Wednesday, March 31, 2010

INFESTATION

WE'VE got some ladybugs at this here new house of ours...

I've got a thing about ladybugs, because when I came back to my parents house in the summer during college, my old room had somehow become infested with them. They were everywhere. I would wake up in the bed and they would be on my blankets and pillow and skin... EEeeeeeeee eeek yuck!!!

When they started to crawl up out of the woodwork, here at the new house, they seemed to be taking the "radiant heating" train thru the walls. They came up kind of dry and crusty. Now, they seem to be more on window sills and I'm getting pretty close to calling an exterminator. We've had to give JB a quick lesson on death and dying which I have to admit is not an easy thing to do with a 2 year old... when it comes to something that is dying at this high rate. I don't want to NOT talk to him about death (natural part of life) but I also don't want him to think of death as this casual thing that gets us excited to run and get a tissue (not to wipe our tears, but to enact a quick tiny carcass cleanup.)

It's like walking a tightrope: Don't say something like, "They are sleeping" or "They got sick." 'Cause this kid sleeps every night and he is "sick" almost as often. I don't want JB getting the idea that his life expectancy matches that of a ladybug.

Like a game of Taboo with a developmentally delayed partner that has a limited vocabulary, it is tricky. We have to get him to understand what the hell is going on with all these crunchy, immobile ladybugs, but there's a list of words we can't say: sleep, sick, injured, tired, etc. We have no problem telling JB they are "dead". But the follow up is where we get into some circular reasoning:

JB: What's wrong with that ladybug? Why he not moving?
T or K: He's dead.
JB: What dead?
T or K: He's sick... sleeping... injured... not moving...
JB: Why?
T or K: (Craftily answering a question with a question) Is he crawling or not crawling?
JB: Not crawling.
T or K: Some ladybugs crawl, some don't. The ones that aren't crawling are dead, they need to be cleaned up.

Now we've got a 2 year old running around with a small dustpan.

It is quite common in our house to hear:
"There's a ladybug, Mama/Mommy!"
(pause... tiny footsteps running... pause)
"HE NOT CRAWLING!"
Then the sound of inefficient dustpan sweeping.

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UPDATE: He figured out himself another way to put it...

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Defender of Family values

Wednesday night, JB got sick, in the middle of the night.
He woke up crying, clutching his face, all inconsolable and "it hurts" and "Waaaaaaaaa-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh-Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
We had to take him into our room and turn on a movie to calm him down.

This is a thing we don't usually do- movie, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!?! Definitely NOT.
But something was hurting him and he was disoriented. He's been getting better and better in his ability to communicate, but that night after telling us that "It hurts" he could not or would not help us understand what part of him was hurting. Katy and I decided, maybe 2 year old molars???

We gave him some tylenol and let him stay with us in our bed.

Occurring simultaneously, ML was freaking out...

We (well mostly Katy) have been torn about putting the boys in same room. It fits our life better- gives us a guest room and a place to put "an office", offers the boys a chance to bond later on over such things as, "Why are our parents such assholes that we have to share a room when there's another room YOU could live in down the hall." And, "I hate you." and also, "Don't touch my stuff".

The room they share is certainly large enough for both of them, but at this precarious phase of major parental sleep deprivation, we (well, mostly Katy) are always afraid of them waking each other up. So far, this hasn't played out in as much as the very opposite thing has happened: instead of waking each other up, they just take turns waking us up...

Back to last Wednesday... JB's crying out in pain DID wake up ML. And he was beside himself. Not in a typical "I have no object permanence this is all about me" kind of infant way. But in a WHY IS MY BIG BROTHER SO UPSET? kind of way. Katy and I each took a boy and tried to soothe them in separate rooms, but ML was distraught, looking for his brother. He genuinely seemed to be unsettled because JB was upset. ML was staring out the door, craning his neck around, trying to get a visual of his bro.

A few weeks ago, when I sent KT and JB out of the house to sleep train ML, on the 3rd night, I could have sworn that ML looked over at JB's empty bed and started crying. I chalked it up to the delirious imaginings of a desperately tired mom, but the more I watch this baby watch JB, the more I'm convinced it really did happen. If JB is in a room, ML will not even respond to his own name if turning his head means breaking visual contact.

Obviously, I have no idea how their relationship will develop and who will be the defender of who. But if I had to make a prediction, I'd say that ML will always be looking out for his big brother... I think we have a little enforcer on our hands.

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So, Thursday brought a fever for JB and Friday's visit to the PCP revealed an ear infection, "junky" sounding lungs, a prescribed course of oral antibiotics and (most upsetting) the news that his left ear tube- placed only 2 months ago- has likely been displaced. unless there is a ton on strategically placed wax in that ear, obscuring the view of the tube, it is not present in the ear drum.

