For those of you who won't believe I've made this leap... I just want to say, once you get used to carrying a diaper bag... it is hard to use only your pockets to store all the crap you've gotten used to carrying around.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
My recently purchased purse
For those of you who won't believe I've made this leap... I just want to say, once you get used to carrying a diaper bag... it is hard to use only your pockets to store all the crap you've gotten used to carrying around.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Newsletter: Month 8
Dear JB,
Today you are EIGHT MONTHS OLD! It is hard to believe. These sweet times don't feel like they are flying by. It feels like we are savoring them and enjoying them and filling up our hearts with them, but i look up from my entertainment weekly in the upstairs bathroom at 10pm on any random night and realize... whoa, time is flying by!
This last month, you got sick again. While on antibiotics for that recent, bilateral ear infection (the pediatric provider said the right was worse than the left) your left ear pussed up on us and your eardrum burst. Our first sign was a kind of foul, skunky smell coming out of your ear... our second sign was the 6 hours you screamed whenever we tried to put you down, and whimpered even when we held you. I can't stress enough how un-you that type of behavior is. You can be a twitchy mess when you are "fussy" and you can get whiny at times, but you have proven to us over and over that you just don't cry for no reason. We were up all night that night, and before you even spiked a temp, we had decided someone needed to look into your ears again. That makes 40 combined days of three different antibiotics in less than 4 months. We'd be lying if we said we weren't a little concerned about that. But a few days after we start the drugs each time, you seem completely happy, comfortable, and back to your joe-cool-self.
You are such a sweet, happy boy. You are quick to smile and laugh. Your Aunt Teri observes that you are more attentive to the voices, jokes, and peek-a-boos of your mommies and are more likely to reserve your quiet "quizzical expression" for folks you don't know as well. We notice that you get loud when things are quiet, but when there is a lot to see and and a lot of background clamoring, you are more pensive and serious, often scrunching your brow and pursing your lips as you take it all in. This is never more apparent than we we are in church. Pretty predictably, you stare mutely during the active times and shout out during the moments of silence.
You've developed this habit of rubbing your head and tugging your hair and ears. It's probably related to all of the ear infections, but it is still cute; and looks as if you are trying to put on a show: "Look at my head! I'm rubbing my head! See my hands? They are ON MY HEAD!!! Soon I'll rub my head AND pat my belly." This "rubbing your head" thing is something that you do that I don't see other babies doing. I can't tell, do you like the way your head feels when it is being stroked? Do you like the way your head or hair feels under your hand? Do you like exploring these newly discovered aspects of your body? At one point it seemed a little OCD-esque (rub head 5 times in a circle, tug ear twice, rub head, pull hair, etc.) I absentmindedly rubbed the back of my own mane, as I often do when I'm "thinking," and realized it is probably more "handed down" behavior than I had considered.
One morning this month, I was holding you on the bed and Mama was chattering away. I'm not sure what she was saying, but I was tired and staring up at her as she dressed and talked. She turned to us and started laughing because apparently, we were looking at her with identical expressions: tired, squinting eyes; head tiled up; jaw slackened with mouth hanging slightly open; a look of vague consternation... or was it constipation?!? People say over and over again, "He looks just like you," to me. I don't see it. I just don't. You look just like you to me. And I think you are way cuter than I am, by the way.
Milestones: clapping, clapping to the word "hooray," clapping when you get excited or proud, clapping when one of us enters the room, (have we mentioned clapping), sitting up independently, flipping and rolling all around the floor and the crib, holding your bottle, holding a sippy cup, holding the mesh-fruit-eater-thing-ee, eating everything stage 2- combos of fruits and veggies and rice, bouncing up a storm (in the bouncy seat), pretty consistently sleeping thru the night, knowing we are still there somewhere when we leave the room (object permanence.)
You moved up to a new, rear-facing car seat in each of our cars. You have developed quite a fan-base at day care. We love dressing you up for your "girlfriends" (what all the day care workers refer to themselves as.)
You are already becoming something that is entirely separate from us, even though we three are so intertwined and interdependent on each other. You move your hands purposefully. Sometimes it is utility (grabbing my hair to pull yourself up to a sitting position) and sometimes the purpose is purely tactile (to stroke your mama's shoulder.) You laugh at us and with us. The other day, I would lean into you as I said: "Aaaugh, aaaugh, AAAaaaugh-chooo!" And you belly laughed until your parents were in tears.
