Tiny piles of pebbles

We have some seriously cute kids.

Since I posted last about the snotty noses, I took the ruggies to the doctor. We just didn't feel comfortable with how long the kids have been coughing and the low grade fever that JB seemed to have (even in 80 degree pre-summer weather).

Long story short: JB's left ear tube (that was just placed in jan) is definitely OUT of the ear drum, resting uselessly in the Eustachian tube. And that ear is infected. Furthermore, ML's ears (BOTH OF THEM) are infected... didn't really see that coming.

Just to put it in perspective for you, ML had a double ear infection brewing the week he learned to crawl, pull himself to standing, wave, clap, and eat egg yolk for the first time. This kid is the happiest baby on the planet. His smile just lights up the joint. And man is he on the move. We don't ever remember JB going this fast at things...

For JB's part, he has been exceedingly whiny, crying at the drop of a hat and a little on the pissed off side. He yelled at the chair yesterday because he ran into it:

JB: NO, CHAIR! BAD! YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!

KT: We do not yell at things. And when we make a mistake, we do not blame or take it out on someone or something else. And we do not call anyone 'Bad'.

JB: (throws himself on the floor in a sweaty, snotty puddle)

The thing is, he is so transparent. They rave about him at the new school. How good he is, how polite he is; how well-mannered and helpful... I ask them about the amount of whining, they look at me like I am crazy. I get that he does this at home with us b/c he is safe here and because he needs to try to feel in control of something, but it is amazing how different he is with us compared to other people. It is likely that this is just what we need to put up with for right now (and don't forget, he is on antibiotics AND has an ear infection) but it does make me wonder if we are doing something wrong- are being too hard on him somehow, or too lenient...

But when the little animal inside him settles, he is just so wonderful in his questioning of the world, his sensitivity, his intellect.

He has a teddy bear that he traded in "Teddybear" for... Remember? "Teddybear" was a soft brown bear that he was addicted to... then he found the soft white bear that was given to ML by the same friends that gave JB Teddybear. Since ML can't have a sleeping partner for a while, we let JB adopt the white bear. "What do you want to call him, JB?" I asked

"Bear-y." He replied. "White... Bear-y White."

(You can see the imagination this kid has for names)

Katy and I laughed. So now, we have Teddybear and Barry White. And it's true, JB cannot get enough of this bear's love. He falls asleep dragging these soft paws all over his face and belly and arms. If he's feeling particularly cuddly with you, he will turn your hand over and rub Barry's paw on yours. It is as generous an offering as the last spoonful of an ice cream cake. This week he told me, "i have a secret i wanna tell you." and when I lent him my ear he whispered,

"I love my Barry White."

This is just one example of his sweet, quirky ways. Some others:

If I seem a little quiet, he might look over at me and say, "Mommy, wanna tic tac?"

He'll remind us on the way out of the house not to forget our sunglasses or to put on sunscreen.

When ML is crying he touches brother's head and says, "It's okay, ML" or the other day he told us, "I'll get my guitar and my pick and play him a song."

He likes to collect little things. I keep finding piles of tiny rocks around: There's one in the garage, one on the front porch, one in the cup holder of his new car seat- 5 or 6 rocks in a line or in an imperfect circle. I just went to wash his coat and found these in one of the pockets:

God help me if throwing shit you think is interesting or cute into your pockets is hereditary.

I am home today, getting ready for our trip, and when I went to put this load of laundry in, I was picking up towels- lots of towels... Before we had kids, katy and I would use like 2 or 3 towels a week, total. But now, I use a new one more frequently instead of reusing- either because one of the boys has needed mine that was hanging up OR b/c they are showering with me or because we had to wipe snot with one and don't want to cross-contaminate us or them... or whatever the reason...

As I'm picking up all these barely used towels to launder, I'm struck by how clean and lotioned and towel dried and buffed and fluffed our kids are. They get cream and sunscreen in the morning. They get a bath every night. They get liquid soap and shampoo and conditioner and a combination of 4 different types of moisturizing ointments. They get their noses wiped with puffs plus and diaper wipes and soft cloths. They get toothpaste and lip balm and they stay soft and gorgeous. Sometimes I want to be all like,

These beautiful children are brought to you by the makers of:

and

and

and

With all the whining and crying and griping, sometimes it is hard not to stare straight ahead from 5-9 pm in an exhausted state and wait for this "period of our lives" to be over... But I don't want to forget what is going on right now. We are pouring all the love we have out onto these little ones.

