Catch up

There's been some blog silence. Work for me has been a hellacious endeavor as of late. My left eye has been twitching for 6 or 8 days now. I'll not expand on that here, but I've been pulling the regular hours and then coming home to put in 4 or 5 hours after the baby goes to bed.

Katy has been retiring early in the evening too. Partly because she can't bear to see me pulling my hair out while trying to reconcile time sheets from 2008 and working through budget adjustments for 2009; and partly b/c we are still in hibernation mode. Washington DC was an exciting, inspirational journey of a mini-, winter vacation. But it also kicked the crap out of us.

Last weekend, I believe katy was only awake for 6 hours a day. She's been sleeping a lot of the migratory escape from the national mall and the bone chilling memories off. As the inauguration gets further away, i am more inclined to say to those who weren't there, "It was amazing. I wouldn't have missed it for the world." My wife is more inclined to say, "We should have watched in on tv while while under an electric blanket." I think my marital role as "human furnace and generator of heat" and her marital role as "If you bump your noggin' and need some ice, I can offer my hands as a reasonable substitute" contribute to our perspectives on this matter. There are other factors too, which I won't get into now...

The next few weeks are not going to be much better. But I have some travel time for work and am scheduled to be in 3 cities over the next 2 or 3 weeks, so there may or may not be time for blogging during those trips. I am working on the 16 month newsletter, but it is not yet completed. For those that have been so patient, here are some photos from our DC experience.

[You can click to enlarge all photos]

FROM THE SUNDAY CONCERT AT THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL:


Katy looking around


Me, getting some good shots over the crowd

The crowd:















Our soon to be BFFs:


A copy of "the rules":


A sign of the times that made me well up with pride:

I saw that sign as we climbed onto the little hill that leads to the Wash.monument. I got a little 'motional. It seemed to sum up the spirit of the people in attendance. Standing shoulder to shoulder with a few hundred thousand people? No. You are not the only one!

Then there were these signs:

When we walked down to the concert, these folks were on their megaphones and were pretty much being ignored. But on our way back, the crowd was pretty angry against the "homo sex is a sin" protesters. When we walked past, they were getting booed pretty severely by the exiting mob, but then out of the blue there was applause. We stopped to see wtf and saw several gay couples posing in front of the signs for photos. They would kiss in front of the placards, and a cheer would go up from the crowd. It was hilarious, and drowned out the sound of the megaphones. It is worth noting the diverse range of folks condemned and in need of saving according to the sign in the background: baby killing women, porno freaks, sports nuts, drunks, homos, jesus mockers, and mormons... sounds like a party!

We got to see the womb whisperer for a hot second on Monday:



This is our way into the inauguration. Don't we look warm and happy?!? In that envelope I am holding 2 Golden (well really silver) tickets.


We arrive before sunrise thinking, "When it gets light out, things will really warm up":


We travel through the 3rd street tunnel about 2 hours before all those folks got trapped. The entire time I am in there i am thinking, "i would literally die if we got trapped in here."


We battle the elements for the next 9 hours taking very few photos, but Marnie and David come through with some great shots of the masses:










And of the ceremony:








We remember to take at least one shot to prove we were there:


And one shot of our view of the crowds:


These are the faces that Marnie and David got to see:










Here's one of the faces I got to see:

(She didn't look like this the entire time, this was her special pose at the end of the day when I asked her to smile for the camera. Trust me, it was cold.)

How nurses lose their muffins

A former student of mine keeps me laughing with his status updates on facebook.

Yesterday, he sent me an email:

I took care of a 69-year old man, a 5-year resident of (long term care facility). Last night he got hungry, reached over the counter of the nurse's station, and stole a muffin. He aspirated on it and arrested, and now he's brain dead.

Death by muffin. Greatest story ever.

I replied:

It would be the "greatest story ever" if he was dead dead, but he is in fact only brain dead, and that makes the story just "sort of great" and alternatively kind of gruesome.