You really are a dream come true. We love you.
Your mommies
Today you are EIGHT MONTHS OLD! It is hard to believe. These sweet times don't feel like they are flying by. It feels like we are savoring them and enjoying them and filling up our hearts with them, but i look up from my entertainment weekly in the upstairs bathroom at 10pm on any random night and realize... whoa, time is flying by!
This last month, you got sick again. While on antibiotics for that recent, bilateral ear infection (the pediatric provider said the right was worse than the left) your left ear pussed up on us and your eardrum burst. Our first sign was a kind of foul, skunky smell coming out of your ear... our second sign was the 6 hours you screamed whenever we tried to put you down, and whimpered even when we held you. I can't stress enough how un-you that type of behavior is. You can be a twitchy mess when you are "fussy" and you can get whiny at times, but you have proven to us over and over that you just don't cry for no reason. We were up all night that night, and before you even spiked a temp, we had decided someone needed to look into your ears again. That makes 40 combined days of three different antibiotics in less than 4 months. We'd be lying if we said we weren't a little concerned about that. But a few days after we start the drugs each time, you seem completely happy, comfortable, and back to your joe-cool-self.
You are such a sweet, happy boy. You are quick to smile and laugh. Your Aunt Teri observes that you are more attentive to the voices, jokes, and peek-a-boos of your mommies and are more likely to reserve your quiet "quizzical expression" for folks you don't know as well. We notice that you get loud when things are quiet, but when there is a lot to see and and a lot of background clamoring, you are more pensive and serious, often scrunching your brow and pursing your lips as you take it all in. This is never more apparent than we we are in church. Pretty predictably, you stare mutely during the active times and shout out during the moments of silence.
You've developed this habit of rubbing your head and tugging your hair and ears. It's probably related to all of the ear infections, but it is still cute; and looks as if you are trying to put on a show: "Look at my head! I'm rubbing my head! See my hands? They are ON MY HEAD!!! Soon I'll rub my head AND pat my belly." This "rubbing your head" thing is something that you do that I don't see other babies doing. I can't tell, do you like the way your head feels when it is being stroked? Do you like the way your head or hair feels under your hand? Do you like exploring these newly discovered aspects of your body? At one point it seemed a little OCD-esque (rub head 5 times in a circle, tug ear twice, rub head, pull hair, etc.) I absentmindedly rubbed the back of my own mane, as I often do when I'm "thinking," and realized it is probably more "handed down" behavior than I had considered.
One morning this month, I was holding you on the bed and Mama was chattering away. I'm not sure what she was saying, but I was tired and staring up at her as she dressed and talked. She turned to us and started laughing because apparently, we were looking at her with identical expressions: tired, squinting eyes; head tiled up; jaw slackened with mouth hanging slightly open; a look of vague consternation... or was it constipation?!? People say over and over again, "He looks just like you," to me. I don't see it. I just don't. You look just like you to me. And I think you are way cuter than I am, by the way.
Milestones: clapping, clapping to the word "hooray," clapping when you get excited or proud, clapping when one of us enters the room, (have we mentioned clapping), sitting up independently, flipping and rolling all around the floor and the crib, holding your bottle, holding a sippy cup, holding the mesh-fruit-eater-thing-ee, eating everything stage 2- combos of fruits and veggies and rice, bouncing up a storm (in the bouncy seat), pretty consistently sleeping thru the night, knowing we are still there somewhere when we leave the room (object permanence.)
You moved up to a new, rear-facing car seat in each of our cars. You have developed quite a fan-base at day care. We love dressing you up for your "girlfriends" (what all the day care workers refer to themselves as.)
You are already becoming something that is entirely separate from us, even though we three are so intertwined and interdependent on each other. You move your hands purposefully. Sometimes it is utility (grabbing my hair to pull yourself up to a sitting position) and sometimes the purpose is purely tactile (to stroke your mama's shoulder.) You laugh at us and with us. The other day, I would lean into you as I said: "Aaaugh, aaaugh, AAAaaaugh-chooo!" And you belly laughed until your parents were in tears.
