"That's not true!"

We've spent the better part of the last month spinning.  (Not the exercise class...)

Katy's dad was here for almost a week.  Before he arrived and during his time here, Katy was working mostly12 hour shifts to support the Electronic Health Record implementation at her hospital.  At the end of that week, Jake had his dance recital.  Two adorable numbers this year, tap and ballet.

 
During all that, softball started.  Anyone that reads this blog knows how much I look forward to Softball starting.  But truthfully this year, I am not yet mentally prepared to be out of work, kids fed, suited up, and at the field at 6:15pm.  Fortunately, there has been a lot of rain, so we've only played (I think) 3 times in the last 4 weeks.

Last week, Katy's moms came for a little over a week.  They kept the boys out of school, walking and gardening, doing puzzles and coloring and reading... They stayed here for the weekend while we headed out of state for a(n awesome) wedding.

Aside from fairly consistent whining, the boys seem to be doing great... Thriving in the chaos.  They sometimes need 2 or 3 tries- but they seem to get the rules when we remind them: "You can't get what you want if you are whining or crying."  This house rule is for their own personal protection as much as any convenience on my part... I cannot be held responsible for my actions if these jokers can't shake the easy-to-pick-up, hard-to-shake habit of WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYNING.

Milo also has a special gift for completely ignoring us.  If he is doing something we don't want him to, it is no use calling to him or asking him to stop from across the room.  To communicate a correction of some kind, you have to walk right up to him, and usually take his hands or cheeks into yours.  If you don't, he will just act like your voice is inaudible.

He has, though, really turned a corner with his command of the language.  He is speaking so much clearer and trying to say more.  It's been so long that we've been answering every one of his questions or statements with "What did you say? Can you say that again?"  That he's actually started to believe that is a part of regular communication.

"Milo, can you pick up your socks?"  And if he's not ignoring us completely, he will say, "What did you say?  Can you say that again?" While he's in the midst of picking up his socks.  He just thinks it is something you say after someone else talks, like a little British toddler, might say, "jolly good, ol' chap."

Also, he says "no"... A LOT.  And sometimes he gets confused when he means "No" but wants to switch it up, he starts to object like a lawyer:

Me: "Milo, please don't put your hand in your milk."
Him: "THAT'S NOT TRUE!" 
Me: "ORDER IN THE COURT, MATTLOCK!"

It's a funny thing when language develops- trying to piece together not just sounds and definitions, but context and various degrees of emphasis.  I'm like, "Dude, 'that's not true' does not mean the same thing as 'I don't want to'... those phrases are only interchangeable if you are running for public office."

Local Honey

We started this blog 6 years ago. Every year (for 6 years) I've been invited, encouraged, interested, eager- to take part in this. But whatever it is about June 1st? I could never make it work.

In some ways this is redundant. What is the GSO but a blog about our family. Every time Katy or I blog, it is for at least one LGBT family.

As I write, I mentally review the week we've had and the weeks coming up, and I don't freaking know how parents do this. And then I remember, we are doing it... We ARE parents.
This is not a dream but a "dream come true"... (shrug)

With a 1.5 year old boy and a 3.5 year old boy, every day is an adventure.
Every meal is a crap shoot.
Every bedtime is a cliff hanger. (Will we sleep through the night or won't we?!?)
Next week, Katy is away at a conference and I will keep the home fires burning, but looking at the week we've had, I miss her already.

First, a few tid bits:

1) I'd just like to say, that the two moms are suffering a little right now. After more than a week of this "cold" I'm willing to concede that I may have developed seasonal allergies late in the 4th decade of my life. But seriously, if this is what a little pollen can do to a woman, evolution may be working against us. I promise, I'm going on local honey as soon as I can locate some...

2) Pink eye is running rampant through the day care. ML got two scoops of clear goopey in his left eye, and we had to get drops called in prophylactically to keep him from being erroneously diagnosed and tossed out of work camp day care for two days. In a scheduling Cirque Du Soleil that amounted to nothing less than a Parenting Coup, we had him on 24 hours of drops before any ocular pink-en-ing could occur.