I am more worried about the nurse manager of (long term care facility) and the "safety" protocols that are now going to have to be written and implemented about pastry consumption on the premises by staff and patients. I wouldn't be surprised if they have to implement a q 15 minute "muffin check" on every patient or a "pat down" of all visitors to the ward, or a change of shift "baked goods count" for the next several months.

Do you see what my job has done to me, I admit I'm dazzled by the death by muffin headline, but it just seems like a lot of paperwork to me...

I've told the story twice, and both times was asked to put it on the blog... sick senses of humor these healh care providers have!

But some people think he CAN deliver gifts to all the people of the world in less than 24 hours

Today I followed Mac into the bathroom at my mom's house because I had to wash my hands at the same time that Mackenzie decided she needed to use the toilet. When I turned the water on I heard:

Mac: you washing your hands?
tt: yes, I just changed JB's diaper, so I want to wash my hands.
Mac: (closing the door) I need privacy
tt: (drying my hands) I can go and give you privacy
Mac: No, you can stay with me.
tt: Okay.
Mac: (after a few minutes of me waiting for her to do her business and watching her swing her legs back and forth while sitting on the toilet) Barack Obama is the president now.
tt: yeah, he just took the oath of office a few weeks ago.
Mac: But he doesn't bring presents like Santa.
tt: (not understanding until I repeated it out loud). That's right, Barack Obama is president, but Santa brings presents.
Mac: yeah, he is president, not santa.

True. True.

Hibernation mode

Yesterday morning, I woke up and pretty near ran into JB's room. See, normally, he cries out somewhere between 2 and 3 am; he cries long enough that one of us needs to run in there and at least stick the binki back in his mouth. But yesterday, nothing. Straight through the night. I woke up in a panic - oh yeah, that's the kind of edge I live on...

This entire weekend has been some kind of recovery attempt at our house. My wife and i are so tired. Katy slept more than 12 hours last night AND the night before. That's not including the several naps. I'm not kidding you. She is wiped out and yesterday she accused me of getting aggravated with her that she was "sickie". I tried to deny it, but she was right, I was a little sick of it. Mostly because, it would have been the perfect weekend to sit around and watch movies in bed, but JB is so not-that-into that type of day right now. He's all, "teach me words," and "change my diaper," and "hey, I need to eat every 4 hours," and "let's read books and sing songs together," etc.

I'd be pissed at this kid for being so needy and narcissistic, but he cracks me up and very nearly makes it worth my while to stay awake during the day and observe his antics. Katy and I are still sore from all the shivering during the 12 hour, 2 million-citizen stand-in, inaugural extravaganza/walk-a-thon for hope and change on the national mall last week. (I know, I owe you pictures... they'll get here once we actually wake out of our stupor.)

Today I asked JB what an elephant says. I do a pretty amazing elephant noise that involves blowing through tightly sealed lips to create a trumpeting effect. He has no trumpeting skills yet, but he squeaked out a good impression of my impression.

Reliable source of entertainment, that kid!

Heading north

We're going home today - to our baby.
We really miss him and his hugs and slobber kisses.

Thank God we didn't bring him down here for this.
It would have been miserable for him if we tried to bring him to the innauguration.
It may well have been impossible for us.
Thank God he was in good hands or we would have been too worried the whole time to have fun and experience the full measure of the inauguration... though we might have missed the frigid cold if we had him here with us.

My first (and likely only) Presidential Inauguration

The ten worst parts of the day:

1) The panic I experienced after I realized we could not get through the "purple" gate to get to "silver" gate without traversing the highway.

2) The several (hundred) moments of no cell phone service. (I'm absolutely convinced they scrambled service and claimed "high volume" was responsible. We all had lots of bars, but no service - very scary in a mob scene.)

3) The over 240 minutes that we were literally trapped on the mall.

4) The cold.

5) The fucking crazy cold.

6) The brief moment Katy lost her shit and started crying because she was so cold.

