Downpour of language

JB: (stalling at bedtime) Mommy?

T: Yes.

JB: Mommy, it's raining outside.

T: (practically speechless from the shock of all those words strung together in such a precise and perfect way) Yes.

JB: (pausing for effect) It's pouring.

T: (blink. blink. blink. blinking back a tear of pure love) Yes it it.

He's a very good negotiator.
I don't think I'm a softy at all...
I think that he earned an extra few minutes at bedtime all by himself with that display.

Back from Vacation and ready for some full time nesting

For those of you not friends with us on FB, a lot has happened that you've missed. (Sorry, you know that GSO readers are my real true friends, right?)

Since I got my iphone (let's call her Lil'cutie) I've been able to check all my Internet haunts regularly and my email, but I can't blog from there without buying a $10 app that I'm not sure is fully functional yet. So the blog has suffered a little since Lil'cutie started living in my pocket.

The day before vacation (July 9th), I got a stomach bug, we sold our house, we packed for our trip, we saw 4 houses as potential new homes, and we fled the state to hit the beach.

Two days later, I had a minor sunburn, the inspection was conducted, we all got re-oriented to salt air and sand, Katy and I spent more than a few moments panicking about the "mess" we had gotten ourselves into. It wasn't just that we sold the house at a slight loss (I mean the economy is in the toilet and presumably we will make it up on the other end). It was that we had never fully comprehended the costs on the selling end and also now we would be moving once (IF NOT TWICE) in the 4-8 weeds surrounding the birth of our 2nd child.

We rationalized our way out of the mental anguish, made several financial and logistical contingency plans, plotted alternatives to all of those, figured out how we would make it work at every level, and just when excitement started creeping around the corner, the buyer rescinded his offer. RollerccccccccccoooooOOOOOOOSSSSTTTTTERRRRRRRRRRRR!
CLICK.CLICK.CLICK. WHEEEEeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEE

There was a tiny bit of anger or rather frustration. Thank God we were away, b/c if not I would have had at least 3 rooms in my house packed and stacked in boxes and probably a 1/2 full POD in my driveway. Then instead of being disappointed and disjointed, I would have had to go out and find that guy and it would'a been a mess. I don't mind an amusement ride, but that would have pushed me over the edge.

While we were away, we had perfect weather, got some tans, and I got a concussion. Falling out of the back of my sister's minivan was not my most proud moment. We (adults) were taking turns climbing out of the way-back because 3 car seats were taking up the entire second row and obstructing the fire exits. It was very adorable to see all the "Ruggies" side by side, strapped in in their matching car seats, but evidently, it was also life-threatening.

I'll admit that I'm clumsily stumbly on a good day, but I really do get around okay. I have this weak left ankle that rolls without warning or consequence. I can be walking down the street, roll the ankle, recover in some jerky movement that would knock a gymnast's score down an entire point for her landing, but ambulate away without ankle pain or other damage. This happens on average, 4 times a week. I've come to think of it as part of my gait. So, I stepped down, off the bumper of the minivan, onto my unreliable left foot, and the ankle rolled. One minute I was vertical. The next, I was on my back- head bouncing off the asphalt. I heard Lil'cutie fall out of my pocket in a plastic crash.

The sky was so blue. (I see Blue... He looks glorious.)

I heard footsteps. Katy and Web were immediately by my side to confirmed my my mental status (dazed but alert and oriented X3) and help me wiggle out of the middle of the parking lot. I heard a lot of people offering to call 9-1-1, so it must have looked bad. Katy was not pleased about it. She did not appreciate the site of the bounding cranium or the laying motionless for 90 seconds on my back on the pavement... I think she took those 90 seconds to imagine life with 2 boys and no wife, or a wife that spent most of her days drooling. ("THAT'S NOT FUNNY" She's shouting in the background as she reads this.)

A little nausea for a day, a bad headache for 2-3, some jaw pain, and a tender scalp for a week now, but really it could have been worse.

We're taking the house off the market so that we can have this baby without strangers running in and out getting all into our business; and so we can let our house get messy again, and whatnot. The vacation, the ocean, the time away with family (and maybe the bump on the head) have really seemed to help chill me out a little. The pressure is off; which just goes to show you how much "pressure" has kind of been on (It's practically irrational that someone would say, "The pressure is off" as her wife enters the last 6 weeks of her pregnancy.)