3) JB's first dance recital is Saturday. His dress rehearsal is tomorrow night. He has the prince costume, pink tights, make up (including foundation and purple lipstick- that he requested Katy buy for him), black ballet shoes, a new haircut, and he is poised to steal the show. Most importantly, he is very excited and proud. And it is the most normal thing in the world to him. I pray that we get to keep him like this for several more years- where he gets to enjoy the things he enjoys in blissful ignorance that some of them (baseball, football, watching garbage trucks) are "boy things", and some of them (cooking, dancing, wearing lipstick) are "girl things".

Back to the post...
What the heck does it mean to blog for LGBT families?

In some ways, our blog is all about the fragile capacity of memory. I need to chronicle these times because if I can't remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday, how will I remember how adorable my kids were in the first real winter of their lives? Or how will I accurately portray to them how insane they sometimes made me, as I grow older and romanticize our early years together?!?

But that's only part of it, really. I blog for more people than me and us.

I blog for our family and friends that totally support us. I blog for our acquaintances that might not understand us. I blog for Oprah- that she might somehow stumble upon this space and find someone to pay me to write for a living...

When i first came out, one of the strangest things to me was the censorship that suddenly surrounded various aspects of my life. Prior to realizing I was gay, I was an open book. There was nothing to hide, nothing to dance around, no question that couldn't be posed. "What's new? Who are you dating?" And endless follow up questions about any man that might come close to fitting that description. But after "word got around" about me, conversations temporarily got quieter, more one sided... There were obvious school and work questions, questions about where I was living, but then things slowed down. Only a few would venture to the "who are you living with?" And even fewer would jump right out and ask about "dating" or a "girlfriend". My coping strategy was to just put it out there. I felt, the sooner I came out to people, the sooner I could convey this was not something that I needed to hide to feel secure. If it was public knowledge that I was OUT, then innocent discomfort based on a fear of being too personal or inadvertently OUTING me would prove to be unnecessary. I spoke quietly, but as clearly as I could about all aspects of my life.

This was not necessarily natural to me. But like when you teach yourself to be comfortable speaking in public, I just decided it was the way I would try to take care of not only myself, but others that I loved and worked with and played with.

When I met Katy, she reinforced this model of behavior. People don't know that she quivers a little on the inside and silently worries so much about what other people think, because when you talk to her, it seems like she's all carefree. She seems to say what's on her mind without pause. She tries not to couch the truth unless there's a really good reason. Once I fell in love with Katy, our relationship demanded an entirely higher standard for living out and proud. I mean, she's not someone I'd ever consider hiding, even for a moment. (As Lissa would say, "What's the point of having a trophy wife, if you can't..." Lissa uses that preamble in all sorts of scenarios.)

So we are a gay family, but we are certainly not separate or isolated from other families. And we are open and clear on what puts us into this very distinct category of families, but often, we are so busy living our lives, that we feel a little removed from vitriol aimed particularly at us.
Consider this:
- 31 states in the country have CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS that forbid marriage between two men or two women (the acknowledgement that we are a family)
- 39 states in the country have STATE LAWS that forbid acknowledgement that we are a family
- There is a federal law (DOMA) that disallows the federal acknowledgment of our state-sanctioned marriage. That includes not counting us as a family in the census; not counting us as a family in the tax code; not counting us as a family in terms of disability, social security, medicare, military benefits; that includes not counting us as a family in terms of immigration, international travel and protections, and federal employment.
- Federal law is still unclear on the status of gay men and women in the military- Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) is supposedly on it's way out, but until that transition is completed, gay men and women are prohibited from serving in the military; which as far as I'm concerned means an out gay man or gay woman (even if s/he could win the general election and earn the votes of the electoral college) would not be eligible to serve as Commander in Chief or President of the United States.
- In at least 41 countries, it is AGAINST THE LAW to be gay or in a gay relationship
- Many of the worlds religions claim without any hesitation that God either hates gay people, wants them to live in denial of their natural inclinations, or will definitively punish same sex attraction with eternal damnation.

In a world with these types of headlines, with so many powerful, famous, and vocal people that are lining up to condemn us for being gay, when I consider our family, and our lives...
The sad truth is I don't feel all that gay.

