Local Honey

We started this blog 6 years ago. Every year (for 6 years) I've been invited, encouraged, interested, eager- to take part in this. But whatever it is about June 1st? I could never make it work.

In some ways this is redundant. What is the GSO but a blog about our family. Every time Katy or I blog, it is for at least one LGBT family.

As I write, I mentally review the week we've had and the weeks coming up, and I don't freaking know how parents do this. And then I remember, we are doing it... We ARE parents.
This is not a dream but a "dream come true"... (shrug)

With a 1.5 year old boy and a 3.5 year old boy, every day is an adventure.
Every meal is a crap shoot.
Every bedtime is a cliff hanger. (Will we sleep through the night or won't we?!?)
Next week, Katy is away at a conference and I will keep the home fires burning, but looking at the week we've had, I miss her already.

First, a few tid bits:

1) I'd just like to say, that the two moms are suffering a little right now. After more than a week of this "cold" I'm willing to concede that I may have developed seasonal allergies late in the 4th decade of my life. But seriously, if this is what a little pollen can do to a woman, evolution may be working against us. I promise, I'm going on local honey as soon as I can locate some...

2) Pink eye is running rampant through the day care. ML got two scoops of clear goopey in his left eye, and we had to get drops called in prophylactically to keep him from being erroneously diagnosed and tossed out of work camp day care for two days. In a scheduling Cirque Du Soleil that amounted to nothing less than a Parenting Coup, we had him on 24 hours of drops before any ocular pink-en-ing could occur.

3) JB's first dance recital is Saturday. His dress rehearsal is tomorrow night. He has the prince costume, pink tights, make up (including foundation and purple lipstick- that he requested Katy buy for him), black ballet shoes, a new haircut, and he is poised to steal the show. Most importantly, he is very excited and proud. And it is the most normal thing in the world to him. I pray that we get to keep him like this for several more years- where he gets to enjoy the things he enjoys in blissful ignorance that some of them (baseball, football, watching garbage trucks) are "boy things", and some of them (cooking, dancing, wearing lipstick) are "girl things".

Back to the post...
What the heck does it mean to blog for LGBT families?

In some ways, our blog is all about the fragile capacity of memory. I need to chronicle these times because if I can't remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday, how will I remember how adorable my kids were in the first real winter of their lives? Or how will I accurately portray to them how insane they sometimes made me, as I grow older and romanticize our early years together?!?

But that's only part of it, really. I blog for more people than me and us.

I blog for our family and friends that totally support us. I blog for our acquaintances that might not understand us. I blog for Oprah- that she might somehow stumble upon this space and find someone to pay me to write for a living...

When i first came out, one of the strangest things to me was the censorship that suddenly surrounded various aspects of my life. Prior to realizing I was gay, I was an open book. There was nothing to hide, nothing to dance around, no question that couldn't be posed. "What's new? Who are you dating?" And endless follow up questions about any man that might come close to fitting that description. But after "word got around" about me, conversations temporarily got quieter, more one sided... There were obvious school and work questions, questions about where I was living, but then things slowed down. Only a few would venture to the "who are you living with?" And even fewer would jump right out and ask about "dating" or a "girlfriend". My coping strategy was to just put it out there. I felt, the sooner I came out to people, the sooner I could convey this was not something that I needed to hide to feel secure. If it was public knowledge that I was OUT, then innocent discomfort based on a fear of being too personal or inadvertently OUTING me would prove to be unnecessary. I spoke quietly, but as clearly as I could about all aspects of my life.

This was not necessarily natural to me. But like when you teach yourself to be comfortable speaking in public, I just decided it was the way I would try to take care of not only myself, but others that I loved and worked with and played with.

When I met Katy, she reinforced this model of behavior. People don't know that she quivers a little on the inside and silently worries so much about what other people think, because when you talk to her, it seems like she's all carefree. She seems to say what's on her mind without pause. She tries not to couch the truth unless there's a really good reason. Once I fell in love with Katy, our relationship demanded an entirely higher standard for living out and proud. I mean, she's not someone I'd ever consider hiding, even for a moment. (As Lissa would say, "What's the point of having a trophy wife, if you can't..." Lissa uses that preamble in all sorts of scenarios.)

So we are a gay family, but we are certainly not separate or isolated from other families. And we are open and clear on what puts us into this very distinct category of families, but often, we are so busy living our lives, that we feel a little removed from vitriol aimed particularly at us.
Consider this:
- 31 states in the country have CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS that forbid marriage between two men or two women (the acknowledgement that we are a family)
- 39 states in the country have STATE LAWS that forbid acknowledgement that we are a family
- There is a federal law (DOMA) that disallows the federal acknowledgment of our state-sanctioned marriage. That includes not counting us as a family in the census; not counting us as a family in the tax code; not counting us as a family in terms of disability, social security, medicare, military benefits; that includes not counting us as a family in terms of immigration, international travel and protections, and federal employment.
- Federal law is still unclear on the status of gay men and women in the military- Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) is supposedly on it's way out, but until that transition is completed, gay men and women are prohibited from serving in the military; which as far as I'm concerned means an out gay man or gay woman (even if s/he could win the general election and earn the votes of the electoral college) would not be eligible to serve as Commander in Chief or President of the United States.
- In at least 41 countries, it is AGAINST THE LAW to be gay or in a gay relationship
- Many of the worlds religions claim without any hesitation that God either hates gay people, wants them to live in denial of their natural inclinations, or will definitively punish same sex attraction with eternal damnation.

In a world with these types of headlines, with so many powerful, famous, and vocal people that are lining up to condemn us for being gay, when I consider our family, and our lives...
The sad truth is I don't feel all that gay.

We don't live in a gay house, in a gay town, have gay jobs, go to a gay church-
(Well, actually, our church is a little gay...)
But what I mean is, we are just living. We are conventional and mainstream and we are comfortable that way.
We dabble in activism and keeping this blog is one tendril of that activity.
We are surrounded by good people of all stripes, and we feel boring and not "different" at all...

This year we went to PRIDE in North Hampton, MA. North Hampton, if you don't know, is the lesbian "San Fransisco" of the east coast. It is the "New England, town-green, raise your chickens under the worn out kayak in your yard, 7 sister all-women's college surrounded, hemp-wearing, local honey and maple syrup-making, artist collective, non-profit supporting, justice seeking, female indie-rock band launching, queer women raising children, challenging each other to cook-offs, reading contests, inter-mural soccer, and 1/2 marathons;" it is the year-round answer to p-town. (deep breath)

When you go visit friends in NoHo, there are always 2-3 husbands in a group of 10-15 women, but they're the type of guys that are more liberal, intellectual, feminist, or bohemian than any of your female relatives back home, so (in the most innocent, respectful, and non-emasculating way) when you are with them, you forget there are men in the room.

