Thursday, February 28, 2008

Newsletter: Month 5

Dear JB,



Today you are 5 months old.



This month you've changed so much but in such subtle ways that my mind is spinning trying to figure out how to write about it.



To begin with, you are getting bigger... When we change you we have to put you high up on the table because if we don't, when you kick you will hit your heels and feet and toes hard against the wood or plastic. When i see you kick like this, it reminds me of how you used to kick when you were inside of me. I felt the sensation, but while pregnant, couldn't really imagine what was doing that to me- an arm? a butt? a foot? It is like a donkey kick, you bring your knee up, throw your foot out, and slap your leg down with great force. I know all children kick in the womb, and perhaps there is uniformity in the way all kids kick, but I like that there is something (many things, really) that you do innately; that you either learned or instinctively knew on your own.



Many elements of your personality are emerging, things that you are or are discovering. This kicking that you do on the changing table, I recognize it as how you were kicking me when you were inside. It is something that you couldn't have learned from us, something that you brought out with you. I'll keep it in my fore-brain as a reminder that the learning is a two way street. We have as much to learn from you as you from us...



You started day care: 2 days last week, 3 days this week, and you will be full time next week. You were there for about 6 hours before your nose started running. But you are a trooper and that little cold seemed to resolve itself in a few days. You have handled the change with very little disruption to your happy personality. You nap for them for one and two hours at a time. You eat, burp, and make diaper waste without incident. You have charmed them and we are told daily you are the "cutest kid ever" (We're sure they say this to all the 'rents.)



Day care has reinforced the life lesson your moms have struggled to accept for years: that you can have anything you want, you just can' have everything you want. We want to work and maintain the lifestyle we've grown accustomed to and give you the opportunity to learn and socialize in a group play setting and we want to spend all our waking hours being your care takers... We can't have it all.



The night before you started day care (and a few subsequent nights since) we have stayed up late sewing on and ironing on labels to your clothes, linens, and other possessions. But there is a sharpie marker they use to write your name on everything anyway. I guess we'll have to name any subsequent children "JB" too so that they won't feel bad about the 6-9 month hand-me-downs.



Starting back to work, I've taken my cues from you. You are content while at day care and bring plenty of smiling energy home to us. (We should be so successful: to be content and productive at work and fully present at home.) I know you have no "object permanence", so we should not judge ourselves too harshly compared to your ability to enjoy the best of all experiences but we work toward your example none-the-less. I've done my best "zen" impression (fake it 'till you make it, right?) with the breast feeding and so far the pumping has worked out- there is enough food for you around the clock.



Speaking of eating, we have started you on some solid foods. Rice cereal, then sweet potatoes, and this week some peas. You're up to 3 tablespoons of cereal and 1/2 jar of food once a day. We feed you at night around 5 or 6pm and it starts your pm routine: eat, play, naked time, bath, massage, story time/ lullabies, bottle/boobie, and then bed. You do so well with this routine but we try not to congratulate ourselves too much. First of all, we know it could change on a dime (your tolerance and enjoyment of the routine). Also, we know that you practically created this schedule... when we bathed you, you settled down so thoroughly and so endearingly, it was a no-brainer to repeat your bath daily; when we undressed you for the bath, you got so verbal and giggly that we extended "naked time" for our own entertainment purposes; when we weren't sure what time to initiate the routine, your tired eyes told us clearly, "between 7 and 8."



This month, after coming so close for weeks, you rolled over from your back to your stomach. We missed it the first several times, looking up after you were in your new position. Once you started, it continued. You can spend 5-10 minutes on your stomach before you get frustrated about your inability to roll back. Now in your crib, you pretty much end up on your stomach every night. It suits you and you seem to sleep more soundly, though still not for more than 4-5 hours at a time. Sometimes you whimper in your sleep, and sometimes you laugh in your sleep. In both cases, your mommies run into your room to admire you and imagine what you might be thinking about.



In the last month, you have woken up to the possibilities of the toys that have been right in front of you all this time. You are much more aware and engaged. You have gotten so much better at using your hands. Grabbing for things constantly, you are starting to understand the purpose of fingers beyond the exploration of your own mouth. We're watching in delight as you figure out how to make toys spin and light up. You reach out and grab at and play with our faces and fingers.



Your exploring hands are tiny and fumbling. It looks like you are nervously and eagerly searching our flesh and skin for illusive "answers." We are amazed too at how vital it is for you to suck and "taste" everything that you come in contact with. It sometimes seems like you are sure if you can just get an item into your mouth, you will have attained some deeply sought-after knowledge.



We assembled a new piece of baby gear this month. It is called the "Rainforest Jumperoo."



It is the grandchild of the "walkers." Walkers were toys on wheels from the 1970's that babies could sit and play in, that allowed feet to touch the floor. They stopped making walkers when too many babies (left unattended) rolled themselves off of top floor landings. The Jumperoo lets your feet touch the floor, but it is stationary. Having springs instead of wheels, you can bounce up and down and play with all of the dials and spinning attachments. It looks like fun. And it makes you seem so much older now that you can support your torso and bounce a little in a vertical plane.



