4 hour road trip

We took JB to meet kt's gram today and see her dad's family.

He was on his best behavior the entire time. They showered him with love. He coo'd and giggled and ate and napped. He slept both ways in the car. This allowed the wife and I some alone time we haven't had in a while. Scrambling to get out of the house, we snipped at each other and spent some of our travel time fighting. Though I doubt that most American couples would categorize the discussion we were having as a fight.

There was some anger and some frustration but no yelling or name-calling. There were some tears, but honestly there were more, "I love you" tears as we started to make sense of the misunderstandings and admit that we "missed each other," as there were tears of frustration.

It is surprising how quickly we have become comfortable in the role of parents when I consider how long it has taken us to honestly be comfortable in the role of spouse. I think it has taken us all of these 7 plus years to know that we are a couple, eternally. That no matter what happens between us and to us, we intend to make this journey side by side. We know you can't account for everything, and maybe that is why it has taken this long. I feel like each of us might have (without telling the other) stashed a suitcase and a back up plan behind a locked door in the attic section of our hearts... "WE ARE TOGETHER FOREVER," we told ourselves and each other, and everyone else who was at our wedding...
but in case things ever fell apart...
you gotta hold on to who you were before all this love became your life, right?

Ask me and I'll tell you, I would rather love and lose than never love, but...
That doesn't explain that one, nearly forgotten, packed bag, does it?

At some point 2 years ago, Kt admitted she had a bag packed in her heart's attic. In fact, I think she dusted it off and moved it to the foyer. But once I called her out on it and convinced her to put it away, I had to be honest with myself and double check that I didn't have my own bag stashed away too. I had to jimmy the lock, but I found it. It was covered in cobwebs, full of clothes that don't fit anymore and treasures that are no longer valuable to me. I didn't even know it was there... I could barely remember why I packed and stashed it, but I knew it had something to do with not "playing the fool" even with my most trusted friend and my purest relationship.

But this year, I guess I needed extra space in my heart. Without realizing it, I unpacked the bag- giving most of the useless content to good will. I have a new truer truth now: that we are in this together, eternally. I say that to no one in particular because I don't need to proclaim it. I have no need to convince myself or anyone else. I know I can't be proven wrong or foolish even if we were to somehow stop being a couple.

So, during our "fight" today, I realize this. That a lot has changed in our relationship mostly as a function of becoming parents. We have less time for each other. We have more worries and more logistical considerations. We have wills and life insurance to put into place. Our interactions are less dreamy and romantic (not that we won't work on maintaining romance...) We are somehow suddenly (after 7 years) in this completely together. Where our fights are primarily about teaching and helping each other, and not hesitating to reveal fears and outline compromises. In this time of intense change, we are so damn solid. We are connected in a way that I didn't even know we weren't connected before. I feel it in my brain and conscience, but also in my muscles and blood and bones.

Ironically, one part of the fight was about how we are going to decide what to cut out of our lives so we can be less "busy." How we are going to simplify in a way that is acceptable to both of us... But it was this drive together, attending to family relationships, travelling at breakneck speeds that gave us the time to just "be" a loving couple.