So we are in the car, heading up there (for PRIDE) I started to get a little insecure.
I started thinking, "We are going to J and J's house and they are so, well... cool and they've got the right shoes and kayaks and schedule that's healthy for their kid... And their son isn't in day care for 40 hours a week, and they probably don't even let him have chicken nuggets or PLASTIC toys (let alone Ball Park Franks) and we are so STRAIGHT compared to them..."

And then I thought:
"STOP!!!!!!!!!"
"THEY ARE STRAIGHT! Tracy, they can not be gayer than you... YOU are married to a woman!!! That IS the very DEFINITION of GAY!!!"

But, isn't it true that nowadays, GAY FAMILIES include so much more than two people of the same gender who are in love and/or sleeping with each other.

J and J who are practically gayer than us- even though one of them is a MAN and one of them is a WOMAN (Because they do live in a "cool gay house" in a "cool gay town" with our very best gay friends) J and J are part of this gay family.
Our parents and sisters and brothers are all part of this gay family.
Our cousins, aunts, and uncles by birth and our cousins, aunts, and uncles by choice are all a part of this gay family.
Our softball team and coworkers are all a part of this gay family.
Our college friends, Our Facebook friends, and readers of this blog, and the people that take care of our children every day at their school are all a part of this gay family.
My mom's hair dresser, and my father-in-law's tennis buddies and my grandmother's sister, brother, and church friends that are always asking about our boys... are all part of this gay family.
Anyone that has ever stopped a homophobic joke or tirade because they've thought of us and said, "That's just not true and just not nice."
Anyone that has ever decided not to vote for an anti-gay politician because of how that effects our family or the future that our children will grow up in.
Anyone that has ever turned to their small child and said, "There's nothing wrong with dancing if you are a boy or driving a truck if you are a girl, and I love you no matter what you grow up to be" is part of this gay family.

So when I blog on June 1st (into the early morning hours of June 2nd) for LGBT families, I'm blogging for all of us. I'm blogging for the visibility and viabilty of progressive lifestyles and families (gay and straight) that fight a political machine and a standard of living that tries to make fact out of the myth that gay people are somehow a threat to our society. And the way that we fight (because we are so tired out by working our jobs and raising our kids, and keeping our houses in order) is by mostly just living. Living with and near each other and taking care of each other and raising our kids together.

I am so proud and feel so lucky to be living the life I am living with all of you as part of my family. It numbs the mind. It strengthens the heart. And emboldens the spirit.

It somehow makes the breathing easier. (Like an elixir for seasonal allergies)

Another ridiculous week

I'm so wiped out, right now. But so happy.

It got hot again this week- 90 plus degrees for 4 or 5 days now.

A hurricane is on the way: Earl.
It shouldn't be that big if/when it hits us (they think category 2) but we bought some water and supplies just in case.

Last weekend, my gram fell and broke her wrist at a funeral we were attending. She's fine, but watching her go thru that left a lot of us a little shaky.

After getting to see many good peeps this weekend, Katy and I got sick Sunday night. We had the exact same symptoms, and the exact same time of onset- so we couldn't blame one another like we normally might.

We only occasionally glared with contempt and animosity at our two boys, perfectly healthy little cesspools that they are... whatever virus caused their barely noticeable runny noses and crankiness last week turns the adults of the house into piles of tissue-seeking, sinus-head-achy, sleeping with cough drops in our mouths, and taking advil around the clock, sudafed addicts.

JB looked at my pathetic, sickly expression yesterday morning, took out a notebook, and with the speed of an expert Nurse Practitioner writing a prescription for Victoza, he drew me a masterpiece that resembled a Sine curve in black, fine point ink and told me, "This is for you... so that you can have it... for work."

Read between the lines, people! He really gets me, and knew that it would help my cold (and my feelings of desperation) to have a piece of him with me all day.

Not to be outdone, ML waited all day at day care- doing his thing, which involves dragging his care-givers around in circles, clutching one of their fingers as if he is Gollum and the finger he is holding is wearing the RING- until I walked thru the door at 4:40pm. He stood, steadied by his band of merry women, and walked to me. WALKED. Not dragging someone with him by their finger. Not 1 or 2 steps... no. It was at least 6 steps. It felt like 7 or 8 or 10 steps before he reached me.

I was in awe. Laughing and cheering. I assumed he'd been doing this all day, but the expressions on his care givers' faces indicated to me that either they would go on to win academy awards one day, or this was the first time they had seen ML deliver on the promise of upright mobility too. "We knew you could do it!" they shouted and clapped...

I was prepared to go home and not see this behavior again for a while. When ML laughed for the first time, he giggled and chortled for a full 15 minutes and then we didn't hear it again for 3 or 6 weeks. But last night, he walked and walked and walked.

And tonight, we got a digital recording of it:



Um, yeah. That right there? That is on day TWO of walking... In his life.
DAY.
TWO.

Awesome. (Sung in a high-pitched vibrato)

JB has been very sweet, encouraging ML to walk.

He has paused a moment several times to look at us with a cocked head and an expression of, "WTF is everyone so worked up about... I 'been walking up in here for several years now, fishes!!!"

But he seems to understand enough to shake that confusion from his eyes and mirror our excited and proud reactions. Already, Katy and I have stopped cheering for every one of ML's new steps. (Mostly it is because our energy levels are low and our minds are fragile and limp from the week's "illness"... But also, I mean, do you see how many STEPS this kid is taking?!? Constant cheering of that volume is a lot to ask...) Anyway, JB- you can hear him in the background of that recording- if he sees ML walking and we are not making a big enough deal about it, he brings it to our attention: "HE'S DOING IT... HE'S WALKING."

I think he is trying to show how supportive he is (we heap praise on JB whenever he acts the part of "doting brother.") But the expression in his voice doesn't quite get to, "LOOK AT MY AWESOME BROTHER!!!" He instead sounds equal parts excited, panicked, and underwhelmed; like he could be saying, "LOOK THERE, HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS OWN POO AGAIN, LIKE I TOLD YOU HE WOULD..."