Even when they kick us and cry and scream, and take their frustrations out on us (and the furniture); even when as mommies, we aren't always evolved enough to avoid taking our frustrations out on each other, I don't want to forget the way we are rubbing our love and intentions onto them. And the way we are washing tears away with soft cotton and kisses and hugs. When you use your hands to do this, it soaks into your flesh too.

Katy and I do it instinctively, but purposefully- we care for them in this very physical way every day (wipe and clean their faces and bodies and work to keep their skin healthy and intact). We do this sometimes in a sleepwalking state, sometimes out of habit, but often as if it is the most important thing we will ever do.

Because it kind of is.

And it comes back to us in totally random ways- like piles of rocks carefully selected and left as if a work of art. In the report from the teachers that every day at school, JB asks for a napkin at lunch time and then other kids follow in his footsteps and do the same. In the way ML spends his first double ear infection jungle-gym climbing the furniture and laughing at his brother...

We are lucky lucky mommies!

Trying to get ready

Two weeks from now, we'll be headed off to the west coast for Katy's brother's wedding and graduation.

We are scrambling. We are no where near ready. There are tiny tux alterations to be completed. suitcases to pack. A house to clean up...
Overwhelmed, but excited...

Goopy Eyes

Last week ML got conjunctivitis. We put the drops in for five days... it went away. A few days later, the goop came back. We restarted the drops, it started clearing right up again. He's looked great for a day or two.

Tonight, we pick JB up from day care.
There was a cheesy curd in one of his eyes... 30 minutes later, another chunk in the other eye.
A few hours later, we are duck taping his hands to his torso to keep his fingers out of his custard filled sockets which we are clearing with tissues and washcloths on intermittent-windshield-wiper mode.

We page the on-call to get some drops prescribed and start talking to JB about taking medicine and drops for his eyes so that he feels better. We notice that he feels a little warm. After a brief parental conference, we offer JB a tspn of Tylenol*... [*Well, a GENERIC dose of "Acetaminophen" because as many of you know, ALL TYLENOL PRODUCTS have been voluntarily recalled.]

So, Katy pours a dose for the boy and she and I start talking about who is going to the pharmacy to pick up the drops. And I look over and he is tipping the cup of Tylenol* back toward his eye...

"NNNNNNNOOOoooooooooo" I shout out. Katy whips her head around and JB looks at us, the plastic medicine cup held out in front of his face as if to say, "What the fuck is with you two?!?"

The moms laugh.

"That doesn't go into your eye," we tell him. "The eye drops go into your eye. The medicine goes into your mouth and belly." JB shrugs and does the shot. Then he laughs, "That's silly."

We tell him he is smart and we are proud of him for taking his medicine like a big boy.

We sigh in relief that we are on our game- there are so many chances for misunderstandings with these kids. But they are so damn cute and smart!

Season opener

Hey sports fans, it is that time of year again...
We won the first game of the season last night in a crusher 10-3.

If you have ever followed this bloggy-here thing in the summer-ish months, you know how much I love this team. You also know that winning our first game... this is a big JOE$#&%BIDEN deal! Well, not really a big deal as in "we care so much about winning", but a big "it doesn't usually happen this way" kind of thing.

Last night there were a lot of unusual events aside from throwing one in the "W" column...
1) We fielded a team of 10 plus a designated hitter (without a problem)
2) Did I mention we won
3) It was the first time in about 10 years that there were more than 5 infant/toddler tykes running around (thanks to the birth of ML and the concurrent attendance of Jess, Web and Katy and me.)

When I started playing on this team, there were swarms of offspring out there every night. Back then, I was 30 (okay 60) lbs lighter and was the "next generation"...