7) The moment a few hours later when I thought I might start crying because I was so cold.

8) The moment we were too polite (read: too stupid) to accept the offer of a woman who had two "extra" chemical-pouch "hand warmers".

9) The police officers barking vague, unhelpful orders from their heated cars about which direction the mobs of people should turn to reverse their course.

10) Justice John Roberts completely effing up the official oath... Seriously? you only have one job here, dude!


The ten "kind of messed up" but also kind of awesome parts of the day:

1) Getting onto the metro in the dark, before 6am eagerly anticipating what the day might bring.

2) Walking through the 3rd Street tunnel (where normally only cars are allowed) to get to the "silver" gate with about 5000 other people. I was silently panicking and a little convinced that we were going to be trapped in that tunnel for several hours.

3) The split second I thought the 21-cannon salute was an unplanned explosion.

4) Weeping during Rick Warren's prayer - would that he could live out that prayer and leave the gays alone.

5) When the crowd broke through the plastic fence, leading us to the capital reflecting pool.

6) When the only police officer in the vicinity tried to single-handedly thwart the advancing crowd of at least 1000 silver ticket holders from creeping up toward the front of the reflecting pool (through the above-mentioned plastic fence) using only his "I'm-your-father-that's-why" voice... And then finally gave up the fight 3-5 minutes later when he realized the insanity of what he was up against, choosing instead to suggest, "Walk. Don't run." Then he stepped out of the way and let us claim better seats. It was a tense, intriguing stand off.

7) Aretha Franklin's hat

8) The time I spent wondering if George HW Bush and Dick Cheney had a celebrity death match that left Bush limping and Cheney in a wheelchair.

9) The awkwardness and uncertainty I felt as at least 7 choruses of "na-na na-na, na-na na-na, hey hey hey, goodbye" were sung when GWB entered the arena for the last time as POTUS.

10) Packed shoulder to shoulder, stomach to back with the crowds of people larger than I could have ever imagined. Feeling a lot of pushing and shoving and frustration, but never really experiencing any hate or anger, practically nothing but common ground.

The ten best parts of the day:

1) Honoring the ritual of the "blood-less coup" that is the hallmark of our government and nation.

2) The 21 cannon salute that instantaneously followed Obama's oath of office. (Very cool!)

3) The multitude of black faces that paraded through the chamber and out onto the platform of the capital... Dignitaries and emissaries of a darker hue have been too painfully absent from our nation's ceremonies.

4) The tears that warmed my freezing face. This president makes me cry when he speaks. My heart trusts him.

5) Spending the day with Sarah and Graham.

6) The life-saving popcorn.

7) The soul-saving hot chocolate.

8) The indescribably amazing, "smart-wool", hiking socks I bought for the event at HTO

9) Realizing that I cared more that Barack Obama was president than that GWB is no longer president.

10) People, millions of people congregating peacefully - almost lovingly - in exceedingly stressful conditions for a thrilling event.

Shout out to our hosts, Marnie and David who not only made this weekend possible for us, but are also responsible for that fact that Sarah and Graham were our there with us today.

more video

JB had some things he wanted to say while we were visiting my family in Ohio...

This particular moment in time (Washington DC)

When Barack Obama won the election, Katy and I called up our peeps, David and Marnie and asked breathlessly, "Can we stay at your pad with you?" We were excited and decided a trip to DC to show our boy the capital and to allow him access to permanent bragging rights: I was at BObama's inauguration was something kind of cool to give to a child who would be too young to remember this historic event.

At that time, I wrote all of our legislators emails and snail mail requests for tickets to the swearing in ceremony. We had no expectations. We planning to go hang around on the national mall with the 2 to 4 million people that might show up. We gave ourselves permission as a family to be flexible and if we flew all the way to DC only to watch to swearing in from a bar or some one's living room, that would be fine; since back in November, the weather was any one's guess.

