Newsletter: Month 6

Dear JB,




We're a few days late with the newsletter this month. This is especially bad on our part since last Friday you turned 6 months old.



Though none are a good enough excuse, there are several reasons we are not on time:



1) The exhaustion of our new schedule is starting to hit home;



2) We have been experiencing the after-effects of your first infection (which has included each of us "coming down with 'something');



3) It is March which = "March Madness" ...Also known as long-haired-Mama's sucking on a crack-pipe called "women's hoops" while Short-haired-Mama's drinking to dull the pain.



4) March this year has also been packed full of holidays... Nana's birthday, Mia's, Amaya's , and Ben's birthdays, Aunt KK's birthday, St. Patrick's day, Auntie Web's birthday, Grandma Bella coming home from Florida, Mac's birthday, Easter... The parties were never ending this month.



Lastly, this has been such an amazing time with you that it has been a little intimidating to consider how to capture it in a brief "newsletter."




I just finished giving you a bottle of formula. This is only your 3rd formula feeding ever. My milk supply has been sufficient, but with little to spare. So today, when I didn't really drink enough water and I didn't pump often enough at work, it seemed best to pump tonight and save that for you tomorrow. It was a change in our evening routine- giving you store-bought formula when I usually feed you right off the tittie tap. ... And I have to admit, it was kind of satisfying to give you that 8 oz bottle. First of all, you were a cool-pro gripping the bottom of the bottle with your entire palm as you guzzled the large amount right down. At about 1/2 way through I tried to make you take a burp break and you would have none of it. You looked at me the way I am sure I would have looked at any mo-fo who tried to take away the last 1/2 of a McDonald's cheeseburger that I was working on. It was a cry of torture and betrayal.



When I gave in and re-offered the fake nipple, you drank for a few minutes more leaving less than 1/2 an ounce in the bottle. I figured I could get you to just finish the last few drops, but just as with the burp, I was wrong. You licked your lips before pursing them. When I offered the bottle a 3rd time, you fluttered your eyes open as if to say, "You're still here?" When I smiled and whispered, "I love you." you gave me a big grin and then fell asleep with your mouth still 1/2 open in an upturned smile.



(sigh)



I love that you have your own ideas of how things should go... (not burping, not finishing the bottle, etc.) and yet you are totally easy going (like the way you venture from flesh-nipple to synthetic-nipple and formula to mom's milk without making a fuss.)



As a family, we were mentioned in the New York times on St Patrick's Day this month. There was a picture of the 3 of us on the front page of the Metro section. We are sitting on our couch with our beloved painting of the Yellow Springs "kiddie pool" in the background. I'm not going to lie, something that might have made me strut and puff with pride a few years ago (appearing in the NYTimes) made me feel a little "overexposed." That was in part because of you and feeling protective and worried that I was signing you up for something you might not be interested in participating in. Also, I don't want the world to see how freaking cute you are... so I was kind of happy when the photo did not show your face.



This month, I think I have finally come to appreciate the differences in your Mama and me. It is like night and day (literally.) If she wasn't on top of her game the way she is in the morning, I might not get out of the house to get you to work camp day care before noon. And if it weren't for my high functionality at and beyond the dinner hour, your Mama just might not have been able to locate (let alone cook) dietary sustenance before dissolving in a puddle on the kitchen floor by 10:02pm during one of these chilly, March nights. If that had happened, by the way, we likely would have lost her as she blended into a lot of the other formerly solid, organic matter that has become part of the not-recently-cleaned, tile-patterned linoleum filth floor. But back to the point, we have been sharing the household chores amicably and taking care of each other in the best ways each of us knows how.



This month (as you may recall) you got a bronchiolits and your first otitis. Even in sickness, you were adorable and found things to smile and laugh about. Your first symptom was decreased appetite (which surprised everyone in that it is definitely NOT a web-family trait.) Then the 2 surprising things were how much you whimpered and cried and how much you slept. You have never been much of a crier. We remarked to each other several times this month how different the last 6 months would have been if you cried anywhere near as much as you did when you were sick this March. Also, our hearts were torn when you wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep. We knew it was because you weren't feeling well, but we were a little thrilled to have you "crashed out on our chests" for so many hours during those days and night.



