Dear Mac,
You're a year old! Yesterday was your birthday, and you spent most of this week with a bad fever, home from day care, breathing heavy, slumped over the shoulder of any of us that got to hold you. You kept your mommy and daddy up because they brought you to their bed at night, and they think you might need your own queen-sized bed for all the moving and twirling around in your sleep that you do. For most of your life so far, you have been a fantastic sleeper! Your parents have kept the bedtime routine pretty standard and it seems to have worked for you. After a bottle and round of goodnight hugs, they put you in your crib, rub your head & back, tell you they love you, and you sleep for the next 10 to11 hours.
It's impossible to think about this last year without thinking of you. And it's nearly as difficult to believe we didn't know you before last year. You have brought so much joy, warmth, and causes to celebrate. I joke that we (Nana, Grandpa, Mommy, Daddy, Aunt Katy, and I) used to get together and chit-chat with one another... now it seems like we get together to sit around and look at you. It's not that we are so obsessed (though some of us are) or that you are particularly special (though, really, you are) it's more that no one wants to miss your firsts. A year goes by fast, and the opportunity to see all that happens to a being in the first year of life holds us transfixed. Your mom said it best when she said about this year, "It wasn't exactly slow, but it didn't exactly fly by either." There was a lot going on all year and your parents handled the adjustments amazingly well- making it seem much easier than I think it was.
We have all done our best not to rush you: When you were a sleeping newborn, not to wish for the time when you would open your eyes and smile. When you were barely mobile, not to wish for you to crawl. I'm still practicing that now as you seem so on-the-verge of language. You have different syllables, different inflections, different levels of urgency and I remind myself to listen and appreciate this phase instead of letting my thought skip to, "I can't wait until you can talk." You recently got moved to the "one-year-old" room in day care, and your mommy told me that when she picked you up, you pointed and grunted and motioned to various things in the new room, wordlessly showing her your new place and the new things it contained.
I think it was around Thanksgiving that you first seemed to understand "a joke". If you heard all of us laughing, you would make a hardy "fake laughing" noise and then glance toward the crowd to see if anyone agreed. We laughed at your adorableness, and then you peeled into genuine giggles.
You have lightened up the world a little, especially for those of us that love you. Grandma Bella has found a little more of her smile because of you. And I swear, sometimes I see Bean's mischievousness in your expressions.
You will never understand the way you changed Nana and Grandpa/Papa (we're still not sure of his name) because you never knew them before. They express themselves in different ways, and wear their hearts on their sleeves, especially around you. They gape and paw at you, caress and stroke you. You break their hearts wide open 6-12 times a week with your hugs and gestures, and stares and giggles and coos. I always think of them as very task oriented and able to do many things at the same time, but they stop time for you and focus in a way that is very endearing to witness.
Your daddy is the bomb. It's no secret that I think your daddy is funny (hilarious) and smart (mostly as evidenced by his marrying your mommy) but he is humble and quiet in his pride of you. He doesn't need to boast or brag- you are YOU and that speaks volumes. You and he are buddies. When you were tiny and would cry while sitting in his arms watching TV, he would turn to you and say, "I know, that (fill in CNN commentator's name) upsets me too, honey." Your daddy is a full time daddy! And you two spend many nights alone together while mommy is away on business. He knows what you like and what you don't and impresses us all with the way he has seemed pleased, but otherwise non-phased at all by the addition of you to his and mommy's life.
Your mommy has also not really changed at all, and yet, become a completely different person. I guess that's a confusing thing to say, but these transformations can be complex and I have seen new parents change so much that you hardly recognize them as the people they were. That's not really the case with your parents. It has been informative and heartwarming to watch them both struggle with decisions that require imagining, debating, and balancing what is best for you.
Aunt Katy and I nicknamed your mom "Zen Mommy" because something about carrying you inside her and having you in her life after your birth made her more present. She became a little softer, more willing to compliment and encourage others (without losing her comedic timing and her witty edge). She shares you quite selflessly- she has this inner confidence and strength that keeps her from needing to be the only one that can comfort you. Sometimes when you fall or cry, she gives you encouragement from an arm's length away and lets you comfort yourself. Sometimes when you are exhausted and falling apart she lets one of us soothe you. It's not that her instincts aren't intact- that she doesn't want to tear down walls to make sure you are safe and secure. It's that she knows that your needs to learn to self-soothe or take comfort from others are as important as her need to always be there for you.