We don't live in a gay house, in a gay town, have gay jobs, go to a gay church-
(Well, actually, our church is a little gay...)
But what I mean is, we are just living. We are conventional and mainstream and we are comfortable that way.
We dabble in activism and keeping this blog is one tendril of that activity.
We are surrounded by good people of all stripes, and we feel boring and not "different" at all...

This year we went to PRIDE in North Hampton, MA. North Hampton, if you don't know, is the lesbian "San Fransisco" of the east coast. It is the "New England, town-green, raise your chickens under the worn out kayak in your yard, 7 sister all-women's college surrounded, hemp-wearing, local honey and maple syrup-making, artist collective, non-profit supporting, justice seeking, female indie-rock band launching, queer women raising children, challenging each other to cook-offs, reading contests, inter-mural soccer, and 1/2 marathons;" it is the year-round answer to p-town. (deep breath)

When you go visit friends in NoHo, there are always 2-3 husbands in a group of 10-15 women, but they're the type of guys that are more liberal, intellectual, feminist, or bohemian than any of your female relatives back home, so (in the most innocent, respectful, and non-emasculating way) when you are with them, you forget there are men in the room.

So we are in the car, heading up there (for PRIDE) I started to get a little insecure.
I started thinking, "We are going to J and J's house and they are so, well... cool and they've got the right shoes and kayaks and schedule that's healthy for their kid... And their son isn't in day care for 40 hours a week, and they probably don't even let him have chicken nuggets or PLASTIC toys (let alone Ball Park Franks) and we are so STRAIGHT compared to them..."

And then I thought:
"STOP!!!!!!!!!"
"THEY ARE STRAIGHT! Tracy, they can not be gayer than you... YOU are married to a woman!!! That IS the very DEFINITION of GAY!!!"

But, isn't it true that nowadays, GAY FAMILIES include so much more than two people of the same gender who are in love and/or sleeping with each other.

J and J who are practically gayer than us- even though one of them is a MAN and one of them is a WOMAN (Because they do live in a "cool gay house" in a "cool gay town" with our very best gay friends) J and J are part of this gay family.
Our parents and sisters and brothers are all part of this gay family.
Our cousins, aunts, and uncles by birth and our cousins, aunts, and uncles by choice are all a part of this gay family.
Our softball team and coworkers are all a part of this gay family.
Our college friends, Our Facebook friends, and readers of this blog, and the people that take care of our children every day at their school are all a part of this gay family.
My mom's hair dresser, and my father-in-law's tennis buddies and my grandmother's sister, brother, and church friends that are always asking about our boys... are all part of this gay family.
Anyone that has ever stopped a homophobic joke or tirade because they've thought of us and said, "That's just not true and just not nice."
Anyone that has ever decided not to vote for an anti-gay politician because of how that effects our family or the future that our children will grow up in.
Anyone that has ever turned to their small child and said, "There's nothing wrong with dancing if you are a boy or driving a truck if you are a girl, and I love you no matter what you grow up to be" is part of this gay family.

So when I blog on June 1st (into the early morning hours of June 2nd) for LGBT families, I'm blogging for all of us. I'm blogging for the visibility and viabilty of progressive lifestyles and families (gay and straight) that fight a political machine and a standard of living that tries to make fact out of the myth that gay people are somehow a threat to our society. And the way that we fight (because we are so tired out by working our jobs and raising our kids, and keeping our houses in order) is by mostly just living. Living with and near each other and taking care of each other and raising our kids together.

I am so proud and feel so lucky to be living the life I am living with all of you as part of my family. It numbs the mind. It strengthens the heart. And emboldens the spirit.

It somehow makes the breathing easier. (Like an elixir for seasonal allergies)

Season opener

Hey sports fans, it is that time of year again...
We won the first game of the season last night in a crusher 10-3.

If you have ever followed this bloggy-here thing in the summer-ish months, you know how much I love this team. You also know that winning our first game... this is a big JOE$#&%BIDEN deal! Well, not really a big deal as in "we care so much about winning", but a big "it doesn't usually happen this way" kind of thing.