I sat on the curb after games for 2 seasons before I took a beer out of the cooler caddy to avoid a "10-9" (that's the town ordnance for underage drinking.) Sadly, that's not even a lie... some of my teammates were friends of my parents and I didn't want any trouble for me or anyone else.

At that time it was all we could do to keep our heads in the game:

Nancy: Robert, keep your sister away from the dumpster.
Deb: WHERE'S FRANKIE?!?
Nancy2: Are the twins okay on this blanket?
Kim: They're fine, my kids will watch them.
Nancy: COURTNEY!!! GET OUT OF THE ROAD!
Me: (Trying to warn about the approaching line-drives to these mommies who were trying to play ball and keep their kids out of traffic.) TWO OUT, PEOPLE... THE PLAY IS AT FIRST OR SECOND BASE...

Oh yeah, i was all business. But only because I didn't want anyone to get hurt.

I distinctly remember one ice cream truck arrival in the middle of the 4th inning, bases loaded, 2 outs, the insane music vamps in a slow crescendo from somewhere in the distance and the kids start to revolt. one mom and then another and then a few more until we had no defense for a few minutes because everyone was scraping coins together for treats...

So here I am all these years later, and I just didn't see this coming. I remember thinking, "this is the way to do it" as I saw sisters and cousins and neighbors playing and raising their kids together... and I can't honestly say, "the years have flown by"; I mean, these have been long fought and hard won years of falling in love and working and family making...

But somehow, I am now one of the elders.

The original moms are the team "aunties", sisters and wives and cousins have joined and we have brought forth on this field a new generation of Play-yas... Between Jess's boys and our boys and my sister's girls, and Amber's daughter and am I missing anyone??? We have an entire gaggle of babies, all over again.

I hope the new girls (and by "new girls" I mean the young women who were kind enough to merge with our team a few years back to give us a shot at avoiding a 2 times-a-week ass-whooping with accompanying trips to the ER every other week) I hope they don't tire of our kids running around, swinging wiffle bats too close to the on deck circle; children whining when their moms have to go into the field; our little Boos- sometimes listening and playing the part of adorable bat-boy/girl, and sometimes, throwing a tantrum for no apparent reason.

I assure my younger teammates that if they stick with it, it will come back to them ten-fold b/c when they take their turns at child rearing, we will be here to pay it forward... or backward... or however it goes.

But until then, I hope they don't mind that I am sometimes going to shout, silly things from the field like, "YOUR COUSIN'S NOSE IS NOT FOR YOU TO PICK!!!" and they might sometimes here things like:
"DO NOT TAKE YOUR UNDERWEAR OFF!!! JUST SIT ON THE POTTY CHAIR AND PULL THEM BACK UP WHEN YOU ARE DONE." When I should instead be quietly backing up the shortstop at 2nd base...

I hope the "retired" but dedicated former members of the team don't hold it against us that they are not done chasing toddlers around this field... 2 decades later they are still scooping kids up out of the way and digging through their bags to pay the ice cream man.

I hope last night was not my mom's last visit to the field, because really, Nana is not afraid to tether herself to her grand kids... to the great benefit of both me AND my children .

And most importantly, I hope that I keep up this batting percentage (so far = 1.000; 4 times up; 3 hits; one walk) to compensate for my not-so-"lightening"-speed, for the fact that i seem to have "forgotten how to throw", and for the havoc that our "lifestyle choices" have reeked on my ability to concentrate on the team, the game, and the cooler caddy afterward.

Today, I am sore. But as usually happens the day after a game... I am feeling incredibly grateful for this group of women that I am lucky enough to call my friends.

PLAY BALL!

If you have an iphone...

YOU may be interested to know I created an icon for the Gin-Soaked Olive.

It is adorable and I am inordinately proud of myself:



To get it on your iphone, you have to bookmark the Gin-Soaked Olive to your home screen.

Here's how:
1) Load the blog to your browser
2) Press the "+" sign at the bottom of the screen
3) Tap the option, "Add to Home Screen"
4) You will see the icon and the sight name
5) Tap the blue "add" button on the top right of the screen.

Ta-DAH... original GSO iphone icon!

Newsletter: ML 8 months

Dear ML,

This will be a short one.

