Last week I went to my 4 month check up on Monday morning.
The only thing was, my appointment wasn't until Tuesday morning.
In choosing an OB, we made a kind of difficult decision to go close to home and not close to work. This puts me in the situation of having to be an hour or more late to work and/or leave work early every time I have an appointment. One time already, I drove the 45 minute commute to work, left after 2 hours to drive back for an 11:45 am appointment, and then did the whole commute over again to spend 4 more hours in the office. I did that I guess to show that, "this pregnancy is not going to slow me down," or some crap like that. There are so many things I do at my job that could be done with more efficiency in the quiet peacefulness of my home. In fact, I truly believe that if I worked one day a week from home, my productivity would increase by about 1000% because there would be the potential of 6-10 hrs of uninterrupted labor that might lead to me completing some projects. Unfortunately, a major aspect of my job - the part that interrupts what I think of as efficient productivity - requires me to be present, playing the part of corporate parent, sounding board, security guard, trouble-shooter, and clinical operations director (which is actually my title.) Anyhoo, this is the only reason that choosing an OB close to home was a question- in not-too-long, I will be going to the OB every other week, and then every few days, and at that point, my productivity at work maybe will fall to microscopic levels. I digress...
When I sheepishly asked at the office if they could fit me in rather than forcing me to repeat the schedule juggle the next day, my faith our just-barely-more-than randomly-chosen practice was reinforced; they did fit me in - quickly- without so much as a sigh or a roll of the eyes.
I met a different MD in the practice and she was great - she laughed at all my jokes, and answered all my questions and concerns in a reassuring manner:
Yes, it's normal to have some cramping of the lower abdominal muscles when I sneeze or cough...
Also normal to have a little positional vertigo...
No problem to head off to Spain in a few weeks...
It was a fine decision to wait until 21 weeks for the ultrasound...
If you're still okay with it, I'll throw out all this paperwork for the early testing you refused...
A total weight gain of 3 lbs so far; BP 120/70; baby's heartbeat STRONG.
So far, so good.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Home Improvement Part 1
We spent yesterday prepping the house and yard for today, the real work day. The Webers are coming to transform a couple of rooms that we've been "meaning to do" for some time now. The dining room border needs to be finished, the nursery needs to be completed, and then there's the junk next to the garage to deal with (a la Sanford and Son.
So the real decision is what color to paint the baby's room. Comments received by 10am (that's right, today, as in less than 3 hours from now) will be considered while we're deciding. But we'll probably just go with what we think anyway.
The old color (not an option, already primed over):
The 3 choices side by side:
So the real decision is what color to paint the baby's room. Comments received by 10am (that's right, today, as in less than 3 hours from now) will be considered while we're deciding. But we'll probably just go with what we think anyway.
The old color (not an option, already primed over):
The 3 choices side by side:
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Wicked!
I have also been meaning to post about our trip to NYC to see Wicked. We first experienced tickets as gifts when we received Hairspray tickets (wrapped around a bottle of hairspray) from my mom some years ago for Christmas. Since then it has become a common theme at weddings and Christmases. Teri and Bill (and Mackenzie) got us the Wicked tickets this year and not even the nasty slush that made our feet cold and wet could stop us from having a great time.
We happened to see the show on St. Patrick's Day, which was ironic given that the show is about being "green". It was hard to tell if the audience was wearing green because they were about to get drunk on beer, or if they were in solidarity with the show.
The show was fantastic, especially for the adolescent girl in all of us. It's definitely on the list of "must see again".
We happened to see the show on St. Patrick's Day, which was ironic given that the show is about being "green". It was hard to tell if the audience was wearing green because they were about to get drunk on beer, or if they were in solidarity with the show.
The show was fantastic, especially for the adolescent girl in all of us. It's definitely on the list of "must see again".
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
3 am Blog maintenance
It's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake making a few lists...