Developmental milestones for this month include: being able to stay balanced in the sitting up position (new nickname: "Tripod".) And rolling over from back to front (old news) and at least once, from front to back. You have added oatmeal, carrots, apples, pears, and bananas to the sweet potatoes, sweet peas and rice in your diet. You eat baby food once a day at about 6pm, and are taking in about 24 to 32 oz of milk a day. (That's 2 or 3 six to seven oz bottles at school, and breastfeeding in the am and pm.) You also spend a good percentage of your waking hours sucking on your fingers and toes. You've been loving your toes for a few months now, but laying you on your back and allowing you unrestrained access to your feet has become our most consistently effective method of getting you talking.



You are cooing and screeching and what I call "crooning." You definitely make long drawn-out sounds like you are singing. And you do a lot of the da-da, ga-ga, ba-ba but with soft indistinguishable beginning consonants... all of those three noises sound the same. You are definitely learning to express yourself with your voice and your body.



This month was the first time you saw my naked breast and reached up & cried out for it: "Aaaaaaaaghhhhhhha." Your Mama and I initially reacted with a mutual, "uh-oh." But after we giggled at your new "trick" we were pretty proud of the evidence that you are starting to recognize how things are connected. One night, a few days later, your mama was up with you in the middle of the night and she said you kept looking at the door, then at the glider where I usually breastfeed you; then at the door, then at the glider... After a few minutes she said you seemed to look are her with a "Is she coming in here or what?" expression.



Also, in that same week, I left you on a blanket to play as I went to draw your bath. When I was almost out of the room you started crying and I assumed you pulled a book onto your head or something, so I turned around to "fix" your position. When I turned, you stopped crying instantaneously. I smiled at you and you laughed back. But when I turned again, you cried out again. It wasn't a "hey, come back here" kind of whine, it was a "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..." that stopped dramatically when I turned back the 2nd time too. Most people that know your mommy can guess what happened next: I amused myself for a few minutes with a 2-step-to-the-door shuffle, turning your tears "on" and "off". When I grew bored of this, I scooped you up and took you with me to draw the bath.



One of the more endearing things that has started happening this month is if you are laying in between your parents, you will reach your hands out to touch both of our faces at the same time. You will usually turn your head to look back and forth at us, and at least once have fallen asleep with a hand on each of our cheeks. It's hard to explain why this touches me so but it is some kind of perfect intimacy, and I've realized that you sometimes make me feel more "important" than anyone or anything has ever made me feel. Also in those quite, private moments (I'm not even conscious of it but) I feel proud of the way we've lived and the decisions we've made that have ultimately led to the 3 of us laying there together, loving each other.



It is finally spring, and though many days are still chilly, some are quite mild. It is an amazing thing for your mommies to realize this is the first spring of your life and our first spring with you here on the outside with us. We tell you when we walk outside how much you are going to love spring and summer. The outdoor world is bright, you've never spent significant time in direct sunlight, but when you look up at the sky, you do seem to say, "WOW. Who's house is this?!?" It's like no popcorn ceiling you've ever seen before.



We love you up to the sun and back.



Your mommies.

Long days, tired nights

March madness is underway.

Normally this time of year I received a handwritten note from my wife with a listing of times and dates that she will "be unavailable" due to basketball viewing.

This year, there's a lot of bball on my TV, but no list- we're just not back to that level of organization.

JB is recovering well. He's on day 8 of amox. Kt's got him trained like a pet seal... We hold the syringe of pink syrup in front of him and wait for him to bring it to his own mouth. It takes us about 4 to 5 mini-squirts, but he swallows it all without a fuss, mess, or any drama. It is amazing really. He is back to drinking his full amount to breast milk, though he still is rejecting our attempts to re-introduce cereal and smooshed up veggies.

He has been waking up either at 2 or 3 and then again at 5 or 6. He has been so tired from work camp day care that he starts to do his "tired" fussing at 7 and not 8pm. We are going to bed around 10 or 11 (a good 3 hours after him), and so our asses are dragging. But even though I am sleep deprived, I am truly happy. This kid, our life... it's everything I hoped for and more. He giggles. He likes to play. He's all ready developing a sense of humor. He reflects the sweetness in kt's smiles and gives me a mischievous laugh when i come at him to "nibble" roughly on his neck or belly.