I just want you to know, this has been an awesome month... YOU STARTED CRAWLING!!! You are waving. You are clapping. You are very close to pulling yourself up to standing. When I say, "very close" I mean to say you pretty much are, but you only really want to do it near the stone fireplace. You try to do it when in your crib, but that is a little too challenging. You definitely do it with our hands.

You can also speed walk while holding our fingers in your hands

You got your first eye infection this month- goopey eyes, 4 times a day drops cleared it right up. But your cough seems to be getting worse. If we are honest, you've had this cough since January... Since the week before you started day care. It is wet and productive, which means it sounds awful, but it waxes and wanes, so we have never felt like there is something that western medicine can do for you. (At this moment, I'm considering bringing you in for a visit because you are just so drippy and I want them to look at you and say, "There's nothing we can really do.") The thing stopping me if anything, is that you started a new day care only 2 weeks ago, and I'm sure the NEW GERMS you are exposed to there are the explanation for the increased drippy/goopey.

We are trying to advance your diet a little, but you are still eating stage 2 food and having 2 meals of cereal and baby food a day and 6 oz bottles during the day... and 8 oz bottles in the AM and at bedtime. It is almost time for mommy to start making you some meat and beans and for us to start really pushing the soft finger food.

You are such a happy guy. With clumps of stuff coming out of your eyes and nose, you smile wide when you see your family esp your brother, who continues to be the most entertaining person on the earth to you.

The staff at the new day care adore you. They tell us they fight over who gets to hold and take care of you in the baby room. You are a champion sleeper- no change there!

You are a joy.
We love you bug.

Your mommies

Hey batter batter

This is JB and ML pretending to play baseball in our kitchen...
Katy helps ML "throw" an imaginary ball, and JB swings and hits the ball...
ML is laughing so hard he seems in physical pain.
This is how he is with JB. There are times he is cranky and times he doesn't want to play because he need to sleep or reduce hunger or some other basic need outlined by Maslow at the base of the pyramid... but usually all gets put aside if JB is acting like JB around ML...




I love these kids.
(and their mama)!

Sign of the Times: Current Events

There has been some crazy shit going on in the world in these last 2 weeks...
The news cycles are just jam-packed full.

What's going on in Britain?!?
The Prime Minister of Britain, Gordon Brown, resigned today. I can't figure out why. His party has lost a lot of seats in the Parliament, and he announced plans to step down, but then literally the next day, he stepped down

SCOTUS Nomineee
Over the weekend, President Obama named Elena Kegan as his 2nd supreme court nominee...
Is she gay or not? It seems like "people in the know" know that she is. Now her "Friends" have come out to say, "She isn't"... I don't know if that's true or not, but a closeted lesbian scares me a little politically. The people that hate me and my people don't want her on the bench b/c they think if she's (secretly) gay, then she will rule for her own rights should a case come up. But I think if she is secretly gay, there's a bigger chance she will rule against "her" own rights (Which of course are also MY rights.)

Oil Spill
Last week, a big oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico caught fire and sank, leaving 3 holes in the pipe that is broken but still connected to the oil well.

This is underwater video of oil pouring out of the biggest of the 3 leaks:



Something like 500,000 barrels of oil a day are leaking out into the Gulf of Mexico.
Let that sink in for a moment. When this first happened (April 20th) I was like, "O.M.G, how awful!" But now I'm a little more like
o.
m.
g...

I mean this is really, really tragic. This will have effects on the environment and the world for generations. The oil has reached the Gulf coast (bu-bye yummy shrimp) and is likely to head up the Atlantic coast too (goodbye crabs and fish and lobsters), not to mention the bird and the people... It is just incomprehensible.
Drill, Baby, Drill...

indeed.

Immigration Racism

Also on the WTF end of the spectrum, Last week, the state of Arizona passed the anti-immigration "Papers, please" law. I haven't read the law, but I understand it requires law enforcement officials to stop anyone that looks as if they could maybe be an illegal immigrant... And the law requires anyone that might possibly look like they might not be white to have to carry around proof of citizenship...
Don't leave home without your papers, please...


Asshats.

