Monday, May 03, 2010

Waiting for the blister to pop

So today was the first day of the new day care.
The moms were way more stressed than the kids.

Last week we said a sad "see you later" to the care givers at our old school.
Drop off this morning was a confusing whirlwind: Did we explain enough to the boys? to the staff? Will they be nice to each other? Will the unknowns be overwhelming?

This afternoon we were told how cute and sweet and charming our boys are.
It was a relief.
Not a relief in the confirmation of their cuteness, but a relief that we got here- and made it thru the first day.

Making the decision to pull these kids out of day care and choosing a new school; then preparing for it and waiting for the day to come... And then saying goodbye to the friends we have made, that we like seeing every day, that we have entrusted our babies to... THAT was stressful.

Saturday, we went to a party. JB got a scratch or a mosquito bite or something. He has shown my propensity to swell and burn from bites. As has happened in the past, a small blister formed at the spot of the presumed bite. We covered it in a band aid, but the blister grew and grew... The size of a pin head, the size of a pencil eraser. He went to bed last night and I was anxious, not only about the changes to come in the morning, but also that that thing would pop in the night and cause him some pain on his first day of school. This morning, it was HUGE. Literally the size of a grape. On his little tiny hand!!!

I just didn't know what I dreaded more- the moment that blister popped, or having to continue to look at it... It's not that different from the day care decision.

Inertia is hard. Doing something is so much harder than doing nothing. Even when you know that doing nothing could lead to bad things later on, it is frequently hard to justify changing course. At the same time, Once you are on a certain trajectory (like after making the decision to change schools and/or once that blister grows bigger than the diameter of his thumb...) you just can't stop the forward movement to the next thing... You just can't wait to get where you are going to end up...



At approximately 5:30 pm that thing gushed open, splashing all over both of our hands and arms.
But as a wiped it off, i enjoyed the relief that washed over me.

Tomorrow will probably hurt JB a little more than today (the blister, but maybe the new school too)... But at least there can be a break from the dread anticipation we've been drowning in around here as we marched toward this day.

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