As I write this, I am thoroughly exhausted, but I just wanted to take a few minutes to document the paradox: tired, achy, sore, not exercising enough, eating too much, stressed by work, only sleeping 3-5 hrs at a time= happy=blessed

Sit up, Roll over

There's a post yet to come about all the family activities this weekend. Mac turned 2 on easter Sunday. My sis and B-in-law threw her a party on Saturday. At the end of the day, JB (who we've been calling tripod) sat on his own for several minutes. He wiggled and wobbled and used his head and hands to remain upright. For, like 10 MINUTES!

It was pretty amazing and exciting.

Also, this morning- I swear I saw him roll from his stomach to his back (he's done the back to tummy thing, but not the tummy to back thing.) I walked into his room and he was face down and he kind of kicked his legs up and flipped over. Thing is, it was still a little dark in his room, and I was kind of deliriously overtired and slow-witted do to the early am hour. Even though I am SURE that I saw this and I stand by my account, I guess I'm thinking he may have only been on his side and not totally on his stomach...

So, we'll have to wait to see if this event is reproducible.

Lastly, we think he might be left handed... sometimes, it almost seems like his right hand is broken b/c he is so much more likely to grab with and favor his left (even if things are placed on his right side and you are physically restraining his left hand.)

When "Hello" sounds like "F**k you"

This past week was a little harrowing. First, our kid was sick for the first time and played the pathetic card the whole time. (When your sweet little zen boy is suddenly just whimpering it's not good) We each took a day off work so we both had piles of work waiting for us when we returned. Then, of course, I had to catch whatever amazing bug JB has, so I am now handling my 3rd cold in 6 weeks. It really reminds you where exactly your mucous membranes are in your face.

It's also been a little harrowing at work for about 8 months now for obvious reasons. So, I'm pushed to the edge not only in terms of sheer quantity but also knowledge. I have been an NP for almost 6 years now which is GREAT. But my particular patient population requires someone with about 400 years of experience. I am pushed to the brink of my understanding of any number of diagnoses nearly every day. I'm lucky to have two awesome back up docs (one internist and one endocrinologist) who help me figure out not just the safest next step but the best next step. And that's really what we're trying to do in the wake of everything: not just maintain status quo, but continue to provide precision care by utilizing lab and radiology tests only when necessary but not not using them when they might help us find the diagnosis.

So, I get 3 physician calls on Thursday. One called to ask my professional opinion about a mutual patient, we laughed, we came to a decision. One called to say hi and check in on how we're all holding up and make sure he can continue sending his trans patients to us. And one called to say "F**k you." Actually, I think she meant to call and discuss a mutual patient but it sure sounded like "F**k you." She (specialty: GYN) was questioning the use of an MRI of the head in a patient for an endocrine problem (my specialty). In the end it seemed like her problem was the cost of the test (which is ironic since I spend a good deal of time refusing to check lab tests and xrays etc when they are clearly not indicated; it makes for long days). She busted my balls for a good 10 minutes not really ever listening to my rationale, and when I suggested that she was well within her rights to suggest to the patient that she not have the test if she wanted to take on that medical liability she said, "I would never step in like THAT!"

Oy.

It was tiring to say the least. It turned out, in the end, that I was right. The MRI came back showing exactly what I was afraid of. I cc'd the MD on the result.

I need to call her to follow up. I'm hoping my "F**k you" sounds like "Hello, how are you?"

Update on his "under the weather"

So the bean-boy has a diagnosis:
Viral Bronchiolitis with a secondary bacterial right ear infection.
And a course of treatment: 10 days of BID amox.

He is horse when he whimpers now and is on regular ty.lenol... we were giving him ty.lenol here and there over the weekend, but now he's on guilt-free doses... BD (before diagnosis) we weren't' sure if we were being too generous with the OTC meds.