My desk at work

Pink eye

New petri dish indeed...

ML has been on drops for 24 hours and the eye goop is retreating.

A sampling of some conversations we've had with our kid in the last 24 hours

AM Conversation

Katy: (noticing the dripping snot on jB's upper lip) Do you have to wipe your nose? Do you need a tissue?
JB: No.
Katy: (staring)
JB: (brings tongue onto upper lip until he tastes nose mucus)
Yes i do.


Overheard in our kitchen - part ONE

JB: (chanting) Keep ML's hood on. Keep ML's hood on. Keep ML's hood on...
Katy: Someone start a Facebook page.


Overheard in our kitchen - part TWO

JB: (to katy) We went in the store and there was a bat full of gum.
Katy: What?
JB: There was gum in the bat.
Katy: There was gum where?
JB: In a bat.
Katy: In a bat?
JB: Yes there was. In the store... gum inside a bat.
Tracy: (from the other room): This is true, there was a plastic baseball bat that was full of bubble gum... It was beyond explanation...
Katy: (laughing) Mommy is corroborating your story.
JB: Yeah.

Conversations in Stop and Shop

Cashier: Are you about 2 years old?
JB: (not understanding the question) No...
Mommy: (translating for him) How old are you?
JB: (to the cashier, holding up the right number of fingers) Two.
Cashier: Wow. And are you... (she paused I think to decide if she would say "day care" or "school')... Are you going to... (she stammered a little again)
JB: (finishing the thought he assumed she was making) ... Josh's wedding...

This is also true... We've been prepping him for our trip to his uncle's wedding and graduation in a few weeks... but it was quite a non sequitur in the grocery store line yesterday.

Shout out to my Nightingale...

Last Friday was Nurse's Day.

"Nurse's week" started sometime either last Wednesday or last Monday.
If you google this holiday, you will see some discrepancies and inconsistencies about the dates... I digress...

For most of my life as a nurse, i really viewed this as a hallmark holiday:

Thanks for the shout-out, Hallmark, no matter how much money you make on cards this year, you can't possibly know about being a nurse and therefore, not really honor it.

When I was a teen? pre-tween? I'm not sure when this show was on... I was addicted to China Beach. Looking back, I had a serious crush on Lt. Colleen McMurphy:
Yum: Mee:

There I go digressing again... Anyway... Sometimes I credited this show to making me want to be a nurse, I didn't want to go to war, but i could really relate to this character- Irish, catholic, who wanted to DO something that mattered, but then in the middle of it was like, "What the hell am I doing?!?"

I think i was surprised when I worked in the ICU (years later) how much it could feel like you were living through a war even though you were in a civilian hospital during "peace" time. The woman and men that I nursed with in the ICU were amazing: smart, sassy, with the quickest wit and the crass-est, sickest senses of humor you can imagine. You've got to have a strong stomach and a lot of patience for shit (of the literal and bull variety.) And they did. And they laughed and cried and picked people and pools of blood up off the floor. And we ordered Chinese take out in the middle of cardiac codes, and helped families accept the death of their loved ones, and talked and taught and fought the doctors to get them to HEAR what the patients were saying.

I wear that experience like a badge of honor on my soul. But even so, it never made me view nurses day outside of the scope of cynicism. (see made up sassy bark to Hallmark corp above...)

Then this year... when I'm so far removed from clinical care of patients that I've started to call myself a "fake" nurse, Katy wins a Nightingale Award. This is a statewide recognition of nursing excellence. And sitting next to her at the ceremony, something changes a little in me. A little of the cynicism melts away. It is more than being proud of her and thrilled that she was recognized for all the amazing work she does and has done. (Though I am and I was). It had a lot to do with what happened last October and Last January, and Last September...

A nurse was there kind of saving and protecting us when ML gushed into the world.
A nurse was there in my most terrified moments, when I wouldn't even let myself think my worst fear about his illness and fevers and seizures three weeks later.
A nurse was up all night with us when his fever wouldn't come down.
A nurse was there to help get him help when he was having seizures.
Nurses were there, talking to and teaching and sometimes fighting the doctors on our behalf.
A nurse was there during all the LPs, during the MRI, during the EEG.
... During the nights, the early mornings, and the long afternoons.
A nurse was there to help us get some rest and to help us ask the right questions.
To help us calm down a little at certain points and and to get us riled up a little at others.
Then a few months later for JB's surgery... more nurses.
Many of them nameless to me now.
Keeping us sane...