I was just chillin' out in the bed, in the dark, meditating, relaxing, willing myself back to sleep, and then I thought of the blog. Now I'm up and cleaning this aspect of my life... There are a lot of posts that I started that never really published...
From January:
There's the one about going blonde again
There's the one about Anne's visit, and
There's the one about Anne's new nickname- "the womb whisperer"
There's the one about L and F's cocktail party/ indian baby shower
There's the one about how the quality of my life signifcantly improved when everything changed at work
There's the one about the quality of my life significantly improved when after considering many drastic changes, a decision was made to change nothing at home
There's the one about the weather
(There's always one about the weather...)
In February and March:
There were all the unwritten the posts about the fatigue, the uncertainty, the fear, and the nausea
The one about the sadness I felt when Tonja's mom died
The one about our favorite Christmas Gift. (How Katy and I have been obsessed for several years now with the story and music of the broadway sensation: Wicked. And how Teri and Bill planned a St. Patrick's day weekend in NYC to see it. ) The unfinished post would have spoken of how the show was all we had hoped for and more and it would have given a little more detail about all the obstacles we had to overcome in order to get there:
Update: Just in naming them, I now consider all these posts "written."
There, that was easy...
Stay tuned for another post that will (hopefully) be written soon:
The one where my sister is pregnant too!
I was just chillin' out in the bed, in the dark, meditating, relaxing, willing myself back to sleep, and then I thought of the blog. Now I'm up and cleaning this aspect of my life... There are a lot of posts that I started that never really published...
From January:
There's the one about going blonde again
There's the one about Anne's visit, and
There's the one about Anne's new nickname- "the womb whisperer"
There's the one about L and F's cocktail party/ indian baby shower
There's the one about how the quality of my life signifcantly improved when everything changed at work
There's the one about the quality of my life significantly improved when after considering many drastic changes, a decision was made to change nothing at home
There's the one about the weather
(There's always one about the weather...)
In February and March:
There were all the unwritten the posts about the fatigue, the uncertainty, the fear, and the nausea
The one about the sadness I felt when Tonja's mom died
The one about our favorite Christmas Gift. (How Katy and I have been obsessed for several years now with the story and music of the broadway sensation: Wicked. And how Teri and Bill planned a St. Patrick's day weekend in NYC to see it. ) The unfinished post would have spoken of how the show was all we had hoped for and more and it would have given a little more detail about all the obstacles we had to overcome in order to get there:
- 10 inches of snow, ice, and sleet falling overnight
- Our most accessible car having a dead battery in the AM
- neighbor's snow blower breaking when he tried to help
- 4 wheel driving out, around the incapcitaed car, making a mess of the driveway to catch the train
- staying and dining with Ric and Kim
- arriving home at noon
- shovelling to get to the car and back INTO the driveway
- removing and replacing car battery
- feeling totally exhausted after a fun and low-key weekend away
Update: Just in naming them, I now consider all these posts "written."
There, that was easy...
Stay tuned for another post that will (hopefully) be written soon:
The one where my sister is pregnant too!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Baby steps
I went with my sister to pick up the Mac attack today at school (ie- day care). When she saw us, she lifted her arms up, smiled widely, clapped her hands together several times, and then brought her arms up again choking out a high-pitch scream of delight. I've never gone to day care to find her sad, crying or anything but content or happy, but her level of joy shoots to the moon when she sees the family she knows.
She's at a point where I finally get to "rough house" with her a little - which I wouldn't do at all if she didn't giggle so much in response. It. Is. Awesome.
When i get to spend time with this kid, my heart gets so light. It is hard to imagine that I might feel more in love with or connected to any other child. And yet I know [all the know-it-alls have told me] that nothing compares to how much you love your own child(ren). Tomorrow we are 16 weeks pregnant, which i guess is 4 months... that seems like a safe time for it to start to feel real. And it is starting to feel real. Every morning this week, I've woken up, emptied my bladder, coughed the junky mucus from my lungs, blown the banana-baby-food-consistency snot from my nose, and returned to the bed to wrap myself around my woman. To breathe in her smell and rejoice in the glow of morning and our growing family.