It has to be said, we love our pediatric group. We've seen 2 of the four and they are 2 of the nicest, level-headed, don't-hesitate-to-call, poor-little-guy, you-three-are doing-GREAT, compassionate providers i've ever encountered. Also, the 3rd dude (who is really the first dude b/c he started the practice) is a little sprite man that we met in prenatal classes. He won over katy's heart with his corny but hilarious stand up routine that contained the reassuring mantra, "if you're thinking of calling the pediatrician, call the pediatrician." We met him only 2 weeks after heinous atrocities were visited on our friends this summer and I think it was the only time katy belly-laughed in those 2 weeks. Then, once when I walked by MD#3 at JB's 4 month appt- He behaved as if he had never seen an infant in his life. he's got to have been in practice for at least 20 years and he approached our boy with the excited twinkle of the candy-man (but less creepy). He said, "ISN'T. HE. JUST. MARVELOUS."
"Yes." I replied and then he about did a jig in his own waiting room over the gloriousness of our son.

Anyway, I think it has got to be kind of hard to impress two seasoned, over-educated, health care professionals. But these providers do it every time. They never make us feel overbearing or needy. They've never pushed medical doctrine too hard; when we've asked for an opinion, they've never hedged or weaselled out of it; they've never acted like there is only one definitive answer. They're incredibly respectful in that they aren't afraid to educate us (sometimes when you are in the industry, people don't tell you anything b/c they are afraid to assume you don't know). Also, they somehow convey in perfect balance that they are the experts on children, but we are still the expert on our child... I am blown away by this, but I realize (sadly) it's because I've rarely experienced it with other providers when I'm on the receiving end of the health care system.

Anyway, our poor little guy. He's in good hands, but he's just so sickie.
Out of day care again tomorrow, Nana is on private duty. More for the TLC than for anything.

In other news, Grandma Bella arrived home from her snowbird stint in Fl today (woo hoo).

And my sister spend the better half of an 8 hour work day in traffic this am trying to get to her beantown office. That's a shitty way to spend your birthday, Web... I was wishing you well, but I guess I wasn't wishing hard enough... Also, here's hoping your Jesus year doesn't include the birth of your 3rd child (that would make it the third in 3 consecutive calender years.)

LITTLE HINT: Unless you are pregnant RIGHT NOW, you can prevent this potentially back-breaking straw from falling on the camel by abstaining for the next 4 weeks... Though if you don't want 3 children in 4 years, i suggest you try birth control IN ADDITION to abstinence.

Don't do it for me... I love your kids and welcome any number of additional boo's!

All kidding aside- sorry you had such a hard travel day. Happy b-day! I love you!

Update on our Over exposure...

Apparently, we were on the local (Is there even news on the local news?) news last night, and audio clips of us on the radio this morning. Since we did not catch either one, it is not clear whether this was "stock footage" that gets pulled out every time there is mention of the word civil union in the press, or whether these were new sound bites.

Also, does anyone have a NYTimes from yesterday... every place we went to in the evening was sold out. It would be most helpful to us if you would just hold on to the article for 5 to 15 years and give it to us then... we are horribly disorganized and overwhelmed right now. We are likely to misplace this "family history artifact," and/or smooch it up inadvertently between two piles of "very important stuff" and an outgrown piece of baby-gear that is waiting to be placed in the attic.

Much obliged.

Photo from the NYT

Overexposed and under the weather

I have about 6 posts started but unfinished from the last 7 days.
Things have been busy, exhausting, bizarre, and exciting.

We haven't spoken about it yet on the blog, b/c we are grappling with how anonymous this space is or how transparent we will ultimately be on these web pages... but anyway, since last June, we have been involved in the development of a film called "marriage makes a word of difference" that the marriage equality lobbying group in our state has produced. The film was completed in January and the local press have been invited to "cover" the content. So last month, we went to a bunch of public screenings. For the last 2 weeks (yes that coincides with my return to full time employment) we have been in contact with a reporter and photographer with the NY times. Approximately 6.5 hours of our life were spent in interview and photography sessions so that literally 4 sentences referring to us might be written. But you have to admit, the photo is kick ass:



In the mean time, the babe-ster has been sick all weekend. Sick like low grade temp, wet congestion, not eating more than 2 oz ever 3-6 hrs, eyes-rolling-in-the-back-of-his-head-tired, not sleeping more than an hour or two at a time, but waking up and changing positions to fall back asleep, AND... crying. Just a sad, pathetic, whimpering kind of crying. He never really cries that much anyway, so these types of tears are kind of pathetic and heart-wrenching.