Then about a month ago, the Honorable C. Dodd told us we won a lottery and would have tickets to the biggest show in town. That announcement changed everything. Security is tight: no backpacks, no strollers, no carriers, no coolers, no thermoses... to us it seemed- no baby.

He's not so much a baby anymore and asking him to "stand around" potentially in the cold, in the rain, to be held when he wants to get down, to get down and walk when we might be having a back spasm, it seemed cruel.

Once the decision to leave him behind was made, I have to admit to an immediate burst of excitement. WHAT? An adult, long weekend away, just the two of us? But as the dates grew closer, we were feeling torn. He's in good hands, but not our hands. And he was kind of the drive behind the planning of this trip, but now he is not here...

Yesterday, the plane landed, we retrieved our bag, and stepped outside. Compared to the 1 to 9 degree temps we'd been experiencing at home this week, it was a balmy 29 to 33. We hopped on a bus which took us to a train (the metro), then connected to another train. (All the navigation by a generous, David, who met us per bus at the airport.) Then we walked the 5 or 8 blocks to their house. On the walk from the metro, I was relieved and convinced. It is colder at home, but there's not a lot of "walking around to navigate life" at home. Maybe the walking is not the issue as much as the chill in the air, but the 40-ish minute commute confirmed and erased all doubt in our minds, at this particular moment in time, at this particular age, JB has no business being with us on this particular trip...

As my sister has taught us to tell our kids, excusing everything from juice to soda, coffee to 1/2 and 1/2, and beer to whiskey, "This is an adult beverage". In terms of "carting him around" I kind of wanted to do it: Like an iron-man decathalon without proper training. But I've taken the "Yes we can" mantra and turned it on his head: Yes we can (be smart enough to not be ridiculous). Yes we can (leave well enough alone).

Yesterday, after lunch, we made a plan for long-john hunting and dinner. Then we played a little wii mario cart, then KT and I took a nap. We took an under-the-covers, drool-on-the-pillow, Huh-where-am-I? When-you-wake-up kind of nap. And man that felt good... I can't even remember when that happened last.

And now, this morning, even though I woke up at the time JB would have cried out for some attention, I think I'm going back to bed. Yeah that's right. This might be less of a "fight-the-crowd-and-the-elements" type of a trip than a "rest up and regain your strength" type of trip. I'm glad that boy is in good hands and I feel grateful for grandparents who say to you, "you should go and leave him here with us."

Thanks, Nana and Papa (who I know are up without the option of returning to bed at this moment in time) We'll bring you back whatever nifty souvenirs we can get our hands on...

KT's nausea

Six weeks and 2 days in, Katy's feeling pretty crappy.
It's worse at night starting at 3pm. Not "queasy" but nauseous and sickie.
She kind of gets a blank stare, like she's trying to keep all her food and juices inside her but it is taking great concentration.

I feel bad for her. But I can't help also feel great and reassured that she is in fact pregnant ONGOING, and the nausea only confirms it!!!

Flying toward Hope and Change

We are at the airport. We are through security. We are waiting to line up outside the gate...

It's the first time I've been able to blog from the airport (not a huge traveler and that's not something that can usually happen with a one year old)
It's the first time that we've left JB for 5 days (3 full days and 2 half days).
It's the first time that we've been in the "A" zone for a Southwest flight - god bless my wife for the prompt online check in.

So excited for this weekend, even though we are fighting off the twitching from the JB separation anxiety...

Will post more soon!

Bean's Birthday

Just a shout out to our Bean. We can't believe it will be 5 years this summer since you died. We keep you close every day and try to live up to and honor your zest for life, your love for family, your willingness to jump under a car hood to help a friend.

You would'a loved these kids, Bean. Hope you;re watching them.
I think you are right here with us, the very sparkle in their little eyes.


XXXOOO!!! Happy Birthday, Bean!

Healthy living

I'm up way too late.

The house ain't clean, straightened, or ready for what the next 8 days is about to bring upon us.