It's becoming apparent that we have been running on fumes and have not been paying much attention to the Bean v2.0 except to know that he is kicking and moving and growing in there (And he's makin' his mama's ankles all swollen.)

Now we can focus on the end of the race (Sept 10th due date) and really stop for a few moments to let the summer sweat sting our wide open, attentive eyes; and let the fear of parenting 2 children combined with Katy's extreme state of pregnancy be the undiluted reasons we can't sleep at night. We're practically peeing our pants in anticipation. (Well, one of us is practically peeing her pants for other reasons too.)

Bubbles

---

Pete: I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.
Ben: That's sad.
Pete: Totally sad. Their smiling faces just point out your inability to enjoy anything.

Now that JB is very much into bubbles, (and I'm dabbling in generalized anxiety) I think of this line from Knocked up often. The scene made me laugh when we saw it 2 months before he was born (though as I recall, we cried a lot during this movie- more a comment on our collective emotional state than on the movie's ability to "move" us, but I digress...) The line about the bubbles has hung with me and I can't calculate how often I've mentally recited it because it's silly but it's also kind'a poignant.

In college, whenever a certain bunch of my good friends and I would see little kids running around, laughing, and having fun, we would mockingly chastise them from an inaudible distance, "Oh, you are riding high on life now, kid... but just wait until life starts riding you." Then we would use the quote on each other sarcastically when one of us fell on hard times.

Thing about both of these lines is they cheaply use the kids as props to try and hint at an unpopular truth. It gets harder and harder to experience joy, pure joy, the more you know and the longer you live.

Bubbles. Go ahead, wherever you are, go buy a plastic bottle of those bubbles and play with them. Help an almost-2 year old blow bubbles. I dare you to find the fun in it. We're talking about soap here, people. But in my experience, it is so annoyingly sticky and messy that from the minute I stick my finger in to bring up the "wand" I cannot wait to sink the tool and re-cap the container. Also, it's not that easy. Unless I'm buying a brand with defunct wands, the physics of bubble making are very precise. If you blow too hard, nothing. If you blow too soft, no bubbles. If you blow at the wrong angle, nada. If the wind is blowing, you-get-the-point...

For his part, JB
1) Wants to do it himself
2) Doesn't seem to be bothered by the bubble-juice spilling every where and/or dripping all over everything and his clothes
3) Can barely create any bubbles (as above, he either blows to hard, too soft, at the wrong angle, etc.)
4) Does not want any assistance...
5) Sometimes feels compelled to taste the bubble soap.

When 1 or 2 tiny bubbles -of his own making- float out of the wand, he shouts, "I DID IT!" perfectly thrilled with himself. If nothing is born of his efforts on the next 5, 10, or 50 attempts, he will say out loud to no one in particular, "Almost." It's adorable at first, but if it happens too many times in a row, I have the irresistible urge to grab the device out of his hands and CREATE SOME MOTHER-LOVING BUBBLES!!!

My kid loves bubbles.
It seems (much to my dismay) that I hate bubbles.
I am alarmed at the degree to which I am annoyed by something that brings him this much joy.
How long before I'm shaking a cane in a neighborhood kid's face screaming, "Don't let your messy ice cream cone drip on my sidewalk!"

Sweaty sunshine and random musings

Dear peeps and GSO'ians out there reading...

Sorry for all the Internet silence.

I miss you too.

The sun came out yesterday and again today. I think I understand why ancient people might have been afraid of the sun. It is so powerful and when you haven't seen it in like 36 days, it can really freak you out! Just kidding. But I don't think the seasonal depression is just going to silently wash away with the first drops of summer sweat or the faint heat of a minor sunburn.

Since I've written last, I had a birthday. No biggie. I'm still in my mid-30s and believe me, I cannot WAIT for the 1st season of Thirtysomthing to come out on DVD in September. I feel like if I can just watch that show NOW (as opposed to when I was addicted to it in my late teens and early 20s) it will unlock some true secrets of personal success and happiness.