Tonight, at my sister's house, Mac came at me - on two feet - for the first time (from across the room.) She steadied her hands on the floor, balanced herself on her feet, and walked 2 or 3 steps before falling. Then she repeated the process at least 5 more times. I expected her to give up and crawl, or cry, but there she was just trying over and over again... just walking. Excited and stunned into silence, I didn't make any announcement, but my sister exclaimed, "She's never done that before." Oops. She hasn't?!? I assumed she had.
Videos were taken, clapping and high-fiving commenced; and eventually Mackie grew frustrated and erupted into easily consoled tears...
When my first car turned over 100,000 miles I had waited and waited to see the 99999 become 100000. The most memorable part of that day was the realization that seeing the number 100001 was much more aesthetically pleasing to me. It was an unexpected nugget of satisfaction. All week I had been focusing on this random milestone, thinking to myself, "Don't miss it." Then the nines became zeros and I was fairly unimpressed. But the reflexive and symmetrical quality of the next moment - that I hadn't ever considered - sort of blew me away. I remember thinking, "Hmm. It just keeps getting better."
I experienced a similar jolt in perception tonight regarding a baby's first steps... Here's the unanticipated wonder: Mac will walk hundreds of times again. Each incident will produce a more steady gait. But the first few times - these next few weeks - are the only time to witness this innocent display of perseverance. The process of slowing yourself down and risking pain in order to advance, not out of logical reasoning, but out of instinct is barely graspable. What makes a child decide to walk and fall and get up and try again, instead of going back to the safety of crawling? Why is the challenge of balance suddenly something to explore and conquer? I thought the milestone to cherish was getting to see her walk, but it really is more- getting to see her grow, struggle, try, and learn.
It's the journey, right? Not the destination...
It's so obvious that we almost miss it every time.
She's at a point where I finally get to "rough house" with her a little - which I wouldn't do at all if she didn't giggle so much in response. It. Is. Awesome.
When i get to spend time with this kid, my heart gets so light. It is hard to imagine that I might feel more in love with or connected to any other child. And yet I know [all the know-it-alls have told me] that nothing compares to how much you love your own child(ren). Tomorrow we are 16 weeks pregnant, which i guess is 4 months... that seems like a safe time for it to start to feel real. And it is starting to feel real. Every morning this week, I've woken up, emptied my bladder, coughed the junky mucus from my lungs, blown the banana-baby-food-consistency snot from my nose, and returned to the bed to wrap myself around my woman. To breathe in her smell and rejoice in the glow of morning and our growing family.
Tonight, at my sister's house, Mac came at me - on two feet - for the first time (from across the room.) She steadied her hands on the floor, balanced herself on her feet, and walked 2 or 3 steps before falling. Then she repeated the process at least 5 more times. I expected her to give up and crawl, or cry, but there she was just trying over and over again... just walking. Excited and stunned into silence, I didn't make any announcement, but my sister exclaimed, "She's never done that before." Oops. She hasn't?!? I assumed she had.
Videos were taken, clapping and high-fiving commenced; and eventually Mackie grew frustrated and erupted into easily consoled tears...
When my first car turned over 100,000 miles I had waited and waited to see the 99999 become 100000. The most memorable part of that day was the realization that seeing the number 100001 was much more aesthetically pleasing to me. It was an unexpected nugget of satisfaction. All week I had been focusing on this random milestone, thinking to myself, "Don't miss it." Then the nines became zeros and I was fairly unimpressed. But the reflexive and symmetrical quality of the next moment - that I hadn't ever considered - sort of blew me away. I remember thinking, "Hmm. It just keeps getting better."