The other thing that has happened in our family this month is that we have been going to a lot of outings in support of marriage equality. Before you were even born, your two moms were taped for a film talking about why mommies should be allowed to marry mommies and daddies should be allowed to marry daddies and marriage should not just be a word reserved for mommies who love daddies. When they have screened the film, we have gone to those events to meet attendees and answer questions. Each time, you stole the show with your big blue eyes



and your tendency to smile



at anyone who smiles at you.



Having such a "well-behaved" and "portable" baby has made these evenings out possible. But you are the biggest reason why we are using precious time in this way. Now that we have you, we have to "set a good example" and "put our money where our mouth is" and teach you through our actions that sometimes you have to be willing to stand up and do your part to change the world... You can't just wish for change and hope that others will take care of it for you.



It is a pretty interesting time to live in this country. There is a presidential election coming up in November and many of us are hoping for a change in leadership. We won't put too much about politics in these letters, but your civics lessons might start on these pages... You should know how rare it is to live in a place like America. This is a country where it is normal for a president to serve and then when his/her term is up to walk out of the white house and become a "regular citizen" again. In most countries, shifts in leadership do not occur without violence. Though there are many problems with our governement, generally, any adult can participate whether by voting, or running for office. This election, is being labeled as "historic" because there will either be a black, multi-ethnic man or a woman on the ballot for POTUS. In either case, it will be the first time in our nation's history that these groups are represented in a presidential candidate. Many of us believe, this day and this type of diversity in candidates for the presidency is long overdue, but I'm glad that it is finally happening now. I'm glad you will grow up steeped in this new political normalcy.



You are our treasure!
We love you so much!
Your mommies

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

No, I haven't cried...

This is the number-one favorite question people at work ask me related to my putting our son in day care: Have you cried? (or variation: Have you been crying?)

I don't know... Am i emotionally stunted? I miss him a ton, but crying hasn't happened yet. Not even close.

Stomach ache? yes.
Exhausted? yes.
Melancholy? a little.
Anxious? yes.
Irritable? kind of on edge? yes and well, yes.
Stressed? for sure.
Alternating between manic and non-productive? that's true.

Looking at the above list, maybe I should pull out a nose hair and let the tears work their magic, but I don't feel like I'm suppressing the hysteria. I mean, it is hard. It's actually harder than I thought it would be to leave him there every day... but...

I can't help feeling as if the people at my work have been day-dreaming about my return to my duties, and in their dreams I'm sobbing. Maybe I'll get my period or something and have a good cry soon, but in the mean time, I'm sorry to disappoint the crowd (Even if it is a crowd full of crying crybabies...)

In other news...
KT has the GI bug now, but no vomiting so far.

My milk supply- dangerously low after last week's moratorium on eating- seems to be returning to acceptable levels.

Work is good. (lame adjective, i know, but I'm too ambivalent to come up with a more colorful one.) I've been mostly working on a project from home, but getting the boy to day care a few times per week to "ease into it". Today I went into the office for an 11am meeting. I tried to get there for 8:30 (a full 30 minutes before anyone else on my team would be there.) When I arrived at 9:20 everyone was impressed and excited except for me- I alone knew that I was actually 50 minutes late. (If I were my boss, I would hate me.)

The boy: he now rolls over all the time from back to front. And though he can support his head really well he eventually feels frustrated that he can't get off his stomach. He does this in his sleep and when he wakes up he's like, W!T!F! WHhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAHHH! Last night for the first time in weeks, we were up at 12, 3a, 4:30, and 5:30 (ahhhWweSoooMmme!)

He's eating like a champ: rice cereal and sweet potatoes, so far.

There's more, but I'll save it for the newsletter... I gotta go pump before bed and check on my sicky-boo.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Friday, February 22, 2008

Breakfast Bacon for dinner

Tonight, katy and I had yummy bacon for dinner. It was wrapped in eggs and such, and served with toast, but you and I know what that was all about...

Now I know what you are all thinking:

Crowd of well-intentioned blog readers forming the intrusive circle of intervention: T, what are you doing??? You just wrote us telling us of this intestinal thing you just recovered from?!? Really??? Bacon? That's how you want to play it???

Me: SHUT THE F%$K UP, PEOPLE!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE!!! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!!! I MEAN IT, GET OUTTA MY FACE!!!

When i was a kid, just about the greatest thing my mom did was announce "Breakfast for dinner." It was like we won the flippin' lottery. Will there be carbs? Absolutely. Pancakes or french toast? Whichever you want. Cheesy eggs? Why yes. How 'bout potatoes? Very likely. Bacon? you bet'cha. Mom never got more praise for a $6 meal.

And all these years later, nothing has changed. Katy and I are just looking for a reason to cook up some bacon on a Friday night.