Last night there were a lot of unusual events aside from throwing one in the "W" column...
1) We fielded a team of 10 plus a designated hitter (without a problem)
2) Did I mention we won
3) It was the first time in about 10 years that there were more than 5 infant/toddler tykes running around (thanks to the birth of ML and the concurrent attendance of Jess, Web and Katy and me.)

When I started playing on this team, there were swarms of offspring out there every night. Back then, I was 30 (okay 60) lbs lighter and was the "next generation"...

I sat on the curb after games for 2 seasons before I took a beer out of the cooler caddy to avoid a "10-9" (that's the town ordnance for underage drinking.) Sadly, that's not even a lie... some of my teammates were friends of my parents and I didn't want any trouble for me or anyone else.

At that time it was all we could do to keep our heads in the game:

Nancy: Robert, keep your sister away from the dumpster.
Deb: WHERE'S FRANKIE?!?
Nancy2: Are the twins okay on this blanket?
Kim: They're fine, my kids will watch them.
Nancy: COURTNEY!!! GET OUT OF THE ROAD!
Me: (Trying to warn about the approaching line-drives to these mommies who were trying to play ball and keep their kids out of traffic.) TWO OUT, PEOPLE... THE PLAY IS AT FIRST OR SECOND BASE...

Oh yeah, i was all business. But only because I didn't want anyone to get hurt.

I distinctly remember one ice cream truck arrival in the middle of the 4th inning, bases loaded, 2 outs, the insane music vamps in a slow crescendo from somewhere in the distance and the kids start to revolt. one mom and then another and then a few more until we had no defense for a few minutes because everyone was scraping coins together for treats...

So here I am all these years later, and I just didn't see this coming. I remember thinking, "this is the way to do it" as I saw sisters and cousins and neighbors playing and raising their kids together... and I can't honestly say, "the years have flown by"; I mean, these have been long fought and hard won years of falling in love and working and family making...

But somehow, I am now one of the elders.

The original moms are the team "aunties", sisters and wives and cousins have joined and we have brought forth on this field a new generation of Play-yas... Between Jess's boys and our boys and my sister's girls, and Amber's daughter and am I missing anyone??? We have an entire gaggle of babies, all over again.

I hope the new girls (and by "new girls" I mean the young women who were kind enough to merge with our team a few years back to give us a shot at avoiding a 2 times-a-week ass-whooping with accompanying trips to the ER every other week) I hope they don't tire of our kids running around, swinging wiffle bats too close to the on deck circle; children whining when their moms have to go into the field; our little Boos- sometimes listening and playing the part of adorable bat-boy/girl, and sometimes, throwing a tantrum for no apparent reason.

I assure my younger teammates that if they stick with it, it will come back to them ten-fold b/c when they take their turns at child rearing, we will be here to pay it forward... or backward... or however it goes.

But until then, I hope they don't mind that I am sometimes going to shout, silly things from the field like, "YOUR COUSIN'S NOSE IS NOT FOR YOU TO PICK!!!" and they might sometimes here things like:
"DO NOT TAKE YOUR UNDERWEAR OFF!!! JUST SIT ON THE POTTY CHAIR AND PULL THEM BACK UP WHEN YOU ARE DONE." When I should instead be quietly backing up the shortstop at 2nd base...

I hope the "retired" but dedicated former members of the team don't hold it against us that they are not done chasing toddlers around this field... 2 decades later they are still scooping kids up out of the way and digging through their bags to pay the ice cream man.

I hope last night was not my mom's last visit to the field, because really, Nana is not afraid to tether herself to her grand kids... to the great benefit of both me AND my children .

And most importantly, I hope that I keep up this batting percentage (so far = 1.000; 4 times up; 3 hits; one walk) to compensate for my not-so-"lightening"-speed, for the fact that i seem to have "forgotten how to throw", and for the havoc that our "lifestyle choices" have reeked on my ability to concentrate on the team, the game, and the cooler caddy afterward.

Today, I am sore. But as usually happens the day after a game... I am feeling incredibly grateful for this group of women that I am lucky enough to call my friends.

PLAY BALL!

We're "Home"

ML was discharged from the hospital yesterday.

We are home (in quotes) because while we were away, all of our stuff was packed and transported to a new house in Midpoint.