I said to Katy tonight, "I don't remember being this excited when JB took his first steps."
She said, "You were."
Memory is a strange thing. Every day I am totally enthralled, enamored, and sometimes freaked out by how amazing JB is, but I really don't remember him being as awesome as ML is at this age. Maybe I wasn't paying enough attention back then. Maybe there's not enough brain power to store specific feelings. Maybe I'm successfully "living in the moment". Maybe it's what we always blame it on: sleep deprivation. In any case, just to bring my heart back there, I went searching for this post: Evidence of Walking.

Like I've said before:
The heart and body remember things the mind can't...
For the rest of it... I guess that's why there are cameras.

Bottom line: I sure do love these boys.

Tonight, to celebrate, we went to the pool.
The perfect way to end a 94 degree day.

I feel very, very blessed!

Pink eye

New petri dish indeed...

ML has been on drops for 24 hours and the eye goop is retreating.

New Petri Dish

JB is sick.
Mucus production high.
Random grabbing at ears and head.
Crying in his sleep.

We didn't even try to keep him out of our bed because he kept waking up, totally disoriented, and so unable to answer any of our questions that we weren't sure if he was asleep or awake.

We tried to give him the words in an either-or:
"Do you have pain or are you just "nose runny"?"
or, a multiple choice format: "What hurts- your ears, throat, or head?"

No luck he woke up every few hours shouting out and crying.
He was a whirling dervish in his sleep, twirling horizontal at us and pushing us toward our edges with his jabbing limbs, and flapping head. It was a friday night- TGI the weekend- so I was glad that we could have this night without really worrying about being up all night.

He woke up slowly this am, but seems better now.

ML has a runny nose too. Thick snot- not the regular, "day care clear drip" that is a fact of life. Oh, and flushed cheeks - though that could be from his new tendency to drag his face across
the floor when his arms tire out.

Day cares are germ labs.
Each one is different and the only choice is to let your kids BUILD UP IMMUNITIES!

We saw this coming a mile away!

A new day

Last night when I put JB to bed, I had a conversation with him that would have made my Grandpa Weber shit his pants. (My grandpa wasn't so much into the New Age way of communicating with children as he was into the if you must communicate, do it with a belt way of thinking...)

But I was literally out of ideas related to JB and I decided that what he needed more than anything else was, information...

I talked to him about why today was so bad for him. I talked to him about basic psychology... I told him that one of the reasons he is having a hard time is because of the change to a new school; and he doesn't know it, but changes are hard and this school change is one of the hardest he might have in a long time. And it is difficult and confusing to have fun at the new school but at the same time miss the old school... But that is all okay and normal.

I know what you are thinking: "T, he's 2, not 12..." but hang in there with me... I did feel like a crazy person talking to a 2 year old like he was a teenager, but it occurred to me that he understands a lot more than he has the vocabulary to query us about and "senses" a lot more than he has the coping skills to contend with. And we have a LOT of information that we are not sharing with him, including but not limited to our understanding of the world, info about stress and change management; psychology, reverse psychology, coping mechanisms, planning, scheduling, communication strategies, long term benefits vs short term gains, basic principles of economics as they relate to pyscho-social interactions such as lost-opportunity-cost, etc.

Though i didn't get into all of those things, he listened to me ramble about his day for at least 5 minutes during which time I reviewed tomorrow's planned schedule, emphasizing that tomorrow will be different and better. I told him what tomorrow morning would be like. I laid out the schedule and plan in as much simplified detail as I could: wake up, go potty, cuddle for a few minutes, get dressed, go have breakfast - waffles, etc. When I was done with the list of how tomorrow would go, I repeated it- TWICE.

It was a crazy thing to do, but (as I said above) I started to think the kid really would be reassured by more information than we've been giving him.

Katy will probably hit me with a large heavy object when she reads this b/c this is the type of conversation she is always hounding me to have with her: "Can we make a plan for the week? Can we make a plan for the morning? for the weekend?"

I'm not that great with planning, but it seems that this really helps humans function better. Hmmph. Go figure...

Perhaps it is the biggest coincidence of all time, but today was a completely different day with JB. Not one screaming fit. Nothing more than a modicum of whining this morning. Some of you might be jumping to the logical conclusion that we have an awesome kid- wise beyond his years, amazingly well-adjusted, and sophisticated in his ability to adapt. While I agree with this assessment, I also walk away from this experience bolstered by another thought:

I am awesome.

Sometimes things work out so much like how you wished that they would, that you can't help but take the credit!!!

:)

i-i-i-i am h-h-h-having a-a-a-a-a- badddd d-d-d-day

That's the last thing JB said before he finally started to settle down and cease production on his 6th major melt down of the day. (For those of you just tuning in, "the day" is defined by the 3 hours he is awake before day care and the 3-4 hours he is awake after day care; and our boys are on day 3 of their new day care.) It has been a very stressful, tense, and LOUD day for our family.

ML is doing great, it should be said. Except for some sad faces when his brother is crying, he seems very content and happy.

The (verbal and written) reports from the new day care are that both kids are doing "great". Well behaved. Happy, playful... No problems. Then he got home (JB) and fought, screamed and cried for 40 minutes 3 separate times.

This morning, it was the same deal- screaming and fighting and crying from the minute he woke up. We didn't have waffles in the house and no time to make waffle batter and you woulda' thought we told him, "There will never be any food in this house to eat ever again" when we laid a plate of pancakes in front of him; with all of the despair and protesting.

He is so sensitive.

(I don't know where he gets it... but let's just say when I was a kid, I cried nearly every day at school, and whenever possible, I put myself to bed before the arrival of the occasional babysitter b/c it was easier for me if I "just didn't see her/him".)

Katy and I tag-teamed him the best we could because no matter how much empathy we have for him (and trust me when I tell you, my heart is full of empathy for him) when you try all your "nice cards" and you pull out your singing sweet songs tactic, and you do your intellectual "reassuring and rationalizing" and you throw in a little cajoling for good measure... and he is still kicking, screaming, snotting, lashing out and throwing himself on the floor...
At that point, a parent's inner asshole really wants to get in this game.

In the adult world, it is acceptable to pretty much turn the other cheek, 1,2,3,4-ish times, but after that, most folks agree, it's okay to put your dukes up: an asshole needs to be treated like an asshole. In an adult interaction, you'd be an asshole not to act like an asshole to an asshat that was treating you with pure assholery.

Am I right, playas'?

