Engorgement

Does anyone need any breast milk?!?

Seriously.

Is there anyone out there that could use a helping hand in the supply department???

I have all the breast milk that I need. JB can not spend this allowance. At this point, he is to breast milk what Warren Buffett's kids are to trust fund and philanthropic living.

The breast (literally) overfloweth. I would say I've got it coming out of every orifice, but I know that's not true- that's what's so amazing- it is coming out of these few little, tiny orifices and it is leaking everywhere!!!

Yesterday was harrowing. My boobies about doubled in size. Lot's of pain, I tell you! I mean, we were already living in a Double D situation.

Everyone said this was coming, but to see it is something quite informative. By the way, who are these women that get implants this large? Do they have to pass a mental health assessment before surgery? I doubt it, but I hope it is true.

So, today, the kid and i figured out how to get him to drain the girls. It usually involves me doing a little "pre-pumping" to alleviate the pressure so he can get to the nipple, but the last few times, he has been able to latch on without the pre-pump.

Yesterday (and again today) I gave the lo-tech, hospital, give-a-way, hand pump a rest, and hooked myself up to our very expensive, brand new electric breast pump. I suggest, at least once in your life, you hook yourself up BILATERALLY to an electronic breast pump. If you don't say, "Moo" out loud at least once during the process, the synapses are not firing in your brain.

It was an emergency and I had to get some of that milk out, but until time and efficiency become a factor, I doubt I will do the simultaneous "double boobie pump" again for a while. One reason is that I have so much milk, that 3 to 5 minutes on each side gives the boy and his family enough milk for a future feeding. The other reason is, well, isn't it obvious... making yourself "Moo" is not cool- especially if there are no intoxicants or hallucinogens involved.

But to be honest, I think I have a little crush on my breast pump. She's low maintenance. She's shiny and new. She's easy to use. She's been very good to me so far!

Since we've earned a "too much information" label with this post, I'll just add this: I had my first BM yesterday too. If you've ever had a baby, loved a woman that has had a baby, or experienced abdominal surgery first hand, you know that your first BM is a momentous occassion. Lots of medical providers can't wait for this to happen- they will ask every 2 to 4 hours if it has happened yet. They will also warn you, educate you, prepare you for the ways it might work out and/or the complications that may evolve if it doesn't work itself out. You can't know this (because I haven't written "The birth story" out yet) but I was NPO for most of the 6 days I was at the hospital, and didn't go number-two even one time in that entire stay.

(scene opens in our house, yesterday morning)
t: I got the deal done.
k: Good for you. How'd it go?
t: Let's just say, I'm a little uncomfortable knowing that was something I ate over a week ago.
k: At least the trains are back on schedule...