing it up, playing poker/board games, and taking time to get reacquainted. It's been too many years since I've licked the back of a playing card on Thanksgiving and stuck it to my forehead when Nash was dealing or put all my faith in the fact that Greg's rules to "baseball" were legit (I've never been able to commit the rules of that game to memory) or stayed up with Trav when the others "gave in" to talk about where we've come from and where we're going.

So gents, (and wives and kids) hope you're warm and fuzzy and feeling the love, and enjoying your turkey... and if you're mixing drinks and playing cards, hope you know that I feel bad I'm not out there, swindling you out of all your coinage.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Spitting blood

Today, we went to the mall. Both the cars went into the shop, the dealer gave us a rental, and we spent 6 hours in and out of stores.

JB could not have been sweeter or more well behaved. We packed snacks, and he ate some of the soup and sandwiches we bought out. He took a nice long nap in the stroller, and he and I played on the the mall's indoor jungle-gym-y-thing for about 30 minutes while Mama partook of the bookstore. The playground was insanity. There were kids of all ages EVERYWHERE. They were jumping, diving, crawling, yanking on the legs of the kids climbing higher up. There was pushing, pulling, sliding into one another, etc. Needless to say, I stayed close to our boy. For the first 20 minutes, I was never more than an arm's length away from him. I was sure I would have to pull an instantaneous vertical grab to prevent a pair of six year old legs from skidding into and taking him out completely. For his part, JB just kind of sat stunned, his mouth in a quiet "oh" shape for those first 20 minutes. Every once in a while, he caught my stare, saw my smile and giggled nervously. At some point, he started to move around more and then when he made it though a 3 foot horizontal tunnel, he seemed to "wake up" to the potential for fun around him. Our last ten minutes there were the kind of awesome that I've waited my whole life to experience. Though I enjoyed watching JB's quiet awe, it was even cuter to see his rambunctious side.

Then I looked over the wall of the play area toward the bookstore and found Katy's beautiful smile watching us slide and crawl and laugh inside the kiddie zoo.

After that fun was done, we went into a sports apparel store as our last stop before picking up the newly serviced cars and heading home. I was trying on a white sweatshirt over my street clothes when our new walker clumsily wobbled from standing to sitting position. His mouth and upper lip (we would find out later) were scraped open near his gum-line by one of those metal "ONLY UCONN FANS CAN PARK HERE" signs. I heard him cry out briefly, then when it got quiet, I heard katy say, "It's about to get loud in here." I looked over and JB's face was reddened in a pre-scream contortion. Then he let loose, and when he opened his mouth to yell, we noticed it was full of red, red, red blood.

Keeping my wits about me, I threw off the appropriately sized yet un-purchased shirt while my wife caught JB's blood in her hand. "Do you think there's something wrong with me," I asked her later, "That my first instinct was to avoid getting blood on the merchandise?"

"No," she sweetly replied. "I think you are just calm and not inclined to panic in an emergency. Plus, you knew I had him, you might have been different, if you were alone with him."

"Maybe." I was only vaguely reassured.

So, JB cried for about 3 minutes, but bled enough to stain twice as many paper towels. Then when the bleeding slowed, we peeled his upper lip back to try to visualize the wound. That didn't reveal much - except more blood.

It was his first real "gushing" wound and it broke our hearts a little. But he seemed to be practically unfazed. He ate a full dinner. Except for those first few tears, there's been no evidence of discomfort. During his bath, I tried to clean the blood off his top teeth and he pretty much allowed it.

Tonight, after we put him to bed, I went in to "eyeball" him. I admit, I half expected to see a pool of blood on the tiny mattress near his mouth. In my defense, we were watching CSI, but still, the messed up nature of my mental expectation is not lost on me.

Something's happened recently to make this kid more lovable. It's not that he wasn't heart-torque-ingly wonderful before, but some new wave of... some larger capacity of love has washed over me. Maybe I'm just finally used to the fact that he is here. He is here to stay. He is not a mirage. He's real. Perhaps it was hormonal denial that kept me from feeling secure in that information. I guess the labor and c-section scars weren't enough proof. I guess the feeding a human from your tittie for eight months part didn't make enough of an impact. I guess the infant cries and poops and pees and complete helplessness of it all didn't do enough to make it "real" for me... But this new stuff, the new level of communication, the walking and falling and walking some more, the bleeding...

Somehow now, it is more real. We love this kid. We planned for it our entire relationship (maybe our whole lives) but we're still shocked by the magnitude of truth in that statement.