But with 2 year olds, If you let your inner asshat battle it out with a barely-formed "asslet" who is attempting professional asshole-ism without a license or any formal training, you only end up looking, feeling, and sometimes smelling like a bigger asshole. (and usually a bully too.)

Essentially, adult rules don't apply. But you have to keep reminding your brain of that because you've worked really hard and waited a long time to be on level playing field and get into the world of adult rules... And until these kids got here, you were very successful navigating, negotiating, and fighting in this adult world.

Katy finally got him into the tub- her nerves are as shot as mine with all of the "not-unexpected-but-still-hard-to-take" civil disobedience in this house. Then we let him watch "the big race" on Cars the movie... then I laid with him in the bed for a few minutes to talk to him about why today was so hard.

He listened, and then went to bed, asking me sweetly to cover him up... expertly disguised as a little angel in his "digger and dump truck" pajamas...

Waiting for the blister to pop

So today was the first day of the new day care.
The moms were way more stressed than the kids.

Last week we said a sad "see you later" to the care givers at our old school.
Drop off this morning was a confusing whirlwind: Did we explain enough to the boys? to the staff? Will they be nice to each other? Will the unknowns be overwhelming?

This afternoon we were told how cute and sweet and charming our boys are.
It was a relief.
Not a relief in the confirmation of their cuteness, but a relief that we got here- and made it thru the first day.

Making the decision to pull these kids out of day care and choosing a new school; then preparing for it and waiting for the day to come... And then saying goodbye to the friends we have made, that we like seeing every day, that we have entrusted our babies to... THAT was stressful.

Saturday, we went to a party. JB got a scratch or a mosquito bite or something. He has shown my propensity to swell and burn from bites. As has happened in the past, a small blister formed at the spot of the presumed bite. We covered it in a band aid, but the blister grew and grew... The size of a pin head, the size of a pencil eraser. He went to bed last night and I was anxious, not only about the changes to come in the morning, but also that that thing would pop in the night and cause him some pain on his first day of school. This morning, it was HUGE. Literally the size of a grape. On his little tiny hand!!!

I just didn't know what I dreaded more- the moment that blister popped, or having to continue to look at it... It's not that different from the day care decision.

Inertia is hard. Doing something is so much harder than doing nothing. Even when you know that doing nothing could lead to bad things later on, it is frequently hard to justify changing course. At the same time, Once you are on a certain trajectory (like after making the decision to change schools and/or once that blister grows bigger than the diameter of his thumb...) you just can't stop the forward movement to the next thing... You just can't wait to get where you are going to end up...

POP.

EEEeewwwwwwe.

At approximately 5:30 pm that thing gushed open, splashing all over both of our hands and arms.
Nasty.
But as a wiped it off, i enjoyed the relief that washed over me.

Tomorrow will probably hurt JB a little more than today (the blister, but maybe the new school too)... But at least there can be a break from the dread anticipation we've been drowning in around here as we marched toward this day.

April Showers

It's been rainy for 2 days.

I am out of it.

Out of energy. Out of reserves. Out of snappy, positive, one-liners about May flowers and it's always darkest before the sun...yada. yada. yuck-yuck-yuck.

If i were a celebrity, I would have been rushed off the set by now and hospitalized for exhaustion. You would have been rolling your eyes, yes, but you would not have wondered where I was (why no blog posts) because you would have read about it by now in the tabloids while waiting in line to buy your sloppy joes and jujubes.

There are a lot of forces contributing to my feeling devastatingly tired:

• Last night, the kids slept thru the night... but they didn't. It only seemed like they did because Katy went in there before I woke up. I try to let it not bother me at all... This waking up one or 2 times a night is NOTHING compared to what we were going thru, but now we are hitting 8-ish months since ML was born and yeah, it is gettting... zzzzzzz... oops, I fell off there- what's going on? Where am i?
  
• Exercise... I'm not really getting any. I sort of want some, but mostly don't. My body is stiff and bloated and not playin'. The tendinitis is acting up and my feet are starting to always be a source of pain... Losing some weight would help you say? Maybe, but can't we just sit here on the couch everyone?!? Yes, yes, I know it will help me feel better... Oh SHUT it Jillian Michaels! I would look like you too if that was my JOB!!!
  
• Day care - we are about to pull our kids out of the only day care they have known and put them into a different one. I have a lot to write about this that I haven't, but it is causing me lot of anxiety. They will do fine, I know, but this is a major routine disruption for all of us. Thankfully, all four kids (Cam and Mac and our boys) will be making the change together. NEXT WEEK. Hives anyone?!? I'm covered in hives. And I'm broken out like a first-generation weber cousin. My stomach is turned in knots and I'm telling you this is how people get SICK, this kind of I-can't-stop-my-brain-from-spinning-or-employ-logic-to-stop-my-gut-from-churning anxiety.
  

Disruptions of routines are very hard.
Even when they are good, they set you back a few energy bars.

The grannies were in town last week. They brought with them an insane amount of love and Lion King paraphernalia:

and at-home child care for a week that offered us the luxury of 1) not rushing 2 kiddies in and out of the house around our work schedule 2) Four extra loving hands to help with feeding, playing, bathing, etc of said kiddies, and 3) even "after care" so that the mommies could go out on a date together.

JB got to sleep late, nap whenever, and play all day! ML learned to walk*, wave, and solve quadratic equations. *The motion of walking one foot in front of the other, not walk walk.

Then, the grannies left and frankly we all a little disoriented... Katy and ML are coughing and dripping and sniffling, JB is back to his tiny dictator status... I'm walking around here like a bloated Britney Spears in an existential crisis; without the bankroll (or the addiction) required to get into a Promises-type treatment facility.

I'm not trying to be negative. I'm living the dream here. But is it me, or is the dream sometimes a vampire that causes severe anemia?!?

Rough few days

The week has been hard already and the snow is coming now.

Snow is not a metaphor... I really mean "snow" as in "wintery mix" that will either bury us or miss us completely- we won't know until it is over this weekend. The weather people are way off their game this year.

I am hurting from a lack of sleep. I stayed up Monday to write that post and then was up most of the night with both kids and in the morning I felt like I might not make it. The boys have been needy and I have been short tempered at times. Tuesday's drop off left my nerves shot because I spent an hour rushing them (esp JB) out of the house. Rushing the kids is my least favorite part of parenting (though fingernail and toenail trimming run a close 2nd)... but there is really no way around rushing them sometimes. I tried not to cry on the drive to work, but a few tears did leak out.