You really are a dream come true. We love you.
Your mommies
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Quickie
If you're looking at the calendar, you know another newsletter is due tomorrow...
If you're a regular here, you know there was no month 7 newsletter actually posted...
Lemme just say, this weekend, the kid cracked us up he is growing and changing and really adorable and amazing. I will get a newsletter out even if it takes until the weekend, but here are some of the new things he did this weekend:
1) Threw his first public hissy fit: throwing head back, screaming, thrashing... at church when I tried to rescue a flower he was interested in eating. Everyone there thought it was adorable. we were both secretly proud of him caring about anything with this much passion, but we presented a firm, stern united parental front.
2) Made it clear that he was not happy we were eating cookies and milk in front of him. the sippy cup of formula I offered him was absolutely offensive
3) Truly grasped that clapping and "Hooray" are something you do when you are happy/ excited/ proud... in the course of 4 days, he has gone from not knowing how to clap to clapping when he saw us clapping, to clapping every time we say "hooray" and/or "clap for (mommy/mama/Jake)" to- I swear this is the sweetest thing he's done so far- clapping when we enter a room. I have video footage of Katy coming home from a run and JB seeing her come through the door and start clapping.
4) He somehow communicated without words that he wanted his toys rotated. He was whining and throwing his toys down in such a way that made us feel like, "I think he is bored with these favorite toys"... when we replaced the 6 usual toys with 6 new toys that were "in storage" he played on, happy as a clam for the next 30 minutes
More to follow about our sweetie pie!
If you're a regular here, you know there was no month 7 newsletter actually posted...
Lemme just say, this weekend, the kid cracked us up he is growing and changing and really adorable and amazing. I will get a newsletter out even if it takes until the weekend, but here are some of the new things he did this weekend:
1) Threw his first public hissy fit: throwing head back, screaming, thrashing... at church when I tried to rescue a flower he was interested in eating. Everyone there thought it was adorable. we were both secretly proud of him caring about anything with this much passion, but we presented a firm, stern united parental front.
2) Made it clear that he was not happy we were eating cookies and milk in front of him. the sippy cup of formula I offered him was absolutely offensive
3) Truly grasped that clapping and "Hooray" are something you do when you are happy/ excited/ proud... in the course of 4 days, he has gone from not knowing how to clap to clapping when he saw us clapping, to clapping every time we say "hooray" and/or "clap for (mommy/mama/Jake)" to- I swear this is the sweetest thing he's done so far- clapping when we enter a room. I have video footage of Katy coming home from a run and JB seeing her come through the door and start clapping.
4) He somehow communicated without words that he wanted his toys rotated. He was whining and throwing his toys down in such a way that made us feel like, "I think he is bored with these favorite toys"... when we replaced the 6 usual toys with 6 new toys that were "in storage" he played on, happy as a clam for the next 30 minutes
More to follow about our sweetie pie!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Gay activism
I've heard several media outlets and new sources say that yesterday was a "great day for gay activists." This freaks me out. (Or maybe "annoys me" is more accurate. ) Why is the California Supreme Court decision a great day for gay activists? (And by that do they mean activists that are actually homosexual? Or activists working for gay causes?) Is it because "gay activists" were the ones working so hard to get this thru the courts? Maybe.
But why isn't it considered a great day for GLBT everywhere? Or a great day for anyone who knows someone legally disadvantaged by anti-gay discrimination?? Or a great day for freedom in America??? Or why isn't the headline: "Bad day for anti-gay activists"? Or "Bad day If you hate thegays idea of gays getting equal rights"? How come the "gay ones" are the only activists mentioned?
Are these producers afraid there will be some "gay" somewhere that claims, "i didn't ask for this..." Or some footage of a PwanFLG [Parent (who is not necessarily a Friend) of Lesbians and Gays]? Well, I assure you, there will be.
I'm bent out of shape because i believe this type of framing of the news reinforces and perpetuates the myth that GLBT "activists" are pushy, whiny, complaining, asking for special rights, and generally promoting civil unrest. Conversely, it reinforces the misleading perspective that anti-gay activists are representing citizens that are somehow affected negatively by expanded rights for GLBT peeps. It is more appalling when anti-gay activists are called "pro-marriage"!!!
