The week in review

In the last 7 days, Obama freed the gays*, North Carolina outlawed them, we've celebrated/endured nurses' week, mother's day, and gone through a 12 pack of ginger-ale**.  In the last seven days, the boys have worn their raincoats, their winter coats, and their bathing suits- so swings the weather in these parts at this time of the year...

The Ta-bar pool opened today at a crisp, cool 76 degrees. (We all went in but Katy). And I predict both these boys will be swimming without "swimmies" by the end of the summer (Mac and Cam are already there).  Softball starts tomorrow.  I have a lot to write about, but I'm so very sleepy.

The new job is absurd.  Good, but a little like being a lost kid at a big fair... Except, I'm not a kid, and I have a map, but they change the fair grounds every night... and there are a lot of emails... And I keep staying awake every night wondering if I should suggest to my bosses that maybe they should keep the fair grounds looking like the map they hand out.  Also, I find myself wanting to shout a lot, "THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES ON!" 

*OBAMA did not actually free the gays, but he did publicly state is personal support for marriage equality which as Joe Biden would say, "...is a big fucking deal."

**Jake was vomiting last weekend and I spent Friday night wondering how my body could eject the contents of my stomach with such force that jet engine blasters seem comparatively ineffectual and weak.  

Groundhog Day

There are so many things that I never really thought much about until I had kids.
It's important to note, I'm one of those people that thought a lot about having kids...
I thought about how I would teach them, how I would treat them, what I would need in a co-parent to supplement my particular hangups, talents, shortcomings, and anxieties. I considered how I would handle raising different personalities and how I would balance the different needs of boys vs girls or boys AND girls. I even thought a bit about what I would do if I had a kid that had ambiguous genitalia or one that looked like a boy but felt like a girl (Thank you, Middlesex).

I thought about how I would teach them to pee standing up (having never done that myself) and how I would teach them to stand up for their beliefs without disrespecting others. I thought about how I would handle the rage inside myself the first time they were bullied or teased.

I mean, you get my point, right?

The "parenting" as a verb catches me so off guard sometimes. Watching and letting them struggle for their own good- even if right now it is only with language and putting on socks and shoes- requires attentive restraint. (Jake's particular nemesis right now: Button-fly jeans. Who at gap thought that was a good idea?!?) But sometimes, I am completely disarmed by how they flip the world around on me, they completely scramble the compass.

Can we talk about Santa?!?
An uncomplicated concept to get behind in theory. He's jolly, he's fun, he's generous, he's magical - "Kid-less Tracy" didn't give it much thought. What was there to protest?

I just didn't anticipate how hard it would be to make up the little white lies required to make that myth work. It's not that I have a problem lying to my kids, per se... I mean our relationship is based on honesty (of course)... but a lot of the stuff I say to them is not so much TRUTHFUL as it is AGE APPROPRIATE: "Soda is an 'adult beverage'," "Everyone loves vegetables!", "Mufasa's brother, Scar, is so silly". Still, the pseudo-creepy, heavy-set man in the Santa suit in the mall?!? Not that interested in plopping my toddler on his lap.

When my kids have the uncontrollable urge and desire to run up and hug Santa, I'll stand 2 feet away and allow it. But trying to convince them to partake in the pre-kids-it-didn't-seem-so-bizarre ritual ("Stop crying, there's nothing to be afraid of... Go sit on that strange man's lap so we can take a picture")?!? Sorry, I'm not playing.

I'm okay lying about the reindeer flying and speaking of magic like it's a real thing (that's called imagination). Leaving the notes to and from the big guy and the treats and cookie crumbs... I start to have some ethical dilemmas, but I see the value.

Then I have to partake in the back-story, and I start to loose interest: Mrs. Clause sitting home doing nothing but keeping his suit clean? The army of enslaved elves making millions of toys? Landing on the roof? Breaking and entering- a man sneaks into our house on the promise to leave us some goods? Wait.. WHAT?!? So this guy just wanders around our home while we sleep? How is that congruent with everything else we are trying to teach about normal social behavior?

Why can't we just update the tale? Example: Kids and parents correspond with Santa's family by email to coordinate requests from the children and advice on good behavior from Santa. The elves have been set free except the ones that were hired (union bennies and wages) by the Clauses to help coordinate money exchanges and purchases from corporate entities (toy making and product packaging has obviously been outsourced from the north pole due to increased transportation costs and an effort to be more Green.) This is such a corporate holiday, but as a parent tied to the increasingly outmoded and ridiculous Santa myth, I can't even bring in a tame lesson on the dangers of commercialization or find easy ways to explain how much harder a lot of our neighbors have to work around the holidays, b/c Santa is the only one getting street cred for upping personal productivity...

All kidding aside, it was a creative struggle in December to find pieces of the holiday story that are not complicated by half-truths and increasingly inane postulations (a deer-drawn winter sleigh when we haven't had snow since that one storm in October???). So we tried to minimize it and focus on the story of the nativity, and teach them to notice the smell of the tree and the enjoy the beauty of Christmas lights.

And then, not all of our friends celebrate and believe in Christmas or Santa. And the ones that do? Their not-so-little white lies to their kids are slightly different than ours. Our kids are like, "that's not what so-and-so said about Christmas..."

Holidays with kids can get complicated.