Last night I got a few hours of sleep and woke up feeling better. I even worked out tonight, so I am feeling NOT as much like DYING as I was the day before... But JB was sent home from school after vomiting. And ML slept fairly well last night, so tonight will likely not go as well. Both kids have terrible coughs. They are drippy messes and i wouldn't be surprised if JB's stomach thing is merely associated with mucus production and inadvertent digestion of said mucus. I say that now fully aware I may be cleaning vomit and/or diarrhea and changing sheets before dawn. Now Katy seems to be coming down with something. None of us really felt like eating diner. She asked for a protein shake and we gave JB a few sips of that with some pedialite. ML ate almost as much as either of them in the form of drippy rice cereal.

The wife and I have tickets to see a show in NYC this weekend (Christmas gift from my sis and Bill- who have agreed to also take our kids for 2 nights.) We have been looking toward the weekend like it is a drink of water and we are in the desert, but if JB is actually sick (there seems to be 2 bugs going around day care: a real 24 hour GI bug and then the "your kid puked at day care, but went home and didn't seem sick at all pseudo-bug") and/or if Katy is sick, the weekend might not be a weekend at all but just a drive in for a show.

I hope not. I'm really looking forward to spending some alone time with her and perhaps getting 8 or so hrs of uninterrupted sleep.

Relaxing but productive Sunday

It is not right to go this long without a newsletter...
That's what happens every time I sit down to do anything at the computer - I think "I NEED TO WRITE A NEWSLETTER" - and then I get overwhelmed and write nothing at all.

We have very cute boys, but they cannot be trusted to sleep thru the night. I keep saying I'm going to stop talking about how tired I am and see if that helps me feel less tired, but every time someone asks me how I am, it comes out like uncontrolled diarrhea - I can't stop talking about it - How tired i am...

(shaking it off) But that's not what this post is about...

Today was kind of an amazing day. JB must be in a growth spurt b/c he is sleeping and eating a ton. He only woke up twice last night to ask if he could come into bed with us and at 5:30, Katy brought him in... (This is his new thing, calling for Mama in the middle of the night... One night I went in because he was crying and it was my turn to comfort him and he threw some stuffed object at me and cried out, "NOT YOU! MAMA!! YOU GET OUT!!!" Katy thinks this hurts my feelings and in the daytime hours maybe, but at 2 am??? I think my snores ten seconds later do not accurately reflect how broken up I am that she is the MOC [mother of choice] at that hour...

He slept 'till after 8am and instead of rushing him and trying to kill ourselves to get to church for 9 o'clock, we went to the 11am service. This called for a lot of slow-paced dressing, packing, and down-right lolly-gagging that still put us in the sanctuary at 10:50am. (Our normal arrival time for the 9am service is between 9:08 and 9:15.)

When we got home it was way past nap time and BOTH boys slept SIMULTANEOUSLY! JB for over 3 hours and ML, slightly less. This meant that the mommies had time to talk to each other. And sit and make some plans for the week, prepare some menus, and even start working on dinner. It was quite lovely and when the boys woke up, they actually seemed to sense that we were more prepared to care for them than when they fell asleep. I think they were sweeter to us because of it.

ML had his first week of day care and did amazing. He's the bell of the ball, known over there at school as the "best behaved baby we've ever had!" That's some kind of break for a newbie to leave that kind of impression... JB has demonstrated a little jealousy. Not toward his brother, but toward us. It's normal regression and the kind of behavior that part of me is silently cheering him on for: "good-for-you, little guy! If someone is taking over your territory as 'cutest in the land,' go ahead and do something to get noticed"...

He peed his pants 3 times last Monday. The first time, in the morning right after Katy tried to get him to use the potty and he refused (could have been an accident)... The second time was 10 minutes later after she got him in a new, dry outfit... The following exchange occurred:

Kt: (to JB in the 2nd wet outfit of the day): What's going on? Why didn't you ask to go potty?
JB: (offhandedly gesturing to the wet spot on his pants) Sometimes it happens...

Then at day care, he did it again.

Who cares. We don't. But the kid is potty trained, he knows exactly what he's doing.

ML is just beautiful. He's such a happy baby. He smiles all the time and laughs and is generally mellow yellow. He is huge and we've nicknamed him "Hoss." Needing an equally cool nickname for his brother, JB has been dubbed "Slim".

As in:
Mom #1: Which one do you want to get out of the car?
Mom #2: I'll take Hoss. You get slim...

I am going to bed now, 'cause I'm sure this cycle of rational sleeping patterns cannot continue for an entire 24 hours.
;-)

This is a week for catching up with the writing on the blog, I can just feel it!!!

At the womb whisperer's request...

A lot of f%&#ing batshittery has happened in the last 7 days...

We have not posted b/c we have been trying to keep our heads above water. It's nothing earth shattering or devastating- if you sprint back 30 yards and look at it from a slight distance.

I have a lot to say about some of it, but here's the bulleted quick-notes version:

Monday: just another manic monday

Tuesday: IBO has her baby, 2 days shy of 26 weeks

Wednesday: I fly to St. Louis, spend 5 hours in airports and planes and 4+ hours in a minivan on Missouri highways accompanied by a quorum of geeks and rednecks; meanwhile at home, Katy gets a call from day care that JB is projectile vomiting

Thursday: I work a 14 hour day, including a 4 hour drive on MO highways, and lose my cell phone somewhere in St. Louis... JB has stopped puking.

Friday: I take a "nonstop" flight home that has me breathing air in 4 cities, and experiencing 3 take offs and 3 landings in 5 hours... (Feeling naked without my cell and wondering the entire time if I will ever see that totally-unimpressive-to-begin-with cell phone again.) Katy is called by day care in the late morning b/c even though JB spent all of Thursday without any vomiting and seemingly healthy, he is now squirting liquid out the other end. Katy is told that she needs to pick him up before his dysentery-esque symptoms spread to any of the other rug rats and a diarrhea-thon commences. I get home at about 3pm and experience the glorious surprise of having my family home waiting for me. Katy is sweet and JB is asleep. It might have been a kinky lazy afternoon if I didn't have to do a few hours of cell phone recon. Oh well...

Today, I got a new cell phone... oh, it's an iphone... And IBO's baby is hanging tough, impressing his medical team and so far, beating all odds!

Idle chit chat

The kid has a lot of words now.

This morning he woke and we took him into our bed trying to steal a few extra winks. He cuddled and tossed and turned and then called out into the darkness:
"Eat... cup... milk... apple."