Nick names and defending cousins

We were at my mom's last night as she had brought both Mac and JB home from school.
First there was the story that Nana and Papa witnessed Mackenzie "defending" Jake's honor.
Apparently, Bryce had taken a toy from JB and Mac told him "No, Jacob was playing with that, Bryce. You give that back to Jacob." Then some pulling and shoving ensued that got Bryce put into a timeout while Jake when off looking for a replacement toy.

Then I overhear a conversation between katy and Mackenzie.
K: Mackenzie, I don't have a nick name, you should help me get one.
M: yeah.
K: Do you know what a nick name is?
M: (silence)
K: What is your nick name?
M: Mackenzie B- XXX (using all three names)
K: No, that's your full name, what's your nick name?
M: (silence) heh
K: what do we sometimes call you?
M: (silence)
tt: Do we sometimes call you MacMac?
K: do we sometimes call you Mac?
M: My mommy sometimes calls me Mac Attack.
K: YES!!! THAT'S YOUR NICK NAME... What is Cameron's nickname?
M: Cameron P- XXX (using all three names)
K: That's her full name. But what do we sometimes call her?
M: (silence)
K: Is it Cam?
tt: or do we call her CamCam?
M: Or we call her Cam-a-licious.
tt and K: YES!!!
K: Yes, everyone has a nickname. tt's name is tracy, but we call her tt. Nana's name is nancy, but we call her Nana. Papa's name is Brian, but we call him Papa. But I don't have a nick name. What's my nick name? Will you give me one?
M: Your name is KT, Katy... Don't you know your name?

(true cuteness)

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Evidence of walking

He is off to an amazing start - just in the last two or three days he has totally abandoned crawling and has become a walking machine! Yes, we know our lives are about to change. Forever. Again.




PS - thanks to L-Marg and C-lo for the adorable eggs he's walking around with!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Walking, wanking, and going under the knife

A few updates...

The kid is great.

After about 4 weeks of creeping and clinging to our fingers while taking step-lets, tonight JB took 6-7 consecutive steps several times. We set him up in front of us and did the, "Go see Mama," now, "Go see Mommy" thing. He's so unstable and wiggly, but he is definitely close to walking. In fact, if we are not calling what he is doing now walking, I'm not sure when we will make that designation.

He's found his penis. Every night in the tub for the last week, he ignores the ducks, boats, and cups of water, preferring instead to tickle and pull his little pup. It is more amusing to me than it should be. Especially when he starts sort of singing every time he takes a grab at it.

Tuesday was Veteran's day and we spent the morning on the other side of the health care system. First, an amazingly sweet and talented audiologist named Brian tested JB's hearing. After about 30 minutes it was determined that due to the fluid behind his eardrums, JB has some "significant" hearing deficits. Then the ENT left us waiting in the anxiety of that information for about 20 minutes - giving JB enough time to play in the sink, tear up the paper on the exam table, attempt to rip the opthalmoscope off the wall, and motion incessantly toward the phone on the wall. When we were all about to lose it at the 65 minute mark, a seemingly pre-pubescent boy came in and told us he'd like to do surgery on our baby.

That's right. Ear tubes. We were worried this day might come, but to honest, I thought we would fight it more. Fight it as in, "The research shows... blah, blah, blah." But instead, we're all like, "hearing... deficit... surgery... okay."

So, On the lighter side, there might be a def-a-sit, but the kid can hear for sure. His latest cuteness includes:
1) Dancing whenever he hears music,
2) pointing to body parts when you ask, "where's Jake's ____?" (He knows belly, head, nose, and toes)
3) He follows directions including:
- Take your binki out and put it in the crib
- Put the cap on your bottle
- Take your hat off/ put your hat on
- Give (fill in name) a kiss/hug
- Throw the ball

He lifts his feet to get his shoes and socks put on. He signs for bath and milk. He shakes his head no and says "uh-oh" (or atleast has an 'uh-oh' version of the one-syllable "oh"). He seems to have only one word: "mama" (unless you count the many intonations of "oh" he produces.) But we swear that at least 3 times, he repeated "Obama" (with considerable prompting.)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A legend's quiet exit

I have so much to say about this, but can't begin to do it now...

Florence Wald has passed away. Florence was the 4th Dean of the Yale School of Nursing. Among other things she accomplished in her lifetime, she was the founder of Hospice in the United States.

I'm sure in her prime she had a lion's roar; but when I met her, she was in her late 80's and had shrunk to five feet.