Katy and I have felt lucky to watch and learn from you and your parents. We want you to know that where ever life takes you, we will always be there for you. We will help you find your own path, and encourage, support, and (when appropriate) carry you.
We can't wait to see what happens this next year! We love you very much.
Tracy and Katy
You're a year old! Yesterday was your birthday, and you spent most of this week with a bad fever, home from day care, breathing heavy, slumped over the shoulder of any of us that got to hold you. You kept your mommy and daddy up because they brought you to their bed at night, and they think you might need your own queen-sized bed for all the moving and twirling around in your sleep that you do. For most of your life so far, you have been a fantastic sleeper! Your parents have kept the bedtime routine pretty standard and it seems to have worked for you. After a bottle and round of goodnight hugs, they put you in your crib, rub your head & back, tell you they love you, and you sleep for the next 10 to11 hours.
It's impossible to think about this last year without thinking of you. And it's nearly as difficult to believe we didn't know you before last year. You have brought so much joy, warmth, and causes to celebrate. I joke that we (Nana, Grandpa, Mommy, Daddy, Aunt Katy, and I) used to get together and chit-chat with one another... now it seems like we get together to sit around and look at you. It's not that we are so obsessed (though some of us are) or that you are particularly special (though, really, you are) it's more that no one wants to miss your firsts. A year goes by fast, and the opportunity to see all that happens to a being in the first year of life holds us transfixed. Your mom said it best when she said about this year, "It wasn't exactly slow, but it didn't exactly fly by either." There was a lot going on all year and your parents handled the adjustments amazingly well- making it seem much easier than I think it was.
We have all done our best not to rush you: When you were a sleeping newborn, not to wish for the time when you would open your eyes and smile. When you were barely mobile, not to wish for you to crawl. I'm still practicing that now as you seem so on-the-verge of language. You have different syllables, different inflections, different levels of urgency and I remind myself to listen and appreciate this phase instead of letting my thought skip to, "I can't wait until you can talk." You recently got moved to the "one-year-old" room in day care, and your mommy told me that when she picked you up, you pointed and grunted and motioned to various things in the new room, wordlessly showing her your new place and the new things it contained.
I think it was around Thanksgiving that you first seemed to understand "a joke". If you heard all of us laughing, you would make a hardy "fake laughing" noise and then glance toward the crowd to see if anyone agreed. We laughed at your adorableness, and then you peeled into genuine giggles.
You have lightened up the world a little, especially for those of us that love you. Grandma Bella has found a little more of her smile because of you. And I swear, sometimes I see Bean's mischievousness in your expressions.
Your daddy is the bomb. It's no secret that I think your daddy is funny (hilarious) and smart (mostly as evidenced by his marrying your mommy) but he is humble and quiet in his pride of you. He doesn't need to boast or brag- you are YOU and that speaks volumes. You and he are buddies. When you were tiny and would cry while sitting in his arms watching TV, he would turn to you and say, "I know, that (fill in CNN commentator's name) upsets me too, honey." Your daddy is a full time daddy! And you two spend many nights alone together while mommy is away on business. He knows what you like and what you don't and impresses us all with the way he has seemed pleased, but otherwise non-phased at all by the addition of you to his and mommy's life.
Your mommy has also not really changed at all, and yet, become a completely different person. I guess that's a confusing thing to say, but these transformations can be complex and I have seen new parents change so much that you hardly recognize them as the people they were. That's not really the case with your parents. It has been informative and heartwarming to watch them both struggle with decisions that require imagining, debating, and balancing what is best for you.
Aunt Katy and I nicknamed your mom "Zen Mommy" because something about carrying you inside her and having you in her life after your birth made her more present. She became a little softer, more willing to compliment and encourage others (without losing her comedic timing and her witty edge). She shares you quite selflessly- she has this inner confidence and strength that keeps her from needing to be the only one that can comfort you. Sometimes when you fall or cry, she gives you encouragement from an arm's length away and lets you comfort yourself. Sometimes when you are exhausted and falling apart she lets one of us soothe you. It's not that her instincts aren't intact- that she doesn't want to tear down walls to make sure you are safe and secure. It's that she knows that your needs to learn to self-soothe or take comfort from others are as important as her need to always be there for you.
Katy and I have felt lucky to watch and learn from you and your parents. We want you to know that where ever life takes you, we will always be there for you. We will help you find your own path, and encourage, support, and (when appropriate) carry you.
We can't wait to see what happens this next year! We love you very much.
Tracy and Katy
No comments:
Post a Comment