To refresh the story for anyone new here: After many years of hemming and hawing (because we like the town we live in but b/c I work an hour away) we decided to sell our house and move to the town I grew up in- which is 1/2 way between where we lived and where I work, and which is where JB goes to day care, and where all the free babysitting is conveniently located. Our house was on the market for just over a year... Since four months before katy got pregnant... Since four days or so before the Lehman Brothers when under. [It is quite possible, if you take into account Murphy's Law, that had we not decided to relocate, that the economic downturn that the entire world is facing might not have occurred at all.]

As often happens with these things, it was only as Katy's due date approached that we saw any action on the house at all. We got two offers as we were about to pull the house off the market to "take a break for baby". Instead, we negotiated a closing date 4 weeks after the due date, imagining that because we are such high-functioning individuals, we would be able to get ourselves organized within a 3 to 4 week period.

It should be said here that I have built up a lot of "moving karma". I have spent most of my adult life jumping in whenever people need a hand moving. I count packing and lifting heavy things among my "special gifts." The truth is, especially when it is not your own stuff, it is easy to put one foot in front of the other and just keep carrying, just keep climbing up and down stairs, just keep putting stuff into boxes, just keep sweating, just keep motivating the crew. To me that is easy. Additionally, I have pretty good spacial relations. I can load/pack a truck. For a while when we were all younger, I had the truck (Chevy Blazer). More recently, I come to a move with my own tape gun, my own markers, my own utility knife and a few screwdrivers and Allen wrenches. I bring packing paper and shrink wrap. If you are my friend or a friend or parent of a friend, or just smart enough to ask, I'll show up and help you move. I can't help it. I can't resist the invitation. I think it is one of the ways that God wants to use me here on this earth.

So, in a long weekend (a holiday weekend dedicated to an explorer who brought about the slaughter of a nation of indigenous people) my stash of karma has been used up, wiped out, the scales have been tipped. From now on, when I help people move it will be less of a mitzvah and more of a "paying if forward"/"paying it back" maneuver.

Essentially, while we were in the hospital- on the day that ML had his seizures, and the days he spent in the ICU- about a dozen of our peeps (primarily from the softball team) packed our house. They packed and cleaned and project managed the move. The movers were met, directed and paid. The new house was cleaned and painted and cleaned some more. We are still no where near done, but these people are amazing.

The people that are related to us are amazing, but the people that are in it irrespective of "blood", they are something else all together. My sister said it best when she said, "What did you do exactly to deserve these friends?!?" I don't know, exactly. But whatever it was, it was worth it!!!

If you are reading this any or all of you, I want you to know that this changes everything. This last week to some extent, katy and I have been broken wide open: holding our tiny, sick son; missing our other little boy; feeling scared and overwhelmed and exhausted; held up by people who did everything they could to take the pressure off: followed us on facebook, sent loving messages, said prayers, put our names on the prayer lists at church, showed up at the hospital to make sure we ate and slept some, mowed our lawn so it looked nicer for the new owners, PACKED AND MOVED US!!!

This changes everything because, there's no way really to repay or say thank you. We can barely do anything except sit in this moment. We sit in quiet humility attempting to honor all of you: trying not to feel embarrassed and inadequate; focusing instead on feeling lucky and blessed and saved.

We are humbled by your friendship and generosity. We're afraid we can never adequately communicate and you might never really know how thankful we are and what this has meant to us. So, we will try to communicate it and will try to pay it forward as best we can... in a way that compounds your gifts to us and your friendship and love.

Thank you. For helping us get home.

Winning stragegy

By the way, a few helpings of prunes ended the over-emphasized constipation days ago.

Tonight at softball, we lost. But it felt like we won.

It was one of those hot, humid, wish-it-would-storm-so-that-it-will-cool-off kind of nights... It was pretty sweaty. I played outfield twice this week and I'm having a good time with it; though never really having played it before, i have some trouble judging the balls. Yesterday, JB was with us at the field, tonight Katy took him home to spend some time together.

Katy has been catching this year during the games- she started doing this last year, but now it has become her position. I'm kind of proud at how her game has improved. She is athletic and all that but never really played softball. So there I am on a softball team with my wife and my sister- both of whom are kind of interested in exhibiting perfection at all times, but neither of whom have ever played ball before. It's a little nerve-racking because I want them to do well, and I want to help, but I don't want to get involved in "advising" too much... and also, I am now not only worried about my own safety, but that one of these two might get injured.

