Life is Good

I've always liked this line of clothing. Cute, comfortable, fun, and a "chill-out" message you can really get behind.

We went to RI this weekend and I'm going back for 2 more days after my OB appointment this morning. And being near the ocean is really rejuvenating for me. Even though kt is not a big fan of the big drink, she likes the sites and smells of the beach and will even sometimes come in the H2O with me. When I'm staring into the sea, I find a peace and balance that helps make sense of the world. It is vast and still scary, but it is regular and reliable and somehow comforting. We were away with my family- 2 grams, sister, B-in-Law, Mac-a-doodle, Ma and Pa, but I got to spend a little time there with everyone (in my mind, you were all there relaxing too.)

Yesterday, I saw someone wearing a daisy hat like this on the beach. And just as I glimpsed it, a cool breeze flapped thru my wet hair and a gentle wave crashed on my toes. I took a deep breath in and whispered a prayer of agreement with the mass-marketed commercial slogan.

But before I could exhale, my thoughts were of katy's boss and concern of how he might find a way to feel that type of emotion again...

When life is crappy and hard and hectic and busy and depressing, you can remind yourself via the brand-name on a hat or scarf that you are focusing too much on the bad and not enough on the good... But when life is bad. Really bad.

I'm
the
only
surviving
member
of
my
family
on
the
cover
of
People
magazine
bad...

What the fuck do you do?!?

I know I should be thinking of his family more, and grieving just as hard - harder- for their loss. But to me they seem safe now. Somehow in my mind, they are protected and whole. Their loss is awful, but my prayers are unevenly directed at him.I just keep thinking, I hope there's some way... I can't imagine it... But I hope there's some way that someday, he'll feel a gentle breeze on a certain sunny day and feel that inner peaceful sigh. That despite this horror visited on his existence, despite his loneliness and loss, something will bring that old familiar tide of gentle gratitude for life- that I know he experienced at least daily up until 2 weeks ago.