Last night, Jake and I are sitting on the couch:

J: Tomorrow's Ground Hog day.
Me: (not having thought about this at all) yes.
J: what is that?
Me: (stretching my mind) Um... that is a holiday where the ground hog comes out of his hole to determine if the winter will end soon or not.
J: What?
Me: um... the ground hog comes out and if he sees his shadow, he goes back in and if he doesn't, he will stay out of his hole?
J: Why?
Me: I guess he will get scared if he sees his shadow
J: no. why does he do it?
Me: um... (remembering) it's like 6 more weeks of winter if he goes back in his hole but... (I trail off knowing this is absurd)
J: why
Me: I'm not sure, baby
J: why?
Me: (i knowing I'm beat) yeah... I don't know, really... it's a very silly holiday

Parenting (more often than I would have previously believed) involves mini existential crises, sometimes 2 and 3 times a day.

As I try to explain the world to our kids, I'm forced to decide- often in a moments notice: Am I going to pass on some bullshit that no one believes but everyone repeats over and over again? Am I going to overwhelm them with a depressing amount of realism?

But cutting even deeper, once a previously unnoticed absurdity comes to my attention, how will I handle if from there??? Inside MYSELF???

Sometimes I feel like I'm just noticing things for the first time and when Jake or Milo ask "Why?" I have to shake my head like a visitor to this country or planet and say with true helpless confusion, "I really have no idea, guys... I'm sorry. I have no idea..."

"It's totally fucked up." I want to admit to them, "And I'm sorry to report I never noticed how totally fucked up it is until right this moment..."

(Head in hands) When they are older, we can just watch the Bill Murray movie together, right?

Check your list twice...

While discussing gift-giving, and gift-receiving etiquette, something goes awry...

Jake: I hope Santa keeps a list... Because if I, like, ask for a Batman gift and he brings me, say, a Dora thing, I'll be like, "dude, I didn't ask for Dora..."

This guy wants to be your next president...

Even though it sounds as if there are only about 13 people in the crowd, this guy has a lot of nerve...



Got that? OUR marriage (Katy's and mine) "Turns religious liberty on it's head... turns the education system on it's head... and undermines every basic traditional value... for no legitimate purpose".

[Um, excuse me, sir (tap-tap on the shoulder)... the psycho-social and economic safety of our family and especially our children is a legitimate purpose.]

In allowing us to marry, apparently our state passed a law that is "in-amicable to a just and fair society" and to the "basic values" that are "necessary to the survival of the United States."

[Exaggerate much, Dick?!? Excuse me, Rick?!?]

"What NY did was wrong, I will oppose it. I will go to NY and if necessary help overturn it."

[Good luck with that, buddy and good luck with your political career, Mr. Santorum]

UPDATE: Wow... Bill Maher- Truth teller

UPDATE: HBO pulled the video, but has the transcript here.



--------------------
I didn't laugh, so much as cringed- sometimes the truth does hurt.

** Let's Talk.About.Thanksgiving... Shall we?!?

Today, the world lost an amazing woman, and extraordinary nurse. I lost a friend, a mentor, and an occasional surrogate mom.

I was 23 years old when I met Deirdre. I was a new nurse, starting a new job in the MICU and everything I needed to know about her, I learned in that first shift: She was all business, no nonsense when it came to the job. At first blush, she scared the shit out of me. But you only needed to hear her laugh to know there was nothing to actually fear - she was full of life, heart, humor, mischief, giggles, and truth. Dee would tell you what was what without batting an eye. She could say to you "Why are you wearing that? You look ridiculous!" but make it sound like, "I've been thinking, and I have a great idea for a make over!" She was what my gram would have called a "rascal". To qualify for the label the way my gram intended it, you'd have to be someone smart, someone that intuitively knows exactly what is going on, someone that pays attention and "doesn't miss a trick", someone that speaks truth in a good-natured way, that can knock an arrogant fool down a few pegs without seeming mean or threatened, someone soulful but who truly enjoys a good joke.

Deirdre was all of this. And a real class act.

She taught me so much about what it means to be a nurse. Being a nurse means doing things the right way. Working fast but not taking shortcuts. Taking care of what you can, fixing and organizing what you can; and creating comfort and respectful solutions when things can't be fixed. Washing and rubbing a back, lotioning someone's feet, helping a person eat or go to the bathroom, listening as people talk about their lives- these are not small, insignificant things... They are usually the most important things.

I stopped working in the ICU almost 10 years ago... And Deirdre left before then. We hadn't spoken in a long time, until last year when I learned that she had been diagnosed with Cancer - stage 4.
We emailed a few times, and in November, we had a big party in her honor.



She looked fantastic! The last time she wrote me, she told me that her prognosis had improved... Today, I was caught completely off guard by the news. I hadn't realized that she had recently gotten much worse, that she was hospitalized last week and transferred to hospice.
She died last night, surrounded by her family. She was only 65 years old.

There are too many stories to tell about Dee and all that she taught younger nurses and all that she did for (hundreds and hundreds of) patients, and all of the laughter she encouraged, but these are two of my most vivid and treasured memories.

Grief Stricken Nubbie:
I worked in MICU right out of college. I had recently broken up with my high school sweet heart, my first love of 6 plus years, by BFF all through school. I spent that first year as a nurse, trying to learn how to be a competent professional, trying to recover from the break up, trying to figure out who I was, trying to make sense of it all.