This morning my car's odometer read 171717. And at that exact moment in time, the "trip mileage" (which I had just reset at the beginning of my work commute) read... wait for it...

17.7 miles!!! (I.shit.you.not!)

I don't know what this means, but despite how my desk at work looks, I love symmetry and order, and isn't that it's own reward?!? Not to be too pessimistic, but I'm sure that means the car will die soon.

Katy is pregnant.

For those of you that just fell off your chair, you need to read the GSO more often.

For those of you that are like, "yeah, we know that..." What I mean to imply with uncapturable inflection, is...

No.
For realz.
She. Really. Pregnant now...

She is waddling, belly out-to-here, swollen, all "don't-you-dare-touch-me-and think-that-type of-RELATIONS-is going-down-after the-word-cankle-came-out-your-mouth"...
She is adorable
and...
uncomfortable.

And I just try to walk the yellow line; expressing love and support, but not too much love or too much support, if you know what I mean; cause I don't want to be any more annoying than I have to be. With all my breathing and sleeping (right there in the bed and not even getting a leg cramp) and with my flip flops still fitting me and all... I mean she's got a point, that must get annoying!

IBO and husband and the baby (LABO) are doing really well. It is a relief and I will fully exhale in about 2.5 weeks when he is 36 weeks gestation. As an extra slap in the ass for them, A tornado touched down in their neighborhood and left a trail of destruction. Fortunately, (they are eternal optimists) they just went and slept at the hospital with their baby- since there was no power at their house.

I'm working on a newsletter. For those of you that are counting the missed months, Katy and I agree that JB is old enough for this to become a "quarterly" newsletter and not a "monthly" newsletter. So really, I have not even missed a deadline! He's done some super adorable things in these last few months, so stay tuned!!!

BONUS BELLY SHOT:

"My Morning view" 29 WEEKS:

Rain, rain, moldy brain

It has been raining, forecast rain, off and on raining, no end in sight soggy for weeks now. April showers brought May flowers and May monsoons and June deluges. I'm afraid I'm not weathering it very well. Pun intended.

Today was a day that I spent the better part of trying not to burst into tears.

My body is showing signs of break down. I've got some bad tendinitis. They call it tennis elbow, though I haven't had any tennis anywhere near my elbow in a few years at least. Bottom line, I'm in a lot of pain. I'm wincing every time I pick up my son, every time I forget and use my left hand to lift a glass of milk to my lips, every time I roll over in bed. It's pathetic, but it's impossible to rest or avoid and it hurts like a mo-fo.

My car is in the shop. It needs new brake pads and a break flush, and several belts and caps that will supposedly make the AC run again. Oh that's right, my AC shot it's wad in the middle of June. I'm one of those cheapskates who might drive around for a while on the highways with the windows down. But if it's going to RAIN EVERY SINGLE DAY!?!?! I can't expect people to understand if my kid is arriving at day care soak and wet...

Today started with JB taking a tumble on the stairs.

On my watch.

He likes to "walk" down now the stairs now, facing forward, holding on to the railing that is just barely within his reach. If he pays attention, he does really well; though he does look (in his quest for the banister) like a kid who's arm is being pulled straight up into the air by a parent who is trying to lift him our of a puddle with one hand. He did 5 stairs tolerating my constant pestering, "Pay attention, look at your feet..."

Then, as if he was sick of hearing all my advice, he turned around and crawled down backwards (he never does this). We were 3 stairs from the bottom, I took my eye off the ball, thinking we were home free, and he flipped around, trying to take the last few like the two-legged creature he is. I knew it was coming but could not react in time. I was in front of him and as he fell toward me, I locked my knees effectively bouncing him into the wall but preventing him from rolling past me. Before I could swing him up onto my impaired left forearm, he was wailing and the bruise and bump had already formed. Katy swears what she meant to say was, "What happened, is everyone alright?" But what came out of her mouth as she sprinted to the stairs was, "How did this happen???" I felt like shit about it the rest of the day. I know this child will have many more falls and bruises in his lifetime, but this one could have and should have been avoided. Mommy should'a been on point.