I slept about 3 or 4 hours last night. And that only happened b/c we took him to our bed... if you can call my closed-eyed awareness of his (raspy, 40 breaths per minute, coughing-in-my-ear) respiratory status "sleep." So katy and I had both taken the afternoon off from work to do our civic duty. While nearly everyone else in my extended nuclear family had some form of jury duty this week, Katy and I were invited to give testimony about the inequity of civil unions at the state capitol today.

What do you do when you are:
1) Trying to take an active role in lobbying for marriage equality
2) Happened to be positioned as "couple de jour" due to the above mentioned film and newspaper article
3) Have just returned to work from a five month maternity leave and therefore should not really indulge in PTO
4) Have a baby with his first major illness
???

Well, the answer, in our case is
1) Take the entire day off work... spend the first 1/2 holding your sleeping child
2) Take your meek and (adorably dressed in St Patrick's day green) sickly child to the capitol and hold him as he sleeps for 5 hours until it is your turn to testify...
3) During that time, consider leaving to bring him to the pediatrician when he refuses your nipple completely for the 3rd in 6 hours.
4) Make an appointment for him to see his provider tomorrow and have the one of you that has not been off from work for 5 months, call out from work for tomorrow... (He might not be sick enough for day care to refuse him, but he is the most needy we have ever seen him and it breaks our heart to think they might not just hold him lovingly...)
5) Testify to try to get your gay rights in order...

We were literally there for 5.5 hours and JB did little more than sleep and occasionally whimper. The moment before we stepped up to the mike, he started crying and then he sort of fell apart. I didn't get to say a word of the 3 minute testimony that I had written, b/c katy's part was first and our boy wasn't going to be passed off as we had planned. We figured later that he was either really pissed off about the homophobic "DOMA now" crowd, or he finally realized what we were doing there all day and his wails loosely translate to something like, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! THIS IS WHY WERE HERE?!? ALL THIS FOR 3 MINUTES?!? I HATE TESTIFYING!!! TAKE ME HOME RIGHT NOW!!! RIGHT NOW!!! I DEMAND IT!!!

Anyway, if this is what Brangelina have to go through everyday (to be hot, politically active and in the newpaper) I'm not sure I could handle it.
I'm just exhausted.
Hopefully our little boo will feel better tomorrow.

Week in review

So much to post... so little time.

Kt is upstairs bathing the boy.
Going back to work has been really pretty smooth, but we are still figuring out how to cram a day's worth of "family time" into 2 or 3 hours at the end of the day. Kt and I keep getting into these bickering incidents that escalate into real anger before we are able to laugh off the insanity of what we are even disagreeing on.

Sleep is variable: Saturday thru Tuesday, he was up at either 1:30 or 2:30 am and then again around 5am. Last night, he slept 9pm to 5:30 am.

The day care aspect of returning to work is amazing in the amount that we are not freaking out. I feel comfortable that he is well taken care of even though I miss him and can't wait to get back and make him laugh by yelling "BOO" or nudging him off his side with my sock-covered foot. (The kid will giggle at anything.)

I think the day care workers get a little bullshit from all parents, in terms of, "Please don't feed little Penelope until she blinks three times after grabbing at her right sock for more than 30 seconds, as long as it is in between noon and one... If it is after 1pm, she will only blink twice indicating her bottle readiness..."

They (the workers) seem a little tense about "doing the right thing."

I'm sure we will have our moments too, but yesterday, we were told they were concerned about his "fussiness" when he wouldn't take a bottle...

me: was he crying
day care worker number one: no, just fussy, but he only took 2 oz
me: that's okay
dcw#1: well, he didn't seem to want to eat...
me: but he ate later, right?
dcw#1: yes, the rest of the bottle...
me: okay. We're okay with that...

If he misses a meal, we're okay with that... he'll eat when he's hungry.

Kid's corner

I'm trying to get an audio clip from my italk device on the ipod of JB "singing" in the morning. For a few days now, he exercises his chords during our am routine in a way which totally seems like he's singing (or at least exploring what his voice can do).