I spent about an hour talking to my ICU comrade/best bud/roommate. She got some crazy-assed news at the cardiologist today. Life is strange. When did we get old enough to face all this "reality" K's mom in Chemo, L's FIL gravely ill, Adam learning how to scratch his nose again...

I am seriously in love with Facebook b/c even though it is ridiculous and a total time suck, if it didn't' exist there are about 25 people who I would have had zero contact with in the last 30 days that I have had important, meaningful exchanges with and/or have been privy to significant details in their lives that they likely would have not called or emailed to update me on.

Modern day conundrum: I don't want to be the type of mom and wife who is a slave to the computer and social technology, but I don't also want to be the type of friend that is totally out of the loop when major shit is slapping into the fan.

There was a story on the news tonight about a 14 year old girl who sent 14,000 text messages in a month. She's a self-reported "texting addict. " I saw this story from the treadmill where i spent over an hour tonight. Occasionally I watch "the biggest loser" while eating ice cream. But this week I drank water and wondered if I could handle a bunch of sprints like they do.

I've put 8 miles on our treadmill so far this week; which is more than any other week since we've owned the monster. The worst part about exercising for me is the time spent away from my lady and my baby. Lame as it might sound to a more "driven" individual, I'd rather be on the couch next to her than just about anywhere else in the world. I always walk away (or limp away) feeling better about myself and I am always a much more productive member of the family after a little (or a long) workout. But in this crazy-busy life wrought with hardship and illness and problems, it does seem like a self-indulgent use of time.

Did i tell you we're going to the inauguration?
Well there will definitely be more on that later...

Week five

So, kt is 5 weeks pregnant.

The new bean is the size of a sesame seed.

She is feeling pretty good. Starting to get tired. Queasy to nauseous, intermittent to constant. Tender boobs... She reports that her worst symptom so far is feeling slower GI motility (constipation).

Her body is warm and her steps are light.

I'm aglow watching her and excited for what lies ahead.

Today, we told our minister that we would like to get married but not sure exactly when b/c katy is preggers. She got all teary-eyed about it. It was very sweet.

We've told our families and each of us has told two people at work. I was asked, "How is it to be on the other side?"

It's really cool. I mean, I'm excited and eager, but I'm a little off the hook, mentally. I don't think about it all the time. I could go hours and not even consider and then I'll think, "Oh, katy's pregnant!!!" Also, I'm a little proud. For no real reason, I have that baby-daddy swagger. It's like, "hmm... look what I did... Yeah, I did that." Bizarre and kind of fun.

I love this woman. I can't wait to watch the blooming of this flower. I'm glad I have a front row seat and backstage passes!

Sweet snowy weekend

This weekend I heard a lot of complaints about the weather from friends and strangers. I'm not sure what's all the crankiness about. It's the middle of January. We've had a bit of weather. A lot of it has fallen on the weekends - I think this is perfect.

Yesterday, we showed the house. (yes, it's still on the market) We don't know who saw it. We've had healthy activity and showings all along, but no offers. We're willing to negotiate if we get an offer, but not really ready yet to lower to price. The market in our town is slow, but not dead. Other properties are moving. We're not that worried - what will be will be.

JB had a lot of firsts this weekend:
- First staying up past your bedtime to dance at a corporate ("corporate" is more accurate) party
- First appearance of an eye-tooth
- First appropriate utterance of the word please (puh-eese)
- First unprompted use of the sign for "more" in a non-food related incident
- First taste of Saag Paneer and Aloo Tikki (He kept signing for more)
- First independent, appropriate play with toy tools
- New words: Baby, Papa, Mommy (sounds a little more like "babbi"), Up or uppy,
- New animal sounds: Sheep (ba-ha-ha-ha), elephant (eeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeee)
- New signs: Thank you, love you

As I eluded to in the previous post, the last week or so has been difficult. JB has been (I'm not sure if you'd call it) moody. We have found ourselves worrying about his ears, his hearing, his teeth, his tendency to throw a hissy if you try to trade out a kid's fork for the big fork he wants to hold but he can't even get to his mouth because it's too big for him and he's nearly poking his own eyes out...