I experienced a similar jolt in perception tonight regarding a baby's first steps... Here's the unanticipated wonder: Mac will walk hundreds of times again. Each incident will produce a more steady gait. But the first few times - these next few weeks - are the only time to witness this innocent display of perseverance. The process of slowing yourself down and risking pain in order to advance, not out of logical reasoning, but out of instinct is barely graspable. What makes a child decide to walk and fall and get up and try again, instead of going back to the safety of crawling? Why is the challenge of balance suddenly something to explore and conquer? I thought the milestone to cherish was getting to see her walk, but it really is more- getting to see her grow, struggle, try, and learn.
It's the journey, right? Not the destination...
It's so obvious that we almost miss it every time.
crooked spout
Thanks to my good friend ERD I was able to experience Norah Jones a few weeks ago. It was fantastic. Nothing compares to live music and she does not disappoint. I highly recommend her new album, especially "Be My Somebody". Talk about groovy percussion and a sexy song. Excellent.
And although we did have to endure a very drunk, chauvinistic, loud man in front of us, it was quite enjoyable. M. Ward opened and, wow, can that guy jam on guitar.
Click here for ERD's (more poetic) review for the Hartford Courant.
And although we did have to endure a very drunk, chauvinistic, loud man in front of us, it was quite enjoyable. M. Ward opened and, wow, can that guy jam on guitar.
Click here for ERD's (more poetic) review for the Hartford Courant.
Freedom Fries
France doesn't have thousands of troops in Iraq.
France isn't completely mired in a war that is un-winable.
The voter turnout in France for their presidential election basically kicked our a**es. Sure, they have some big issues, like immigration and unemployment, but we are and were, at the time of the 2004 election, losing many young Americans to the war. They beat us in turnout 74% to 61%. Granted we have more people, but seriously, we can't get 75% of our people out to vote?
I guess it's back to french fries for me.
France isn't completely mired in a war that is un-winable.
The voter turnout in France for their presidential election basically kicked our a**es. Sure, they have some big issues, like immigration and unemployment, but we are and were, at the time of the 2004 election, losing many young Americans to the war. They beat us in turnout 74% to 61%. Granted we have more people, but seriously, we can't get 75% of our people out to vote?
I guess it's back to french fries for me.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Lions and tigers and bears
It is generally well known that Tracy and I don't really do pets. We don't mind cats per se, but we don't desire them in our own home. We definitely don't do dogs. Well, except for that one time we considered getting a toy poodle. I'm chalking that crazy notion up to the Adopt a Pet bus that stopped by work. Suckers.
Our neighbors have 3 dogs (rapidly expanding in number since their only child left for college). They yap. A lot. So, yesterday I walked over to the fence that divides us to say hi and drop the news that we're having a baby. I could almost hear her mind scream, Wait! Wait! I need a drink first! While we were attempting to describe the inner-workings of a lesbian pregnancy, the dogs would not stop yapping. So I did the unthinkable. I let the dogs lick, yes lick, my hand until the conversation was over. I promptly scoured my hand with hot water. And the whole prompted Tracy to utter this unforgettable line:
"I was just going to go over and kill that dog, but you did the right thing."
Sorry Bean, you're going to need some serious lower lip action to get a pet that has fur. Fair warning.
Our neighbors have 3 dogs (rapidly expanding in number since their only child left for college). They yap. A lot. So, yesterday I walked over to the fence that divides us to say hi and drop the news that we're having a baby. I could almost hear her mind scream, Wait! Wait! I need a drink first! While we were attempting to describe the inner-workings of a lesbian pregnancy, the dogs would not stop yapping. So I did the unthinkable. I let the dogs lick, yes lick, my hand until the conversation was over. I promptly scoured my hand with hot water. And the whole prompted Tracy to utter this unforgettable line:
"I was just going to go over and kill that dog, but you did the right thing."
Sorry Bean, you're going to need some serious lower lip action to get a pet that has fur. Fair warning.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Last week in review: vol 1
Now for a new regular segment...