He purses his lips and sort of warbles: "ooooooooohhhhhhhhh....OOOOOOOOoooooooooooohhhhh." big breath... "ooooooooohhhhhhhhh....OOOOOOOOoooooooooooohhhhh." It is really adorable.

Also, from day care yesterday:
When I picked JB up, I spent some time with mac and cam. Cam is just adorable and getting so big, for a split second, I didn't recognize her. Mac's language skills are just ridiculous. She knows so many words and applies them in various instances.
T: Who will pick you up today, Daddy?
mac: ya, Mommy.
T: yes, mommy will be home tomorrow morning, daddy is going to pick you up tonight.
mac: yeah, daddy.
T: Is mommy coming home tomorrow?
Mac: (excited) YEAH. Wednesday!
T: (stifling a laugh at the cuteness) Yes. tomorrow is Saturday, and mommy will be home tomorrow.
mac: Saturday. Mommy
(a kid throws a toy on the other side of the room. Mac looks and quietly reminds me...)
"Brice, don't throw" (I stifle another laugh)

Then we play a game where I ask her all the names of the other kids. And she knows them and can say them all: Lindsay, Kate, Brice, Sarah, Elmo... Jacob, Alina, Cam...
While are playing this game, Alina has crawled over and pulled herself up on the car seat that JB is strapped in to go home. Mac starts speaking very quietly, and giving me sideways looks that seem to say, "TT, shouldn't we get this kid out of JB's face." She abandons our game as her "protective cousin" role becomes more interesting and pressing.

mac: (in a quiet but sort of restrained voice that is somewhere between muttering, stammering, and insisting) no, no, Alina. HIS shoes. HIS. No JB's shoes. (She glances at me like: you wanna step in here and help me out with your fancy "adult language skills")
T: Is she looking at JB's shoes? That's okay we're here with her and she's JB's friend too.
mac: no, no, Alina. no shoes. JB's shoes...

Mac gives me one more subtle, "thanks for all the support" look of concern and drapes herself over the bottom half of his car seat in a dramatic hug that would make touching his shoes impossible. "Hi JB...hi..." (still hugging him, body-blocking Alina) "oh, hi JB..."

I was on standby waiting with a little concern that mac might have opted to shove this other little girl away. She didn't come close to attacking, but she found a way to "protect" him from a potential shoe thief and/or would-be groper.

i love that little girl.

JB doesn't understand about saturdays...

It was a long week, during which I did decide to join the crying criers club.
On Wednesday, when all the denial wore off, I was missing my boy and to be honest, my home. If work were a little more "slow" this week I think I would have been able to "hold it all in." But my job this week was to prep for a huge staff presentation and off site meeting that we had yesterday morning. I volunteered to be the point person for that project and got in WAY over my head. Let's just say, I was up past midnight in non-mother related duties 3 nights this week, and went to be at 2am yesterday... Nothing like a little cramming and a mountain of self-expectation to get the party rolling.

The logistics of day care drop-off are getting much more routine all ready. But as the week progressed, I was organized enough to feel some of the emotion of the routine. Also, when I see my nieces at day care (that is supposed to make it easier to leave JB, but) many mornings, it felt like I was leaving three pieces of my heart behind as cam-cam giggles and screeches every time she sees me (every time she sees anyone, really) and Mac sweetly invites you to the big girl room to play stackable blocks with her. So, yeah, by Wednesday, I cried at quick but helpful cry.
... at work... sometimes these things can't be helped.

Katy and I had committed to go to this fundraiser for church last night, but by 9pm we were both zombies... we picked the kid up at S and J's house (friends of ours that we met through kt's work) and They were like, "I thought you were going to go out after the dinner."

Just. couldn't. last.

I was almost moved to tears again when I saw how JB was sweetly sleeping in the arms of S and J's 11 year old daughter. It's good to have friends you trust in terms of "they probably know more about how to care for our baby than we do..." but when these friends also beg, berate, demand, and don't quit until you actually set a babysitting date (and then insist on being the people who run to the store so you aren't arriving late to your "dinner date" when you show up without diapers...) We know we are truly blessed with a proverbial "village" helping us raise this child.