It's different when it's your kid, I guess- those cliches about angels seem somehow less "cliche-y"
There's not a greeting card out there that can convey what those nurses did for us, but now there IS a part of me that has the inclination to buy a few and TRY to convey it...

But then, here we are on Mother's day. And as I write this, my pretty Nightingale Award winner is sleeping upstairs in our bed. She's an amazing mother. Tonight, she got JB to turn off a "Terrible 2" tantrum by suggesting that he could take his "bad attitude" and decide (IF HE WANTED TO) to put that bad attitude in his hand and throw it away and choose to be in a better mood. (I swear this is true.) And what do you think that little fucker sonofa'gun did??? He decided to throw his bad mood away. He pantomimed putting something into his palm and chucking it in the garbage and then (WAIT FOR IT) he was suddenly in a pleasant mood.

blink.
blink.
blink.

Thank God I'm on this journey with such an insanely talented and smart woman. I just love her and hope she knows how much! Cause I didn't get to sign the card I bought for her today...

Happy nurses week and mother's day, baby.

As part of my gift to you, I am going to (be extremely quiet as I come) crawl into bed next to you to sleep this day off!
All my love, Me

xoxo

New Petri Dish

JB is sick.
Mucus production high.
Random grabbing at ears and head.
Crying in his sleep.

We didn't even try to keep him out of our bed because he kept waking up, totally disoriented, and so unable to answer any of our questions that we weren't sure if he was asleep or awake.

We tried to give him the words in an either-or:
"Do you have pain or are you just "nose runny"?"
or, a multiple choice format: "What hurts- your ears, throat, or head?"

No luck he woke up every few hours shouting out and crying.
He was a whirling dervish in his sleep, twirling horizontal at us and pushing us toward our edges with his jabbing limbs, and flapping head. It was a friday night- TGI the weekend- so I was glad that we could have this night without really worrying about being up all night.

He woke up slowly this am, but seems better now.

ML has a runny nose too. Thick snot- not the regular, "day care clear drip" that is a fact of life. Oh, and flushed cheeks - though that could be from his new tendency to drag his face across
the floor when his arms tire out.

Day cares are germ labs.
Each one is different and the only choice is to let your kids BUILD UP IMMUNITIES!

We saw this coming a mile away!

Put your hands in the air, shake your derriere

While JB was keeping us crying on our toes this week, ML did ALL of the following:
Learned to CLAP,
WAVE
AND CRAWL:

On one of the bad mornings when it was all about JB, ML was in the apx 12'x12' Family room- which has about 7'x9' of roaming space, when the furniture, etc is considered...

The first time we left ML unattended for a few minutes, he had wormed over to the fire place and was nibbling on the slate of the outer hearth.

The second time, we found him under the overturned play-gym- not helpless on his back- but crawling forward, like a giddy-up-and-go turtle.

The third time, he had crawled over to where the laptop was and got his fat hands on the power cord...

GAME OVER, ML. Now you can't be trusted to continue making us look good. Therefore, we will watch you like a hawk... way to earn yourself some attention! Strong work...

How cute is this kid?!?

A new day

Last night when I put JB to bed, I had a conversation with him that would have made my Grandpa Weber shit his pants. (My grandpa wasn't so much into the New Age way of communicating with children as he was into the if you must communicate, do it with a belt way of thinking...)

But I was literally out of ideas related to JB and I decided that what he needed more than anything else was, information...

I talked to him about why today was so bad for him. I talked to him about basic psychology... I told him that one of the reasons he is having a hard time is because of the change to a new school; and he doesn't know it, but changes are hard and this school change is one of the hardest he might have in a long time. And it is difficult and confusing to have fun at the new school but at the same time miss the old school... But that is all okay and normal.