Really? Tell us what you actually want, JB.

I was guilted into peeling the covers back and putting on clothes. As I carried him down to breakfast, i wondered if he had been storing vocabulary up to use on at a this perverse hour; as an ironic backlash from all those times in the last few months his moms responded to his whining with the half-joking, "use your words."

This evening when I picked him up from day care, he was crying. (His mouth is literally a bloody mess between the new teeth and the cheek that he has bitten with those choppers.) I picked him up, packed him up, dried his eyes and got him out of there. He looked at my coat and said in the clearest pronunciation: "zipper". Then he looked at the ground and pointed:

"Down... walk... rocks" (pointing up) "bird... sky... wow... " Then he finished as we approached our vehicle with, "car... in... binki."

These aren't actually sentences, but amazing progress, and Mad communication skillz

Chopper has pink eye

It started with a tiny glob of curd in the proximal corner of his right eye.
Ten minutes later, there was another.
One hour later, I could have practically served cheesy grits out of his eye socket.

Nasty.

We paged the doc on call at about 6pm and had the first round of drops in by bedtime.

Our motto was: "We will not be taken down by conjunctivitis - he'll be 36 hours on antibiotics and ready to gobble up the other kids fingers at day care by Monday morning - so help me God!"

Chopper

So all the kids at day care are quaking in their boots 'cause jb has started biting.
He's bitten 2 girls and 2 mommies in 2 days.

We swiftly put him into time out each time and then watch his lower lip protrude and quiver tremendously prior to the heart-wrenching tears he produces. These tears are either true regret for mis-deeds, or unadulterated anger at having been punished. When we reprimand him, he has difficulty making eye-contact and he looks so remorseful that it is hard to stick to our guns.

I think we would not be such hard-asses, but we definitely don't want to have that kid at day care that everyone else's parents call "Chopper".

A breather from a long week

It was such a long, busy week. Just exhausting, really. And I'm sorry to report, the blog suffered. (But I guess those of you reading this now, knew that already.)

I think this time of year, the colder weather, the threat of- if not the existence of- ice and snow, the increased darkness... it just makes you more tired, right?

Katy and I started the week on the fitness train, but then mother nature and life's chores intervened. Combined visits to the treadmill: 4. The new hand weights we bought: still wrapped in original packaging.

On Tuesday, JB had his ENT follow up. From beginning to end the visit was stressful. I got a little lost and I got there late. I had to wait for a while once we got there even though there seemed to be no one else in the place...

The visit itself started with Dr I'm-old-enough-to-be-your-baby-cousin explaining that JB had, "the worst ears I've ever seen." He had not used that description post-operatively and I guess I'm glad. 'Cause that would have freaked me out in the hospital... But then, it freaked me out in his office two 1/2 weeks after the surgery. I immediately comforted myself realizing that this guy's wisdom teeth probably haven't even grown in yet. I mean, if an old man said that, "HOLY CRAP!" But how many sets of eartubes could this guy have done? I convinced myself that JB's ears were the worst out of EIGHT at most! As I'm regrouping, he drops a diagnostic concern on us: congenital cholesteatoma.

I ask Dr IOETBYBC to write it down at the end of the visit because I know it is my job to bring this info back to Katy, and to be honest, he LOST ME at the word CONGENITAL - my brain went into fuzzy mode. A cholesteatoma, I learned in the next 6 minutes of the visit, is essentially a growth of skin in the inner ear that can be diagnosed by CT scan. To get a CT scan you must lay perfectly still for about 2-5 minutes, which for a one year old requires anesthesia. The treatment is surgical removal. If a cholesteatoma goes untreated, the tumor will grow into and around the hearing bones and cause permanent hearing loss.

All of this was said before the dude in the white coat even looks in our boy's ears. After the exam, he says, "Well, his ears look much better than I anticipated."

(Feel the weight of the pause with me)

"WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!?!" I wanted to shout.

I ask several questions about what he has said so far and am told, "The cause for concern is your report that JB's ears were odorous after the surgery for about 10 days." Dr. IOETBYBC explained that this smell would only come from a pseudomonas infection, which is caused by keratin left in (and draining out of) the ear from the skin-sloughing that is the hallmark of a cholesteatoma. (YUMMY)

As a nurse who has personally smelled all sorts of nasty infections, I'm not completely convinced that pseudomonis is the only infection that would 'cause our kid's ears to get all rank, but this is what Dr. IOETBYBC expects us to believe. Just as I'm coming around to the notion of putting my kid back to sleep for a diagnostic test, though, the young doctor backs down... "Let's wait for his hearing test and then decide about the CT scan then."

Thanks! Because I wasn't sleeping all that soundly anyway. So, now I can just lay there imagining whether or not a clump of abnormal cells are growing around the infrastructure of our son's ear canal.

That was Tuesday am. Tuesday PM the forecast was all drama about the morning commute - The "freezing mix" started in the afternoon and was supposed to go all night. As the logistics officer of our family, Katy made the call that we would be staying at my parent's house in Midpoint. On my way there from work, even though the bad weather hadn't gotten a real foothold yet, I skidded at a stop sign and hit my first BMW.

Nothing tragic or even exciting. I tried not to laugh out loud when the lady said, "We'll just exchange information." Um, no... let's call the authorities, because I ain't even gonna have this imaginary bumper damage assessed, and the sleet jumping off my hood is telling me that this here accident is going to be "no fault". I'm not kidding when i tell you that we couldn't have been going more than 8 or 10 mph, and the combined damage of our cars was less than you might get if you dropped an unopened can of coke on the pavement. No, thank you, mam', we'll just wait for the Midpoint PD to get here and clear this up. 25 minutes later, I left without a moving violation.

At my parents, JB slept well until about midnight and then woke up every hour until 5:30 when his exhausted parents just gave in. As predicted, all the schools were closed and Nana conducted a 3 kid day care... TGFGrandparents!

JB is fine during the day (as far as we've been told) but at night, he wakes up crying nearly every night, sometimes 2 or 3 times. He's easy to go back to sleep, but we are awake, and in addition to feeling tired, we are also worried. He doesn't wake up and then cry. He cries in his sleep and sometimes cries himself awake. Is he dreaming? Is he in pain? Is it his teeth? Is it his ears? Is it normal? A phase? Related to the ways we've set him off his routine with our travel? Part of life? What should or can be done... it's worrisome and kind of sad and (yeah, I'm trying to come up with a new word) exhausting.