It was a successful week, but I am exhausted. Pumping at work is another element to all of this. I am used to literally working 8.5 to 9 hours most of it in meetings; often eating lunches during meetings, or while "catching up on my computer." I know that is not cool- that getting out of your work setting usually makes you more productive, but before the baby, it would often be 2 or 3 pm before I realized I hadn't taken a break yet. Now I have to find the time every 3-4 hours to pump for 20-30 minutes. That's about 2 hours a day attached to the breast pump (half of it at work.)

Putting that (again) logistical detail aside for a moment, pumping at work is not the same as pumping at home. Even though i am lucky and have an office with a door AND a lock, it was messing with my mind all week:

1) I am doing this for the baby and the baby's best interests, but the baby is nowhere to be found, seen, smelled, or heard.
2) I have to remember to do this for the baby, but the baby is not there to remind me
3) I am at work, in work clothes, that I have to partially remove to be a mammal
4) I have to leave meetings where I am all brain power and verbal "dominance" to go milk myself
5) When I am pumping, it is hard to do other things (even with the special bra-which is a nightmare to put on) but there is not much in my office to do during the pump except surf the net.

I have remarked to some friends, that it feels like it would be as natural for a zebra to be sitting at my computer checking my email as it is for me to be sitting there "acting normal" while I am half undressed pumping the milk out of my titties at the office.

It's one of those, "When you were in high school did you ever think you would end up doing this???" moments.

NOTE: the term "have to" is obviously not accurate, I can stop at any time, but if I want to avoid adding baby formula to our grocery list, this is what I have to do.

Anyway, we had all morning to "sleep in" but the boy doesn't know that... He's like a good do-be and woke up at 5:30 to get washed and dressed for day care. We fed him and he's hopefully about to fall asleep with us again now.

Back to work, and Livin' large

Today was the first day of the rest of our lives.
Drop off at day care went well. It is nice to see my sister and B-I-L (we dropped off at the same time today) and the kids when i get there.

I was on time for both the drop off and for work.
(NOT "on time" as in "I tried to be early, but I was on time." But "on time" as in "I tried to be early and I was early...") Katy has been sickie for a while now with a lingering cough and general fatigue. But last night she had a fever and slept from about 4p to 9p on the couch and then 9p to 6a in bed. I tried to get everything done for this am last night, but when she woke up feeling better, she got me out of a jam by making the lunch i forgot to make as I pumped.

JB is the sweetest. He does this thing where if kt is holding him, he wants to touch her face and then if I approach them, he puts his other hand on my face. It's like he's pulling our heads/faces towards each other; circling the wagons; like he's got his whole family in his hands.

We are on a very real schedule now: eat food in high chair at 6:30, play until bath time at 8pm, dry and dress, breastfeed at 8:30p then "crash" limp-limbed during crib transfer. For the past several nights, he wakes at 1:30 for some mama's milk, and sleeps until 5:45am. We'd love for him to sleep thru the night, but he wakes up at the perfect time for our morning routine- and there's a part of us that doesn't want to mess with that...

The routine works so well, but it makes me feel a little bad about doing something that might interrupt it, like working late, or visiting peeps. I do think kids adapt to what you present to and for them, but when a kid clearly puts himself on a schedule, does that mean you should work harder to honor it?!?

Anyway, things are going well.
I feel very lucky. very loved. very in love.

GOOD MOOOOOORNing SUBERBIA...

IT'S 0700!!! What does the "0" stand for?
OH MY GOD IT'S EARLY!!!

Guess what, it's snowing... on a Saturday... several inches...

I woke up at what I assumed was a decent hour (because of all the snow blowing in the neighborhood...)

When I saw the clock, I kind of crapped a shit fit.
The only reason I was still asleep is b/c my wife decided it was my turn to "sleep in" and took baby duty at 6am.

WE HAVE A BABY, NEIGHBORS!!! Can't you throw us a bone and keep your heavy machinery in the garage until 8 or 9am?!?

Keep in mind, it hasn't stopped snowing, and no one has fired up their car and left the driveway... it's not like they are going anywhere and need to clear a path... they are just going to repeat this process when the snow stops in a few hours.

When I got up, I "fired back" with the only piece of heavy equipment I have at the ready: the breast pump!

By the way, it is still snowing... it's not like they won't have to be out there again in a few hours.

Question: When is it appropriate to start using loud machines to clear snow on a weekend?