I hope someday I make the time to write an essay about Florence, but trust me- it is a sad day that she is gone and the end of an era.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Looking a gift horse in the mouth

I'm glad I wrote that whole thing about how I don't only vote for the gays.

So this is a great day for the country and dems, and Obama supporters, but if you were wondering what happened to the gays yesterday, things didn't go so good.

Sure here in CT, all went well. Question one sunk solidly, 39% voting, to amend the constitution, and 61% saying, "Leave the constitution alone."
In California, Prop 8 is still undecided, but it looks to be going yes- which means that the over 14,000 same sex couples that were married in the last year are going to be in legal limbo (in the best case scenario) and stripped of their marital status in the worst. By the way, yesterday Californians voted on 12 proposed ballot measures.

So, civil rights being decided by referendum? Not such a good system.

Si se puede

We are going to bed.
We are so tired.
We are so relieved and proud.
I am moved.
I am excited to see the new first family move into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Good night and peace.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Email from our guy

I've been joking/bragging during these last few months that, "Barack emailed me today" and "Barack texted me today," whenever the campaign sent me a generic message of some kind. But just now, I checked my email.

Even though it is obviously a mass email, it made me tear up a little:




You can't see it, but here is what it says:

Tracy & Katy Weber --

I'm about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first. We just made history.

And I don't want you to forget how we did it.

You made history every single day during this campaign -- every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family, friends, and neighbors about why you believe it's time for change.

I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign.

We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I'll be in touch soon about what comes next. But I want to be very clear about one thing...

All of this happened because of you.

Thank you,

Barack


What can I say? The guy really appreciates us...

John McCain concedes the presidential election

I'm blown away. The dude is suddenly graceful in his concession speech.
Still, that makes him a class act.

HOLY CRAP



I cannot only NOT believe this is happening, but that it is happening so early in the evening... I is very emotional.

2008 Election Results- get 'um while they're hot

Monday, November 03, 2008

Vote, baby, vote!

Twenty-two minutes ago, I told my wife I'd be in bed in no less than 10 minutes.
In case you didn't read the last post, I'm fallin'-apart-tired due to "daylight god-save-us time" but I can't bring myself to go to bed. I'm pouring over electoral maps and listening to Rachel Maddow in the background.

I'm excited and scared.

"Why scared?" you might ask. Well, if you're asking that, you weren't gay in November 2004 and November 2000. I didn't sleep at all election night 2000. Katy went to bed thinking Al Gore was the president elect, but sometime after 11pm, the shit hit the fan. She woke up to find me pale and delirious in front of the TV, my hair plastered to my forehead by sweat. Fast forward 4 years... When we woke up November 3, 2004, we were informed by any pundit that had vocal cords that we had caused it... The gays demanding their rights had forced and inspired the rightwingnuts to flock to the poles and pass 11 constitutional amendments outlawing same sex marriage... While the wingnuts were in the booths voting against the gays, they also felt free to vote for the presidential candidate that "Most represented their values."

Tomorrow we will be voting. So should you. Even if you aren't registered, in most states you can vote for president by provisional ballot. If you live in CT, vote no on question one. I've been accused in the past of voting gay rights to the exclusion of other issues, and just to set the record straight, give me a minute here while I shake off my manic fatigue and put it out there before election day is here.

I was raised in a family that didn't talk about politics much. My mother and father never told me who they were voting for. I appreciate and respect that they did that. That they let me rant and rave about how great I thought the Gipper was, even though they couldn't stand the guy. I've thought of how to temper my political opinions for JB and any future sibs, because I think there is some value in avoiding a parental indoctrination. But I'm not there yet. Tomorrow I'm voting for Barack Obama. Tomorrow, maybe for the first time, I'm voting for someone I feel safe believing in. Tomorrow, I feel I get to vote for intellect and sincerity, and the vote is not about gay rights hardly at all. I'm voting for Barack Obama because I believe...

I believe that when a nation centers it's identity on the theory that all citizens are created equal (and all are entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness) setting up and perfecting a re-distributive system of progressive taxation is neither socialist, misguided, or unfair; but it is rational and moral.

I believe that my income, the income that I am able to earn as a free citizen in a country that provides free libraries and free education for all of it's citizens - is taxable.

I believe that my property, the property I am able to purchase with the money I earn through my job, the property that is protected by municipal employees such as police and firefighters, the property that is kept secure by garbage pickups and zoning regulations - is taxable.