Work this week has been crazy too. Way too many meetings and administrative commitments; and the stuff that you need to do that you can't do while preparing for and sitting in meetings just stacks up and looms in suffocating piles.

So this morning, we heard the boy at the usual 5:30 and brought him to bed for another hour. When he was fidgety, I got up with him so that Katy could grab a few extra zzzs. After breakfast, we assembled his workbench from Nana and Papa. He was really adorable. I had a real screwdriver and he had the toy one and whenever I screwed a screw in, he watched what I was doing and imitated it. I showed him the hammer and light and how they worked. I would send him back and forth to the trash to throw things away. He was so curious and excited about the toy. Every once in a while, he would stop playing and come hug me or hug my leg and the run back to the work bench...

I'm saying: I'll sleep in another lifetime. It's just fine with me.
:)

I think JB's been reading the blog

I've re-read the last few posts, and it's all fa-la-la and praise for our young son.
But last week, was different. I've heard more screaming and seen more tears drip out of his eyes in the last week than any other week to date (amounts are estimated.)
He either knows he's about to have surgery, or he's been reading the kind words I've written about the positive impact his existence has had on mine (and he's playing it for all it is worth.)

Telephone call from a friend with young children...
Her: How's JB?
Me: Well, he's good. He was doing great last week. But this week, he's being kind of an asshole.
Her: Yeah, sometimes they can be total dicks.

I appreciate having good friends. Most women won't engage me when I start conversations like that. They get freaked out. But fishes, please...* I don't blame him for acting out, but let's tell it like it is. I can empathize with the sharp molars growing out of your gums, but if this is going to be the excuse for bad behavior for the next 2 years, then we better come to some sort of agreement b/c you don't see your mommies falling to pieces every time we shed out uterine linings.

The kid is just having a shitty week. I understand. But it is hard on everyone. Believe me, I am feeling his pain. On Friday, JB bit Cameron at day care. When Kt and I heard about it, we went through all the stages of grief: shock, denial, pain, guilt, anger, bargaining, reflection, acceptance, hope. It might have been simpler had it not been Cameron that he bit... twice. If some other jackass had bit CamCam, I would have gone all Rebecca-Demornay-on-the-playground, but when it was JB, I was torn. "WHY WEREN'T THEY WATCHING HIM MORE CLOSELY?" Katy and I asked one another. (Avoidance)

The kid hasn't been a biter. One time he bit my finger and I gave it back to him to try to explain that he could have it in his mouth but not bite it. When he bit me a 2nd and 3rd time, Katy reprimanded me for teasing him. She thought it was like taunting a dog with a steak that he never gets. "If you don't want him to bite you, don't put your finger near his mouth," she mandated, complaining that I was setting him up to fail. I was only trying to teach him something worthwhile: Big effing deal if you're never exposed to fingers and don't bite!!! It's like memorizing the multiplication tables for 2 and 5, but no one teaching you shit about 3, 4, 7, 8, or 9. It's my job to make sure he's as good on the 7's as he is on the 5's, and if he feels a little bad about himself in the process, that's part of the tragedy of living my little pup!

JB went to bed on Friday night at a holiday party we were attending. It didn't seem weird that it took about 3 times longer than usual to get him down, he's pretty social and I just assumed that he didn't want to be cut out of the festivities. When we got home (had to drive separate cars to and from because of our starting points) Katy informed me that he had screamed the whole way home. Uh-oh. That's not like the little dude.

So, combined- between his bed and ours- he slept about 148 minutes between midnight and 6 am today. Just crying and yelling, shouting and whimpering all night.
It. was. awesome.
I had to assume that CamCam had strung together a curse with her ever-expanding vocabulary, but with the sunlight, came a ton of drool and 2 new teeth are racing to see which cuts through first.

It is much harder with this much crying and grumpiness. I feel bad for him, but it does make a person more tired and less sure of the point when he seems so miserable. Hopefully he will turn a corner soon.

*Not sure if I've mentioned it here yet or not, but the wife and I have started to replace the word, "bitch" in our vocabulary with the word, "fish". This will hopefully keep our kid's mouth soap-free for a little while longer; though it is likely to make him seem a little retarded when he comes out with a pithy but nonsensical: "Why's this fish over here givin' me so much attitude?"

The week in review

Last Sunday, we went to church, finished staging our insanely clean abode for the impending open house, went back to church for the first of 3 "new members" classes we have been trying to take for several years, and then packed several bags to vacate the house for the rest of the day for the (previously mentioned) open house.

We then went for an amazing hike. We were outside in some of the nicest fall weather for just under 2 hours, my sister, bro-in-law, nieces, papa, son, wife and I taking turns carrying and pushing kids, huffing, puffing, resting, taking pictures, and breathing it all in.

Today, katy and I considered that it might have been that hike and that sweaty, breezy, outside time getting our heart rates up just that little bit, spending time in nature with family that prevented us from falling to pieces during the events of the next 5 days.

On my way out the door this past Monday, I got a call from work that JayCo - the credentialing body for our institution was coming for their unannounced survey... They don't tell you they are coming except the morning of their arrival one can find a post on their website revealing who will be surveyed that day. That's how we learned, "JayCo is ON THE WAY!" And so began the 3 day survey we have been anticipating every day since the first of the year. These were days that required my arrival at work in the 7am range and leaving at about 6pm.

On Monday, I came home, bathed the baby, put him to bed and worked until 2 am finishing up a binder of competency trainings I've been "working on" all year. Tuesday, I missed seeing the baby before bed by 10 minutes. But then hit the sack by 9pm.

Wednesday, when it was almost over, Katy got a call from day care to learn that JB had a temp of 101. She cancelled her patients, brought him to the doctor, got him on antibiotics and then we rushed home to host book club.

Thursday had me bringing our sick baby (who could not be sent to day care within 24 hours of a fever) and 3/4 of our house to work with me (ie-stroller, pack and play, portable highchair, 3 bags of food and supplies) for half a day. At the midway point of the morning I realized that JB had a raging rash on his trunk... drug allergy? Not sure, but nervous. I called and by 3pm the kid had been to the pediatrician 2 times in less than 24 hours. (Are we good moms or what?!?) At around the point I was noticing his rash, I got a call that my gram was bleeding in places that she shouldn't and was going to the hospital emergency room.