I mean, here are all these gays trying to fight for marriage. Shouldn't they get to be called the "pro-marriage" faction? I mean who gains what and who loses what?
The gays aren't saying "ONLY GAY MARRIAGE... Rights for me and not YOU!" But the fundie wingnuts are saying just that:
"Only rights for ME... I have the rights now, don't change anything!!!"
Maybe the GLBT community should be popping a temporal artery and blustering, "DESTROY HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE! CHANGE THE LAWS TO INVALIDATE ANY MARRIAGE THAT ISN'T GAY!!!" Maybe then the general public will wipe our feverish brow and say, "There, there, my gay-activist friend... There's room in marriage for all of us..."
But why isn't it considered a great day for GLBT everywhere? Or a great day for anyone who knows someone legally disadvantaged by anti-gay discrimination?? Or a great day for freedom in America??? Or why isn't the headline: "Bad day for anti-gay activists"? Or "Bad day If you hate the
Are these producers afraid there will be some "gay" somewhere that claims, "i didn't ask for this..." Or some footage of a PwanFLG [Parent (who is not necessarily a Friend) of Lesbians and Gays]? Well, I assure you, there will be.
I'm bent out of shape because i believe this type of framing of the news reinforces and perpetuates the myth that GLBT "activists" are pushy, whiny, complaining, asking for special rights, and generally promoting civil unrest. Conversely, it reinforces the misleading perspective that anti-gay activists are representing citizens that are somehow affected negatively by expanded rights for GLBT peeps. It is more appalling when anti-gay activists are called "pro-marriage"!!!
I mean, here are all these gays trying to fight for marriage. Shouldn't they get to be called the "pro-marriage" faction? I mean who gains what and who loses what?
The gays aren't saying "ONLY GAY MARRIAGE... Rights for me and not YOU!" But the fundie wingnuts are saying just that:
"Only rights for ME... I have the rights now, don't change anything!!!"
Maybe the GLBT community should be popping a temporal artery and blustering, "DESTROY HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE! CHANGE THE LAWS TO INVALIDATE ANY MARRIAGE THAT ISN'T GAY!!!" Maybe then the general public will wipe our feverish brow and say, "There, there, my gay-activist friend... There's room in marriage for all of us..."
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Momentous day!
1) The California supreme court ruled that a ban on same sex marriage is unconstitutional. This is a big deal. I got butterflies, goose pimples, and choked up when i read various parts in the ruling. I am now avoiding media reporting and interpretation of the document because I know that it will come with a ton of backlash and many asshats feeling self righteous and tripping over themselves to go on record to spew all kinds of "unChristian" anti-gay nonsense.
2) First game of the softball season. We won.
No. You don't understand...
We.
Won.
That is like, well it is sort of like the CA SC making a ruling in support of same sex marriage (on the Richter Scale of big news, i mean.)
More to follow on our awesome team (who won in the bottom of the 7th inning) later. But I need to point out the season opener contained solid at bat performances by K to the T (behind the plate for the duration) Web and C-lo. The latter two appearing in their first official game and between them, catching EVERY SINGLE BALL that was hit to Right field.
Strong work, Ladies!
2) First game of the softball season. We won.
No. You don't understand...
We.
Won.
That is like, well it is sort of like the CA SC making a ruling in support of same sex marriage (on the Richter Scale of big news, i mean.)
More to follow on our awesome team (who won in the bottom of the 7th inning) later. But I need to point out the season opener contained solid at bat performances by K to the T (behind the plate for the duration) Web and C-lo. The latter two appearing in their first official game and between them, catching EVERY SINGLE BALL that was hit to Right field.
Strong work, Ladies!
NPR's Debbie Downer
(Overheard in our kitchen)
t: Have you been listening to NPR this week?
k: That Melissa Block is a real downer!
(1.5 hours later on the phone...)
t: I've been laughing all morning about your dead-pan 'Melissa block is a real downer.'
k: (proud of herself) oh yeah...
t: Also b/c I realized that there is a whole group of people in my circle of friends that would also laugh and know exactly what I was referring to if I walked in room and used that line... And then there is a whole other group in my circle who will not even recognize that name and need this link to figure out what the hell is going on... yesterday this story was horrifying...
