Whew...

"First of all, I'd like to thank God..." is how Rick Santorum began his concession speech.
I couldn't agree more!

I realized last night that election night has somehow become my own personal nightmare- i have PTSD after the 2000, 2002, and especially the 2004 election. I was starting to think that Freepers from deep within the country were in control of the government's destiny. And I was definitely starting to fear that elections in this country would and could be stolen at every opportunity.

It's not that I'm a particularly partisan Democrat. In many ways the worst part of the last few election cycles has been watching the country get carved and spliced up into red and blue states. Everyone knows that the nation is really quite purple. But the minute a political party achieved 51% of the votes, it turned either crimson or cobalt, as if the opinions of the other 49% of the population counted for nothing.

When the 2004 election came about, "the wife" and I were fresh off our blissful wedding and 2- week honeymoon in sunny Cabo. We had recently experienced some of the most loving and joyful moments/hours/days/weeks of our lives. We returned to the states tan, rested, peaceful, full of gratitude, and energized for the next phase(s) of life. I knew it would probably happen, but when 11 states voted that November to amend their constitutions to deny same-sex couples the right to marry, it was surprisingly damaging to my psyche. Amid heavy Democratic losses the media insisted on co-opting the majority party's sound bites, framing the entire electoral contest as a victory for "family values." The post-game wrap up was basically devoted to applauding the successful suppression of gay rights as a triumphant political tactic. There was a lot of "this is the will of the people" talk and a LOT of "God has spoken" talk.

Newscasters and political experts did not question how this story was framed. They allowed the manipulative implication to stand all week unchallenged: If you did not vote against gay marriage, or you did not vote for George W. Bush, than "morals" were not high on your priority list. My wife and i sat stunned in the days after the election watching and listening to our political foes celebrate their "victories." At the beginning of the week, we had slack-jawed expressions. Toward the end of the week, we grew aware of the taste of bile, and snapped our mouths shut. No one said anything about the indecency of these laws: Not one media pundit; not one high-ranking elected official; not one lowly staffer; not one defeated-nothing-to-lose-candidate. We waited in vain for someone to stand up and say the obvious: we had just witnessed the mass legislation of homophobia- plain and simple. When did it become okay to put civil rights of a minority group to a popular vote? When in our history has limiting certain groups' access to government and societal institutions ever turned out to be anything but an embarrassing faux pas of our ancestors? Anxiety and dread subtly spread over our home. Once God's name is used to legislate discrimination, how do you stop an extremist from violently taking the law into his/her own hands?

Over the last several years, I've marveled how proponents of anti-gay constitutional amendments do not explore or encourage forthright debate over the economic, political, or cultural effects that same-sex marriage might have on society. There is little to no research presented, no factual information, no evidence, only opinion and impassioned rhetoric based on myths about the immorality of homosexuals. The arguments against SS marriage are founded primarily on outdated convention, narrow interpretations of religious writings, and the ever elusive "eeeewww, that's disgusting" Yuck factor.

It seems, every election day since Clinton left office, gay men, lesbians, and all who love and support us are thrust center-stage into a political scheme whose participants benefit by saying we are seeking "special rights" and labeling us "immoral." It is dangerous to confuse religion with "morality." It is the rhetoric of Nazi Germany, and the Klu Klux Klan, and Alquadea. Marriage equality is not a homosexual agenda, it is a civil rights battle. No matter how many ministers stand in front of their congregations and rage against this battle, suppressing the rights of a minority of Americans is never moral and has never been successful. It is the same tactic that was used in the 1960's to resist racial integration. The difference of course is that four decades later, black and white churches agree on the targets of their hateful politics.

So called DOMA (Defense of Marriage) legislation is a political wedge designed to turn Americans against each other. The president has said he fights over-seas to "keep the terrorists from fighting us here at home." In the same vein, his party and religious supporters have kept gay marriage at the forefront of conversations so they would not have to discuss the real problems our citizens face. How can SS marriage be more of a threat to the "traditional family" than war, poverty, loss of jobs, low wages, and a lack of affordable healthcare? The truth is, most Americans whether gay or straight, "red state," or "blue state" have more in common with each other than with any politician or media pundit. The experts know though, the easiest way to win is to divide and conqueer.

It is still difficult for me to understand all of the irrational fear and hatred towards GLBT folks. But 2 years ago, I got a real taste of what it means to fear and hate people that I have never met- merely because I could not understand them or relate to them. Election day 2004- it felt as if a pack of voters in 11 previously far away states appeared as an angry mob outside our door. Katy and I are two among the millions of gay Americans who are caring, productive members of society. We go to work, pay our taxes, support the economy, and try to be good neighbors. We hope and dream. We celebrate and mourn. Many of us believe in and pray to that same God whose wrath has been hijacked for a political party's divisive agenda. It was (and sometimes still is) surprisingly easy to give in to hate and fear. I have to stop myself from automatically rejecting what i cannot understand. I do not understand how a group in the majority feels so comfortable creating a category of second-class family. I do not understand my fellow citizens who continue to vote (in hysterical concern of their own family's safety and security) to deny my family's existence. I do not understand our leaders who strategize incessantly not to bring us together, but how to pit us against each other: How to reduce each group of people, each district to the most convenient label, the most practiced sound-bite in order to win votes. Surely these are not the "traditional" values we hold sacred.

This year, things were a little different for me. Even though seven more states enacted constitutional bans on SS marriage this week, one- Arizona- rejected the proposal... Also, a lot of the people I voted for got elected. And Holy-Crap-on-High- the dems took over not only the House, but also the Senate... For the first time since George 43 took office, he's acting interested in non-partisan governing... hmmm, how 'bout that?!?

There is no denying that a majority of Americans still do not feel ready to accept the changing definition of marriage. The same way a majority of Americans were not ready to accept the changes made when women were allowed to retain property rights within marriage, and when interracial couples received state recognition of their unions. But the fact is that gays and lesbians are getting married. SS couples do not use that word to incite our political opponents or to cloud the legality of our relationships. It is frequently the most simple, direct way to communicate the state of our couplehood and our intentions. Being married means intending to be responsible to and for each other. Intending to love each other through various stages of health, wealth, passion, and attraction. Intending to grow old struggling, laughing, and taking care of each other. Intending to foster personal growth and stay healthy, active members of our communities and society. When federal and state constitutions are altered to specifically keep us out- to keep us from living up to these noble intentions, it is an act of hatred and vandalism.

Whew... that was a long rant considering how psyched I am about the outcome of the midterms!