A few minutes after that drama, when JB's tears were dry but I wasn't sure if I might still need to cry about it, our doorbell rang. We scheduled an early AM appointment to price out refinishing our floors. The old dude arrived and clearly could not figure out what 2 women were doing in a home with one baby and no man in sight at 7:55 in the morning. He measured the rooms and took stock of the hard wood and just before he wrote out the quote, he tipped his head to JB, smiled, and nodded toward me, "Is that your grandma?"

blink.blink.blink.

I looked down at my breasts (saggier than they once were for sure but not too shabby in this high priced bra) and tried not to scream, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, OLD MAN?" It might not have been so bad if my birthday wasn't coming up, but I couldn't help thinking all day that the older you are, the younger other people usually look. This guy could have fathered Noah. I should have looked like Miley Cirus to him... But I guess where he comes from, if 2 ladies are living together, there must be a shared bloodline and generation separating them.

I spent much of the rest of the day running late and feeling anxious and wanting to run away and sleep (in the impersonal rental car that has temporarily taken the place of my crap-filled-forester).

I spent some of the day thinking about our house and what it means that we have not sold it yet. Why are we meant not to move before this baby will be born? Why has the amazing energy that we have experienced in this home not drawn some other family to it?

I spent some of the day thinking of racism and power and "otherness".

When I got to work at 1pm, i felt like I had been crying all day, even though I hadn't shed a tear.

Katy and I went to Ikea tonight to buy some furniture to set up a big boy bed for JB so that he won't feel misplaced by the bean v2.0. Twelve weeks and counting...

A few minutes ago, I went in and stroked the sweaty, bruised head of our son and for about the million and first time today, felt tears choking up inside of me. They were sort of love-drenched, sappy tears, but also sort of disparate, fear-filled, sad tears. How are we going to take our baby out of that crib?!?!? How am I going to keep him safe from all of the ways he can get wounded in this world?!? I know I can't, but how am I going to be able to stand there while it all happens to him? Doesn't adding another little boy to the mix just mean there will be more chances to cause inadvertent bruising??? Or not make the catch when they need me to???

My tears never fell. So they are just kind of stuck inside of me. Just kind of heavy and dank, and freaking me out. But it's okay I guess, there's enough water saturating the land right now to cause a tiny puddle in our basement... what we don't need right now, is more ground water...

In a family way

This morning, the alarm went off and Kt brought JB into our bed.
As has become an occasional routine, I scratched and tickled his limbs, his hands and feet, his head and back. If you tickle any part of his body that is one of a pair, he will hold the other one up after 30 to 60 seconds and say, "Other one". Back and forth. Back and forth.

Katy was on the other side of Jake, warm from the excessive mitosis. Her pregnancy has brought out a feverish state. Lately when her normally-ice-cold hands touch me, I startle with a flash of concern that we will die from swine flu. Then I remember BEANv2.0 and all the dividing and dividing and the dividing and the ATP that releases

Just because time is flying by...

I'm too tired at night to blog about all the things that I think about during the day.

But so much has happened in the world lately:

1. Sonia Sotomayor - nominated for to be justice of the SCOTUS
2. Prop 8 upheld by the California Supreme Court
3. The gays have taken to the streets as a result
4. Dick Cheney has taken to the airwaves (This guy hid in a secret location and wouldn't confirm or comment on even his own name for 8 years, now he seeks the spotlight like an Elvis impersonator in Vegas.)
5. Dr. George Tiller (a Kansas doctor that spent the better part of his adult life a target of violence; having been shot in both arms in 1993 and attacked when his clinic was bombed) was gunned down in his church last Sunday. He was one of only 3 abortion providers in the US who was trained and able to perform an abortion beyond 21 weeks gestation.
6. New Hampshire just joined Maine, Iowa, Vermont, Connecticut, and Massachusetts to become the 7th state to enact marriage equality for Gays and lesbians. (California was the 2nd, but the advancement was reversed when a slim majority passed proposition 8 last November, adding a constitutional amendment that defined "Marriage" as only between "one man and one woman".)
7. Miss California's 15 minutes of fame seems to finally be up.
8. Newsweek Magazine has totally fucked up its entire format and where it used to be my little weekly news candy, is now exceedingly distasteful to me, like a fungus that has grown on my big toe
9. Nine houses have sold in a 1.5 mile radius of our property in the last 4 weeks
10. Our house is not one of them.
11. Softball season has begun.
    