Friday, snowy morning ramblings...

Okay.

I am a little hyper right now (my first morning coffee since monday) and it is manifesting in extreme happiness.

This week I had one of those GI bugs (though it was quite possibly food poisoning) that makes you wish you were dead and/or think you are dying. Yesterday I started reintroducing solids into my diet after 1.5 days of consuming only ginger ale. It was one of those "i feel cold... now I'm sweating" kind of puke-y, poopy deals. I was sure it was the 5 day old Chinese food I consumed (stupidly) the day before the onset of symptoms, but then I spoke to my grandmother in Florida who described the exact same symptoms: every part of my body was achy, I couldn't get off the couch-lightheadedness, etc.

During the worst of it, I rolled off the couch and was crawling around on the floor trying to take care of my baby who played cheerfully under his giddy-up-and-go-gym. I would pat him on the belly and moan (in as un-terrifying a manner as possible) and he would look at me and giggle.

This morning it is snowing. I know it is partially because I don't have to rush out and drive in the stuff and don't have to spend the day at work worrying about the evening commute, but it looks so perfect and disease-curing. The boy and I have all ready showered, dressed, eaten, spent some time laughing and playing, and now he is napping while I blog (a perfect day so far.)

JB has survived his first 2 days at day care and "survive" is a sensationalized adjective. He did great. Katy did great. I'm suffering a little bit in the "possibly projecting pain and negative symptoms on him" department. Yesterday, for example I was all like, "Does he look pale to you?"

Kt: No. He looks great.
(a few minutes later)
T: Does he seem listless or less "interested in things"?
K: Not really. no. It's night time. If anything he's tired.
T: I just feel like he's not looking at me.
(pause while katy nearly pops an aneurysm trying not to roll her eyes)
K: T... come on. He's fine.
T: I'm projecting... aren't I?
K: Yes.
T: Okay. That's good. I'd rather it be my problem... bear with me, I'll work it out...
K: (so supportive and pretty) You're doing great too...

To be fair, I was mostly worried that he was destined to feel the stomach pain I experienced earlier in the week. But so far (knock on wood) no obvious symptoms of abdominal pain.

He's so fantastic. I could just spit. (I have no idea what that means, but I've heard the saying before and I really identify with it today.)

-----------------------------------
Last tidbit of the morning:

Our home phone number is one digit off the local Apple store. So a few times a month we get a wrong number. These callers are usually apologetic and we think many of the caller-ID names that we don't recognize also are trying to reach Apple. One time a lady tried to argue with me that she had dialed the apple store and I was all like, "If you want to ask me a few questions, I'll give you some answers, but I assure you we are not a registered dealer of Apple brand products." It occurs to me, if I wasn't so lazy, I could have a lot of fun with these calls.

A few minutes ago, a message was left on our machine...

Caller: um.. yes.. um... i was expecting the apple store at large-suburban-mall... sorry.

At first I though, "Why are these callers so crazy? why not just hang up?" But then I realized she was just being polite. Either that, or she's one of those folk who call back every caller id number that don't leave a message to say, "Why did you call me?!?"

I don't blame her for not wanting me to call her back intending to sell her an iphone later today.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Day Care


Today was JB’s first day at day care.

Maybe the smartest thing I’ve ever done, was to plan to work from home today. I think if I had to go to work and act happy to be there, I would not have gotten anything done.

When I drove away from the drop off, I called my sis (she’s done this before) and she said all the right things. Thank God she was in Florida on vacation and not on a cruise. (Not that she and I haven’t done extended “ship to shore” calls before…) And then when I hung up with her, I called kt. I might have called Kate first except, I didn’t want to upset her that I was freaking a little, and also, she’s been busy at work and I didn’t want to risk that she wouldn’t pick up.

Kt asked if I cried when I left him, and I said “no.”

The emotion was more like “wanting to get in a fight with someone.” I was all "tough mama-bear” not “sad mama-bear.” That’s kind of weird, right? It didn’t occur to me to cry b/c I was so tense and “all business.” I didn’t really even know how to say goodbye to him because I was worrying in my head that I forgot to bring something he might need.

Also, I was experiencing a little denial. I kind of wanted to pull a “be right back.”

Mac has started saying this. She holds her forefinger up as if to say “wait a minute” and then looking up at you says: “Be right back.” Then she turns her head away for a few seconds and turns back as if she’s left and has now come back. It’s adorable on a 2 year old who understands what be-right-back means, but she doesn’t have a quick errand in another room of the house that might take her away for a few minutes. But now I think it’s the perfect tactic for when you know you should walk away, but you don’t really want to.

In that “good-bye moment,” I wanted to be more comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to be carefree and stay to play for a few minutes. But I wasn’t at all comfortable in that moment. I didn’t like the distant feeling that the back of my throat was closing up, or the concern that my presence was distracting the day care staff. In being attentive to me, the other kids were being put on hold. So I took his coat off, gave him a kiss, and said goodbye. It wasn’t sad at the time, it was stressful.