I know what you are thinking: "T, he's 2, not 12..." but hang in there with me... I did feel like a crazy person talking to a 2 year old like he was a teenager, but it occurred to me that he understands a lot more than he has the vocabulary to query us about and "senses" a lot more than he has the coping skills to contend with. And we have a LOT of information that we are not sharing with him, including but not limited to our understanding of the world, info about stress and change management; psychology, reverse psychology, coping mechanisms, planning, scheduling, communication strategies, long term benefits vs short term gains, basic principles of economics as they relate to pyscho-social interactions such as lost-opportunity-cost, etc.

Though i didn't get into all of those things, he listened to me ramble about his day for at least 5 minutes during which time I reviewed tomorrow's planned schedule, emphasizing that tomorrow will be different and better. I told him what tomorrow morning would be like. I laid out the schedule and plan in as much simplified detail as I could: wake up, go potty, cuddle for a few minutes, get dressed, go have breakfast - waffles, etc. When I was done with the list of how tomorrow would go, I repeated it- TWICE.

It was a crazy thing to do, but (as I said above) I started to think the kid really would be reassured by more information than we've been giving him.

Katy will probably hit me with a large heavy object when she reads this b/c this is the type of conversation she is always hounding me to have with her: "Can we make a plan for the week? Can we make a plan for the morning? for the weekend?"

I'm not that great with planning, but it seems that this really helps humans function better. Hmmph. Go figure...

Perhaps it is the biggest coincidence of all time, but today was a completely different day with JB. Not one screaming fit. Nothing more than a modicum of whining this morning. Some of you might be jumping to the logical conclusion that we have an awesome kid- wise beyond his years, amazingly well-adjusted, and sophisticated in his ability to adapt. While I agree with this assessment, I also walk away from this experience bolstered by another thought:

I am awesome.

Sometimes things work out so much like how you wished that they would, that you can't help but take the credit!!!

:)

i-i-i-i am h-h-h-having a-a-a-a-a- badddd d-d-d-day

That's the last thing JB said before he finally started to settle down and cease production on his 6th major melt down of the day. (For those of you just tuning in, "the day" is defined by the 3 hours he is awake before day care and the 3-4 hours he is awake after day care; and our boys are on day 3 of their new day care.) It has been a very stressful, tense, and LOUD day for our family.

ML is doing great, it should be said. Except for some sad faces when his brother is crying, he seems very content and happy.

The (verbal and written) reports from the new day care are that both kids are doing "great". Well behaved. Happy, playful... No problems. Then he got home (JB) and fought, screamed and cried for 40 minutes 3 separate times.

This morning, it was the same deal- screaming and fighting and crying from the minute he woke up. We didn't have waffles in the house and no time to make waffle batter and you woulda' thought we told him, "There will never be any food in this house to eat ever again" when we laid a plate of pancakes in front of him; with all of the despair and protesting.

He is so sensitive.

(I don't know where he gets it... but let's just say when I was a kid, I cried nearly every day at school, and whenever possible, I put myself to bed before the arrival of the occasional babysitter b/c it was easier for me if I "just didn't see her/him".)

Katy and I tag-teamed him the best we could because no matter how much empathy we have for him (and trust me when I tell you, my heart is full of empathy for him) when you try all your "nice cards" and you pull out your singing sweet songs tactic, and you do your intellectual "reassuring and rationalizing" and you throw in a little cajoling for good measure... and he is still kicking, screaming, snotting, lashing out and throwing himself on the floor...
At that point, a parent's inner asshole really wants to get in this game.

In the adult world, it is acceptable to pretty much turn the other cheek, 1,2,3,4-ish times, but after that, most folks agree, it's okay to put your dukes up: an asshole needs to be treated like an asshole. In an adult interaction, you'd be an asshole not to act like an asshole to an asshat that was treating you with pure assholery.

Am I right, playas'?

But with 2 year olds, If you let your inner asshat battle it out with a barely-formed "asslet" who is attempting professional asshole-ism without a license or any formal training, you only end up looking, feeling, and sometimes smelling like a bigger asshole. (and usually a bully too.)