Seriously.
Don't even hit that link.
I can't even believe what an NPR convert i am. The first time it was on in Kt's apt when we started dating I was all like, "oh brother... talk radio." Now I can barely live without the stuff.
t: Have you been listening to NPR this week?
k: That Melissa Block is a real downer!
(1.5 hours later on the phone...)
t: I've been laughing all morning about your dead-pan 'Melissa block is a real downer.'
k: (proud of herself) oh yeah...
t: Also b/c I realized that there is a whole group of people in my circle of friends that would also laugh and know exactly what I was referring to if I walked in room and used that line... And then there is a whole other group in my circle who will not even recognize that name and need this link to figure out what the hell is going on... yesterday this story was horrifying...
Seriously.
Don't even hit that link.
I can't even believe what an NPR convert i am. The first time it was on in Kt's apt when we started dating I was all like, "oh brother... talk radio." Now I can barely live without the stuff.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Update on the babies
In the last few days,
(OKAY, first let me say, that the boy got his 3rd ear infection...
We're getting good at this...
Sunday he was unusually cranky; which is to say a little fussy.
Then he woke up screaming at 2:30 am with a fever 102.3.
And so I called the pedi practice first thing and got him in by 10:30...
On antibiotics by noon.)
But that isn't what I was going to say.
The last few days, DESPITE an ear infection, JB has gotten so playful. He is figuring stuff out. He is this close to clapping and he seems to have changed a ton in his understanding of cause and effect.
It is pretty awesome. He keeps doing the cutest thing and "seeing" one of his hands and doing a little baby triple-take as if to say, "W-w-what the hell is that thing." As he slowly pushes his arm straight, he stares at his hand, sometimes turning it over to inspect his palm the way I might turn over the plastic cap of a newly opened bottle of coke, in hesitation and suspicion but still prepared to find an instant winner.
Also, it might still be months away, but when he is on his stomach, he gets up high on all fours and looks like he is going to start lunging and crawling any minute.
So the other kid that needs mentioning is Cam-cam. Remember, she is 2 weeks younger than JB. While his trademark expression is lips pursed but slightly open in what can only be described as a startled surprise, Cam-cam's standard is a wide grin, choking back a giggle reserved for whoever makes eye contact first. When we saw her on Sunday, she demonstrated two perfect versions of a wave: the rapid open-close finger variety, and the 45 degree sweep of the forearm back and forth. Furthermore, she finally proved to me that she will be able to hold her own with her older sister... At the restaurant, she was cultivating a fan base by waving endearingly at the folks at other tables. Jake just stared, brow furrowed, mouth in the normal "O" shape as if to say, "huh. waving... is this what we're supposed to be up to now?" When the other patrons went back to their menus, Cam-cam was a little miffed and kind of screeched after them, arm poised, prepared to commence the continuous waving.
(OKAY, first let me say, that the boy got his 3rd ear infection...
We're getting good at this...
Sunday he was unusually cranky; which is to say a little fussy.
Then he woke up screaming at 2:30 am with a fever 102.3.
And so I called the pedi practice first thing and got him in by 10:30...
On antibiotics by noon.)
But that isn't what I was going to say.
The last few days, DESPITE an ear infection, JB has gotten so playful. He is figuring stuff out. He is this close to clapping and he seems to have changed a ton in his understanding of cause and effect.
It is pretty awesome. He keeps doing the cutest thing and "seeing" one of his hands and doing a little baby triple-take as if to say, "W-w-what the hell is that thing." As he slowly pushes his arm straight, he stares at his hand, sometimes turning it over to inspect his palm the way I might turn over the plastic cap of a newly opened bottle of coke, in hesitation and suspicion but still prepared to find an instant winner.
Also, it might still be months away, but when he is on his stomach, he gets up high on all fours and looks like he is going to start lunging and crawling any minute.