Lots of shit happens every week, but this week was particularly packed:
National: Some crazy dude at Virginia Tech shot up the school. He killed 32 people before he killed himself. The media has been going ape-shit! It's gotta be the best thing that's ever happened to Don Imus. By the time NBC, got a "multi-media" suicide note delivered on Wednesday, the journalistic orgy of the mass-murder reached a climax. The week before, you couldn't turn on the TV without hearing Imus' pitiful back-peddling, last week while the American media fought for blood-stained live footage, I bet Don Imus was quietly negotiating his next job.
Political: Anyone who wasn't watching 36 hours a day of V. Tech live post-massacre coverage might have caught the nasally snivelling of Alberto Gonzalez. The Attorney General was called before the senate and sworn in by a bi-partisan panel who wanted to know why so many Federal attorneys were fired and if they were fired for their job performance or because they did not put the success and sustainability of the republican party over the success and sustainability of the republic. He denied any illegal maneuvering. He contradicted himself with surprising redundance and regularity. Several Blues and Reds called for his resignation. Dubya said: "You're doing a heck of a jobBrownie 'Berto!"
Judicial: On Wednesday, the states were given permission by the supreme court to tighten abortion laws throughout the land. The ruling was 5 to 4 that a woman's right to chose may become a thing of the past and I'm sure Sandra Day O'Connor must have had to throw back a good stiff drink to get to sleep that night. The feminist outrage I'm experiencing is dampened by a thinly-veiled contempt for the women that helped make "moral values" the only thing that mattered in the 2004 election. In two generations, when your daughters are dying from infections caused by unsafe, illegal abortions, I'm sure it will somehow be my fault for wanting to get legally married. I apologize in advance to my future off-sping and their peeps for not storming and stomping with more fury to prevent Samuel Alito's ascension, but at least when I let this happen without chaining myself to the columns of the supreme court building, I did it from a fair-minded suburb in a progressive state. If I planned to raise you on the great plains, 2000 miles from the closest over-the-counter sale of Plan B, I would have put up a bigger fight.
Sports: Our beloved Bosox beat the Yankees Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night (coming from behind 2 out of three). This is like every season on record so far... but it's a long way to October.
The Weather: Last week's weather was like the alpha and the omega. Early in the week, a nor'easter crashed the east coast dumping many inches of snow or rain. It was cold and wet, flooded and miserable for most of the week. But by this past weekend, it was summery and wonderful. It is 80 degrees and sunny right now. I fully expect a hail storm in the next few days.
Health status: I was sick, coughing, aching, stuffy head and (because I was pregnant) no NyQuil to help me rest. Katy has been shining with health and patience for her sickie spouse all week.
Lots of shit happens every week, but this week was particularly packed:
National: Some crazy dude at Virginia Tech shot up the school. He killed 32 people before he killed himself. The media has been going ape-shit! It's gotta be the best thing that's ever happened to Don Imus. By the time NBC, got a "multi-media" suicide note delivered on Wednesday, the journalistic orgy of the mass-murder reached a climax. The week before, you couldn't turn on the TV without hearing Imus' pitiful back-peddling, last week while the American media fought for blood-stained live footage, I bet Don Imus was quietly negotiating his next job.
Political: Anyone who wasn't watching 36 hours a day of V. Tech live post-massacre coverage might have caught the nasally snivelling of Alberto Gonzalez. The Attorney General was called before the senate and sworn in by a bi-partisan panel who wanted to know why so many Federal attorneys were fired and if they were fired for their job performance or because they did not put the success and sustainability of the republican party over the success and sustainability of the republic. He denied any illegal maneuvering. He contradicted himself with surprising redundance and regularity. Several Blues and Reds called for his resignation. Dubya said: "You're doing a heck of a job
Judicial: On Wednesday, the states were given permission by the supreme court to tighten abortion laws throughout the land. The ruling was 5 to 4 that a woman's right to chose may become a thing of the past and I'm sure Sandra Day O'Connor must have had to throw back a good stiff drink to get to sleep that night. The feminist outrage I'm experiencing is dampened by a thinly-veiled contempt for the women that helped make "moral values" the only thing that mattered in the 2004 election. In two generations, when your daughters are dying from infections caused by unsafe, illegal abortions, I'm sure it will somehow be my fault for wanting to get legally married. I apologize in advance to my future off-sping and their peeps for not storming and stomping with more fury to prevent Samuel Alito's ascension, but at least when I let this happen without chaining myself to the columns of the supreme court building, I did it from a fair-minded suburb in a progressive state. If I planned to raise you on the great plains, 2000 miles from the closest over-the-counter sale of Plan B, I would have put up a bigger fight.