Yesterday, we took a family nap in the moms' bed, and when JB woke up, he looked from one of us to the other and smiled and giggled. Then he sat up, looked out the window and saw snow falling. He pointed his little finger and said, "Whoa... Whass that?"

So.
freakin.
cute.

A breather from a long week

It was such a long, busy week. Just exhausting, really. And I'm sorry to report, the blog suffered. (But I guess those of you reading this now, knew that already.)

I think this time of year, the colder weather, the threat of- if not the existence of- ice and snow, the increased darkness... it just makes you more tired, right?

Katy and I started the week on the fitness train, but then mother nature and life's chores intervened. Combined visits to the treadmill: 4. The new hand weights we bought: still wrapped in original packaging.

On Tuesday, JB had his ENT follow up. From beginning to end the visit was stressful. I got a little lost and I got there late. I had to wait for a while once we got there even though there seemed to be no one else in the place...

The visit itself started with Dr I'm-old-enough-to-be-your-baby-cousin explaining that JB had, "the worst ears I've ever seen." He had not used that description post-operatively and I guess I'm glad. 'Cause that would have freaked me out in the hospital... But then, it freaked me out in his office two 1/2 weeks after the surgery. I immediately comforted myself realizing that this guy's wisdom teeth probably haven't even grown in yet. I mean, if an old man said that, "HOLY CRAP!" But how many sets of eartubes could this guy have done? I convinced myself that JB's ears were the worst out of EIGHT at most! As I'm regrouping, he drops a diagnostic concern on us: congenital cholesteatoma.

I ask Dr IOETBYBC to write it down at the end of the visit because I know it is my job to bring this info back to Katy, and to be honest, he LOST ME at the word CONGENITAL - my brain went into fuzzy mode. A cholesteatoma, I learned in the next 6 minutes of the visit, is essentially a growth of skin in the inner ear that can be diagnosed by CT scan. To get a CT scan you must lay perfectly still for about 2-5 minutes, which for a one year old requires anesthesia. The treatment is surgical removal. If a cholesteatoma goes untreated, the tumor will grow into and around the hearing bones and cause permanent hearing loss.

All of this was said before the dude in the white coat even looks in our boy's ears. After the exam, he says, "Well, his ears look much better than I anticipated."

(Feel the weight of the pause with me)

"WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!?!" I wanted to shout.

I ask several questions about what he has said so far and am told, "The cause for concern is your report that JB's ears were odorous after the surgery for about 10 days." Dr. IOETBYBC explained that this smell would only come from a pseudomonas infection, which is caused by keratin left in (and draining out of) the ear from the skin-sloughing that is the hallmark of a cholesteatoma. (YUMMY)

As a nurse who has personally smelled all sorts of nasty infections, I'm not completely convinced that pseudomonis is the only infection that would 'cause our kid's ears to get all rank, but this is what Dr. IOETBYBC expects us to believe. Just as I'm coming around to the notion of putting my kid back to sleep for a diagnostic test, though, the young doctor backs down... "Let's wait for his hearing test and then decide about the CT scan then."

Thanks! Because I wasn't sleeping all that soundly anyway. So, now I can just lay there imagining whether or not a clump of abnormal cells are growing around the infrastructure of our son's ear canal.

That was Tuesday am. Tuesday PM the forecast was all drama about the morning commute - The "freezing mix" started in the afternoon and was supposed to go all night. As the logistics officer of our family, Katy made the call that we would be staying at my parent's house in Midpoint. On my way there from work, even though the bad weather hadn't gotten a real foothold yet, I skidded at a stop sign and hit my first BMW.