But now re-reading this, I’m choking up a little. In the quite space of the GSO, I can be gentler with myself and see why it’s okay to feel mad-protective, sad, or scared to leave him even for a few hours. It’s crazy how adults will pretend something emotional is not emotional just to get through it.

Or maybe I should just speak for myself.

Snuggly: The security bear



"If we did punish law-breakers, they might not help us next time we have to break the law... hee-hee-hee"

Pump & blog... It's the new "Lunch break"

That's right, I'm one finger typing as my tittie is hooked up to the pump...

I'm back to work- though a modified schedule for the next two weeks includes some "working from home." I'll write more about the day care "drop off" later, but these next few weeks are all about staying focused and staying sane. Specifically, I am curious about three things:
1) Will my mammaries produce an adequate milk supply for a primarily non-suckling infant?
2) How will the effects of separation anxiety unfold for the 3 unique individuals that comprise our family?
3) Will the tensile strength of the heart really live up to the stuff of myth and legend? Or will we fall apart when parental love collides with "normal life"?

Day Care


Today was JB’s first day at day care.

Maybe the smartest thing I’ve ever done, was to plan to work from home today. I think if I had to go to work and act happy to be there, I would not have gotten anything done. When I drove away from the drop off, I called my sis (she’s done this before) and she said all the right things. Thank God she was in Florida on vacation and not on a cruise. (Not that she and I haven’t done extended “ship to shore” calls before…) And then when I hung up with her, I called kt. I might have called Kate first except, I didn’t want to upset her that I was freaking a little, and also, she’s been busy at work and I didn’t want to risk that she wouldn’t pick up.

Kt asked if I cried when I left, and I said “no.”

The emotion was more like “wanting to get in a fight with someone,” all “angry, mama-bear” not “sad mama-bear.” That’s kind of weird, right? It didn’t occur to me to cry b/c I was so tense and kind of “all business.” I didn’t really even know how to say goodbye to him because I was worrying in my head that I forgot to bring something he might need.

Also, I was experiencing a little denial. I kind of wanted to pull a “be right back.”

Mac has started saying this. She holds her forefinger up as if to say “wait a minute” and then looking up at you says: “Be right back.” Then she turns her head away for a few seconds and turns back as if she’s left and has now come back. It’s adorable on a 2 year old who understands what be-right-back means, but she doesn’t have a quick errand in another room of the house that might take her away for a few minutes. But now I think it’s the perfect tactic for when you know you should walk away, but you don’t really want to.

In that “good-bye moment,” I wanted to be more comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to be carefree and stay to play for a few minutes. But I wasn’t at all comfortable in that moment. I didn’t like the distant feeling that the back of my throat was closing up, or the concern that my presence was distracting the day care staff. In being attentive to me, the other kids were being put on hold. So I took his coat off, gave him a kiss, and said goodbye. It wasn’t sad at the time, it was stressful.

But now re-reading this, I’m choking up a little. In the quite space of the GSO, I can be gentler with myself and see why it’s okay to feel mad-protective, sad, or scared to leave him even for a few hours. It’s crazy how adults will pretend something emotional is not emotional just to get through it.

Or maybe I should just speak for myself.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

All grows'ed up

The developmental milestones continue to pile up: this morning JB and I were enjoying a lovely sunrise from the living room window when I looked over and .... ta da! JB had rolled himself all the way over and was pushing himself up with his hands.

Next step: figure out how to roll back.

And now, to congratulate himself, he is gnawing on his toes as if to suggest that no one ever provides him with sustenance. His growth chart would suggest otherwise.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Family video footage, take one*

Okay, we agree, five minutes is too long for embedded videos, but here's our first attempt at posting to you.tube and documenting new things our kid is doing...

If I had waited to post this until I decided how to cut it down to 2 minutes, we might be into the next decade.

Now we present: JB's first cereal.



*Do you ever wonder why we still call it "video" when it is digital?

The world is a scary fricken place...




This message paid for by republicans trying to get you to crap your pants...
funny stuff.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Wha-oh!

They are resurrecting Kitt. Now that Night Rider will be introduced to a new generation of Americans, maybe Mad.tv or SNL will use my skit idea:

Imagine... "Knight Rider- the college years"

scene one
(Michael Knight, drunk outside a bar, stumbles into the bushes, pukes, and slurs into his wrist watch:) Kitt... come pick me up.

(Red lights in front grill flash back and forth) whoo-whoo-whoo.

(Cue theme music:) do-do-do-do...

Car: Michael, you're drunk again.

scene two
see the car bouncing and windows fogged up.
Flash to inside the car and the ashtray opens revealing a condom.
(moans and groans from the back seat)
Kitt: Michael, don't forget protection.

etc.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Love

It's 6 pm on Valentine's Day and we have nothing special planned. Some leftovers, some TV. Maybe we will do some dishes or go to bed early...