I was happy though, making money, finding satisfaction in my work, developing really amazing friendships. All the people I met that first year, never knew me as John's girlfriend. Never knew me as any one's girlfriend. I didn't have a significant other, wasn't really looking, and maybe some guessed it, but I don't remember telling anyone that I was searching for a way out of the closet. It was complicated inside of me, trying to figure out a way to break the news to lots of people that I wasn't straight.

It must have been really confusing to my colleagues how devastated I was when John died in October of 1997. When people asked what was going on, I first had to explain about John and then had to try to convey the terrible grief I felt. Words were inadequate and so I used few of them. After trying on a couple detailed explanations, I shortened the tale to "He was my best friend" and now he was dead.

Those first few weeks, going to work was awful. You don't realize you work in a place that is all about death until grief settles in you like a magnetic field and the tiny, metal shavings of death (that lay like fine dust in a modern ICU) fly from their resting spots to coat your skin. I was a wreck. And it took several weeks before I realized that people there were watching me. People like Deirdre, looking out for me, moving obstacles before I bumped into them, intervening on my behalf- "You go help with this admission, and I'll do that" I'd be told when it was time for me to prepare and "bag" the corpse of one of my patients that passed away.

One night, I caught the Jay Leno show, and he had a clip from this new comedy called "South Park". Watching it, I laughed and laughed and laughed. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. I taped it and watched it over and over and realized, it was the first time I had laughed- really laughed- in almost a month. I brought the tape to work and showed several people (trying to figure out if everyone thought this was funny or if I was cracking up.) Dee was in that first crowd of people and she laughed even harder than I did. Hearing her laugh made me laugh even harder. The laughing felt good. She and I watched that clip a dozen more times that night. We set the TV and VCR in an empty patient room and every so often, we would go in there and watch it a few more times... getting more silly each time. After that night, I would have done anything for that woman- that experience really helped me start to heal.

What would your mother say:
The second story: I had started dating a woman that we worked with. She was a travel nurse and started on our unit a few months before, expecting to stay 3-6 months longer. She was colorful and funny and a good nurse. She was popular, but not quite comfortable in her own skin and had a tendency to be erratic- not at work, but when she wasn't working. Again, I was not really "out", but I wasn't NOT out. Anyone that asked a question, I told the truth to, but this was like 12 years ago, Will and Grace wasn't yet on TV, not a lot of people brought it up.

Still, even though people weren't asking me about it the way they would have if Dana had been a man, we had told several of our friends and there is no doubt it was probably the worst kept secret on the floor (maybe in the hospital). One night, Deirdre pulls me aside...

D: What's going on with this Dana girl?
Me: what do you mean, what's going on? What do you want to know?
D: She's no good for you.
Me: (laughing, slightly embarrassed) what?!?
D: I'm not trying to get into your business, but you are going places and she is not going anywhere you want to be- this isn't about her being a girl... you want to be with a girl, that's fine, this isn't the girl for you...

Thing is, she was right. Not that the girl wasn't good for me, necessarily, but she was right to bring it up. She was right there for me... not letting her possible discomfort or fear of not being politically correct distract her from attempting to care for me. She was there to treat me and this relationship with the respect that comes from someone who tells you to "Pay attention!!!"... who reminds you not to shit where you eat... I wasn't even considering if Dana was "the girl for me" or not, but hearing that said out loud made an impression on me. I wasn't estranged from my family or anything, but there were no "parent-type" members that knew about this relationship (or if they knew, they didn't bring it up to me; and I didn't bring it up to them). Unless you count my MICU family (which I do...).

When you needed a mom or mother figure (whether you knew it or not) Deirdre was there. When you needed a mentor or a friend, same story.

The thing I'm having trouble describing in these memories of her is the love and vitality that Deirdre brought to every interaction. The perfect balance of salt and sweet. She would bust your balls, but it wouldn't be to break you down, it would be to build you up. She was a hard ass, with a heart of gold. She could be serious, but her laugh was seriously infectious.

When I got the news today, I felt sick and I felt sadness wash over me. For a few minutes, I thought I might start shaking with sobs at the loss of someone I haven't spent more than an hour talking to in the last 10 years. It's just this: As is true of most of the people who are our teachers, she is so much a part of special and important things inside of me, that she is kind of with me all the time. And intellectually, that's reassuring because that means (if she is living inside of me) I can never really lose her to death; those parts of her that she planted in me will still always be with me...

But...

That doesn't dampen the ache I feel knowing I will never hear her laugh or see her smile or her wise gaze again.
Sleep well, sweet-tough-nurse, funny-soulful friend.
You are loved more than you know and I miss you already.

**

The last 3 hours of your day

Sometimes I think I write a highly idealized version of what life with little kids is like. I mean, all the cute conversations, all the "Life is good" tags, all sweet photos and some of the other bullshit...
I think we are hitting a rough patch with JB- he is talking back, rolling his eyes, and acting like he just learned the word "no" and we just took the keys to his car away all at the same time.