Sports: Our beloved Bosox beat the Yankees Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night (coming from behind 2 out of three). This is like every season on record so far... but it's a long way to October.
The Weather: Last week's weather was like the alpha and the omega. Early in the week, a nor'easter crashed the east coast dumping many inches of snow or rain. It was cold and wet, flooded and miserable for most of the week. But by this past weekend, it was summery and wonderful. It is 80 degrees and sunny right now. I fully expect a hail storm in the next few days.
Health status: I was sick, coughing, aching, stuffy head and (because I was pregnant) no NyQuil to help me rest. Katy has been shining with health and patience for her sickie spouse all week.
Friday, April 20, 2007
15 weeks
That's right folks, only 25 weeks to go. We get those updates every week from babycenter.com, and apparently our 15 week old fetus is now big enough to not be referred to as a fruit (or nut or legume).
Tools of the trade
Believe it or not, the item hiding behind T's pillows may be the only thing keeping her sane right now (for her NOSE, not the other use you dirty minds!).
Waiting to spring
Ah! Finally! Warm(ish) air! Today was that day. The one where the air finally has that "I just came from the balmy Gulf of Mexico" smell. The sky is blue after many days of torrential rain (a rain that actually gave residents of the northeast a few extra days to turn in their taxes???). And the magnolia tree that has been patiently waiting for days to bloom has suddenly, completely, and stunningly opened up. The rose bushes also have green streaming from their stalks, promising yet another summer of absolute rose-ness. And the garden is just all green (weeds and flowers alike!).
Ethnicity vs. Community
If you missed this fantastic piece by Robert Siegel on NPR, listen to it now.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Styes and such
I feel crappy.
My eyes lids are swollen and itchy.
My lower back and head hurts.
I woke up with my 3rd sore throat in as many weeks.
My uvula is 3 times it's normal size.
My lymph nodes are enlarged as well.
I'm achy, cranky, tired and sick of feeling sick.
Today, I cried for the 4th time in as many days.
I might be losing my shit...
Tomorrow I'll be 15 weeks pregnant.
Tomorrow will (likely) be a better day.
My eyes lids are swollen and itchy.
My lower back and head hurts.
I woke up with my 3rd sore throat in as many weeks.
My uvula is 3 times it's normal size.
My lymph nodes are enlarged as well.
I'm achy, cranky, tired and sick of feeling sick.
Today, I cried for the 4th time in as many days.
I might be losing my shit...
Tomorrow I'll be 15 weeks pregnant.
Tomorrow will (likely) be a better day.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Open letter to the Governor
Dear Governor M. Jodi Rell:
I was sad to see the recent quote attributed to you “I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. The vote in the committee does not change my mind on that. I will veto the bill."
No matter how many people agree with the above statement, it just isn’t true anymore. Students of history know the falsehood of the argument that same-sex marriage has never existed in civilization. But when the state of Massachusetts, and the Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, and Spain legally opened the institution of marriage to gays and lesbians, the notion that modern marriage could only be between a man and a woman was forever discredited.