But, our whole year has been special.
My sweetie:



has rocked my world with her sparkling, blue eyes and her loving heart. Watching her be a mommy is one of the most beautiful gifts I've been given.

And our boo:



there aren't enough words in our language to try to convey what you mean to us.

Be still my (lucky and) overflowing heart...

I love you to too two.
Happy V day!

Monday, February 11, 2008

The L Word - season five

We don't talk about it much because it is not our favorite show on TV, but we are dedicated to supporting The L Word. Every year, we order Sho.wtime the day the season starts and cancel the pay channel the day after the season ends. (We hope that helps send the message that lesbians are willing to pay for it... err, um, you know what I mean.) Some lesbians I know have nothing but contempt for the show. But as I have debated with Dr BB and others, even bad candy is better than no candy at all.

The basic complaints I've heard about The L word can generally be summarized:
1) It is soft core porn
2) The sex is unrealistic. Perhaps choreographed more for men than for womyn who love women
3) It's not a realistic representation (ie- Lesbians aren't that rich, don't look that good, or dress that nice)
4) The dialog is so "educational" at times it seems like a giant, gay public service announcement
5) Jenny Schecter: crazy-annoying and crazy; how the eff is this character getting this much airtime?
6) Max: the only butch lesbian wants to be a man

Briefly, here are my counter arguments:
1) And???
2) Like this isn't also true of all sex on every soap opera since the beginning of time
3) Similarly, this is true of most TV shows. Ex: Gray's Anatomy- the richest, hottest, trendiest interns ever!
4) Some candy is better than no candy
5) No counter argument, I hate her
6) Max's pathetic attempt to use bogus "tech" terminology is way more problematic for me than the fact that he wants to be a man

Kt and I are pretty low key, and don't take our TV too seriously, so for the most part we really enjoy The L word. (Except that season I tried to block out when it was all about Jenny's suppressed carnival memories...)

Anyway, this season so far has been my favorite. It seems much more well-written. The characters seem to have settled into themselves. The tempo is right. The music is so much better. The dialog is funny. Max has fewer lines. And though Jenny is a huge part of the storyline, she is now viewed as crazy and annoying in the eyes of the other characters which makes watching her more enjoyable.

Another funny thing about this season, is that Katy has started to watch the show as if it is a horror film. We have been watching a lot of Weeds and Lost on DVD, and I guess this has affected her expectations. She is ready all all times to believe that the characters are about to be arrested, "caught," found out, and/or killed anytime they are having fun or generally experiencing life. No matter what is going on on screen, Kt warns me, "This isn't going to end well." So far, she's said this during party scenes, make-out scenes, the opening of a new club scene. Like what's the worst that can happen, someone gets a drink thrown on them?!?

Characters are swimming, talking on phones, ordering lunch and my wife whispers nervously, 'This isn't going to end well." To be fair, she's accurately warned me 3 times on 3 separate shows, recently, that a character was about to be hit by a bus. But so far on The L Word, nothing close to tragedy has occurred this season, and it's made my wife seem like a paranoid Debbie Downer off her meds. Kt's even started laughing and adding, "or it might be okay..." when the scene ends without a car explosion, etc.

So tonight,

DON'T TRY TO READ THE COLORED PRINT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHO HOOKED UP

--------------------------------------

Bette and Tina hooked up!!!
I didn't realize that I was rooting so hard for them to get back together but yeah, um... I was.

--------------------------------------

IF YOU CAN'T READ THE ABOVE AND YOU WANT TO, JUST HIGHLIGHT THE WORDS WITH YOUR CURSOR

So they start romping in bed together and Katy's (all-like) covering her eyes with her hands, fingers slightly spread so she can see some of the action, "This isn't going to end well."

And well, it seemed to end well to me.
(Nudge-nudge, know whut I mean, aye.)

Here's hoping that things don't get all weird and the minute Kt lets her guard down, there's some kind of terrorist event on the show!

Thoughts on Pa and 1/2 Pint

I just watched an episode of Little House on the Prairie on the when-you-care-enough-to-send-the-very-best Channel. The preview guide told me I was watching a re-run and the episode aired for the first time in 1978.

Holy crapola.

For half of 1978, I was 4 years old, and the other half, I was five years old. It was an episode with Albert living on the farm with the Ingalls family, but before Almonzo ("Manly") was in the picture and before Mary and Adam relocated the blind school from Winoka to Walnut Grove.

(All that and much more about Little House is stored in a quick-recall file in my brain. But for some of the details below, I have turned to Google...)

Apparently, the show ran for 9 seasons, September 11, 1974 until March 21, 1983.
I always thought that I had seen these episodes in real time, but I realize now that I was watching them in syndication in the 80's.

The show is THIRTY YEARS OLD!!!