So the other kid that needs mentioning is Cam-cam. Remember, she is 2 weeks younger than JB. While his trademark expression is lips pursed but slightly open in what can only be described as a startled surprise, Cam-cam's standard is a wide grin, choking back a giggle reserved for whoever makes eye contact first. When we saw her on Sunday, she demonstrated two perfect versions of a wave: the rapid open-close finger variety, and the 45 degree sweep of the forearm back and forth. Furthermore, she finally proved to me that she will be able to hold her own with her older sister... At the restaurant, she was cultivating a fan base by waving endearingly at the folks at other tables. Jake just stared, brow furrowed, mouth in the normal "O" shape as if to say, "huh. waving... is this what we're supposed to be up to now?" When the other patrons went back to their menus, Cam-cam was a little miffed and kind of screeched after them, arm poised, prepared to commence the continuous waving.
Eating bon-bons
For Mothers' Day Tracy bought me peanut butter bon-bons. With pink himalayan salt. And dark chocolate. There are no words to describe...
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mother's day
Our first Mother's day was nice. Though, I don't think I am experiencing the hallmark holiday the way I am supposed to. I didn't experience some kind of squishy, I-might-tear-up reaction to the notion that this was our first mother's day. Even with how long we waited and what we tried to get this little dude here. I'm not sure if it's b/c there are two moms in our house that I'm not more like, "This is my special day." But considering how emotional I've been lately, it surprises me that I wasn't all introspective and dramatic about it. This day felt no different to me than any other day. I don't feel as "changed" as people indicate I am supposed to. I mean, don't misunderstand me... In general, I am changed. I am a little more anxious with these additional responsibilities and human ties. I am a little more tired in a physical and emotional sense. I am a little more full and settled and sure of my path than I was a year ago. I feel as if my skin fits a little better than it used to. And I love this boy. A ton. I'm blessed by bearing witness to his personality and growth process. And watching my beloved and my baby interact (my boo and my baby-boo) is just fantastic and endearing and gratifying.
I know as deep as it can be known that I am his mother. But I'm not sure that the label "feels" right just yet. Does this make sense? An example: last week, I was in a meeting and we were speaking of legislative and budgetary issues and I was playing my role of executive particularly well, and then this wave of "something" came over me and for a brief second, my brain was filled with only one, loud thought: I HAVE A KID IN DAY CARE- RIGHT NOW!
And as the smoke of this lightening strike of a thought gently dissipated, I had to mentally shake off the shock of it, and proceeded on through the rest of the meeting. Thing is, I usually have tons of thoughts flowing through my head all at the same time. It gets noisy in there and I am used to it. But it's like, when you're at a wild bar and then something happens that puts everyone into the same conversation for a second: DRINK'S ON THE HOUSE! HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
I mean, that is a memorable and unique/ shocking experience.
So, the "Mother" identity... it still fits like a starched lab coat on a first year nursing student.
But could it be that most of the essence of me is unchanged b/c I've always been a mother- I just never had a kid before? (Are people born gay? Are people born 'mothers' and 'fathers'?) It's like, all that love and patience I've tried to carry around and spread out, it has a more organized direction to flow in now. I'm still sometimes absolutely shocked that we have a son, but (I don't know how else to say it) I've always been a mom... something's always stuck in my throat when I saw bad things happen to kids on TV... I've always been willing to wipe up peoples' snot and crap and tears... etc.
I know that if JB had not been born last Sept, and this had been another mother's day just like all the other mother's days that Kt and I have spent for the last several years, we would have felt a little empty. And we would have probably been a little sad, without even meaning to be or maybe even knowing why. Instead, paradoxically, today felt like an average, normal, unremarkable day. But... it was a low-key, sunny, spring Sunday. And the resulting gratitude of such a day prevailed:
I have a seriously great life.
And I mean, good Lord...
How cute is this kid?
-------------------------------------------------
Yesterday, we went rock climbing. For the first time, Katy and Jake joined in the fun.
My fingers were burning and purple by the time we were done.
But our son spent the better half of 4 hours just looking around, being held, and acting content.
We took a few moments for a photo shoot when it looked as if JB needed to spend some time bouldering...
I know as deep as it can be known that I am his mother. But I'm not sure that the label "feels" right just yet. Does this make sense? An example: last week, I was in a meeting and we were speaking of legislative and budgetary issues and I was playing my role of executive particularly well, and then this wave of "something" came over me and for a brief second, my brain was filled with only one, loud thought: I HAVE A KID IN DAY CARE- RIGHT NOW!