Tonight was a night that I'd like to erase from the books. It went something like this:

5:23pm - Arrive home from work. Kate is at the stove. ML is running around, JB sees me when I open the door. He stops cutting construction paper and looks at me with a 1/2 crooked smile. I have no idea what is coming, and I assume he is going to break into a grin, run up to me, and throw his arms around me (like he does on most nights). Instead, he holds his dull, kid-scissors up in front of his eyes and says, "If you come any closer, I'll cut you." When I get over my shock, give him a low-key reprimand, and convinced him to give me a hug, he brings his knees up high and kicks me in the chest a couple of times.
5:25 - JB is in time out.
5:26 - With the sweet sounds of JB SCREAMING in the background, I attempt to wrangle ML into a greeting, but he's marching around like that kid from parenthood (the movie) without the bucket on his head


"He likes to bonk things with his head"


5:28 - Time out is over, but JB is still SCREAMING AND SOBBING, "GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!RIGHT NOW!!!" So we have to determine if we are going to give the kid another 3 minutes. I try a different tactic and I go to him and lay down on the floor next to JB so that we are face to face. I stroke his face to dry his tears...
Me: Did you have a bad day?
Him: no
Me: Do you need any help?
Him: no
Me: Can you stop crying so that you can come out of time out--OUFFFFF



(ML has jumped on my back making the same noise with his body that you hear in a Mission Impossible movie, when a short Scientologist throws his body from the top of a tractor trailer onto the roof of another moving vehicle)

5:32 - ML marches over to the stove and attempts to stir the pots that are simmering over his head up there. To get closer to the danger, he tries to pull the oven door open. It doesn't matter that Katy and I are standing right there, we can barely stop him. He starts WAILING.

5:34 - Strapped into his high chair, ML is finally quieted when an appetizer of raw avocado is placed in front of him. JB takes a butter knife and starts to stab at the pages of a book that is on the table. I tell him to stop.

5:35 - JB has picked the knife up again and is stabbing at the pages of a book again. I raise my voice and then take the knife away

5:40 - Dinner is served. We all sit down "Taco dinner"

5: 42 - ML throws his plate of taco meat onto the floor. While we are down picking it up, he showers pieces of taco shell on us. Katy reminds him, "Only six more months before I get to put you into time out."

5:45 - We have been offering ML other food: cheese stick? JB wants one too. Applesauce? JB wants one too... ML shoves 1/2 a cheese stick into his mouth and laughs when Katy tries to get him to spit out the too-big piece. He finally spits it out and while never breaking eye contact with his mama, he dangles it over the side of his high chair tray. We bark, threaten, and scold... He smiles and let's it fly...

5:48 - ML gets put into the corner for "Baby time out".

5:52 - After gagging his way through 2 sugarsnap peas, JB had "earned" the applesauce he requested. ML's tray has been cleared of food.
6:16 - ML is crying because Katy is washing his face with a soft, soft wash cloth. Mommy and the boys roll around of the floor for a while. Until ML drops a load in his diaper.
6:52 - After chasing him around for all this time, ML finally consents to a diaper change. JB demands a "SHOWER, NOT A BATH" (Even though he shouldn't get his way based on how he is acting and how he is speaking to us, both parents agree: "whatever... It's not worth making a federal case") We act like we intended to make him take a shower all along.
7:07 - the bath was fun and pleasant, and a clean ML, acts as if the world's softest sleeper contains some type of chemical that will kill him if he allows himself to be clothed in it...

7:15 - Baby ML is only half dressed
7:22 - Both kids are dressed for bed. Humidifier is filled.
7:25 - Teeth are brushed, hair is combed, baby is finally calm and happy; ML wiggles out of a mom's arms and bangs his head on the floor (Cue screaming).

7:40 - ML is calmed, has been soothed, watched a little TV with his brother, and accepts that it is bedtime

7:45 - our hero, Handy Manny is there for us in "The big race"

8:15 - JB goes to bed

(sigh)

W.
T.
F.

Pink is Perfect

The boys and I are on our own for the weekend.
We sent Mama off to have some adult time with her Smithy friends.

So, I don't see myself getting a ton of blogging time...

BUT, I would like to say that I started a fan page on Facebook for the GSO, and the fans came through like champs! We had 60 FB "LIKEs" in 24 hours!!! Very cool.
So now we have an official and personalized Facebook address:
http://www.facebook.com/ginsoakedolive

nice.
-------------
For a musical interlude, I present this P!nk video. (hat tip Joe.my.god)

I didn't know that the version of "Perfect" that they've been playing on the radio is an edited version. I like that one. But i really love this one.

In fact, I really love Pink.
This single is typical; and a terrific example of why: strong, solid, funky, fun, tough, real, a memorable beat, an important lesson. I'm not sure she's released a single that I didn't like.
She is tough and hot.

The f-bomb is not necessary to enjoy the song (I'll definitely purchase the clean version so I can sing it to my boys) but watching the video, you realize that the song is not about teeny-bopper issues, it is real and heavy and an f-bomb (or 40) is not going too far.

WARNING:
- This video opens with brief, awkward sex that turns out to be "marital" in nature
- This video contains the word "fuck"; used as a gerund (I think it's a gerund; it may be an adverb, as it is a modifier of a predicate adjective; I think an adjective that modifies another adjective is an adverb... School teachers and editors please weigh in... This will probably keep me up tonight wondering)
- This video contains images of a young woman cutting herself in the bathtub



Pink is HOT!
Fucking Perfect? Right?