What's remarkable is how timeless this series is. Because it's a period piece, it doesn't get outdated. There are no special effects or costumes that they might do better now with since-invented computers or new technology. Also, the point of reference is skewed. No one was alive back then. Unless you are a major history freak- not someone who "likes" history, but someone who has made it her/his life's work to read obscure texts and research the subtleties of daily life of the prairie- you watch the show without fighting the contextual details. When Jonathan Garvey and Pa are excited at the prospect of getting $3 a week, you just assume that was a lot of coin 150 years ago. It doesn't bother you in the way it would if you found out that George Jefferson was living on easy street, pulling in $80 Grand a year.

In contrast, a 12 year old episode of Touched by an Angel (which follows Little House on Hallmark daytime programming) dated itself in the first 20 seconds when the main characters were complaining about the fact that stamps were a whopping 37 cents.

SIDE BAR: It is ironic that Angels make small talk about the cost of anything and don't recognize that money is a subjective and erratic symbol of the quantitative value of goods and services determined by the market's relative health and the context of the governing economic system of a particular time and place. (It's supposed to be a run-on.)

Also ironic, but more in line with the topic of this post, I was forced to nearly injure myself rolling my eyes after this line was delivered by Della Reese: "I told Ben Franklin this would happen." By the way, Angel-played-by-Della, if Charles Ingalls could mail a letter for- like, a PENNY and a week's wages were $3, than surely the inflation of $0.37 as compared to our current weekly pay averages show what a bargain the USPS provides (and I would think angels would understand that!) Furthermore, if you explained to Ben Franklin about airplanes and the role they have taken in eliminating the Pony Express, and the fuel planes require and the wars we have to fund to secure that fuel I bet after his brain exploded, he would suggest that 37 cents is not very much money to pay to mail a letter.

But I digress. TouchedBAA lost me in that first 20 seconds because, "STOP YOUR BITCHING, PEOPLE ANGELS, first class stamps now cost 49 CENTS!!!" TouchedBAA did a lot to extend the assertion that since angels are timeless, ageless, travelers, perhaps the show itself is also timeless and can live on in syndication forever. But have you seen the cell phones these people used? How can you trust the primary messages of a show where Angels didn't even know about technology that was only a decade away?

Thing is, I am astounded at how easy it is to still watch a 30 year old episode of Little House. I get lost in the loving messages because I am not distracted by how outdated the show is. I dare you to try this with any other show. (Possible exception: Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman which I've never really seen.)

Little House didn't shy away from modern day topics. I watched (and still watch) the people of Walnut Grove deal with racism, war, divorce, single parenting, rape, incest, bullying, loss of faith, abuses of police and government, poverty, and on and on. They found ways to comment on world wars and holocausts that happened after the deaths of the show's characters because hey, there have always been wars and atrocities that humans have committed against other humans and the pros and cons don't really vary that much from era to era. The show I saw today, "Harriet's Happenings" made points about the freedoms and responsibilities of the press, social justice, and class structure.

I think my only regret that this show wasn't produced more recently is there exists no episode about some "Carl and Jeb" cowboy types who lived alone together, loving one another, bothering no one, and farming their farm. If that episode existed, Charles would have to lead the town in a live-and-let-live, 19th century stand for gay rights.

Michael Landon's son is gay, and i think if the series started even 10 years later than it did, there would have been some don't-use-the-olden-days-as-an-excuse-to-pick-on-the-gays tolerance content. In fact, the show was so progressive and modern and pro-family* it seems odd that there never was a gay-farmer episode. It's practically the only way the show dates itself- thought there were certainly gay people living in the 1800s, there simply was not a place for gay people on TV in the 70's and early 80's.

* "Pro-family" as in, "love, protect, and take care of your family." Not "hold up a 'god-hates-fags' posters at a soldier's funeral, 'pro-family' "

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Wow.


This might be the most interesting and informative site I have ever visited.

For all of you out there that might think this information is boring or superfluous, I don't even know what to say... except um... YOU HAVE NO BALLS BOOBS!

The internet is truly miraculous!
One time, I fixed our AC by googling "puddle of water on floor in basement" and "central air conditioning," literally saving us HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS in equipment and the butt-crack fees of a visiting repair-person.

Today i googled, "bra straps falling down" and learned more about bra sizing and support than I have been able to glean in my 16 plus years of big-bustedness.

Thanks, God.

There might be an essay idea brewing about how the internet is everything we've come to believe about God: Invisible, Omnipresent, Seemingly all-knowing, You can't see him/her/it but you know s/he/it's there, Sometimes you ask a question or start out looking to find one thing and are surprised at the answers you get or come upon something completely new or unexpected... I could go on and on with this analogy.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

You don't call, you don't write...

So, it's been 4 days since Obama, Hillary, a member of the Kennedy family or some other less famous pol has called or emailed me... Well, that's not true, Obama and Hillary email me every day, but I have not received an email from Ted or Caroline since Tuesday.