And as the smoke of this lightening strike of a thought gently dissipated, I had to mentally shake off the shock of it, and proceeded on through the rest of the meeting. Thing is, I usually have tons of thoughts flowing through my head all at the same time. It gets noisy in there and I am used to it. But it's like, when you're at a wild bar and then something happens that puts everyone into the same conversation for a second: DRINK'S ON THE HOUSE! HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
I mean, that is a memorable and unique/ shocking experience.
So, the "Mother" identity... it still fits like a starched lab coat on a first year nursing student.
But could it be that most of the essence of me is unchanged b/c I've always been a mother- I just never had a kid before? (Are people born gay? Are people born 'mothers' and 'fathers'?) It's like, all that love and patience I've tried to carry around and spread out, it has a more organized direction to flow in now. I'm still sometimes absolutely shocked that we have a son, but (I don't know how else to say it) I've always been a mom... something's always stuck in my throat when I saw bad things happen to kids on TV... I've always been willing to wipe up peoples' snot and crap and tears... etc.
I know that if JB had not been born last Sept, and this had been another mother's day just like all the other mother's days that Kt and I have spent for the last several years, we would have felt a little empty. And we would have probably been a little sad, without even meaning to be or maybe even knowing why. Instead, paradoxically, today felt like an average, normal, unremarkable day. But... it was a low-key, sunny, spring Sunday. And the resulting gratitude of such a day prevailed:
I have a seriously great life.
And I mean, good Lord...
How cute is this kid?
-------------------------------------------------
Yesterday, we went rock climbing. For the first time, Katy and Jake joined in the fun.
My fingers were burning and purple by the time we were done.
But our son spent the better half of 4 hours just looking around, being held, and acting content.
We took a few moments for a photo shoot when it looked as if JB needed to spend some time bouldering...
Friday, May 09, 2008
A few old school pics
I was going through some old pictures and found these:
Small town girls bball:
Some of my Smithie ladies (each of whom is enjoying their 10 year reunion this month!):
Small town girls bball:
A tiny Katy resembling a (still) tiny JB:
Some of my Smithie ladies (each of whom is enjoying their 10 year reunion this month!):
My girl Kate... YOU ROCK!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Birthday shout out
Some things don't get said...
hardly ever...
certainly not enough...
Today is my MIL's birthday.
The day started early 5am-ish... feeding and washing and clothing the baby.
Then we sang happy b-day over the imac and made the jake-ster giggle for his "Granny" via web-cam connection...
Then we all went about our busy days.
and now it is bedtime...
a clear, mild, pre-summer night...
And my thoughts turn to mysteries.
And how things fall together.
And thanksgiving.
And a mom who sent a daughter eastward-
toward futures unknown...
And how one day that girl's path crossed mine...
And I was intrigued,
And then smitten,
And then swept away.
And how I couldn't imagine another way,
another love,
another life.
And I hope when I say
"Happy Birthday. Hope you have a great day."
There's somehow a hint of all of that other stuff...
The gratitude and love and that which never really gets said...
So...
anyway...
sheepishly...
June,
Thank you for the gifts I can never repay...
and I really do hope you had a wonderful day.
Happy bday,
T
hardly ever...
certainly not enough...
Today is my MIL's birthday.
The day started early 5am-ish... feeding and washing and clothing the baby.
Then we sang happy b-day over the imac and made the jake-ster giggle for his "Granny" via web-cam connection...
Then we all went about our busy days.
and now it is bedtime...
a clear, mild, pre-summer night...
And my thoughts turn to mysteries.
And how things fall together.
And thanksgiving.
And a mom who sent a daughter eastward-
toward futures unknown...
And how one day that girl's path crossed mine...
And I was intrigued,
And then smitten,
And then swept away.
And how I couldn't imagine another way,
another love,
another life.
And I hope when I say
"Happy Birthday. Hope you have a great day."
There's somehow a hint of all of that other stuff...
The gratitude and love and that which never really gets said...
So...
anyway...
sheepishly...
June,
Thank you for the gifts I can never repay...
and I really do hope you had a wonderful day.
Happy bday,
T
Sunday, May 04, 2008
In honor of Patrick's birthday...