A wacko with a legal gun in Arizona and 31 bullets before he had to pause to reload

I haven't said anything here on the blog yet about the act of domestic terrorism that occurred 2 Saturdays ago in Tuscon, AZ. I am very troubled by it and very angry and have been waiting a little until some of the sharpness of my emotional reaction is filed down a bit by time. In case you are living under a rock and don't know the story, a 22 year old American went to the "Congress in your Corner" event for Gabrielle Giffords in front of a Safeway in Tuscon. With a semi-automatic Glock that had an ammunition clip containing 31 bullets, he shot 19 people, killing 6 including a 30 year old congressional aid, a 63 year old federal judge, and a 9 year old girl who was born on September 11, 2001.

The murderer and would-be assassin shot Congresswoman Giffords in the forehead from 1-3 feet away, and the bullet went straight through the left side of her brain. The motive seems to be paranoia, anti-government sentiment, and mental illness. The conservative-wing of the Republican party seems to have been has been turned upside-down and their righteous indignation has been scattered all over the carpet like a pocketful of coins- due to the ensuing discussion of relevant information that unfolded during the reporting of the story.

This particular area of the country is one of the districts that Sarah Palin marked a with cross-hairs on a map to say that the incumbent congresswomen needed to be "taken out" during the most recent election cycle in November 2010. Several days after the shooting, Palin herself release a video commentary drenched in politics, the first half of which said, (I'm about to paraphrase while using quotes:) "I care a lot about the victims too... God will hopefully help them... but I'm here to talk about me: Healthy critique and criticism in a democracy- like I inspired when I put the up the map with cross-hairs on my website; and promptly took down a few hours after the shooting- is not only good, it is paramount to preserving liberty. This happened only because of an evil man. Anyone who even talks about violent rhetoric as it relates to me or this tragedy is an asshole who hates America!!!" Then in the 2nd half of the video she pretty clearly says, (again, I paraphrase:) "Besides, this guy was a commie, pinko, nut job and if anyone is to blame, it is liberals. They are very evil themselves for attempting to take part in healthy critique and criticism (of me)! That is not what America is about!!! God bless, God, God, Blah, blah, God, God, America..."

I swear this is a fairly accurate recap... you can see the video yourself here if you are into it. (I watched it twice, but I admit that was only because I fell asleep a little the first time.)

Since the day of the shooting- while the congresswomen fights for her life, has endured at least 4 surgeries, and starts to learn how to stand, walk, speak, and understand what a mobile phone is for again- The NRA has gone out straight up with the battle cry of guns don't kill people, deranged people kill people and there should be NO RESTRICTIONS whatsoever on GUNS. The republicans (for the most part, though it seems like Dick Cheney might be a notable exception) have been unwilling even to discuss the re-enactment of a Clinton era bill that outlawed magazine clips that contain more than 10 bullets for semi-automatic weapons.

The story from AZ that day is that the gun man was stopped when he ran out of bullets. When the magazine was empty and he tried to change the ammunition clip, he was overpowered by 2-3 men and a women who were present and are now hailed as heroes. There was also at least one witness present who was armed, but never drew his weapon because as a responsible gun owner he was afraid that he would either have killed the wrong person or be mistaken as a second shooter and be killed himself.

All of Fox news and most of the GOP cried holy hell when the Sheriff in that district stated in the immediate aftermath of the tragedy (and has refused to apologize, recant, or back away from his assertion) that the violent rhetoric that exists in the area is so significant that if it did not contribute to the cause of an incident like this, at a minimum, it made this event something that should not have been a surprise.

I'm compelled to write today, because this clip from the Lawrence O'Donnell show made me just SHUT my mouth. I shut my mouth because finally someone said something so close to what I want to say that, well, there is nothing really more to say... Watch:



Don't... be silly.

"Screw that, Kids!"

I'm posting about this because in 10 or 15 years (oh, who am I kidding? 15 months) I may not remember the back story, but this kid, Chris Colfer plays an amazing character in Glee...
An out-of the closet gay high school-er who is a singer and a dancer, who cannot pass for straight; who is bullied, but strong, temperamental, bitchy, compassionate and complicated.



The part was written for the actor after he auditioned and the creators realized they didn't have a part for him, but they wanted this guy in their show. (Gay boy's dream come true, right?) It is a fun show. There are a lot of goofy, funky, fun, ridiculous things about Glee. But sometimes, watching what Chris's "Kurt" is dealing with and seeing how he moves through life is the main reason I watch this show.

In terms of showing a fully textured character that is gay, there has never been anything like it on TV. As a lesbian, it floors me. I am simultaneously happy and grateful that this show and this character is on TV now. AND I'm a little disgusted that this is ground-breaking and controversial in 2011.

As a mom, I always keep Kurt in the back of my head and heart. Protecting my kids means supporting them so they can stand on their own
AND watching helplessly as they make their own courageous way thru life
AND teaching them to respect others
AND teaching them when to fight and when to work on "their art" and when to chill out.

The content of this show can practically be boiled down to two things: singing and bullying.

