Sick kid on my shoulder

I'm typing with one hand so that our baby can sleep while i blog.

There's no particular reason to multi-task in this way except I think the boy has his 1st cold. I say, "I think," because in lieu of a fever, I'm not sure how you tell if a 3.5 month old is sick. He's just not himself. But as I've pointed out several times in this blog, I don't really know the kid all that well... Maybe he is "changing."

Anyway, the little boo is so sleepy and his eyes are puffy and a little red, and he isn't that interested in the giddy up and go gym and he can't really soothe himself to sleep (which normally he is perfectly content to do.) So, we'll just kind of hold him and love him, make sure he's still peeing, and he wakes up to eat, and we will dose him with Ty.lenol (if it comes to that.)

I didn't yet post about our day-long quest for the perfect day care (this Thursday past). Since Thursday, I've returned to my crazy state of insomnia where I'm up at 2 or 3 am and can't fall back to sleep until 5 or 6am (coincidence? shya.)

I can't deny that there is a part of me that is looking forward to going back to work. I miss the place. I'm good at that job. I get something out of it other than a paycheck. Additionally, there is a part of me that knows... knows (in bold and in italics) that day care can give this kid more than I can.

Yes, you heard me right. Not more love, obviously... but more stability, structure, redundant and focused age-appropriate learning.

I've had 5 or 6 women say to me: "Keep saying that if it makes you feel better." Which i think is kind of f---ing ridiculous to even mentally challenge me on, let along say to a new mom who is about to put her kid in day care (I mean I could go on and on about how annoying that is! Do they not understand about KNOWING something; in both bold and italics)?!? Don't argue with me here, sister.

It is not really a financial option (because we've decided that we don't want to sell our house and live the way we would have to live on only one income) but I feel confident that even if we could afford for me (or katy) to stay home, we would not be able to stay home with him and focus on him to the extent that they will. There will be days where I would be all like, hurry and finish your yogurt so that we can go meet up with the chicks from the View... and TV watching would be just the beginning of all of the things I would be trying to get done during a day... "I know you're tired, but there is only one-day for the 'family and friends ONE DAY sale' at Koh.ls, honey... that day is today, so here's a binkie and try to keep it down..."

Still, there is a part of me (and I know katy shares in this) that gets physically ill at the prospect of being away from him for that huge percentage of our day.

We visited 4 day care establishments on Thursday, and decided to register JB at the day care attended by his cousins. This decision will require JB's mommies to increase their work commutes, but the day care is located just about half-way between my work and home. It was the cleanest looking of the four, the director appears to be well liked and kind. It comes with "adult" family back up only minutes away, and JB and Cam will spend their days in each other's company. Mac will be in the next room and we were told she asks to come in the newborn room 1-2 times a day to pat Cam on the head and say Hi.

The other night when we drove to check out the evening traffic route, a dry-run for day care "pick up," we met my sister and her little ones in the parking lot. I can't say that the comparative quality of the facility isn't highest on our list of priorities, but when Mac motioned for me to put JB's carrier down so that she could plant a kiss on his cheek, it was an endearingly compelling argument. She even made the "kiss noise" for him, which is an extra nugget of sweetness the rest of us don't always earn.

So it is probably no coincidence either that after spending 10 to 20 minutes each in 4 separate day care centers, the boy seems to have come down with his first cold....

whatchagonnado?