Having their voices on our answering machine was kind of cool, actually. But we went ahead and deleted all evidence, assuming they would keep calling. Also, their voices and messages were just too impersonal. 90% of the phone messages we receive start with "Yo..." or "Hey..." When Hills or Barack knows us well enough to begin with one of those salutations, or gives us a "Listen, Dogg, you don't have to call me back, but you know why I'm calling... go vote... Peace-out..." THEN we'll save the message!

(Knowing that we are still about 5 years behind in lingo, would go a long way toward making me feel properly canvassed, courted, and screened.)

If the message started with "Whaaatssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!" I would know that they didn't really even try to get to know the "evolving" me at all.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Yes we can...

This is old news now... I've seen it on several blogs and heard it referenced on the local news, but today after I watched it for the 3rd time (it was the first time that I watched it with not a crying baby on my shoulder, but a sweet, sleeping baby on my shoulder) I decided I wanted to post it here too.




There is some criticism of artists and "famous" people playing a role in politics as if they aren't also citizens. But in my mind, this type of art is why being a free people matters.
It looks like it was fun to make.
It feels good to let your guard down and experience music and words and a spirit of collaboration.
It feels good to be inspired.

If you have the opportunity to watch this video while your sleeping 4 month old snores a congested, peaceful, rhythmic bass line innocently into your ear, I highly recommend you do so... but keep a tissue handy

Night Terrors

So last night was the first night that the baby cried all night long.

All.
Night.
Long.

We put him to bed at 9pm after a full 6 oz of pumped breast milk. He woke at 10:30 and fussed for about 20 minutes before he started sobbing. We assumed by his body language that this was a digestion thing, and as soon as he pooped, he would settle down. Alas, the miraculous baby excrement has still not revealed itself...

He squirmed in katy's arms until12:30, intermittently napping and screeching. Then I sent her to bed and slept with him in the glider until about 4:30am with him waking every hour or so to get about 10 minutes of sobbing out. Then I took him into bed with us which lasted about 2 hours until Katy finally gave in and got up with him to give me a break and start some laundry. We dosed him twice with Ty.lenol even though he has no fever and we are not sure what hurts him...

I checked for teeth- nothing. We've rubbed him, patted him, rocked him, nursed him with no reassuring results. He finally fell asleep in the car, bringing katy to work this morning (oh did we mention that her car's been in the shop since Saturday.) I've been dealing with a cough and some congestion that I guess I've passed to the boy, but in his 19 weeks of life, we can't recall him crying more in a 12 hour period than he did last night.

Does he know something I don't?

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Newlestter: month 5

Dear JB,

Today you are 5 months old.

This month you've changed so much but in such subtle ways that my mind mind is spinning trying to figure out how to write about it.

You started day care. 2 days last week, 3 days this week, and you will be full time next week. You were there for about 6 hours before your nose started running. But you are a trooper and that little cold seemed to resolve itself in a few days. You have handled the change with very little disruption to your happy personality. You nap for them for one and two hours at a time. You eat, burp, and make diaper waste without incident. You have charmed them and we are told daily you are the "cutest kid ever" (We're sure they say this to all the 'rents.)

You are much more awake and engaged. You have gotten so good at using your hands. You grab for things constantly. You understand how to make toys spin and light up. You play with our fingers as if it was a knitting assignment. You just want to get everything into your mouth, but your serious, innocent expression makes it seem like you are grabbing at everything because you seek knowledge and can't wait to "learn" and "figure it out."

When we change you we have to put you high up on the table because if we don't when you kick you will hit your heels and feet and toes hard against the wood or plastic. When i see you kick like this, it reminds me of how you used to kick when you were inside of me. I felt the sensation, but couldn't really imagine what was doing that to me- an arm? a butt? a foot? It is like a donkey kick, you bring your knee up, throw your foot out, and slap your leg down with great force. I know all children kick in the womb, and perhaps there is uniformity in the way all kids kick, but I like that there is something (many things, really) that you do innately; that you either learned or instinctively knew on your own.

Many elements of your personality are emerging, things that you are or are discovering. This kicking that you do, that I recognize from the outside was also on the inside, it is something that you couldn't have learned from us, something that you brought out with you. I'll keep it in my fore-brain as a reminder that the learning is a two way street. We have as much to learn from you as you from us...

A Super, Fat Tuesday

Ash Wednesday is tomorrow which makes today "Fat Tuesday."

In an unrelated story, today is Super Tuesday.

Tomorrow lent starts.
Tomorrow the results of 24 state primaries (including ours) will be history.
Tomorrow begins the final countdown to the major party presidential nominations.
Also, tomorrow is the day we put our trash and recycling out.

Coincidence? I think not. (by they way, I just wrote and erased "knot" back there.)

It's a good day to be a Democrat.