Glee shows - with an appalling lack of subtlety but an obviousness that lends itself to symbolism- that the kids (and sometimes adults) that put their creative, yawning, sappy hearts out there can be halted and invalidated by someone who says, "THAT'S GAY!" quicker than the snapping shut of a metal Zippo lighter. Even if the implication is put out there (What you are saying or how you are acting is GAY, Queer weird, strange, stupid, and out of the normal range) and the anti-gay slur is omitted, the effect is the same. I've seen it happen in political discussions. I've seen it happen in the work place. I've seen teachers do it to students. I've seen parents do it to kids. And countless times, I've seen kids to it to other kids.

The threat of being called gay is one thing that shuts a lot of people down: gay kids, people in the closet, heterosexuals that have nothing against people that are gay. Name-calling often stops people in their tracks, without the silenced person knowing why. Being called "Weird" is not the same as being called "Gay". But some would claim (see politicians who go on and on about how "everyone is bullied for something" and therefore "gays" don't deserve "special protections") that only "super sensitive gay kids" care so much, and take it so personally.

But isn't all bullying really about checking to see if you can make someone feel inferior and alone in a way that historically meant being called "gay"? No matter what the incident begins with, bullies just want to see if they can make you cry or beg for mercy- so then you are either a baby or a fag (or if you are a girl and you don't cry, maybe you're a dyke.) In our society, there is no bigger schoolyard insult- worse than being poor, ugly,stupid nerdy, fat, or the "wrong" race or religion. In all those groups, you are far better off to not also be perceived as gay.

All the kids in the glee club on Glee endure, submit, and occasionally stand up to bullying. And all of them have made a choice to be who they are in spite of that bullying.

And Kurt is no different. He has bravely made a choice to be who is he and not pretend or hide even- though that comes with a lot of shit, and sometimes requires him pretend that he doesn't care or pretend that he is stronger than he is. The show does all of this without denying that stereotypes are based in reality, without trying to make him some perfect "who wouldn't like him" character. The show lets him be bitchy sometimes and immature sometimes. They dress him (or let Chris dress?) in such a way that meat-heads in the fly-overs will look at him and say, "of course he gets his ass kicked" and twinks throughout the land say, "I LOVE WHAT HE'S WEARING!"

But Kurt is never a punch line. He has a "real" father on the show that loves him no matter what and is honest about how hard is is to be so different from your son. He has a small group of friends that support him completely, and are terrorized on some level by bullies themselves, but they mostly know that he is in this alone because they cannot understand the more difficult aspects and internal struggle of being gay.

Nearly every time I watch the show (and its calculated plots, random singing, bizarre antics, silliness, absurd fantasy nonsense) it ends with my mouth agape for the realization that this show and Chris Colfer's character is probably literally saving lives: Kids who see themselves for the first time in him. Kids who realize that they shouldn't bully someone for how they dress or act or for being gay. Parents who see a role model for how to protect their gay kid without asking him or telling him to hide his uniqueness. Everyday people who aren't gay or particularly prejudiced who don't think that there should be anti-gay laws, but don't see the particular harm in churches or hate groups lobbying against what will someday a non-issue (2 or 3 generations down the road).

Now they have Kurt to admire, protect, worry about, and love- despite his flaws. They have Kurt who is unapologetic, but always one bad day away from completely falling apart. They have Kurt who is as honest, smart, and brave (and more talented) than any football player or soldier or "perfect son" you have ever seen on TV.

We have Kurt to better measure our prejudices and to help us assess how inclined we are to get up off the couch and stand against people that are teaching our children that gay children (and the adults they grow into) should be stopped, feared, changed, fought, pitied, lobbied against, kept separate...

We have Kurt.
And Now Chris Colfer has a golden globe.

Elizabeth Edwards (July 3, 1949 – December 7, 2010)

The United States of America and the world (to say nothing of progressives and the GLBT community) lost a true hero today.



It almost makes her husband not seem likes such a schmuck- that this woman chose him and loved him.

Respect, Mrs. Edwards.
R.I.P.

-------
btw, my mom told me and I balked that it could not possibly be true (until she was proven correct by the almighty internet) that Elizabeth Edwards had a baby when she was 48 and another one when she was 50 years old... Maybe not "hero" so much as "superhero".

Sign of the Times: Current Events

There has been some crazy shit going on in the world in these last 2 weeks...
The news cycles are just jam-packed full.

What's going on in Britain?!?
The Prime Minister of Britain, Gordon Brown, resigned today. I can't figure out why. His party has lost a lot of seats in the Parliament, and he announced plans to step down, but then literally the next day, he stepped down

SCOTUS Nomineee
Over the weekend, President Obama named Elena Kegan as his 2nd supreme court nominee...
Is she gay or not? It seems like "people in the know" know that she is. Now her "Friends" have come out to say, "She isn't"... I don't know if that's true or not, but a closeted lesbian scares me a little politically. The people that hate me and my people don't want her on the bench b/c they think if she's (secretly) gay, then she will rule for her own rights should a case come up. But I think if she is secretly gay, there's a bigger chance she will rule against "her" own rights (Which of course are also MY rights.)

Oil Spill
Last week, a big oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico caught fire and sank, leaving 3 holes in the pipe that is broken but still connected to the oil well.

This is underwater video of oil pouring out of the biggest of the 3 leaks:



Something like 500,000 barrels of oil a day are leaking out into the Gulf of Mexico.
Let that sink in for a moment. When this first happened (April 20th) I was like, "O.M.G, how awful!" But now I'm a little more like
o.
m.
g...