Total bummer.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Birthday Shout out- dos


Now before I go to bed,
to rest my very weary head.
I'll take a sec to show respect
to the speaker of the house that I like best.
Happy birthday, Nancy P!
Hope you know that we all see...
In the 70th year since you were born
Without you there'd be no health care reform.

Happy b-day!
She's my weekend crush too!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Health care reform...

Has passed!

As Joe Biden says:


I hope obstructionists do this all year: vow they will stop something that passes like 34 hours later. Way to seal the deal, Speaker Pelosi, YOU ROCK

iphone icon


Sunday, March 21, 2010

Politics as (un)usual

Dear Obstructionists: Claiming this watered-down bill is a "GOVERNMENT TAKE-OVER OF HEALTH CARE" is about as accurate as saying that parents who buy sunscreen for their children are "TAKING OVER THE SOLAR SYSTEM"

I'm watching CSPAN. I can't believe all the antics...
I wish there were lie detector tests so you could see if they actually BELIEVE the lies they tell.
Also, there should be immediate fact checking based on data... it is weird how you can re-write history in a statement on the floor of the house of representatives and it simply goes, uncorrected into the record.

I hope this thing passes.
I also hope I can get my sorry A$$ to bed soon...
(It's like a car accident, I can't look away.)

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'



Keep that baby rollin'...

ML rolled over once about 2 or 3 months ago. And then nothing, until now.
This weekend, he rolled.
And rolled.
And rolled.

He's been sleeping (knock on wood).
He's transferred to a new type of binki.
He can soothe himself and (nearly) bring that binki correctly to his mouth.
He is eating cereal,
and peas
and carrots
and sweet potatoes...

He is so beautiful and sweet.



This weekend, a lot happened:
sitting up
skooting backwards,
ROLLING,
Oh and also, as ironic as can be...
"DaDa-Da-da Da-da" is for shizzle his first discernible utterance.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Blog readers, Restart your engines!!!

If you read the GSO via computer bookmarks, reset them...

If you read the GSO by typing the address from memory, memorize this...

If you are a GSO follower via a reader, note the new URL, and Set 'em up, peeps:

www.ginsoakedolive.blogspot.com

The times are not the only thing a'changin'!

22222

Some time in the last 24 hours, our blog counter recorded our twenty-second thousand, two hundred and twenty-second hit. Katy and I really like the number "22".

It is likely that two-thirds of those hits are just me checking in on posts I've written to re-read, edit, and view comments, but still that is pretty awesome. That means on average, for every day this blog has existed, it has been visited over 15 times a day...

Cool.

UPDATE: In honor of this historic event (and to give my wife a smile- she's sick of the dark color scheme) I'm giving the blog a face-lift!!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

6 Things you may want to know

1) ML turned 6 months this week (and the newsletter is no where near done)

2) My car's "check engine light" mysteriously went OFF this week (after months of being lit, but ignored; I guess it just gave up on trying to get my attention)

3) Today on a walk, JB saw a brown vine that was either growing up or dying around a mailbox, and he said to me, "Why is that so mulch-y". (Mulch is his frenemy since last fall when the new mulch on the playground at school would get stuck in his soft, orange jacket from Aunt Marilyn and we eventually had to stop letting him wear it so that we didn't have to spend 2 hours a night picking pieces of mulch out of it.)

4) We've been sleep training ML- I sent Kt and JB out of the house so I could spend 3 nights alone with my boy- like a warrior in the woods- teaching him not to freak out when he wakes up and cannot comprehend why there is no binki in his mouth; teaching him to soothe himself, unwind, and get to sleep without a long, faceless, parental arm reaching out into the darkness and popping a binki magically back into his mouth.

These are the rules:
a) we can't put the binki in his mouth
b) we CAN put the binki in his hand (though we try to let him find one of the 1/2 dozen we've sprinkled all around his crib)
c) we are trying the Baby Whisperer's "pick up, put down" method (PU/PD)
d) we only use PU/PD if he cries for more than 30 seconds (yes, I do mean use a stopwatch...)
So far, so good. He's a terrific little dude, but his mommies are a little scarred by that night he cried for 8 hours and then needed to be hospitalized for a week. We've been careless about teaching him to self soothe and too quick to run into his room when he makes tiny little noises.