Nothing tragic or even exciting. I tried not to laugh out loud when the lady said, "We'll just exchange information." Um, no... let's call the authorities, because I ain't even gonna have this imaginary bumper damage assessed, and the sleet jumping off my hood is telling me that this here accident is going to be "no fault". I'm not kidding when i tell you that we couldn't have been going more than 8 or 10 mph, and the combined damage of our cars was less than you might get if you dropped an unopened can of coke on the pavement. No, thank you, mam', we'll just wait for the Midpoint PD to get here and clear this up. 25 minutes later, I left without a moving violation.

At my parents, JB slept well until about midnight and then woke up every hour until 5:30 when his exhausted parents just gave in. As predicted, all the schools were closed and Nana conducted a 3 kid day care... TGFGrandparents!

JB is fine during the day (as far as we've been told) but at night, he wakes up crying nearly every night, sometimes 2 or 3 times. He's easy to go back to sleep, but we are awake, and in addition to feeling tired, we are also worried. He doesn't wake up and then cry. He cries in his sleep and sometimes cries himself awake. Is he dreaming? Is he in pain? Is it his teeth? Is it his ears? Is it normal? A phase? Related to the ways we've set him off his routine with our travel? Part of life? What should or can be done... it's worrisome and kind of sad and (yeah, I'm trying to come up with a new word) exhausting.

Work this week has been crazy too. Way too many meetings and administrative commitments; and the stuff that you need to do that you can't do while preparing for and sitting in meetings just stacks up and looms in suffocating piles.

So this morning, we heard the boy at the usual 5:30 and brought him to bed for another hour. When he was fidgety, I got up with him so that Katy could grab a few extra zzzs. After breakfast, we assembled his workbench from Nana and Papa. He was really adorable. I had a real screwdriver and he had the toy one and whenever I screwed a screw in, he watched what I was doing and imitated it. I showed him the hammer and light and how they worked. I would send him back and forth to the trash to throw things away. He was so curious and excited about the toy. Every once in a while, he would stop playing and come hug me or hug my leg and the run back to the work bench...

I'm saying: I'll sleep in another lifetime. It's just fine with me.
:)

Just for DIL

Jake discovers the ad that responds to you. David was similarly intrigued the last time he himself visited our illustrious airport.

New Year's Resolution check-in

1) Brush JB's teeth everyday (1 for 5)
2) Work out more (3 for 5)
3) Eat dinner at the table and not in front of TV more (I think we are 5 for 5 on this one)
4) Do more "getting ready for morning" at night (2 for 2)
5) Drink more water (neither of us are doing very well on this one)

Mid-afternoon music montage

Two days now, we have had dance parties in the grannies' living room. We truly rock out and JB has been smiling and enjoying all the moves. We've been trying to teach him to dance with his hands and "raise the roof".
He looks at me like I'm crazy.

Today, we were driving with Kt's dad, and this random mix of music came on the radio.
Some oldies, some not so oldies, but we were singing to JB. It was like music appreciation on wheels. There were about 8 songs in a row that made Katy and me go,
"YEAH! THIS IS A GOOD ONE TOO, JB!!!"

Again, though he was trapped, all strapped in his car seat, we were encouraging him to groove and move and dance with his hands. He smiled intermittently, eying us the way a nervous visitor might glance around a locked ward.

I don't remember them all but some of the songs were:
Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn
This will be (an everlasting love) - Natalie Cole
I wanna be rich - Calloway
Chasing cars - Snow Patrol
Say (what you need to say) - John Mayer

There's a story that goes along with each of those songs. Stories that maybe one day I'll tell our son... here's one:

When I was pregnant, John Mayer was singing that "Say" on the radio an awful lot:

I'll be honest with you, I'm not even sure wtf that song is supposed to mean. I look at the lyrics (below) and I want to shout,

"JOHN MAYER, STOP TRYING TO BANG SO MANY GIRLS AND BUY A THESAURUS!!! 20 unique lines of barely rhyming prose??? REALLY? SERIOUSLY? DID YOU WRITE IT IN BETWEEN DATES on a Friday night?!?"