I'm still working on the baby's newsletter. It was mostly done but I couldn't get it completed to post it on the 28th (though, thanks to the time stamp, history will show me to be more prompt than I am...)
I had a rough week last week... the honeymoon phase of "back to work" is fading fast and I'm experiencing a lot of emotions, tears, and anxiety. I've felt a little like I'm falling apart, even though the last week was particularly full of amazing times with family and friends and conversations that show how vast my support network is at work, home, and across the nation...
Examples:
1) KK's award ceremony for being a big sister a week ago Thursday. I was sohormonal proud, inspired, and in love with her, that I cried like a baby.
2) Jake's church dedication and the brunch with loved ones that followed
3) Phone call from L in the middle of the week:
L: I've been reading the blog. You don't seem so good.
Me: I haven't said anything on the blog
L: I can read between the radio silence... you're tired, you're sickie, you're trying not to fall apart...
Me: hmm. It's good to have intuitive friends, even if they do move across the country.
L: you should call the Indian- she'll talk you down from your noose.
Me: I'm not gonna do that.
L: I'll make her call you.
4) Phone calls from LAC and the Indian to support "whatever you decide about breast feeding."
5) Katy and JB just being such awesome beings to come home to...
Anyway, in the last 3 days, I've done 2 things I've never done before in my life:
ONE: called out of work to take a yoga class.
I was seriously on edge, and while I believe wholeheartedly in "mental health days," I can barely get past the guilt to actually take one myself. When I had a split second vision of needing to take a vacation in the loony bin during one of the "wake up" calls after midnight on Friday am, I decided it might be beneficial for everyone to just take a sick day. The yoga was a very practical solution. I needed to stretch and breathe.
Then today... number TWO: I went rock climbing!!! I've been wanting to do this for about 5 years. Thanks be to God that L.Marg (hard G) and C-lo have jumped into this sport because not only has this long anticipated event finally occurred for me (because of their invitation today) but also, I'm not sure I could have handled the harness humor without their back up jokes on my first outing.
It is altogether fitting that it is Pat's birthday... I think I kicked a little ass today, brother!
I impressed myself at least which (since I have spent the better part of two work weeks beating the shit out of my psychological self) is pretty fantastic!
Thanks peeps! Happy birthday, Mr. White.
I had a rough week last week... the honeymoon phase of "back to work" is fading fast and I'm experiencing a lot of emotions, tears, and anxiety. I've felt a little like I'm falling apart, even though the last week was particularly full of amazing times with family and friends and conversations that show how vast my support network is at work, home, and across the nation...
Examples:
1) KK's award ceremony for being a big sister a week ago Thursday. I was so
2) Jake's church dedication and the brunch with loved ones that followed
3) Phone call from L in the middle of the week:
L: I've been reading the blog. You don't seem so good.
Me: I haven't said anything on the blog
L: I can read between the radio silence... you're tired, you're sickie, you're trying not to fall apart...
Me: hmm. It's good to have intuitive friends, even if they do move across the country.
L: you should call the Indian- she'll talk you down from your noose.
Me: I'm not gonna do that.
L: I'll make her call you.
4) Phone calls from LAC and the Indian to support "whatever you decide about breast feeding."
5) Katy and JB just being such awesome beings to come home to...
Anyway, in the last 3 days, I've done 2 things I've never done before in my life:
ONE: called out of work to take a yoga class.
I was seriously on edge, and while I believe wholeheartedly in "mental health days," I can barely get past the guilt to actually take one myself. When I had a split second vision of needing to take a vacation in the loony bin during one of the "wake up" calls after midnight on Friday am, I decided it might be beneficial for everyone to just take a sick day. The yoga was a very practical solution. I needed to stretch and breathe.
Then today... number TWO: I went rock climbing!!! I've been wanting to do this for about 5 years. Thanks be to God that L.Marg (hard G) and C-lo have jumped into this sport because not only has this long anticipated event finally occurred for me (because of their invitation today) but also, I'm not sure I could have handled the harness humor without their back up jokes on my first outing.
It is altogether fitting that it is Pat's birthday... I think I kicked a little ass today, brother!
I impressed myself at least which (since I have spent the better part of two work weeks beating the shit out of my psychological self) is pretty fantastic!
Thanks peeps! Happy birthday, Mr. White.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)