Yesterday was a full day of work. JB back to day care, but me worried about his health b/c we decided to stay on the antibiotics since it didn't really look like a "drug rash". My sister played the part of super aunt so my mom could go to my gram's bedside and Katy and I could attend the fundraiser that we were committed to, playing supporting roles on the "host committee". (Let's just say, we are really into supporting gay rights).

I'm tired.

But I am lucky as hell.
To have the wife I have.
To have this life.

But I am so tired.

Kissing cousins

This week, they put the kids in the one year old room. It would have been traumatic for JB's mommies if CamCam had not gone in there with him. There are all these new rules about sleeping and eating and wearing shoes... At home, JB is a little bit of a mess. Twice, he's going to bed before 7pm which makes me very sad b/c it means I am seeing him less than an hour at night and about 1.5 hours in the morning (which is not my best time of the day.)

Yesterday, I brought JB to day care and he saw Cam for the first time in 2 days (His grannies have been in town watching him at home since his birthday.) Well, Cammie saw me and started crawling at break-neck pace. And JB started crawling towards her as well. I was nervous that when they met each other he might swat at her or something because he's been a little rambunctious lately. But, when they met up, they both sat up, faced each other and clapped. Then they put their foreheads together and each put their hands on the cheeks of the other. I had to turn away to keep from weeping. It might have been the sweetest thing I have ever seen.

Then, quite unable to drive away at that moment, I stalled by going into the 2 year old room to see Mac. She dropped her spoon and RAN to give me the biggest hug. And the hundreds of hours of driving I've done to put this kid in day care with his cousins is instantly some of the best time I've spent.

Newsletter: Month 10

Dear JB,

Today you are 10 months old. It seems like a very short time and an eternity all at once. The part that really gets us is that in 2 months you will be ONE YEAR OLD! The time seems like it is going so fast. it's already hard to believe there was a time when you couldn't make funny faces, laugh, and eat food food!


There were a couple of momentous new developments in the last couple of weeks. First, you learned to crawl! People keep telling us that "it's all over now". By "it" I'm assuming they mean that because you are mobile our WHOLE LIFE is over, but, honestly, we're so excited that you can move around. It's better than the alternative: carrying your almost 20lb (and growing!) butt everywhere!


It is a little more labor intensive to watch and play with you because you are almost always non-stop. Before, you used to sit with your toys and hang for hours and we could watch you with one eyeball. Now you require two, sometimes four eyeballs and a few hands to keep you in line. You love your toys, especially the drum sticks Mommy got you from a parade that your Papa was in. Drumming seems to be a favorite activity. No real rhythm yet, but we'll work on that. You also consider the remote control, any telephone, and any glass we want to drink out of your personal toy. They get you moving fast enough to blur.


You pull yourself up on everything: tables, chairs, couches, legs, etc. Sometimes you use your teeth to get up that last inch to where you want to be. You're getting good at cruising around (especially if one of the above named objects is within eyesight!)

The second momentous development is that you have two teeth! Or, as Mac likes to point out, JB HAS TWO TEEFS! You've done pretty well so far with the large hard sharp objects poking through your tiny soft gums - seriously, that HAS to hurt. One of your circus tricks is to "play the tuba" on our cheeks but this sometimes devolves into a puncture wound because I'm not sure you 1. know you have teeth or 2. know what teeth are for.

We did some traveling this month. First to Brooklyn on the 4th of July to see the Womb Whisperer and her man, and HND and his man. You slept all the way there and then woke up with a fever of 102. Coxsackie had run rampant through the daycare that week and we thought for sure you made it out unscathed, but no. You were fussy and cranky but overall a total trooper.



The following day we picked up your Auntie Kate and went to NJ for Dr. R and Dr. U's wedding. You wore a traditional Indian kurti that was just divine. It matched your eyes and personality perfectly. You loved seeing the horse the groom arrived on and dancing with the crowd, and then sat very patiently and quietly through the whole ceremony.




You love love love to iChat with your Grannies in Ohio. Your 10 month birthday was also your Granna's birthday and we FINALLY got the i.Mac back on the internet just in time. You crawl right to the screen and try to touch their faces, and occasionally attempt to eat them. You definitely know they're there and we love when they make you giggle all the way from Ohio. It doesn't make up for the distance, but it helps.



You have become a regular at our softball games. We play two nights a week in the summer and come with us almost every time. There is no dearth of open arms waiting to some Jake time around there - our teammates are JB junkies!


The noises you make are now wide and varied. You have ba, da, ma and occasionally ga down pat. You seem to know exactly what we're saying to you most of the time, and you choose whether or not to pay attention. You communicate in all kinds of ways - including spitting your food at us when you're all done. Or happy. Or saying hi. The inflection in your voice is getting more varied but your favorite sound is still a simple, guttural yell.




We continue to feel blessed each and every day you wake us up at 5:15am. You are such a sweet boy that loves to snuggle and giggle. They love you at daycare, and pretty much anywhere we take you people want to stop and say hi to the boy with "those big blue eyes". Some days we still can't believe you're here and frequently well up with tears in gratitude for the joy you bring us.


With hearts overflowing,
Your Mommies

Day Care is quiet

When we picked JB's day care, we chose one in the town of Midpoint. Midpoint is half way between my work and home. It is also the town I grew up in, play softball in, and and the town my parents, grandparents, and sister & BIL live. Our day care was Mac and Cam's day care and that seemed like a good place for JB too- with his cousins.

Coxsackie spread like a wildfire through the place last week. Cam got it and JB got it too, though b/c he was home with Katy all week and b/c he only had one day of fever and the late arrival of a rash, we didn't know that until his pediatric appointment yesterday.

Cam was sick, my sister was away, and my mom is off for the summer, so the girls were at Nana and Papa's house all last week. Also, because of a self-imposed quarantine (thinking the boy had not been exposed) we stayed away all week. This week, there was a pre-arranged "week of potty training" for Mac-attack that has prolonged the sabbatical from day care for my nieces. (They are both at nana and papa's again b/c my mom cannot stand "leaving one behind," and at our day care, we can arrange a week at 1/2 off the day care price if you give notice that the kids will be out for a pre-planned 5 day stretch, unrelated to illness.)

I'm not sure if JB even notices it, but day care is quiet and lonely without my (sister's) girls there. Even pick up (despite JB's hugs and smiles) is little empty when there is no shout of "TeeeeeeeeTeeeee."

Drop off is even more depressing without my morning hug from Mac and wave from Cam... Driving away this AM, I pouted in silence most of the way to work.