There's the chance that song has no intended meaning, was written for no purpose save to score a few presidents or bag a few babes. But, the song unlocks something in me. There's a part of me that fights becoming completely undone and feels flashes of my most vulnerable self emerge when the dang thing is playing. I think that song was playing in the background when important things were happening during my pregnancy. I think that song conjured up events that happened immediately before and more than a decade before. Things that were very wonderful and things that were very sad. Sweet, insignificant moments, and poignant, life altering moments.

Is it me, or is it hard to hear that song and not be the star of your own personal music video playing on a loop in your head?

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaaay...

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead

If you could only
Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaay...

Have no fear
For giving in
Have no fear
For giving over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Then never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open... wide...

Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to (x2)
Say what you need to say...

So, I think you get what I mean about the thesaurus, right?

After looking at this, I feel (sincerely) like you can't trust a word out of John Mayer's slick, playboy, CT-grown mouth. But if you could trust him, it does seem like he wrote the song of the same nature and emotional context that I just described above.
Life is too short.
Just say
what
you
need
to
say...

If you're hurting, if you're striving, if you're dying... If you are thrilled, exuberant, evolving, or lost in love... If you have a secret that is eating you alive. If you are thinking about leaving, changing, doing something that might "disappoint" someone... If you are aching with fear or love or life... or just living- trying not to fall into death via the suffocation of suburban or corporate compromise...
speak.
your.
mind.

Today, dancing and singing with our little boy, I realized this is part of the gig.
Every night I put him to bed and thank him for the way he is and the way he has allowed me to see the world. And one of the most important things I will strive to teach him is to find ways to express himself:
Speak your heart, even if it pounds in your chest or your hands tremble or your voice quivers.

Dance with your feet and hands and eyes because if you really listen to lovely things in life (like people and music) it usually means allowing your body to move with them and toward them and respond physically.

Listen to music - wherever you find it - to the harmonies, melodies, percussion, lyrics, and the silent parts behind the music that inexplicably turn a key and release something in you that you didn't even know was locked up.

SWYNTS: I think this is the secret to happiness and the trick to life if you want to be smiling when you're reviewing your own personal, imaginary music video at the end of it all...

just sayin'...

Now I'm goin' to bed... hope you enjoyed the music :)

New Year's Morning

I'm up alone. The boy in bed by 8pm. Grannies, Katy, and even grandpa down the street were in bed before midnight. I've been up blogging and reading on the computer.

Yesterday, katy pee'd on a stick and got 2 lines!!

So, if all goes well, we are going to be moms again (and this time, I can try out the non-birth mommy, baby-mama role!)

This was our 4th try. On the lesbian-pregnancy-guru's advice we shot two doses up there 12 hours apart. I was poo-pooing the idea, guess it was a little bit of the cheap German in me (hmm... are German's "cheap" or thrifty or... i digress) not wanting to spend $700 in less than 13 hours, but i guess it was a good idea. (not to be picky, but only one of those doses worked. Wouldn't it be better to just know which one???)

Katy and I are cautiously excited and though it is too early to tell anyone, the word is spreading quickly. We told her family before Josh went back to Seattle to have the chance to tell them all in person. We told the womb whisperer. We told Kate who will tell Adam who we think will take this as a welcome hit of good news. I called my sister to ask if she was pregnant - she usually is when this is happening to us (n = 1). We told the above mentioned pregnancy guru and her wife. Katy put some less than obscure status changes on facebook:
1. I'm surprised it doesn't feel any different yet and
2. I'm glad pregnancy guru picked up the phone that night.
And then she had to tone it down when my old roommate and college friends who knew we were trying were all over those clues with congratulatory comments.

I am very excited and already impressed with my wife's level of zen: she only took ONE pregnancy test. That is so un-new pregnant lady of her!

Keep your fingers crossed GSO readers. We are four weeks into 40. Too soon to be excited, but we are!