I think I mentioned, I got my sister to join the team this year because, we are trying to look for ways to spend time together that don't involve eating (cooler caddy discounted) and also, as I know I have mentioned, my team is dripping with multi-generational awesomeness. Though I live 1/2 hour away from the fields, my sister lives in the same town and it felt like time to bring her into the fold.

I love my teammates for the way they give everyone a chance and the way they open up the welcome wagon of inclusiveness and societal responsibilities. When you are on this team, you bring cooler caddy at least once a season and that includes non-alcoholic libations and some type of snickitty snacks. No one barks or murmurs whether you bring a bag of chips or smoked tuna-steak finger sandwiches. There's no hierarchy, competition or score keeping when it comes to what you share or are able to provide. Any and all snarkiness is above-board and direct, and meant in good fun. If you want to be on the team, you are invited to the parties and to the frequent volunteer opportunities, and to the wakes/funerals/sick beds of loved ones. There is an extensive network of skills and services available via 'mates and spouses. Here's where we got our mortgage refinanced, found life insurance, found bands to sing with and hire, learned to play golf. There's someone connected to furniture, carpentry, motorcycles, lots of teachers, paving, court and field painting, trash collection, real estate, hardware, politics, it goes on and on. Here I've taught teenagers how to drive stick shift and stuck a few in coolers and trash cans when they were misbehaving (all without getting in trouble with my friends- because the governing rule over kids at games seems to be- "on this team you will find your surrogate parents, aunts, and cousins... open up a can of worms with someone and you'll have to work it out with that person... don't expect me to come fix it...")

In the many years I've been on the team, there have been about 1/2 dozen new teammates that didn't make it and that was only because they were unfriendly, overly-competitive, poor sports, (or in that one case) truly creepy:
"I guess you and I will have to sleep together in the single bed..."
umm... no. no we won't...

I digress.

Tonight, my sister played 2nd base. She's a "rules" person. As in, tell me the rules of how to do well, and I'll follow them to the tee... and then I'll do well. She has trouble doing things that don't have rules (like taking an unplanned out walk through an amusement park or big city, for example.) She also does well when there are layered, simultaneous goals: "Get the ball and play your position,:" for example, right alongside "get on base", and "win the game". During softball (I think this was her fourth game ever) she screams a lot more than I am used to. I mean, most SB players don't scream, and frankly, my sister doesn't scream much either... but in 2 or 3 plays tonight, she actually yelped out little screams. Like when a woman sees a spider on TV... The ball was heading to her glove: "ahhhhhhhhhea!" Huh? what was that?

But she got on base 3 times (3 times more than me) and I stopped counting after her 2nd put out of the game. Pretty fan-#$cing-tastic. Highlight quote of the game:

web: "Come on, ladies, we have 1 MF out."

Oh yeah, she's intense... the thing is, when you're surrounded by these people, laughing and sucking wind while running around in the outfield, it's hard to care or pay any mind to the score.

Momentous day!

1) The California supreme court ruled that a ban on same sex marriage is unconstitutional. This is a big deal. I got butterflies, goose pimples, and choked up when i read various parts in the ruling. I am now avoiding media reporting and interpretation of the document because I know that it will come with a ton of backlash and many asshats feeling self righteous and tripping over themselves to go on record to spew all kinds of "unChristian" anti-gay nonsense.

2) First game of the softball season. We won.
No. You don't understand...
We.
Won.

That is like, well it is sort of like the CA SC making a ruling in support of same sex marriage (on the Richter Scale of big news, i mean.)

More to follow on our awesome team (who won in the bottom of the 7th inning) later. But I need to point out the season opener contained solid at bat performances by K to the T (behind the plate for the duration) Web and C-lo. The latter two appearing in their first official game and between them, catching EVERY SINGLE BALL that was hit to Right field.

Strong work, Ladies!

Softball

Last night was our first softball practice... My first since 2006 as I did not play at all when I was pregnant. It was the perfect night weather-wise and felt good to get out there! The soreness this am feels good.

