Sunday, December 02, 2007

What's Babies.r.us HRC rating?

For the 2nd time in 2 months, a cashier at Babies.R.Us came out to katy in the check out line.

When I was still in the hospital awaiting discharge, kt left us for a few hours to prepare the house and buy a breast pump. There was a "who's this for" conversation (What? a skinny, white chick can't just purchase a breast pump without arousing suspicion?!?) and when kt said, "My wife is in the hospital, we just had a baby," the cashier announced, "I'M GAY TOO." I wasn't there, so I'm not sure the announcement was all in CAPS, but it struck kt as interesting. "Yeah, you are," we mumble to each other when someone makes an intuitively obvious announcement.

Today's event was a tiny bit more poignant.

Having observed the interplay between the two of us in line (I was holding JB and we were making final decisions on our purchases) I stepped out of line, saying, "I'm just going to go bundle him up over here." (It was 20 degrees today and regulating the kid's temperature has become one of my most prominent internal dialogs.) There were 2 customers ahead of us at that time, but when it was kt's turn she heard:

Cashier: Is that your kid?
k: yes
c: You and that girl? That's your kid?
k: yes
c: You're together and you had a kid together?
k: yes
c: Wow. I didn't even know that could happen. I have a girlfriend, and she's gonna think I'm crazy, but i didn't even know that could happen... you never really see it.
k: (staring. waiting. happy to know that this seems to be a positive turn of events for the cashier.)
c: Wow. you made my day.

I didn't see or hear any of the conversation. I was bent over JB, zipping him into his pooh cotton "snow suit." When kt relayed the tale to me, I was humbled. How could this poor chick be so isolated? In our "northeast," "liberal" state?!? Who is helping her adjust and feel safe as she figures everything out?

I guess I forget sometimes, how hard it was... how hard it is out there. It's the reason we are out- way out- even though most of our parties have a high het to homo ratio... It's the reason we put gay pride stickers on our family cars. It's the reason we call each other wife and not "friend" or "partner." It's the reason we try to be quiet and steady in our terminology and do not fudge the answers to questions like, "who are you buying that breast pump for?" It's the reason we encourage our family and friends to be forthright with this language and discussion even when they are talking to people they will never meet again. Some say, "There's no reason to tell 'your business' to a stranger." But straight folks "tell their business" to strangers all the time. And more importantly, people need to see and hear and understand that we are here, we exist. I'm not referring to the people that wish we didn't exist... I'm concerned with the men and women who think they are all alone. The mom who just found out her daughter is gay and is worried that means her daughter can never have children or a family. The young woman or man who has not yet seen "someone like them" out and proud in a checkout line. It's difficult sometimes for me to remember the fear and invisibility that still exists for many in our community- who may not know how to "tap into" the community.

Anyway, I'm proud that my wife celebrates National Coming Out Day, every day at BBrUs and beyond. She is changing the world, one cashier at a time...

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btw- BBrUs HRC rating? Not that impressive.

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