I believe that if some member of my family dies and I inherit more than ONE MILLION DOLLARS, some of that should go back to the state to support the infrastructure that helped make my relatives so prosperous.

I believe that most of what I have been given in terms of freedoms and advancements has come from liberal movements that have been maligned and battered by instruments and proponents of propaganda. The political antics of a conservative minority that have somehow, ingeniously whipped up a backlash against labor movements, civil rights advancements, and women's suffrage are insulting to me. I believe that candidates and/or government officials that entice citizens to turn against their neighbors, and vote against their fiscal self interests is not "by," "of," or "for" "the people" at all.

I believe that a free market promotes competition, ingenuity, and healthy trade but that unrestricted or unregulated capitalism promotes greed and corruption that are contradictory to the ideals of a representative democracy.

I believe that there are many, many more people in this country working too hard for too little pay than there are people hardly working, or "living off the rest of us."

I believe it is wrong to care more for a fetus than a living baby. And if you are going to make abortion illegal, than you had better also abolish childhood poverty, and hunger.

I believe it is wrong to care more for a fetus than a living woman. And if you are going to make abortion illegal, than you had better also give women information on birth control, sexual health, and choices in a misogynistic society.

I believe that just like education, health care is a right, not a privilege. It is conceit that we consider ourselves the richest, most civilized people on earth, but it is an embarrassment that our wealth and our civility do not extend to making sure that everyone has access to basic primary, preventative, and emergency care regardless of ability to pay.

I believe that Medicare is without question the most successful and efficient government program in the history of the modern world. I believe those that deny the success and potential good that could come from extending such a program do so either out of ignorance, irrational fear, or mendacity.

I believe the government should not tell us who or how we may worship.

I believe the government should not tell us who or how we may love.

I believe that a gay child or the child of a gay parent is as important to society and as worthy of protection as any other child.

I believe that race is more than a divisive issue in this country and more than something that should be pondered and discussed. Racial prejudice is abhorrent, but it is woven into the fabric of our existence and cannot be untangled without reconstructing who we are. The history of racism and enslavement is the history of all of us. I believe that anyone who pretends that racism does not still affect most of our relationships and power dynamics in this country is delusional. The past cannot be changed, but we have come too far to stay the same. I believe standing together and treating each other with respect matters more than assigning blame. We are all in this together and our leaders should stop trying to pit us against one another. I believe the "divide and conquer" and "attack your opponents' morality/character" strategy has tainted too many elections, and has lowered the level of discourse: "Nana-na-boo-boo, wa-wa-wa!"

I believe that the United States of America has a place on the world stage. I believe that the alleged "last remaining superpower" is of privilege and therefore has responsibilities toward the rest of the world. I believe that the damage done in the last 8 years to our international relationships, credibility, and perceived integrity as a nation is not only a national security concern, but a tremendous waste of our good reputation that has been bought with the blood of American soldiers.

I believe that it is time we had a president that will not mock straight-A students, who speaks intellectually as if education and tact is important.

I believe that this Barack Obama guy is the real deal. A once-in-several-generations type transformational leader. I believe that the message of hope and change is in and of itself important right now.

I believe I am more tired now than I was when I wrote that post about being tired last night...
I am sad about Barack's grandmother dying today. Sad that she did not live to see tomorrow. Sad that even though he may bring it home for her, he doesn't get to bring it home to her.

We'll see what happens tomorrow...

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Daylight Savings Time

You know, one of the things I've noticed about little children is that they don't understand about weekends... I mean, I can handle the 5:30 am daily snuggle, but can't there be a Saturday or Sunday off for good behavior?!?

But I'll tell you what will really effe a family up, "fall back". Please, when you read that, intone the dripping sarcastic condescension, that I injected it with. So, "fall back" used to mean an extra hour of sleep. But apparently now it means, "you can go to bed if you want to, Mother-f$#er, but you aren't going to get much sleep."

The baby really doesn't understand about Daylight Savings Time.

As far as I can figure, this is what was going on in JB's mind this morning: Oh, it's 5 O'clock, but it's really FOUR O'CLOCK?!? That's awesome!!! I think... What are you two talking about?!? Can we get up now??? Great. Thank you. My diaper is wet, I'm starving, and it is so dark I feel like something that crawled out of a cave... it hasn't been this dark since before I was born, if you know what I mean... hahahah just kidding... Look, it is really dark in here - but I mean, I know I'm young, but aren't I supposed to be the one crying??? Are both of you mommies crying?!? Yes, I know, you always say this, 'It's saturday...' But I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that...