I mean this is really, really tragic. This will have effects on the environment and the world for generations. The oil has reached the Gulf coast (bu-bye yummy shrimp) and is likely to head up the Atlantic coast too (goodbye crabs and fish and lobsters), not to mention the bird and the people... It is just incomprehensible.
Drill, Baby, Drill...

indeed.

Immigration Racism

Also on the WTF end of the spectrum, Last week, the state of Arizona passed the anti-immigration "Papers, please" law. I haven't read the law, but I understand it requires law enforcement officials to stop anyone that looks as if they could maybe be an illegal immigrant... And the law requires anyone that might possibly look like they might not be white to have to carry around proof of citizenship...
Don't leave home without your papers, please...


Asshats.

Birthday Shout out- dos

Now before I go to bed,
to rest my very weary head.
I'll take a sec to show respect
to the speaker of the house that I like best.
Happy birthday, Nancy P!
Hope you know that we all see...
In the 70th year since you were born
Without you there'd be no health care reform.

Happy b-day!
She's my weekend crush too!

And now for some political commentary

Words fail me when I try to express how much i despise Joe Lieberman.
IN our house this guy is referred to as "Public Enemy Number ONE"

When he ran for VP of the united states on the democratic ticket in 2000, he simultaneously ran for his senate seat, even though we had a Republican Governor who would have appointed a Republican to his seat if his party won the presidency. Essentially he was saying to his constituents, "I'll have a job no matter what," and to his Democratic supporters, "It doesn't matter to me if we win or lose the white house (I"ll have a job either way)."

Then in 2006, after he promised he would abide by the results of the democratic primary race, he didn't...
running as an independent even though the Democratic candidate beat him in the run0ff...

At the time, when I wrote this little ditty to express my feelings about him, I had no idea how much worse things would get for his and my relationship. I did not know for example, that he would address the Republican national convention, or that he would stump for and endorse John McCain in the 2008 election. [Though i guess i should have seen it coming because he owed his seat to Republicans in the 2006 election.]

I knew that he would lie about what a majority of Americans want (real health care reform). But I had no idea that he would hold health care reform down on a pool table while Republican senators took turns hostage in such a hostile manner.

I had no idea that I could feel more contempt than I did back in those days... I was so naive.

Holy Joe, I hardly knew you...

Just because time is flying by...

I'm too tired at night to blog about all the things that I think about during the day.

But so much has happened in the world lately:

1. Sonia Sotomayor - nominated for to be justice of the SCOTUS
2. Prop 8 upheld by the California Supreme Court
3. The gays have taken to the streets as a result
4. Dick Cheney has taken to the airwaves (This guy hid in a secret location and wouldn't confirm or comment on even his own name for 8 years, now he seeks the spotlight like an Elvis impersonator in Vegas.)
5. Dr. George Tiller (a Kansas doctor that spent the better part of his adult life a target of violence; having been shot in both arms in 1993 and attacked when his clinic was bombed) was gunned down in his church last Sunday. He was one of only 3 abortion providers in the US who was trained and able to perform an abortion beyond 21 weeks gestation.
6. New Hampshire just joined Maine, Iowa, Vermont, Connecticut, and Massachusetts to become the 7th state to enact marriage equality for Gays and lesbians. (California was the 2nd, but the advancement was reversed when a slim majority passed proposition 8 last November, adding a constitutional amendment that defined "Marriage" as only between "one man and one woman".)
7. Miss California's 15 minutes of fame seems to finally be up.
8. Newsweek Magazine has totally fucked up its entire format and where it used to be my little weekly news candy, is now exceedingly distasteful to me, like a fungus that has grown on my big toe
9. Nine houses have sold in a 1.5 mile radius of our property in the last 4 weeks
10. Our house is not one of them.
11. Softball season has begun.
    

I have a lot of feelings about most of the above items. I would like to write a post on each; but I will likely not get to it (You're saved.)

I have a lot to write about how much JB and katy are changing. He with stronger language skills and a higher capacity for cognitive analysis of the world around him... She with the belly and "bean v2.0".

I will find the time to write about that, but not tonight.

I leave you with 3 of the funniest Internet snippets I have seen in a while.

One about a slippery slope:



And one about understanding the religious history that has brought us to the place where that slippery slope is a constant fear for some in our society.



And one is for geeks everywhere:



Think about it!

Capt Sully saves the day

This is awesome.

Katy just made me watch it. She's seen it a few times already.



After we watch it together (for the first time) i say, "That was awesome."
I look at her and she is crying.

Me: What... um... why are you... what's going... How's that now?
Her: It just makes me cry.
Me: (blank stare)
Her: When things are that organized... and people do their jobs so well... and disaster is averted... it just really makes me cry.
Me: (careful to control facial muscles) Yup.

No hormones here.

hattip: dl004d

Blow it out your swimmer's ear

You may remember, earlier in the year when I waxed poetic about Michael Phelps and his overpowering choppers? Well, at the time, I was a little hard on the guy. I guess I felt he was just a little too beloved. I mean, it was all "Michael Phelps" this and "Michael Phelps" that. People were going nuts. I never understand what it is that makes all kinds of folks want to gather up all their dreams and hopes and lay them like an laurel wreath on the head of a 24 year old freak of nature. But now, the walls come crashing down and people are shocked! SHOCKED, I say!!! Shocked that a 24 year old might take a hit off a bong.