I've mentioned the team here and here, and here. I've played on this team for many, many (too many to mention years)... And yet, yesterday was the first time I ever remember taking an infield practice. Some of players have decided they are too old and should "retire to the sidelines." This saddens me a little but coincides perfectly with our family's recent need for field-side child care.

Also, my sister has joined Kt and me on the team. Yesterday's practice marks the 2nd time in her life Web has grabbed a glove and taken the field. The 1st was when i was in jr high school and we only had 8 players. Her 7 inning stint in right field prevented a forfeit.

I was proud of her last night. She hit decent, laughed at herself, and I could tell she spent 80-90% of the practice mentally calculating her personal "improvement strategy."

I love summer-time.

For the folks at home

This won't be as entertaining as the last post, but I wanted to give a shout out to the softball peeps before I head to bed... love you gals!

Book Club

Most of you will not be surprised that katy and I belong to a book club. Our book club is the charming evolutionary subdivision of our softball team (which I wrote about at the beginning of last season.) Softball in the C. Women's League is not necessarily a hearty workout, but it does get your heart pumping- especially when you are afraid of getting injured and/or you get angry at members of another team (in rare instances, members of your own team.) I started playing softball on this team before I could legally drink. It became clear early on that first season that I could jump around and play if i wanted to, i could smack the ball, run the bases, even score some runs, but I was not entirely useful to the team and would not be a full-fledged member until I could fulfill the cooler-caddy requirement without bringing a "10-9" or police investigation down on the team.

That was several years ago, and my growing fear of injury is nothing compared to the women who welcomed my practically pubescent body to the team when they were my age now (at least that's what i gather from the rounds of: "Oh, shut up" that I get every time I mutter that I'm not as young as I used to be.)

Some things have changed: During games, we hear less of "ROBERT! GET YOUR SISTER OUT OF THE PARKING LOT!" And more of, "Well, they broke up last semester, but she still slept over our house with him last night..." There have been a lot of celebrations- marriages, births, promotions, and new homes. And a lot of devastations- divorces, illnesses, and death over the years. We've added some openly gay players. (I came out to the team when katy started coming around to watch, and katy was invited to join when Deb M decided that there was no need to struggle through the game with a plastic cup of wine if she could find a youthful and athletic replacement for her position.)

These are some of the most generous, hilarious, fun-loving, non-judgmental, compassionate folks I will ever know. Nancy, Deb, and Sue's response to my timid assertions of gayness in my mid-twenties truly made it possible to feel like I could come out to my family and my family's friends- at a time when that didn't seem probable. Years later, I was surprised to realize how nervous I still was to invite all of them to our wedding- and then I realized how ridiculous I was to be nervous: Deb M, Barb, Karyn, Sharon, Terry, Erin, Cathy's excitement over our wedding celebration, and the "put-me-in-coach" dance-off they all choreographed at the event are some of our favorite moments when we reminisce. Getting to be one of Jessica's peeps and watching her start a family has been like getting to be an aunt to another adorable little one and has given me the chance to glimpse what all of my team-mates will look like in "grandma mode." (Don't get offended ladies, it's still a while off, but isn' it nice to "play" grandma in your youth?)

Book club began as a way to- well, drink in the off-season... but now i realize these brilliant organizers of life and family were probably orchestrating how we could/would stay a team if (and when) some or all of us ever decided to leave softball. Every year, there are more frequent conversations of "not playing next year" or "maybe there won't even be a league." Every time I hear this talk, I cringe. Not because if that happens, I will feel old and it will be the end of an era, even though it will absolutely be the END OF AN ERA. But because... I'm not sure there is anything as exquisitely satisfying... Any more perfect reminder of the simple pleasures in life- than what I experience a few nights a year: Hanging out at ol' CHS on a warm summer night, drinking miller lite out of a can, possibly BBQing, laughing and enjoying a sunset with these women and our families. Luckily, if the day ever comes when we aren't all playing together... at least we'll have book club!

Thank you for your kinship... and the yummy soup!

Summer in full swing

Last night, we turned our central air off after a week of having it on non-stop. The northeastern heat-wave seems to have been broken. Blogging has been kept to a minimum- not intentionally, but because we've been hot and lazy and also too busy for this kind of weather/season.