I have a lot of feelings about most of the above items. I would like to write a post on each; but I will likely not get to it (You're saved.)

I have a lot to write about how much JB and katy are changing. He with stronger language skills and a higher capacity for cognitive analysis of the world around him... She with the belly and "bean v2.0".

I will find the time to write about that, but not tonight.

I leave you with 3 of the funniest Internet snippets I have seen in a while.

One about a slippery slope:



And one about understanding the religious history that has brought us to the place where that slippery slope is a constant fear for some in our society.



And one is for geeks everywhere:



Think about it!

... and I like to make drawrings...

Jake LOVES his art table. And he is very serious about it. He's a regular Picasso and wakes up half the mornings asking to draw. If you listen closely he is saying most of the colors he is using (new skill this week!).

20 months old

You know your colors- all of them... it is freaky-cool.
You love drawing.

You had two weeks of mood swing hell, then we had 3 weeks of adorable bliss...
and then you learned the word MINE...

You are so sweet with kisses and hugs.

You are so cautious on stairs that we know you won't go with out us and we have to encourage you to climb and be daring.

You love standing on a chair to watch us cook

There's a spot of white paint in the corner of our kitchen near the ceiling, on the wood molding. One day you noticed it and said "Eee-u-www."
Then the next day, you were looking for your shoes: "Shoes? mama? mommy? Shoes?" then you walked into the kitchen where they were... you pointed at your shoes and said, "Shoes." Then you pointed at the clock and said, "clock". Then you pointed at the tiny scar of paint and named it, "Eee-u-ww."

You will stop what you are doing to point to that splosh of paint, like you are saying hi to a family pet whose was named after the noise you make when you encounter something disgusting "Eee-u-ww."

You have some kind of strange accent (that is adorable): pen... paper (sounds like peen, paypurr)
You count to 10- no problem and sometimes go a little higher

You have memorized the months of the year... I learned this when I was bragging that your cousin, Cameron knew them, and when I was trying to show her off, you piped in and named them too.

You officially eat everything - We let you eat whatever we eat except we have avoided giving you bacon and hot dogs. (You'll probably hate us for holding out on you in this department, but trust us once you have bacon, all other healthier foods will be ruined.)

You have the ability to literally bring grand parents to tears with your patented "2-handed-kiss" Where you put both your little hands on either side of their face and pull them toward you for a wet smooch on the lips...

You are a doll! and we love you,
Mommy and Mama

Overheard at the community health center

I'm walking through the lobby at my job, on the way from one side of the center to the other. I'm wearing my "business casual" with my ID around my neck, and a patient waiting in line locks eyes with me. She seems very excited to see me, though I'm pretty sure that we've never spoken to each other before...

Lady: HI!!!!
Me: How are you doing?

I keep walking as my rhetorical question has gone unanswered.

"HEY!" She has shouted this in an apparent attempt to stop me. I turn toward her and she pauses for a second as if she is not sure what she wants to say to me. "When is father's day?" She inquires innocently.

I stop, a little confused by the question, "Um..."

"The 6th of June? The 12th? Something like that, right?"

"Yeah, around there, probably the second Sunday..." I've slowed down my pace, but am still about to pass her on my way out of the waiting room.

"I'm just here getting condoms." she shouts to my back

"Oh..." I reply weakly, twisting around toward her b/c I didn't realize until this second that our conversation was continuing. "Good..."

She pauses long enough so that I start again to walk away and she sort of yells after me, "I come every month..."

I stop, turn, and am standing, looking at her from about 6 or 7 feet away.

"THEY'RE for my sons..." she continues, "15 and 17 years old... and they use them too..."

Pause. Pause. Pause

I reply, "Well that's good." She says nothing else.

I nod at her. She nods at me. Once again, I assume the conversation is over and turn to go. When I am another 10 feet away, she calls after me...

"SAFE SEX, RIGHT?!?" I turn back. She stage whispers this next part for no apparent reason, "SAAAAAFE SEX."

I nod. Then she retells the story to the person in line behind her.
I walk away having no idea what just happened.