5) Today the outside thermometer on my car read 67 degrees F on my way home from work. (Yummmm-MEeeee)

6) Our 2010 census arrived today. I plan to follow katy's advice and, "Make us as gay as humanly possible." We will fill out the census as a married same sex couple with two kids. "Person 1" is female and married to "person 2" who is also female. "Person 1" has a biological kid and an adopted kid... (so does person 2). This is confusing because even though only one of these kids is "biologically" mine, I conceived OF both of them. I was involved in every decision and every aspect of planning, conception, and birth... So part of me wants to say they are both biologically mine, but fine... we will leave it at the literal answer.
However...
When the federal government gets our census, they will change the answers. They will change the truth to something that is less like the truth and more like what some people want the truth to be. They will say we are not married; even though we are legally able to wed in this state. They will say we are single. We will tell the truth on the US census: That we choose to live in a state where we can legally be married... We will tell the truth and they will change our answers. According to the federal government, there have never been same sex couples. There have never been and still in 2010 ARE NOT ANY gay or lesbian parents. There are no families with two women raising kids. There are no families with two men raising kids. There are no children with 2 moms or 2 dads.

The federal census is a constitutionally mandated count, every 10 years, of the citizens of the united states for the purposes of maintaining an accurate or numerically reasonable representative democracy... Though the primary (constitutional) purpose of the census is to determine congressional representation, the census is used for a lot of other demographic calculations in explaining the make up of the population of the United States.

Only if the census is accurate, do people get the right number of representatives. You must be counted to count... But here we are in the United States of America in 2010, and Katy and I will be counted as 2 separate, unwed mothers who live together. This is the last census (I would bet my life on it) that the government will be allowed to change our truthful answers to fictitious answers just because we are gay. But I will be in my 40s and my children will be 10 and 12 years old before their family is allowed to count; before our descriptions of ourselves are allowed to stand, without the government stepping in and saying, "From our legal standpoint, There is no such thing as you."

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Perfection

This is why I love You tube... tell me this isn't art- high quality hilarity- that never had a forum or outlet until Feb 2005

Birthday Shout OUT

Today's my mom's birthday.

3.7 decades ago she was a newly-wed waiting for me to arrive.
She had a whole life before then, but let's focus on the part that includes me, shall we?

My mom worked hard to protect me from danger and to shield me from her fears...
She made sure I learned how to swim so that I could enjoy the ocean without anxiety...
Also, i didn't learn that she is terrified of heights until years after she accompanied us on that crazy pirate-ship amusement ride that we wanted to go on.

My mom worked hard to develop my self esteem and teach me about my worth.
Even though there were times in my life when her hopes and dreams for me felt like heavy "expectations", I never felt like I wasn't enough. Even though my childhood didn't really prepare me for the day I might realize I was gay, I never had a moment of doubt that I deserved every bit of the torrential amount of love that poured down on me.

My mom worked hard to better herself for the financial and emotional stability of our family. She attended night classes for years and never settled for a "B" if an "A" was within her reach.

She (and my dad) taught me that there will always be someone better than me;
and better off than me.
And there will always be someone worse than me;
and worse off than me.
There will always be people smarter than me;
and always be people not as smart as me...
... Insert: Rich, kind, lucky, wise, talented, musical, successful, etc
For me, that was a really helpful way to understand the world.
A slightly different take on the golden rule.

My mom is an overprotective worrier by nature. But she is KICK-Ass in an emergency or if there is a problem to be solved. When I worked in the ICU, she always told me, "I could never do what you do." But I'm not sure why she didn't realize it: That I learned the level-headedness required in that role from watching her: pull together Hopi Indian dioramas the night before they were due, create last minute costumes for a cast of 50, organize impromptu meals on wheels rotations for friends with chronic illnesses, drives to the hospital with grandparents in the middle of the night... When you think about it, applying pressure to a geysering femoral artery, throwing a hemodynamically unstable patient into a trendelenburg position, starting ACLS logarithms while simultaneously getting family members to step outside their loved one's room- these are the ICU nurse version of the same "mom" techniques - it is all about keeping internal panic and external chaos at bay and taking it one step at a time.

I don't know if maybe all moms are good at this,
but my mom is GOOD at this!

When my mom taught me about life I think she tried to be as honest as she had the words to be.
It's not always fair.
It's not always as bad as it seems.
Most things are more complicated than the people on either side of a debate would have you believe. Related to sex and puberty, there were specifics (with accompanying drawings) and conversations that were more esoteric and vague. I don't remember what was said, but I know I was taught to expect passion and desire that no one could rightly describe, for my experience would be unique. I know I was taught that intimacy shouldn't be left only to those new feelings and passions, that you should PLAN to give your brain a say too. It was conveyed to me that sex was better labeled as "un-erasable" than as "good" or "bad": a decision or event that cannot be taken back or un-done. These frank conversations helped guide me into strong, healthy relationships; and to a place of knowing that my mind, heart, and body each had a role in determining my destiny related to loving other people.

The first time I remember being truly heartbroken Mom told me: It will never be the way it was before, but it will turn out better than you can imagine right now. In all of my heartbreaks, she has found a way to tell me or show me a similar message. Without coming off like a know-it-all, she offers a quiet wisdom that is respectful of the pain of the moment while affirming the general value of difficult circumstances, and the benefits offered by the passage of time.