Hundreds of thousands of same sex couples in our state and around the world are embracing and embodying marriage (whether or not the name is legally allowed.) When these couples support and love each other, stay together through good times and bad, in sickness and health, raise children, buy property, pay their bills, their taxes, attend to their extended families, help their neighbors, and live the very essence of modern marriage, it becomes ironic and pitiful that a primary sect of the population continues to shake their heads and “not believe” in our relationships. It is as if one voter’s right to a personal opinion is allowed to supersede another voter’s right to a validated existence. Your assertion that creating a separate-but-equal institution erases discrimination cannot be taken seriously. Your matter-of-fact claim that you and I can both get access to equal rights and protections is insulting. You are allowed to call your relationship marriage and I must call my marriage a civil union. You carry your marriage and protections with you across state lines; I must leave my rights and the chance to legally defend my family here when I need to leave Connecticut. You remind me of a politically powerful ostrich, denouncing discrimination before drinking out of a “no gays allowed” water fountain and sticking her head in the sand.
I understand that many voters were raised at a time in society when we did not discuss such things. Where the exclusion and denial of homosexual relationships was ordinary and gay people could live peacefully as long as they pretended to be straight. I understand that many people believe that homosexual relationships are immoral. But many people believe that divorce is immoral and do not expect the government to withhold that option. We do not outlaw theft and murder because the acts are immoral, but because the acts infringe on the rights of other citizens. I have yet to hear evidence or a rational argument for how same-sex marriage harms or takes something away from a non-gay citizen.
Plainly, Madam Governor, I ask you to reconsider your position. Hear the arguments and debates without an already made up mind. Today's public policy should not be based on the prejudice, intolerance, and myths of our upbringing. Gays and Lesbians are getting married. It is time for the state of Connecticut to legally recognize that truth.
Regards,
T. Weber Tierney
I was sad to see the recent quote attributed to you “I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. The vote in the committee does not change my mind on that. I will veto the bill."
No matter how many people agree with the above statement, it just isn’t true anymore. Students of history know the falsehood of the argument that same-sex marriage has never existed in civilization. But when the state of Massachusetts, and the Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, and Spain legally opened the institution of marriage to gays and lesbians, the notion that modern marriage could only be between a man and a woman was forever discredited.
Hundreds of thousands of same sex couples in our state and around the world are embracing and embodying marriage (whether or not the name is legally allowed.) When these couples support and love each other, stay together through good times and bad, in sickness and health, raise children, buy property, pay their bills, their taxes, attend to their extended families, help their neighbors, and live the very essence of modern marriage, it becomes ironic and pitiful that a primary sect of the population continues to shake their heads and “not believe” in our relationships. It is as if one voter’s right to a personal opinion is allowed to supersede another voter’s right to a validated existence. Your assertion that creating a separate-but-equal institution erases discrimination cannot be taken seriously. Your matter-of-fact claim that you and I can both get access to equal rights and protections is insulting. You are allowed to call your relationship marriage and I must call my marriage a civil union. You carry your marriage and protections with you across state lines; I must leave my rights and the chance to legally defend my family here when I need to leave Connecticut. You remind me of a politically powerful ostrich, denouncing discrimination before drinking out of a “no gays allowed” water fountain and sticking her head in the sand.
I understand that many voters were raised at a time in society when we did not discuss such things. Where the exclusion and denial of homosexual relationships was ordinary and gay people could live peacefully as long as they pretended to be straight. I understand that many people believe that homosexual relationships are immoral. But many people believe that divorce is immoral and do not expect the government to withhold that option. We do not outlaw theft and murder because the acts are immoral, but because the acts infringe on the rights of other citizens. I have yet to hear evidence or a rational argument for how same-sex marriage harms or takes something away from a non-gay citizen.
Plainly, Madam Governor, I ask you to reconsider your position. Hear the arguments and debates without an already made up mind. Today's public policy should not be based on the prejudice, intolerance, and myths of our upbringing. Gays and Lesbians are getting married. It is time for the state of Connecticut to legally recognize that truth.
Regards,
T. Weber Tierney
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