This Kid is definitely related to me...

I hate when my feet are under covers too.
Adorable.

My morning view

23 weeks, and 4 days

Our growing bookworm

JB's becoming quite the word-smith (and lover of books)... This is how he fell asleep last night. He wanted the books in the bed with him. And in the morning, resisted the normal "cuddling ritual" to sit in there with his books a while longer. He knows a LOT of words... Katy and i estimate 150: lots of body parts, lots of animals, lots of totally random nouns pictured in all these children's books we own.

On the way home from school today, it was like he couldn't contain all the words inside himself. He was just ooohing and aaahhing and pointing and bubbling over with excitment: truck, bus, green, go, shoe, tree, hoop, car, another one, two, three, more, digger, hair, bird, another one, puppy, nana, mama, chin, foot, thumb, pointer, pinkie, 'Kenzie, Cammy, TT, papa, nana, home, stop, wow, sky, up, trees, two, flower. red. stop, nose...

On and on and on. It brought out in me a speechlessness that I could hardly recognize and an utter lack of creative response. I mainly said, "Yeah" to him and/or repeated the word he just said.

I can't believe how quickly he is learning. His verbal pattern in the car had a lot to do with all that he was seeing out of the windows, but also you could just tell the words- the names we have taught him for things that he sees and wears and recognizes just kept "popping" into his head. As if he saw his shoe and then he saw a bird and then he saw his thumb, and with every twitch of his eye, his vocal chords could not contain the impulse his mind was sending to them. He was not performing, he was discussing, conversing, communicating to me all that he was observing.

It was wild and filled me with light.

Our Growing Bean

This shot is from about a month ago... we are behind on belly shots for you Internet lurkers, but KT is growing. The boy bean is kicking and squirming and I can feel him "bump" now. His Mama is getting used to it, but still not quite "comfortable" with all of this internal movement. She is having some rib pain, some round ligament pain, and some GI symptoms (occasional nausea, constipation, and frequent heartburn). Other than that, she feels good and is eating well. JB knows the "baby" or "brother" is in there, but today he pointed to my right tittie and said, "brother," so it might not be all that clear in his mind what-the-cluck we are trying to say to him...

It is starting to get real for the mommies. I realized today that we are four months away, and I was like, "hmmm... okay... yikes!!!" We are trying to start to get serious about moving and lowered the asking price on our estate. Please people, just make us an offer... we're starting to panic over here and the "timeline" just got all up in katy's grill ribcage...

At the womb whisperer's request...

A lot of f%&#ing batshittery has happened in the last 7 days...

We have not posted b/c we have been trying to keep our heads above water. It's nothing earth shattering or devastating- if you sprint back 30 yards and look at it from a slight distance.

I have a lot to say about some of it, but here's the bulleted quick-notes version:

Monday: just another manic monday

Tuesday: IBO has her baby, 2 days shy of 26 weeks

Wednesday: I fly to St. Louis, spend 5 hours in airports and planes and 4+ hours in a minivan on Missouri highways accompanied by a quorum of geeks and rednecks; meanwhile at home, Katy gets a call from day care that JB is projectile vomiting

Thursday: I work a 14 hour day, including a 4 hour drive on MO highways, and lose my cell phone somewhere in St. Louis... JB has stopped puking.

Friday: I take a "nonstop" flight home that has me breathing air in 4 cities, and experiencing 3 take offs and 3 landings in 5 hours... (Feeling naked without my cell and wondering the entire time if I will ever see that totally-unimpressive-to-begin-with cell phone again.) Katy is called by day care in the late morning b/c even though JB spent all of Thursday without any vomiting and seemingly healthy, he is now squirting liquid out the other end. Katy is told that she needs to pick him up before his dysentery-esque symptoms spread to any of the other rug rats and a diarrhea-thon commences. I get home at about 3pm and experience the glorious surprise of having my family home waiting for me. Katy is sweet and JB is asleep. It might have been a kinky lazy afternoon if I didn't have to do a few hours of cell phone recon. Oh well...

Today, I got a new cell phone... oh, it's an iphone... And IBO's baby is hanging tough, impressing his medical team and so far, beating all odds!