She has watched me grieve - standing close by, resisting the urge "try to make it better".
She has witnessed me wounded- biting her own lip in pain.
She's spent time waiting for me to come out of my various funks.
She has lived in confusion when she didn't know what was going on with me or how to relate to me.
She's has shared her friends with me, and taught me how to cook for and entertain crowds of people.
She's taught me how to worry, AND how to push anxiety back down for utility's sake.

She has always welcomed anyone I brought into her home, often feeding and mending the parts of my friends and companions that were hungry or scared. She has encouraged me to mend rifts and not let pride or selfishness get in the way of relationships.

Because of her, I trust God.
Because of her, I believe in love.
Because of her, I am not afraid to ask for help.
Because of her, I know I am not perfect, but I know I can do better.
Because of her, (let's face it) I enjoy food a little too much;
and always feel a little guilty going to bed early.

I have always had a good deal of gratitude and admiration for my mom, but when I had kids of my own, something shifted. As a Nana, my mom cares for these little ones physically and globally. And she supports their parents with gentle humility. One day a short while ago, she took care of 4 babies on a snow day, made us all dinner, and then still had the energy/patience to call me later that night (I had been complaining a little about a frustrating phase JB was going through) to tell me, "These times are hard, hang in there."

I guess I just never expected to still continue to feel this much love and nurturing beyond the womb.

i love you, mom.
Happy Birthday!

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Overtired at lunch

T: What do you want to eat?
JB: a sandwich?
T: Grilled cheese?
JB: yeah.

(Ten minutes later, JB peeling the grilled cheese open, starts to cry)

T: What's the matter?!?
JB: (tugging at the melted cheese) I no like this.
T: That's the cheese.
JB: TAKE IT OFF!
T: I can't take it off, it's melted on.
JB: (with excessive and dramatic whining) Melt IT OFF!

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Just a little tender

I am at work.

I am actually doing things at work. I cannot believe I am even interrupting my "flow" to post this but I want to say that things have been hard. Not in my "actual life" but "inside of me" where you can get lonely sometimes even when you are surrounded by love and amazing things... Maybe it's the winter and I'm seasonally affected or some such thing. Maybe it is the tingles of depression dusted on my genes by some of my ancestors, maybe it's the culmination of what has gone on in our live in the last 12 months- lots of it good, some bad... Most of it stressful...

Yesterday I got a call from a State School BFF whose 6 month old son got a fever. (He's fine.) She called to tell me "I don't know how you did it when ML was sick. I can't imagine how hard that was". Her message was sweet and funny and it made me smile and giggle. And then when I hung up, I started bawling. Crying. Hard. Out of the blue. Baffled and embarrassed for the entire 30 seconds until I pulled myself together in a "What was that?!?" sniffle. It was a wave of emotion that washed over me and disappeared.

I had really no idea that was inside of me.

That... like... scary, wounded, anxiety tears could burst unannounced thru the doors the instant a friend pads the safe room walls with an "I'm sorry you had to go thru that" on my voice-mail 3 months later.

Whoa.

The reasons I'm writing now from work are:

1) I don't want to forget to write what I wrote above because a lot of the times when i post it is when I'm feeling pretty good and parenting AND life is more about ups and downs.

2) Lately, by the time I get the kids to bed I have about 6 minutes before I get hit by a wall of exhaustion.

3) If you are not watching "Modern Family" on TeeVee, please set your DVR and/or go get hooked up with a DVR. Maybe it is my diminished mental capacity, but If this isn't the funniest show on right now, I'll eat one of JB's socks. It hits me right where I live. I love the office and 30 rock, but even in my melancholy, MF made me laugh out loud 6 times in the first 90 seconds of the episode last night. Katy watches it with me b/c she thinks if's funny to watch ME laugh.

4) We are finally restarting housekeeping services. We cannot keep up with the mess. And my sanity and my marriage is more important than my desire to succeed in the category of "be better about cleaning". It feels like I've failed only until about 6 seconds after the call is made. And then (with 100% candor I tell you) I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted... They are coming tomorrow to help with our filth.

5) Acts 3 and 4 (I appreciate all the positive feedback) are not written, but forthcoming. Sorry to keep especially the womb whisperer waiting. I'm sure that any momentum in the "you almost made me want to have kids" category has been lost, but we'll work thru it.

6) There is a lot going on in the health care debate right now. I wish I could get my shit together to comment and write more about it. If you want to know where I am in it and/or the things that interest me, you should keep up with Rachel Maddow. The podcast of her show (there's an iphone app) is as refreshing as water. And my favorite source of news and tidbits is JoeMyGod. His blog is a daily "must read" for me.

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sent from my iphone