"How dare he?"
"How could he?"
"What about the little children? "
"I'm just so disappointed in him!"

What is wrong with people?!? Are they for real?

Needless to say, public opinion turning against MP is all I needed to hop off the fence and become a true supporter and fan.



This is exactly what I wanted to say about the whole overblown, Michael Phelps-smoking-a-bong thing... especially the end of the video... SNL nails it.

Cancer in the court

I know this sounds a little draumatic, but I'm not kidding around...

If this news had come out before the election, I think I would have have had a freakin' stroke.

I mean, she hasn't exactly looked that virile for a while, but this chick -ahem, excuse me- associate justice, is the only waif standing between a nun chuck wielding John Roberts and the delicate crystal case holding my gay civil rights.

Stand back, pancreatic cancer... RBG will not go down without a fight! Stay strong, madam justice.

Catch up

There's been some blog silence. Work for me has been a hellacious endeavor as of late. My left eye has been twitching for 6 or 8 days now. I'll not expand on that here, but I've been pulling the regular hours and then coming home to put in 4 or 5 hours after the baby goes to bed.

Katy has been retiring early in the evening too. Partly because she can't bear to see me pulling my hair out while trying to reconcile time sheets from 2008 and working through budget adjustments for 2009; and partly b/c we are still in hibernation mode. Washington DC was an exciting, inspirational journey of a mini-, winter vacation. But it also kicked the crap out of us.

Last weekend, I believe katy was only awake for 6 hours a day. She's been sleeping a lot of the migratory escape from the national mall and the bone chilling memories off. As the inauguration gets further away, i am more inclined to say to those who weren't there, "It was amazing. I wouldn't have missed it for the world." My wife is more inclined to say, "We should have watched in on tv while while under an electric blanket." I think my marital role as "human furnace and generator of heat" and her marital role as "If you bump your noggin' and need some ice, I can offer my hands as a reasonable substitute" contribute to our perspectives on this matter. There are other factors too, which I won't get into now...

The next few weeks are not going to be much better. But I have some travel time for work and am scheduled to be in 3 cities over the next 2 or 3 weeks, so there may or may not be time for blogging during those trips. I am working on the 16 month newsletter, but it is not yet completed. For those that have been so patient, here are some photos from our DC experience.

[You can click to enlarge all photos]

FROM THE SUNDAY CONCERT AT THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL:


Katy looking around


Me, getting some good shots over the crowd

The crowd:















Our soon to be BFFs:


A copy of "the rules":


A sign of the times that made me well up with pride:

I saw that sign as we climbed onto the little hill that leads to the Wash.monument. I got a little 'motional. It seemed to sum up the spirit of the people in attendance. Standing shoulder to shoulder with a few hundred thousand people? No. You are not the only one!

Then there were these signs:

When we walked down to the concert, these folks were on their megaphones and were pretty much being ignored. But on our way back, the crowd was pretty angry against the "homo sex is a sin" protesters. When we walked past, they were getting booed pretty severely by the exiting mob, but then out of the blue there was applause. We stopped to see wtf and saw several gay couples posing in front of the signs for photos. They would kiss in front of the placards, and a cheer would go up from the crowd. It was hilarious, and drowned out the sound of the megaphones. It is worth noting the diverse range of folks condemned and in need of saving according to the sign in the background: baby killing women, porno freaks, sports nuts, drunks, homos, jesus mockers, and mormons... sounds like a party!

We got to see the womb whisperer for a hot second on Monday:



This is our way into the inauguration. Don't we look warm and happy?!? In that envelope I am holding 2 Golden (well really silver) tickets.


We arrive before sunrise thinking, "When it gets light out, things will really warm up":


We travel through the 3rd street tunnel about 2 hours before all those folks got trapped. The entire time I am in there i am thinking, "i would literally die if we got trapped in here."


We battle the elements for the next 9 hours taking very few photos, but Marnie and David come through with some great shots of the masses:










And of the ceremony:








We remember to take at least one shot to prove we were there:


And one shot of our view of the crowds:


These are the faces that Marnie and David got to see:










Here's one of the faces I got to see:

(She didn't look like this the entire time, this was her special pose at the end of the day when I asked her to smile for the camera. Trust me, it was cold.)

But some people think he CAN deliver gifts to all the people of the world in less than 24 hours

Today I followed Mac into the bathroom at my mom's house because I had to wash my hands at the same time that Mackenzie decided she needed to use the toilet. When I turned the water on I heard:

Mac: you washing your hands?
tt: yes, I just changed JB's diaper, so I want to wash my hands.
Mac: (closing the door) I need privacy
tt: (drying my hands) I can go and give you privacy
Mac: No, you can stay with me.
tt: Okay.
Mac: (after a few minutes of me waiting for her to do her business and watching her swing her legs back and forth while sitting on the toilet) Barack Obama is the president now.
tt: yeah, he just took the oath of office a few weeks ago.
Mac: But he doesn't bring presents like Santa.
tt: (not understanding until I repeated it out loud). That's right, Barack Obama is president, but Santa brings presents.
Mac: yeah, he is president, not santa.

True. True.