McCain is everything I could hope for in a republican front runner: moderate, seemingly honest, a terrible stumper, a debater of average skill, and a true American hero. If his party lets him win the nomination instead of slandering his good name and painting him as a flip-flopping traitor to put another man with 1/32 of the courage and resume on the ballot, the country might actually have a choice of moderates running for president. Though I respect him, John McCain's commitment to the alleged "war on terror" and his unnecessary, recent pandering to a conservative coalition that will never endorse him makes him a man I will not vote for.

Barack Obama is everything you could hope for in a president. Especially after 8-9 years of cringing every time GWB opened his mouth, Obama gets me every time. His oratory skills, his style, his presentation, his brainpower, his influences and heroes, his multiculturalism, his confidence, and mostly, his convincing display of humility is refreshing, inspiring, and presidential. He makes Bill Clinton seem awkward and twitchy. And trust me when I tell you, Bill Clinton is not awkward nor twitchy. I smelled Bill Clinton's armpit once after he had given a speech on a sunny, hot afternoon in an un-shaded quad. I wasn't trying to smell his armpit, mind you. I was standing next to the wooden traffic horse of a police barricade, and he was reaching over me to touch hands in the crowd behind me. After 4 hours in the sun in a navy blue suit, the man's armpits smelled of roses on a cool spring day.

I would be proud to cast a vote for either of the democratic frontrunners. I would be proud to see either of them as president.

Hillary has her detractors, but I've always liked her. When she put her health care proposal together in the late 90's she was right on. She was trailblazing and ahead of her time. She was crucified by a republican congress that was out for blood. There are people that hate her. They HATE, H-A-T-E her, H to the ATE her!!! But I am leery of those that hate someone they have never met. I have a little experience with being hated by people that have never met me. People hate her because she is a woman; because she supposedly has done nothing to get where she is. I say have a conversation with her before you decide that she is not smart or qualified enough to fill the role of senator or leader of the free world. The myth that she is not qualified is nonsense.

People hate her because she is a good wife, because she "stood by her man." That is an insult. As if there was a right move she could have made in that scenario... imagine, a first lady that ditches the president for being unfaithful. As if that would have been good for the country, or for her future, or for her family?!? Everyone's entitled to an opinion. Mine is that anyone who sees fit to judge another for how they react to an intimate betrayal is begging for karma to come kick them in the teeth (or lower).

People say she is not electable and I say, "Nominating someone who is 'electable'? That tactic didn't work so well for the Democrats in 2000 or 2004."

People say we shouldn't continue this dynasty of Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton. I am inclined to agree, but we can't deny that this is the way our country has always run... the Adams, the Roosevelts, the Kennedys to name a few. Maybe the buck should stop here, but the Clintons have been good for this country and her experience as First Lady did put her at tables with world leaders who have come to know and trust her... And her husband would make a damn fine smelling first First Gentleman!

People say she is a bitch. Hell yes she is a bitch! How's a bitch supposed to get ahead in this world without ACTING OUT! But the thing is, I don't know her and I doubt she's a bitch; I think she just a strong, smart, hardworking woman that comes off as "bitchy." So, there's where I'm stumped, because well... what can I say, I've got a soft spot for good, strong, intelligent, hardworking women who come off as bitchy.
I won't apologize. I think it's hot.

Give'um hell, Hillary.

And if things go terribly wrong for Hills, then I'll get the chance to vote for both of my favorite mainstream candidates this year!

Monday, February 04, 2008

Your spelling like you're brain is dead

Ever since I've had this baby, I've noticed some decrease in brain function.
I'm not kidding and I'm not saying it's the baby's fault, but I want it out there in the universe that I am actively fighting this (potentially hopeless) battle.

Writing this blog before, during, and after conception and delivery has put me in tune with the mental slip and slide. I'm an obsessive proof-reader. This will horrify some of you who were assuming that my typos and mistakes were because i am so carefree and hit "publish" without a moment's reconsideration of word choice, syntax, spelling, and creative (over) use of commas (and parentheses... and ellipses- and incorrectly spaced dashes.) Not so, my fans and friends. I am pathetic in the time I waste allocate to proofreading.

And what I've learned in the last few months is my brain has lost it's grasp on homophones. No, this is not a gay rights post. I keep catching myself writing "their" when I meant "there" or "they're," or "whine" when I meant "wine," or "you're" when i meant "your," or (God-forbid) "to" or "two" when I meant "too."

It is upsetting. Mostly because I am a snob about this and it never fails to irk me when a homophone is used wrong. Now I am like a man who is losing his sight, who has always scoffed at the fact that others have needed glasses.

I'll keep pushing my tiny brain to fight the good fight, but I have to warn you that at this time, I cannot be held responsible for mis-using the following words.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Vital stats at 4 months

Height: 25.75 inches
Weight: 15 lbs, 12.2 oz

The tiny giant is starting to balance out.
Here is the growth chart for his 2 month stats:



Here is the growth chart for his 4 month stats:



As you can see, he was off the charts early on but now is around the 75th percentile. Our provider says that this is typical of breastfed babes.