Some updates:
1) Softball is almost over- the last games will be this week and next week. This is a little sad, but getting home before 9 pm 2 nights a week will be a welcome change.

2) The refrigerator- Installed, humming and keeping all goods chill.

3) Kt's car- Brand new brakes and rotors -good to know what these are... (Game show voice: Tell them what they've won: $700 in un-anticipated expenses) Knowing that she can stop on a dime... priceless!

4) Our yard and the house... Except for the mass slaughter of beetles, and the weekly (okay- every OTHER week) mowing of the lawn, we have not been doing any projects or additional chores around the house. There is still wood to be chopped and stacked. There are piles of refuse (bagged, unbagged, and some that was bagged but is starting to unbag itself due to long term exporsure to the elements) to be hauled off. There is a HUGE stump that needs to be ground up (or ground down, depending how you look at it.) There is mildew that needs to be washed off of the siding of North-West face of the house. The garage and attic need to be cleaned out... oh, who am i kidding, the place needs to be vaccuumed and dusted too!!! The important thing to remember is to live each day to the fullest!!! right?!?

5) Weber grill- She's assembled and she's beautiful! (See above) We popped her cherry christened her last night by grilling chicken, swordfish, tuna, asparagus, and zucchini (that was picked our of our garden...) THE BOMB!

6) Golf- finally played yesterday afternoon with L and C. It was awesome and I hit a 49 (par 31) which is my best score ever. Tiger was 14 under yesterday and I was 18 over - that's gotta mean something, right?

7) Beach Vacations are finally on the horizon. (Thanks be to God.)

8) Last, but certainly not least (drum-roll) Mac rolled over for the first time, and she's getting quite good at it. Once she gets to her tummy though, she's always a little disappointed at how little there is to see there. (She's so advanced) that she bores easily... but worry not, I'll have her doing one-handed pushups by the summer's end.

:)

Play Ball

Yesterday was opening day for the Better Homes Consignment Babes of softball legend and lore. We had to play the evil "Kitchen that hides." These women are beasts. As we all get older, their frequent reconstructive knee surgeries say it all. Year after year, they take the field armed with tendon straps, elbow pads, and technically innovative joint hardware, lubricated for battle. Their excessive desire to win- no, TO DOMINATE- is something I can't wrap my brain around... Compared to the other teams in this league, who are only hoping for a little fresh air and some batting practice before an evening libation, their attention to victory can only be described as inappropriate zealotry.

Last night, the fields were wet and we had an 85 year old umpire. Montgomery Burns took position behind home plate and from the first pitch the situation became clear: Either "Blue Geeze" 1) was legally blind, or 2) He is known as "Grandpa" to someone on the opposing team, or 3) He had been threatened with bodily injury if he did not throw the game in their favor.

Don't get me wrong, there was no way we were going to win last night: We had 9 players and they had 10... They have been juicing up all spring (most likely with injectibles) we haven't touched our gloves or bats since last August... Still, on 3 separate defensive plays, we tagged out players who were called "safe." The women of "Hidden Kitchen" are not of the "it's a friendly game" mindset. If the ump makes an obvious error, they believe you should capitalize on it! Never cop to the fact that you were 2 steps off the bag when you felt the tag... Why encourage a reversal of the decision just because ancient eyes were clouded by Alzheimer's medication and made the call from from 40 feet away while squinting at the sunset?!? All's fair in Cheshire Women's League Softball for God's sake!!!

Poor sportsmanship aside, I had only one goal last night: To avoid a trip to the ER. We lost 14 to 2, but this morning, no one had their jaw wired shut and no one needed stitches or a shoulder popped back into place, so check off "success" on the score books for that one.

The most entertaining part of the night was when someone's TOTALLY UNCOOL mom came up to the softball field from a track meet and called the cops on our cooler caddy: "This is school grounds, you're NOT supposed to be drinking beer here." That poor lady. I hope she never has to fart, because there will definitely be some kind of high pressure ESSSPLOSION!!! So we were chased off to the parking lot of a mortgage company where we pounded a few Miller Lites to celebrate the first success of a new season!