Essentially, adult rules don't apply. But you have to keep reminding your brain of that because you've worked really hard and waited a long time to be on level playing field and get into the world of adult rules... And until these kids got here, you were very successful navigating, negotiating, and fighting in this adult world.

Katy finally got him into the tub- her nerves are as shot as mine with all of the "not-unexpected-but-still-hard-to-take" civil disobedience in this house. Then we let him watch "the big race" on Cars the movie... then I laid with him in the bed for a few minutes to talk to him about why today was so hard.

He listened, and then went to bed, asking me sweetly to cover him up... expertly disguised as a little angel in his "digger and dump truck" pajamas...

Fun with English: "Jelly"

Scene ONE:

JB: (While brushing his teeth, he notices my spiker ice hair sculpturing gel that's sitting on the bathroom sink. He stops brushing and points with his toothbrush): Mom, you jelly up your hair with that?

Me: yup. That's right.

Scene TWO:

I sometimes use a "pretending game" that I learned at JB's gymnastics class as a way to distract him. Pantomiming painting the bottom of his feet, on one foot I spread "peanut butter" and on the other foot I spread "jelly", then I "stick" them together and pretend to nibble.

Tonight, i did that twice and then said, "How about 'ham' and 'mustard'?" I started to spread the ham on one foot and he stopped me...

JB: NO, jelly!
Me: Jelly and peanut butter? Again?
JB: (giggling) No, "Jelly" and "BEANS"

Waiting for the blister to pop

So today was the first day of the new day care.
The moms were way more stressed than the kids.

Last week we said a sad "see you later" to the care givers at our old school.
Drop off this morning was a confusing whirlwind: Did we explain enough to the boys? to the staff? Will they be nice to each other? Will the unknowns be overwhelming?

This afternoon we were told how cute and sweet and charming our boys are.
It was a relief.
Not a relief in the confirmation of their cuteness, but a relief that we got here- and made it thru the first day.

Making the decision to pull these kids out of day care and choosing a new school; then preparing for it and waiting for the day to come... And then saying goodbye to the friends we have made, that we like seeing every day, that we have entrusted our babies to... THAT was stressful.

Saturday, we went to a party. JB got a scratch or a mosquito bite or something. He has shown my propensity to swell and burn from bites. As has happened in the past, a small blister formed at the spot of the presumed bite. We covered it in a band aid, but the blister grew and grew... The size of a pin head, the size of a pencil eraser. He went to bed last night and I was anxious, not only about the changes to come in the morning, but also that that thing would pop in the night and cause him some pain on his first day of school. This morning, it was HUGE. Literally the size of a grape. On his little tiny hand!!!

I just didn't know what I dreaded more- the moment that blister popped, or having to continue to look at it... It's not that different from the day care decision.

Inertia is hard. Doing something is so much harder than doing nothing. Even when you know that doing nothing could lead to bad things later on, it is frequently hard to justify changing course. At the same time, Once you are on a certain trajectory (like after making the decision to change schools and/or once that blister grows bigger than the diameter of his thumb...) you just can't stop the forward movement to the next thing... You just can't wait to get where you are going to end up...

POP.

EEEeewwwwwwe.

At approximately 5:30 pm that thing gushed open, splashing all over both of our hands and arms.
Nasty.
But as a wiped it off, i enjoyed the relief that washed over me.

Tomorrow will probably hurt JB a little more than today (the blister, but maybe the new school too)... But at least there can be a break from the dread anticipation we've been drowning in around here as we marched toward this day.

Baby's breath

ML,

I want to write this...
before it changes.
Before you start eating
more types of foods...
Before you start cutting teeth...
Before you fulfill your carnivorous destiny...
Before some enzymes in your digestive track mature...

It's a little weird to admit this, but
I love your breath...

It's amazing!

I wanna stick my nose inside your mouth and breathe deeply.
I'd like to bottle the scent and sniff it again and again
whenever I need a little fix
for years...

I don't know what it is...
The smells of rice and cream,
and
fresh butter...
on warm rolls...
and
innocence...
and
water...
after you've been sweating...
and
recently cut grass floating on a dry summer breeze...
and
new tennis balls...

O.
M.
G.

It's indescribably yummy!
I don't ever want it to change.